#getting stuff done

First off, I did get out and get my haircut. I was delayed for about 45 minutes because I had a stomach ache that just would not calm down. 😕

After my haircut, it was gym time 💪

I started getting a cramp between my shoulders in back this morning and I was hoping the exercise would relax it a bit. It is late afternoon now and it is still there. 🤨

After lunch I was outside raking leaves. After that I was getting a repair done in my garage.

I'm sitting here, having told myself an hour and a half ago that I have 2 hours to complete my work. The hour and a half has passed, but I have made no progress

I'm aware my brain works like this, so why can't I just do what I need to do. I'm aware of it, so I should be able to just get the work done, right?

Sent November 22, 2023

You’re making a pretty common error. A lot of people assume that ADHD is simply a matter of will power. If we want to do the thing badly enough, we will.

That’s simply not true.

Executive dysfunction can affect us in many different ways, and being stuck is one of those ways. Even with medication these things are often really hard.

We have lots of different suggestions for getting yourself to do stuff, but if anyone needs specific help I’m going to try and check my inbox regularly so I can give better, more timely advice moving forward.

Computer: ON

Rupert: GOING

Drink: POURED

Labubu and my fabulous partner: KEEPING ME COMPANY

Here's the thing I've recently realized about that.

I'm not a hoarder. But I married one.

Now, I am an ADHD packrat, which doesn't help matters, and I struggle with consistency and whatnot as a result. But I am able to decide to get rid of things that are broken or unusable and so on. J, on the other hand, is not. And not only am I expected to keep his stuff, "his stuff" apparently includes things that he never uses but that I do use and have stopped working properly. If I try to get rid of those things, I am a horrible person. Yet also the house is a disaster and he can't find anything because it's never cleaned up. (Ask me how my day goes when it begins with him upset about not being able to find his crap and complaining about the mess.)

Recognizing this gives me power.

It's still overwhelming and I'm still not fully sure where to start on any given day, but I do know that I want to just start packing things into bins and boxes, like with like, and then labelling those containers with the contents and the date. It will be easier to store if it's boxed up, and then if we need something that's packed up we'll be able to find it and then we can give it a permanent home outside of the box. And in a year, we can go through the boxes and see if we can let things go that we haven't even looked for in the past year. With no pressure to actually let anything go, because it's contained in labelled boxes and we can find stuff when we need it. And then a year later, we can go through what's still there. Eventually it will all have a proper home or be released from our house.

I know that J has this problem because he grew up so poor, and I have compassion for that trauma. Extended childhood trauma is a bitch. So I don't want to force anything, and I don't want him to resent me for making him get rid of things. I think this approach will be gentle enough for him to be okay with it, and I'm hopeful that it will be easier to make actual progress if I'm really just sorting things into boxes and labelling the boxes.

Got my shoes on. Got my kitchen timer on. Challenged myself to see how much better I could make the kitchen look in 10 minutes.

I cleared the kitchen island. Put away all the food, got all the dirty dishes into the sink. Started a load of laundry. Made up my third cup of coffee. Washed out some recycling and got it to the bin. Oh, now I can see the acetaminophen which I need to take today.

Do I still have a big mess? Yes I do. I came home from 2-week trip, and I'm still finding stuff I need to put away and laundry I need to do.

But my ADHD ass developed the self-care habits, routines, tips and tricks, originally in the late '90s due to this nice southern lady. She used to send out daily emails encouraging us to take care of ourselves and giving us ideas on how to tackle big home care projects, self-care projects, but mostly home care.

It was a lot of email. And not being Christian, I didn't always appreciate her dropping of God references. But without her structure, without her having figured out that there was tons of us out there, struggling with our lives and managing our shit...

She helped me a lot. The chaos is mostly controlled. (She used to backronym CHAOS as "Can't Have Anybody Over Syndrome" heh)

I'm no longer ashamed of my habitat (and also, thank you, @unfuckyourhabitat for continuing the momentum of this particular way of working).

Gonna finish my coffee ☕ and then set the timer for another 10 minutes. Got a friend coming over for dinner 🍽️ and I can stand to do a bit more tidying up.