#goddamn babies

man FUCK boys.

my parents don’t have smartphones so they told all the relatives to send me pictures of their goddamn babies so I can show them and I thought that was super irritating, but not as much as when my aunt started sending pics of the dudes she’s hooking up with on her cougar vacation with weirdass captions that I can still somehow read on my severely cracked screen.

I am outlining garden AU, because I can't write long form fic on my phone and there's a baby attached to my boob. Gardening AU now has a tag: peppers!au. Because Thorin grows peppers.

One time at fencing this girl brought a robot baby from some child care class and some other girl punched it while she was gone and it would not stop crying and everyone was trying to make it stop but apparently, unlike real babies, the only way to make it stop crying was to put some pin in it. We had been bouncing the thing for like twenty minutes until we learned that...

People who will not be sympathetic to the fact you have a splitting headache and want to curl up in a ball and sleep away being sick: Infants.