#goonion

Goon #1: When Hood yelled “Put that shit back!” so loud, you know what I did?

Goon #2: You put your own shit back, didn’t you?

Ring: Jason Todd of Ear-

Goon 1: Dude, you can’t just say that, don’t you know ANYTHING about vigilantes?

Goon 2: Yeah, when he’s in the suit he’s Red Hood, get it right

Ring:

Ring: Red Hood of Earth,

Goon 3: “Of Earth?” That’s weird, man

Goon 1: Yeah, if anything he’s “of Gotham”

Goon 2: Nah, Hood’s “of Crime Alley”

And Jason is sitting there trying not to laugh as his people bully a fucking Lantern Ring, because he’s still bleeding and Leslie would genuinely eviscerate him for moving before she’s done with his stitches. Eventually they end up forcing the ring to explicitly lay out everything that accepting the ring would entail like it’s a work contract, and he’s actually kind of proud of them because it meant they were listening, and he doesn’t have the heart to tell them he already knows what a Star Sapphire is (though he did technically learn a few details he hadn’t known before, so it was probably good they did it anyway).

Anyway, the ring eventually makes its offer (calling him Red Hood of Crime Alley in a bid to not be interrupted), and Jason waits as his goons debate the pros and cons, wondering when the ring will realize he can’t actually give verbal consent at the moment due to the, y’know, recently slit throat.

He eventually does accept the ring, once it’s determined that he can choose his outfit and won’t draw too much attention to himself by glowing. It’s probably pretty good timing, since even though Leslie did a good job putting him back together (while all of this was going on, the ring refused to leave him and his people were adamant on fighting for his legal rights against the cosmic entity, which she tolerated as long as they helped and stayed physically out of the way), his throat still hurts like a bitch and the healing magic that rushes through him is pure relief. Anyway, due to the way they had the ring word the proposal, the newest Star Sapphire is logged officially as “Red Hood of Crime Alley,” and Hal immediately starts sweating, absolutely dreading having to tell Spooky that his Crime Lord Problem just got significantly more complicated.

Leslie bargains to have Jason use healing magic on more severe cases, and they set up a schedule for him to work shifts at the clinic, and then she immediately goes to beat Batman’s ass for what happened since she is well aware of who Jason Todd is, and the goons may have already forcefully ejected his name from their minds in respect, but she still hasn’t forgiven Bruce for forcing her to perform an honestly pretty irrelevant autopsy on the kid. She can ask him how he came back later.

And by that I mean I desperately need to inspire a smattering of fics that have Alvin being the Gotham Underworld's Pet Bisexual Disaster.

Everyone knows Alvin. Somehow. He's a familiar figure, been doing freelance work for years. He's always on the fringes of the Big Leagues, but never seems to have the ambition or the brains to go further. Mostly he runs messages for ol' Matches Malone, yeah, but if you've got something unique to offload or are looking to hire for a job, Alvin has an Ex.

Good Gotham, Alvin always seems to be getting into the dumbest romantic trouble. He's like a discount Bruce Wayne, all himbo with connections. He'll show up to pass on a message or to make a drop and with just a nudge Alvin will talk about his Ex who left The Business and became an actress. Or the one who had the worst luck with being mind-controlled. Or the Ex who was dead-but-not-really and hiding from the government.

Goons will find him wandering down lair corridors where he's definitely not supposed to be and they'll gently escort him out while he tells them all about his New Girl/Boyfriend who texted him this address to meet him at! Except he got the numbers mixed up, do you think he still has a chance after accidentally standing them up? He really feels a connection this time, they met while defacing the same LexCo billboard.

You committed 133 petty thefts

You committed 19 grand thefts

You held 48 people at gunpoint

Your most used weapon was Fake 9mm

You got arrested 4 times

You got punched by a vigilante 121 times

You landed a hit on a vigilante 0 times

You stole $385,000 in cash and assets

You lost $406,655 during various bouts of gambling

You committed felony tax evasion 1 time

You paid your ex-wife $24,000 in alimony payments and child support

You broke 4 bones

You sponsored 2 new members of the Gotham City Goonion!

So anyway, have a short snippet/wip of it :) It's even Outsider POV :)

👻🦇🐦‍⬛👻🦇🐦‍⬛👻🦇🐦‍⬛👻🦇🐦‍⬛👻🦇🐦‍⬛👻🦇🐦‍⬛👻🦇🐦‍⬛👻

   It all started when the boss had missed one of the biweekly meetings- cancelled it and rescheduled for the next day, but still. The red-hooded man (though he barely counted as such, and the amount of heart attacks they had all had at that fact was crazy) had never missed a meeting before. 

   Been late? Only when Black Mask had decided to try and push his luck one night, but miss it entirely? Never. 

   So the lot of them- the second in commands for Hood’s gang that the other goonion members were starting to call his “Merry Men” however jokingly- were already on edge. Their boss may be incredibly competent, but he was also incredibly young, like should still be in high school young, not running a crime ring. 

   But that was Crime Alley for you- everyone grew up far faster than they should, no matter how young they were. 

   Alex- who usually dealt with their lower members- exchanged a look with their usual partner Liam across the table, silently motioning with their head as though to ask if this was actually happening or what they should do. So yes, all of them were worried, some more visibly so than others. 

   Did they go searching for the boss? Did they wait? He wasn’t answering his phone, which was even more concerning than before, even if he did go radio silent sometimes. Everything was melding into a worrying situation that they weren’t entirely sure what to do with. 

   Honestly they were expecting the boss to be covered in blood or dealing with some sort of horrible wound when he finally entered the warehouse almost a full thirty minutes without so much as a message. 

So I've seen quite a few fanfics where Jack and Maddie Fenton basically qualified as mad scientists and a thought came to me. If they count as mad scientists, and they basically have Jazz and Danny doing/working for them. Does that mean that Jazz and Danny can apply for benefits from the Goonion union?