Hello there! My name is Mike, and I am a software developer by day, and a table top gaming enthusiast by night. I was recently struck with the idea of marrying the gameplay of turn-based strategy games such as XCOM with the rich lore that is the collaborative fiction of The SCP Foundation. And so, this idea was born. I have decided that this is going to be my project for the year of 2023.

What I can remember of my old belief system:

I am incapable of sticking to something

I am not consistent enough to do things daily

I live in extremes and have no middle ground, it’s all or nothing

My worth is tied to the things I can achieve

I get my best results when I am highly stressed and have a lot of pressure on me

I will get things done one way or another because I have to 

I need to rely on others for motivation

I achieve things by being clever and finding shortcuts, not by working hard

All my time could be productive in some way, even my time off could be filled with hobbies

I am not able to sit down and concentrate or work for long periods of time

I am good at organising but not at sticking to my own plans

If I just push myself to achieve this one thing, I can collapse or look after myself later on

Belief system I am consciously trying to switch to:

My worth is not tied to my productivity or achievements

Plans are there to remind me of the end goal and to help me take action, but can and should be changed as circumstances change

Not doing something every day does not mean I’m not sticking to it 

I can pick things up again at any point, a change in consistency does not mean giving up

I need to build trust in myself to do something before I can do it 

Having too many expectations, that are often too high, sets me up for failure. When I am realistic with my goals I can reach them 

Getting results is not worth hurting my mental health, or high levels of stress

I deserve to reach my deadlines and goals in a way that makes me proud of the results while doing ok the whole time

There is no ‘later’ as I will always have another hurdle to face, so I should look after myself now

I can build and create my own middle ground again and again based on my needs and capabilities 

I do everything I do because I choose to, consequences (however big or bad) do not force me into anything 

I do not exist in a vacuum; the support system I build and nurture around me is part of me, and I should use it as much as I use other parts of me

I am clever enough to know when I should work hard, when I need to change what I’m doing and when I should take a break

I make all of my choices based on what is best for current me and future me. They are in an equal and loving partnership that wishes only the best for the other. 

Down 10.4 pounds ✅

It's been an amazing week. First of all, most of it was during lighter lockdown so I was finally able to see people and leave the house. Secondly, I had lots of work which I found both inspiring and motivating. I also managed to finalise my intimacy scales which I'd been working towards since the beginning of this journey, so I felt both relieved and accomplished.

It’s hard to achieve things when I don’t trust myself to follow through, so I am working on keeping my promises to myself.

I will make a couple less

I will accept that if circumstances change they will have to change

I will celebrate every time I manage to do what I agreed to