#gr8writingtips

Layane is in Geviria. She realises she wants to know everything about Nicola before they meet, so she asks Jezirah and Roen about her.

No, I have no idea why I also had Layane ask Roen what Nicola was like in the earlier part of this chapter. Another retcon?

“What exactly happened when my parents came here?” Layane asked. Jezirah looked uncomfortable at first. Layane assumed it was because at the time Nicola and Simon arrived, Jezirah wouldn’t be born for another thirteen years.

I'm not sure I'd bother asking these two, personally. Maybe try...

“You’re better off asking Gy...” [Roen] paused, and scowled. “No, don’t ask her. She’d probably just get mad.”

I like that the dialogue had already censored the name for me.

In all seriousness, what is the point of this? Not only is Layane unlikely to find out anything useful, but we're also pausing a fairly tense scene* for this.

* I suspect that is the intention, anyway.

Roen explains that Layane's parents found the entrance to Geviria before she was born, because they were... 'taking photos around Spain'.

Yep. They were on holiday to take pictures of Spain. That's the best I could come up with. For some reason, they came all the way out to the island to take pictures, which is meant to be so far from the coast the Gever need to arrange cruises to travel in and out. No explanation is given for Layane's parents' decision to sail out there.

If this was written by anyone other than me, I'd start to suspect they already knew Geviria was there, and came up with the lame cover story to trick the Gever into letting them in. Unfortunately, I did write this book, and I truly doubt that's where this is going.

“How did they even get in?” Layane asked. “You said humans needed to be with a Gever.” “My mother left Geviria when they were still on the island,” Jezirah said. She started to look even more uncomfortable; she reminded Layane of the way Clemant felt when she was in large crowds of people. “They saw her, so she let them in. I think G-slur was angry at first.” “She was,” said Roen. “But then she began to see a better side to it. Folon – my, er, father – was dead. Geviria was a lot... safer without him. And the Esconios stopped with their ‘humans are soulless’ nonsense for a while. She thought it would be a good idea if – eventually – humans and Gever could coexist.

Roen's father is called what now?

Considering most (if not all) of this information could have been shared by Roen, I have no idea why this isn't a conversation Layane and Roen are having in El Paso or wherever near El Paso they are.

Roen was a very small child when this all happened, apparently. I'd love to interrogate the timeline here a little more. So Layane's parents discovered Geviria, started... opening the path for human-Gever relations, I guess? And then immediately decided to have a baby?

Maybe Layane was unplanned? Just a surprise nine months post-discovering Narnia baby?

G-slur took Nicola and Simon on a tour around Geviria, where their arrival was celebrated as a turning point for human-Gever relations, for some reason. Yep. Just Nicola and Simon Thompson from... Somerset? I think?

“Then when they left, they were given the Key.” [Roen said] “Did they ever return?” [Layane said] “No. I think G-slur said Nicola was pregnant when they came here. They probably didn’t have the time.”

Oh. So... they went on a boat trip off the coast of Spain, in no particular direction, when Nicola was pregnant? Interesting.

This does make the whole losing-the-key thing make more sense though. They'd just had a baby! Maybe they noticed the key was gone while they were potty training Layane, and didn't have the time to deal with it, making it super awkward when G-slur showed up asking for it several years later.

But also... if they weren't planning on ever returning, and there was seemingly no expectation to return, WHY ON EARTH GIVE THESE PEOPLE THE KEY? Before now I had the vague impression that they'd visited a number of times, probably while doing something for the Gever? Doing what, I couldn't tell you.

And how did Winchester and his squad even find out about this, if Nicola and Simon never went back to Geviria and presumably didn't tell anyone about it?

After all of that exposition, which ranged from 'stuff we'd already figured out' all the way to 'stuff that contradicts the earlier plot', we get something that might actually be useful:

“G-slur sent Jezirah to get the Key back.” [Roen said] “She means my mother, not me,” Jezirah confirmed. “She had the same name as me.” Layane remembered something. It was a memory from her life at home, right before her parents abandoned her. It had lain dormant in her mind, until she thought hard enough to revive it. She had been in the kidnappers’ car when she remembered it.

Ignoring the absolutely deranged way I made Layane connect what the others are saying to her memory (which, as a reminder, is within a flashback), that was so distracting it took me weeks to realise Jezirah misgendered Roen for some reason...

[Insert that polar bear image that gets flagged for pornography here]

...and the fact that Layane could have asked Roen or Jezirah at any point in The Human Spirit who that woman was, finally, we might be getting answers for some of this!

“I think she warned them that G-slur was coming,” said Layane. “I remember when she came... well, a tiny bit. All I heard her say was that ‘she is angry’.”

This... kinda sounds like Layane does know G-slur is evil? I think? A free passport is a free passport, I guess.

“Jezirah’s mother was friends with Nicola,” said Roen. “She probably did. After Jezirah’s visit, your parents ran. They left you at the home, and then we never saw them again.”

This should definitely have all come out earlier. What exactly was the reason for this information being withheld from the first book? Other than the fact that these books should definitely have only been one book, I mean.

Also, how exactly did Nicola and Simon become friends with Jezirah Snr. if they never visited Geviria? Did Jezirah Snr. spend all her free time on the Upper World? Although, knowing that Jezirah Snr. was murdered several years later (presumably by G-slur), this may offer a hint as to what happened to her and why.

Of course, Layane does not make the connection between Jezirah Snr.'s visit and her violent death. And if you're thinking, maybe that's because she doesn't know about Jezirah's parents' murders in great detail, Roen or Jezirah Jnr. do and they don't make the connection, either. Instead, Layane questions why G-slur left her and her sister alone in a kids' home. Why didn't G-slur kidnap them as bait to lure Nicola in?

So, Layane does know G-slur is evil...?

Roen looked thoughtful for a while. “[The Gever] found you easily. They didn’t take you because it wasn’t your fault. Taking you couldn’t be justified.” He paused. “I think that was it... I think it was something like: they couldn’t explain it, and the Esconios would support it if they held you.”

That's a lot of words for, 'the author has no idea, sorry.'

[Layane] paused, taking everything in.

Yeah, it is hard to accept that the author has no idea what she's doing.

We're then dragged out of the flashback, kicking and screaming.

No, I don't know where Layane, Jezirah and Roen were for that flashback, other than somewhere in Geviria (presumably Jezirah's house). Not knowing exactly where the characters are is going to be a recurring theme here, I think.

“Are you okay?” Layane looked up to see Roen, his eyes filled with worry. She had zoned out as she looked up at the apartments.

Layane says that she's fine, and just wants to get this over with, and the chapter ends. I was so nervous that the next chapter was going to go back to Jezirah and Clemant doing nothing in Geviria that I scrolled down a bit to check.

“There,” [Jezirah] said to the small girl sitting on the other side of the table. “We can play these, but you have to tell me how to because I can’t read the boxes...”

At least Clemant is somewhere safe. And no, I'm not sure why Jezirah can't read the boardgames. I assume they're meant to be from the Upper World (so presumably in English), but Jezirah is literally surrounded by magic that makes her learn anything she focuses on automatically. She should definitely be able to read the boxes.

Jezirah and Clemant are in Geviria, in Jezirah's house. Jezirah realises Clemant isn't enthusiastic about the boardgame, and suggests they go explore Geviria instead.

I was going to make a because that went SO well last time joke, except I'm pretty sure when Layane and Jezirah went exploring against G-slur's wishes, nothing bad came to them because of it. Yeah, Roen was tortured a bit, but he probably would have been tortured anyway, and I'm still slightly unclear if Jezirah knows that happened.

“We have to stay in here. Layane said.” [Clemant said] Jezirah sighed. The reason Layane had told her this was that G-slur didn’t let them out of The Circle. When Layane had stayed with her, they had left and there was a dangerous moment that Layane thought they would get caught. So, she specifically told Jezirah not to leave while she was taking care of her little sister.

I did remember that. Never mind.

Jezirah relents and decides they should stay in, and because nothing interesting is happening, we go straight into a flashback. Yay! So glad we interrupted the Layane and Roen plotline for this.

I'm honest to god starting to picture the characters doing this every time there's a pointless flashback:

It's just over four years ago. No timestamp, which means, of course, we're in Geviria.

She opened her eyes and stared up at the vast, white space. Her mind was empty for a blissful moment.  Then, there was a flash. She shut her eyes tightly as a booming sound erupted in front of her; she attempted to move her hands to protect her face, but her arms were rigid and refused to move. Everything plummeted into her. Different shapes and smells, sounds and colours leapt into her memory. Everything was wild for a moment. Endless thoughts pounded against the empty shell that had been her mind. Her taut limbs began to shake. Panic flooded her as a thousand pieces of information threw themselves at her at once. Words. Pictures. Faces. How to coordinate her stricken limbs into a run. A hazy history of Gever. That’s what she must have been. A Gever. And she lived... in Geviria, which was ruled by four leaders.

OH. Is this finally becoming relevant to the plot? This is horrible! I like it!

As the world materialises in front of Jezirah, she hears a voice. It asks her if she understands, and not only does Jezirah understand, she also knows the voice belongs to G-slur.

“Who are you?” G-slur said.             Her mind blurred for a second. She didn’t know. She just – was. Many things had entered her mind, but nothing had told her who or what she was. Then, there was another bright flash. A clap of sound. It wasn’t as jarring this time, and her mind settled comfortably afterwards. At the front of her mind was a name. Her own name. Now, she knew who she was. “Jezirah,” she said. “My name is Jezirah.”

Again, horrible!

G-slur tells Jezirah to get out of bed and walk towards her. It hurts to move, but Jezirah obeys.

Before she reached G-slur, another sight met her. And for a moment, she didn’t recognize the alien creature in the mirror to be herself. Her skin was taut, red, and sore; it was completely unlike the pale skin of the other Gever. She was very thin, and her elbows jutted out sharply. Instead of having huge wings at her back, all that was there was a patch of infected-looking skin. She wondered if this was normal. Almost immediately, her mind told her not.

I'm not sure why this isn't the entire book.

“What do you remember?” G-slur asked. “Nothing.” “I thought so.” G-slur put one of her hands on Jezirah’s shoulder, and led her from the room. “I’m going to take you to your new home,” she said. “And then, you can meet your subjects.”

How hard would this hit later on, if we saw all this, then found out G-slur was evil? I really fumbled the bag here.

The flashback ends, and we're back with Jezirah and Clemant. Jezirah briefly considers that she had no real life experience before Layane turned up, which makes sense considering she is around four years old. Jezirah thinks about being on the Upper World, feeling useful for the first time in her life.

Useful. Let's recap Jezirah's role in the ending of The Human Spirit:

Went to buy Roen cigarettes and failed to do so

Managed to teleport twice at the hospital

Disappeared after that and went... home?

Kept Layane awake because she was worried about Roen

Ran around town for hours trying to save Roen while yakety sax played in the background

Teleported into the house where Roen was being held

I mean, the teleporting stuff was useful!*

* When she remembered she could do it.

Suddenly, Clemant asks if Jezirah wants to go outside. Jezirah is surprised, seeing as just one flashback ago she was against it. I'm surprised too, to be honest. In between Clemant saying they should stay put and now, there has been zero other dialogue.

Then Clemant asks when Layane is coming back.

Jezirah didn’t know what to say. Layane and Roen had left quickly; possibly G-slur wasn’t letting them leave, but she wasn’t sure. At any rate, they had given her no indication of when they would return. “I don’t know,” said Jezirah. “Come on, let’s go.”

...

'Possibly G-slur wasn't letting them leave'? Didn't she give them passports?

Okay, so I did realise it was weird that G-slur let Layane and Roen go on their little American trip, even as I was writing it. I'm not sure why I didn't amend the plot in light of that, seeing as it wouldn't be too difficult to change it so Elint gave them passports, but oh well.

Jezirah saying 'let's go' was the chapter ending. I'm not sure why I bothered to include all this, seeing as it could have been covered off with a quick reference to Clemant staying with Jezirah in the Layane chapter, maybe with some commentary around how worried Layane is because of Jezirah's age. Obviously I really wanted to include some Jezirah backstory horror and didn't know where else to wedge it, so I put it in a chapter where:

Jezirah suggests a boardgame, but they never actually play one

Jezirah suggests leaving the house, but Clemant says no

Clemant suggests leaving the house (immediately after saying no), but the chapter ends before they do

“No, I did not,” Shafinah said.

Oh thank god.

“Something’s happened,” she said. “And I need your help.”

Oh-kay...

Shafinah, what could you possibly want from these idiots? Surely you know how incompetent they are?

Roen laughed. “You need our help? What could we do that you couldn’t?”

Even Roen thinks this is weird!

“Be a human.” She looked straight at Layane, who then realized that by ‘you’, Shafinah didn’t mean both her and Roen. She had just meant her.             “You can look like a human,” Roen said.             “I know I can look like a human, but I’m not a human. And I need to have a look at something, but the people guarding it are expecting me to turn up...”

...

WHAT.

I can remember exactly none of this. Is Shafinah planning a heist? And why does it matter if the people guarding 'it' are expecting you to show up if you can just remove their DNA or whatever it is you can do in this version of the story?

Roen, very sensibly, asks why Shafinah can't just use magic to do whatever she wants to do, rather than using Layane for... whatever this is.

“I don’t have a lot of time,” Shafinah said. “I’m sorry, Roenakah, I hope you don’t mind if I take this.” The next moment was a blur. One second, Layane was standing next to Roen. When she looked up at him, he looked worried. She thought he was about to blurt something out to Shafinah. Then, the scene melted away around her. She could feel one of Shafinah’s spindly hands grasping her shoulder. At first it felt like she was tugging her forwards, but then the area dissolved into darkness.

That's actually kinda funny. Shafinah saying, 'I just need to take this' like she's answering a call and instead she yoinks Layane away.

Layane appears on a gravel path behind a tall, grey wall, very confused and alarmed.

“Where am I?” she blurted out. “Why have you taken me here?” She picked herself up off the ground, and turned to face her. Shafinah’s dark, colourless eyes seemed to stare right though her. Layane wasn’t sure she trusted her yet, so kept her distance. “I was told that the humans had found something,” Shafinah said. Her voice was calm and clear; she either hadn’t noticed Layane’s distrust of her, or didn’t care. “But I wasn’t allowed to come and look for myself. Isn’t that unfair?”

I thought you couldn't go because someone would be 'expecting you', Shafinah? Another retcon? Or were you just lying?

Also, can you not become invisible, Shafinah? I was pretty sure you could at least turn into a shadow, but maybe that was another version of this book. Never mind. I guess the implication is that someone else, probably a Gevirian leader whose name starts with G, isn't letting her. Why are you letting her push you around like that, Shafinah? And who are 'the humans'? Winchester and his goons? Someone else?

Without explaining anything, Shafinah touches Layane and something... happens.

Wait, I've just realised anyone in this can become invisible! They have those little balls of magic that can turn them invisible! Why couldn't Shafinah just use one of those?

Never mind. Anyway, something happens:

An icy blast spread across [Layane's] chest from the part Shafinah had touched. She looked down, and screamed when she saw her upper body was covered in a thin, black liquid, which had the thick consistency of paint. It clung to her skin; when she touched it to try to move it away, it attached itself to her fingers and spread up and across her arms. She began to panic, although she didn’t know why exactly. She didn’t want to touch it, but she thrust her black hand down aver her chest, and tried to wipe the darkness off herself.

Magic people love doing shit to Layane without explaining what they're about to do. By now, Layane should just assume weird, magical shit is going to happen to her every second of every day.

I like that she doesn't know why she's panicking as she's coated in fucking... venom goo. (Is 'paint' the right word here, past me?)

Yeah, that's probably fine. No need to worry.

“Shafinah!” she yelled, trying to push the liquid off her. It twisted and bulged as she forced it downwards, but it sank into shape as soon as she released it. Her arms were now completely coated with whatever it was; it rested on her clothes rather than seep into the fabric. Whatever it was, it had completely covered her. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see the black on her nose and hair. She was still panting, but couldn’t tell if she had any reason to be worried.

Layane right now:

At least she isn't sure whether to be worried or not.

Ignoring that she's just covered Layane in goo, Shafinah explains that there's a building behind the wall they appeared near, and she needs Layane to go inside for her.

Remember just now when Shafinah said that Layane needed to look like a human to walk into... wherever this is? Will it not be a bit odd if the human walking in is coated in goo?

“What is this?” said Layane. She shook her hand hard, and a few droplets of black showered off. The gaps the action created immediately sealed over, and there was no sign it had happened. “What did you do to me?” “It’s something to protect you. It keeps you tied to me, and if you get stuck, I can pull you back out.” She drew her hand backwards, and Layane felt a tug on her clothes. When she looked, she saw the black liquid was being pulled away from her, forcing her towards Shafinah. She regained her footing, and turned to Shafinah. “So... I’m on a leash?” “The way I said it makes you seem less like a domesticated animal. But yes, if you want to put it that way, you are on a leash.”

Hot.

Maybe the goo can only be seen by Layane and Shafinah? That would make sense. No one would question that if I had Shafinah say that was the case. I don't, though, to be clear.

“So... I find the ‘thing’,” Layane said. “And then you pull me out through the solid walls?”

Is Shafinah going to bother telling Layane what the 'thing' is? Is Layane going to bother asking?

Before Layane could say anything, Shafinah flicked her wrist towards the wall. Layane’s feet raked the ground as the black liquid threw her helplessly sideways. She managed to scream “stop!” before colliding with the wall. But the collision never came. She didn’t have enough time to find her feet, so she landed inelegantly onto a tiled floor on her back. A clean, white wall was behind her, and it showed no sign of being broken. She had passed straight through it.

This is fun. However I am one million percent sure there is a better way to do this plan than throw Layane, who has no idea what is going on, through a wall.

There was a tugging at her stomach. She looked down to see the black liquid being yanked away from her, and – yet again – she was dragged through the wall. Shafinah was standing exactly where she had left her. Nothing that had happened seemed to surprise her in any way. “That is what we’re doing,” said Shafinah. “I have control over you. I will put you in the building, you will find it, and then I want you to tug on the front of your shirt. Then, I will pull you out.”

Again, hot.

It's really bizarre seeing random elements of this that clearly influenced the later drafts. Shafinah calls this teleporting, and the version of teleporting that stuck in the later drafts involves physically pulling yourself around the world using magic. Maybe this is where that came from. Huh.

“But what am I looking for?” “You’ll know when you see it.” “But...?” With a flick of her hand, Shafinah flung Layane into the building.

She looked around. She was in a corridor. Numerous doors led off it, and the area was deserted. There was a strong smell of chlorine, and something else that Layane wrinkled her nose at. It smelt like rot, and she didn’t want to think about it.

I can't believe that nothing happened for maybe the first third of this draft, and now we're here. Could we have not started with the gang working with Shafinah?

What was she looking for? She was furious with Shafinah that she didn’t tell the whole story. And suddenly she became aware of how stupid she would look if anyone caught the weird teenage girl, painted black.

This isn't exactly inconspicuous, is it? If the only option other than Shafinah going herself is to send a teenager covered in black paint, would it be that much weirder to turn up as a winged woman with four arms?

Layane realises that the 'something' she's looking for might be The Key. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it's the only Magical Object Layane is aware of.

All the doors are locked, so Layane continues down the corridor. If only someone who could teleport herself and other people through solid walls was here. Shame no one like that is involved in this.

Finally, Layane comes across a door that isn't locked, and pushes her way inside.

Layane gagged. At the centre of the room, laid out on a gurney, was the body of a dead Gever. A thin sheet was covering the body, but the Gever’s wings and arms were sticking out from under it. The skin was dark and grey. Layane thought the Gever was male, but the body was so discoloured and appeared so misshapen that she couldn’t tell.

Oh! Is this Winchester's doing? Does he have a whole Gever experimentation lab? Why isn't Shafinah doing anything about this?

I just had a thought. With the Venom Goop Layane is covered in, is Shafinah seeing what she sees? Can Shafinah communicate with Layane here, other than feeling if Layane pulls on her shirt? I assume she can at least see Layane, but it's a bit unclear.

Certainly no one communicates with Layane, so she decides to snoop around. She doesn't want to inspect a dead Gever, but realises she must be there to do just that. Layane approaches the gurney to have a poke around, and I have no idea why I described the Gever's body before she does this, seeing as it's under a sheet, even if the sheet is apparently so thin Layane can see the whole body through it from the other side of the room.

Then, Layane hears footsteps. Instead of pulling on her t-shirt, she goes to hide between a cupboard and the wall.

A woman in a labcoat walks in. She pulls back the cloth from the dead Gever, who died in a fire or explosion, and is unrecognisable. Again... why exactly did I describe the body before this? What was the point of the sheet?

Anyway, the woman quickly spots Layane, and Layane pulls the front of her t-shirt and is yoinked away.

Her eyes snapped shut as she flew. The sounds of the building buzzed around her; the permeable walls shot past her with a whooshing sound. A moment before she slammed into the tree, she could feel a fresh breeze. “Sorry,” she heard Shafinah say.

Pfft.

Shafinah evidently cannot see what Layane sees, as Layane has to explain everything she saw in there.

“I see,” said Shafinah. “Yes – I thought so. But I hoped they were bluffing.”

Who is 'they'? Winchester? Some other humans? Someone related to G-slur? Layane does not ask. She just stands there as Shafinah... zones out.

Layane hoped that she would take her back now; she could probably do so in a second. But Shafinah stayed rooted to the spot. She was looking in Layane’s direction, but Layane could not tell if she was looking at her, of had zoned out into the area behind. “What?” Layane said. Maybe her reacting would snap her out of it for long enough to take her back to the hotel room. “G-slur heard about it first,” said Shafinah. “There was a rumour. Something in the human news.”

Is this related in any way to the Nicola/Winchester plotline? If it isn't, why did we waste the first third of the book focusing on that?

Apparently an article about a 'mutated body' was floating around online. G-slur found out (somehow), and I guess... didn't want anyone to investigate it other than her? Not suspicious at all.

I've... just realised I have no idea where in the world these characters are currently. Shafinah doesn't even name a country. Are we still in America? Back in the UK? Where is this secret Gever experimentation lab?

“G-slur is trying to find out who it was, but she didn’t know where the body was to check. I wanted to know for myself.” She looked upwards, and Layane followed her gaze. There was nothing above them but the sky. “G-slur is here to find Roen,” she added. “She was looking for him. She will have found him by now.”

So we're... in America? Maybe?

Layane asks to be taken back to Roen. If Shafinah and Layane are still in America, that does make sense. If it transpires that they are currently in the UK, I do find it pretty funny that she's going to be teleported back to El Paso just to get a flight back to England.

“I will,” Shafinah said. “[G-slur] is tracking you, by the way.” “What? Why didn’t she just... catch us?” “I don’t think she wants to. I think she just wanted to know what exactly you were doing.” She laughed. “It is a bit odd, you two running off this far across the world. I think she thought he was taking another holiday, and you tagged along.”

Fair assumption, actually. I still find it very funny that G-slur gave them passports.

Layane bit her lip, and gagged when some of the black liquid seeped into her mouth.

Oh yeah, Layane is still covered in black paint. That's what the scientist would have seen: a girl covered in black paint.

Behind a shelf.

So... probably... a pair of eyes in shadow...

Great plan, Shafinah. G-slur is never going to find out you were involved in this.

Layane, again, asks to be sent back to Roen. Shafinah has one more question: how did the Gever die? Layane tells her, and without another word, Shafinah teleports Layane away and the chapter ends.

I really hope Layane is still in Venom Mode when she reaches the hotel room.

This chapter does raise some interesting questions:

Is any of this related to the first book?

Who is running a secret Gever experimentation lab? Do world government/s know about Gever?

Had I watched Spiderman 3 before writing this, and if so, what did I think of it?

Layane and Roen are, naturally, disappointed that their plan that had no hope of working... didn't work.

“Thanks,” [Roen] said. “Did she say where she was going?” “No. We’ve been getting her mail; she didn’t leave a forwarding address.”

I do love that Nicola was living here so openly. Yeah, she probably used a fake name (we have no proof yet that the cleaner knows her as Nicola), but renting a whole flat in another country is a bit conspicuous, isn't it? Wouldn't you move around?

Also, I know this isn't the point but... why El Paso?

Layane asks if they can have her mail, and the cleaner asks who they are.

Her response was automatic. “I’m her daughter,” she said.

No idea why that's phrased like Layane's lying. I know Layane has complicated feelings about Nicola, but surely the narration should comment on those, rather than... whatever this is?

The cleaner, understandably, is unsure. Then Roen slips him a few dollar bills and the dynamic duo walk away with the post.

I know I've been going on and on about how ridiculous it would be for Nicola to still be here (or even that she was still in this flat last week), but just to throw another perspective into the mix: how do we know she's not there and the cleaner lied for her?

He passed the bundle [of letters] to Layane as they walked. She assumed they were going back to the apartment, at least she hoped so. After the distraction, she realized how hungry she was. And thirsty. And in the sun, just plain hot.

How much post does a woman on the run generally get?

How come Layane hasn't collapsed from heat exhaustion yet?

I assume by apartment I mean hotel room...

She started to sort through the post as she walked. There was a lot of leaflets from local companies and a couple of official-looking letters. She opened them to find letters from two banks. Nothing in them gave any indication that she had moved.

...

Are these letters addressed to Nicola's real name? They can't be, but surely if they were addressed to a fake name, Layane or the narrator would have remarked upon this? How has this woman not been caught yet? I know the Gevirians are incompetent as hell, but the police are looking for them t-

Just remembered how incompetent the police are in these books. Ignore me.

I'm not sure why Layane isn't more interested in the bank letters. Even if there's no indication of where Nicola moved, presumably these are bank statements, which will provide some kind of insight into who Nicola is. Anyway, those don't matter. Another letter, with a handwritten address, catches her eye and she opens it.

Strange, illegible symbols covered the page. They looked similar to those that had lined the Tunnel to Geviria. It confused her. If Gever knew where she was, had she been captured?

I... okay.

I do get what I'm trying to do here. But... you know that Gever know where Nicola is, Layane. I'll give you three guesses to work out how you should already know this.

Layane gives the letter to Roen to translate.

“It says, ‘As far as I know G-slur called off the search for you in America long ago. Her son is the Protector of your daughters and I am not sure why he had followed you. I doubt he was sent there, as G-slur would not let him abandon his normal duties.” He laughed. “It should be nothing to worry about’.”

Nicola logic: I need to urgently let my daughters know someone is after them, so I will send the person who's after them with a message as any other method of communication is too slow! Anyway, better send a letter to Narnia to find out if I'm in danger if I stay here.

Maybe that's harsh. We don't know for sure that she was here the whole time.

Also I guess the Gever were searching for Nicola in America? Any reason why? I genuinely can't remember if there was any rationale given for this at any point, but I assume not. If there was: sorry, past me.

“Is that all?” [Layane said] “You’re mentioned again. ‘The girls have been missing for a while now. I don’t think it’s anything to panic over, and G-slur is not behind it. I will mail back when there is more news. There could be more Gever coming to England, so I suggest that you don’t return.”

Uh... when was this letter sent? Why would it open with Roen being a protector, if the main news was that Layane and Clemant have been kidnapped? Surely this was sent over a month ago? Didn't the cleaner say Nicola left a couple of weeks back?

(Scrolls up.)

No, it's worse, he said 'last week'. Great. And Nicola left before she received this envelope of exposition?

I assume Roen is meant to be paraphrasing the contents of the letter as he's translating it, but even so, this sounds like a horrible fucking letter. No explanation of what is meant by 'the girls are missing'? Also, surely this letter must have been sent during a very narrow window of time between the (first) kidnap and Layane arriving in Geviria?

Unless... maybe this was sent recently, as an attempt to lure Nicola back, because as far as everyone outside Geviria is aware, the girls are missing?

I doubt it, but that would be nice. Then again, Nicola never received the letter so it doesn't matter.

Layane looked at the envelope, and saw it was properly stamped and addressed. She remembered the letter that Nicola sent her. She hadn’t looked at it in a while. It was apologetic. Loving. But she didn’t believe it. The only real reason Nicola had sent it was to warn Layane that Roen was there.

[Citation needed. Specifically for the letter being 'loving'. We all know Nicola asked Roen to send the letter to tell the girls to run away from him, for some reason]

Layane realises that the letter must have been sent by post, meaning some Gever is outside Geviria sending letters to Nicola. Layane (sensibly) asks if Roen thinks Elint could have sent it.

Remember Elint? He's Roen's father figure slash boss (?) who works smuggling Gever in and out of Geviria on a luxury cruise ship, ride or die for Royane, hates G-slur, etc.

“No,” Roen said, after a pause. “He doesn’t like G-slur, but I don’t think he’d disobey another order. He got into trouble when G-slur found out I went away. And I can’t remember him ever being in America.”

So the letter was sent from within America? Do we know this? How would Roen know that?

Layane tries to deduce what must have happened. Nicola never got the letter, so why did she run? Layane comes up with exactly zero suggestions. She also wonders when the letter was sent, which is a good fucking question that I doubt is going to be answered.

Layane and Roen get back to the hotel. There was no mention of them stopping for food or water, so who knows how Layane made it all the way back without dying. Naturally, having found nothing useful, they decide it's probably time to go back to England.

Great going, guys.

As they're walking up to their room, we get this:

“Do you think the Gever will have caught her, or the kidnappers?” [Layane said]             He shrugged. “I don’t know. And I don’t know which I would rather her be caught by. Either way, she ends up...”             Layane waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. She assumed he wanted to say ‘dead’. Perhaps he didn’t want to in front of her. It would be surprising to Layane if the Gever killed her; she had thought they wanted to keep her alive to find out where the Key was.

Roen probably knows the Gever better than you, Layane.

I do love how clear it is that I knew this plot made no sense, even as I was writing it. I remember stopping in the middle of a scene, in my relatives' house in Georgia, because I'd reached my limit and realised this was unsalvageable.

God only knows what that scene was. I am slightly afraid to find out.

Then, [Layane] realized what was bothering him. He thought it would be his fault if Nicola was caught. Not much has been going right for you recently, has it? Layane wanted to ask. She felt she had to cheer him up somehow. She didn’t want him to get depressed; he’d probably start to drink again, and then make everything worse for him.

You do realise that your entire role in this is completely optional, Layane? Ditch his ass!

Layane is still trying to figure out how to cheer up Roen (easy, give him a lil smooch) when they finally reach the door to their room. Roen unlocks it.

A Gever – who Layane had only before seen in darkness – was sitting on the bed. Her wings were stretched out behind her, her long, red dress blending into the duvet cover she sat on.             “I was wondering when you would show up,” Shafinah said, and she ushered them inside.

The chapter ends here, if it wasn't already obvious from that post-credits final line.

...