#getting overwhelmed

I learned that I wasn’t special, that I didn’t matter as much as I thought I did.

It was a time of disappointment. The shattering of a million illusions. The same ones that had protected me for such a long time. I stood on the precipice of a world I didn’t really know.

Lost.

I changed myself for others, I used people and people used me too. I let them. I tried to destroy my former self because that was the problem to begin with.

Time doesn’t fix you at all. It doesn’t fix anything, but it does mould you. It teaches you that certain thongs (things) are always going to hurt (I had to keep that typo in 😉😬)

I made a lot of mistakes and most of all I let myself down. That’s the worst thing you can ever do. Don’t give up on yourself just because someone else did. Learn to support yourself, learn to be there for yourself.

This isn’t an excuse to become devoid of empathy either. Don’t be selfish, think of decisions, think of circumstances, cause and effect, you know, cool stuff like that. It will help you understand the bigger picture, the one we all seemingly choose to ignore.

I tried so hard to do what was expected of me, what I thought people needed from me. But in the end, I realised nobody needed anything at all. Rather that I needed them to say it, that someone needed me. I needed to hear it.

But all you need is to listen to yourself. Do the right thing because you always know what that is. Hate is lazy, revenge is short-sighted. Be the bigger person because someone has to be, and yes, you don’t really get much out of it. To be immortal you must first survive mortality.

Love isn’t mine or yours to control. People are going to love you and leave you. Some people get to have it, some people don’t. There is no absence of it though, it’s everywhere. Especially within you. Love yourself completely, because chances are that other people won’t.

I tried hard to rationalise with myself that love doesn’t really exist. It’s the comfort of intimacy. We love to share our lives and we’re scared of loneliness. We want to make someone else laugh. Makes sense. I too have a great sense of humour, no reason to keep it to myself. Don’t be afraid of being lonely. It isn’t easy, but it is manageable. Don’t be secluded.

Allow yourself to grieve, but remember that grief and sadness are addictive. There is a lot of comfort to be found there. Feeling sorry for yourself only goes so far and nothing is going to make getting over that hill easy for you. Emphasis on hill.

Forgive yourself for not always saying the perfect thing. You are only human. Remember that others are too. Believe in second chances but not thirds. There is no such concept. Some people can change and some people won’t.

After all the cynicism and self-destruction, I still couldn’t tear myself from the concept of love. Call me a romantic and a dreamer. I’ll take both those compliments. I know exactly who I am now. I believe in magic, and childish things that have no real effect on the world. I think of the progression of time and how the world will look later. Probably going to need a robot dog by then.

On most days, the world is a dark place and humanity is evil, cruel and unfair. Civilisations always have been so, and It shouldn’t surprise us anymore. Perhaps where you are, kindness is nowhere to be found. What should make you hold on is that hope, that there will be kindness somewhere and someday. Somewhere there is that peace that exists only for you. We know what we are and that is why we seek answers. To justify. And that is okay.

Believe whatever you need to believe in. But know that you are not better than anyone; also that the wrong people probably get more than they deserve. At least the ones you consider the wrong kind. Be better, think bigger and don’t hurt people - whatever you do. Don’t harm another human. It seems to work well enough for robots, so why not us?

But I digress. The point is to reach the end of the race and do as little damage as possible. Don’t let society or anyone else control you, or dictate what you should look like and say. Most of all don’t seek their validation. Don’t waste time on that shit. Believe me cause I wasted a decade.

studying sucks as someone with adhd/add

and that’s not talked about nearly enough! in general and in the studyblr community.

i’m making this “guide” (of sorts) to, at the very least, let adhd/add ppl who struggle in school know that they’re not alone!

(also, just for reference, for the rest of this post i will be referring to adhd and add people as just adhd, because that is the official diagnosis for both. just know that i’m not excluding y’all inattentive types!!)

btw: neurotypical/non adhd studyblr are allowed and 100% encouraged to reblog this post!

distractions. my mortal enemy

writing this post is literally my distraction from writing my english essay. which is weird because i’m actually interested in the topic of my essay!

so why am i hyperfocusing on something completely unnecessary?

in short, because dopamine! that bastard.

long version is that people with adhd have unusually low levels of dopamine (the happy chemical, if you weren’t aware!) in their brain. this makes it extremely hard to stop doing something that is giving you dopamine and switch to something that won’t give you that sweet sweet dopamine.

in my case, it means that it’s hard to stop writing this post (which is about something i’m very passionate about, albeit hypocritical of me) and write my essay (which i’m also passionate about, but that includes writing an essay).

also, under this category i’d like to mention something that i found on the wikipedia page for hyperfocus that is just a great explanation of adhd!

“Some types of ADHD are a difficulty in directing one's attention (an executive function of the frontal lobe), not a lack of attention.”

thanks, wikipedia! what a nice helpful source. (note: wikipedia is a great resource that we all use, but that doesn’t mean you are bound to donate. don’t, if you don’t want to. they don’t have a fundraiser going on at the time of writing this, but.... still. don’t feel bad. other people will donate, and wikipedia will stay running.)

^ can you tell i’m adhd. geez. ok moving on

(another sidenote: apparently i lied. as soon as i went on another wikipedia page, they asked me to donate. damnit)

how do i... stop getting as distracted?

first off, understand that hyperfocus/lack of focus is part of your condition. you are not broken or “bad” for not being able to focus on what you need/want to.

try a pomodoro timer. this has literally saved me so much.

try a pomodoro... with friends! let them keep you accountable and working on what you need to.

have you been watching youtube for 3 hours and haven’t gotten out of bed that entire time? get up. get moving, walk to your kitchen and get a snack! some water, for god’s sake. take your snack time to think about what you need to work on and decide on one thing to do before you get another snack.

“but i can’t do just one task at a time! i’m better at multitasking!”

might i suggest fidget toys? i used to say that i was great at multitasking—no. no one is good at multitasking, it’s just not human nature to multitask. just trust me on this one, aight?

btw, sleep. not sleeping will only make it harder to focus on the things you have to do!!

if you take meds: take your frickin meds, dude. like seriously. take them.

if you don’t take meds and want to: talk to your doctor asap. tell them your concerns, and how adhd affects your life on a daily basis. and stimulant meds are not the only option!! be open to suggestions from your doctor, but if you feel like they don’t get what you’re going through: you gotta tell them again. give them more info, because what you tell them is literally the only way they’ll know something is wrong.

getting. overwhelmed. a trap that’s too easy to fall into

lord knows i’ve been overwhelmed. i’m overwhelmed right now. maybe you’ve been sick, or there was a really hard assignment in this class or that, and you had an exam in three classes over a two day time period—i get it. and you felt like this was your year! you were doing so well! but now you have late work in multiple classes and you’re not sure what to actually... do for those assignments.

a lot of this overwhelmed business has to do with not knowing how to start. you have this pile of work to do, how are you supposed to do any of it when there’s just so much and you know you can’t possibly get it all done.

“try and do one thing,” people will say

“just start! it’ll be easier once you start,” people will continue saying

“but it’s too much,” you’ll argue

“you don’t have to do all of it,” they’ll argue back, and you’ll realise that they’re right but it’s so easy for them. for you it’s like pulling teeth to start writing that essay outline or to start working on those chemistry problems. it feels like there’s no point if you don’t finish it—if you can’t turn it in, what’s even the point?

hey. i feel you. ppl w/o executive dysfunction just don’t understand how your brain works differently. and that’s not your fault.

the main thing i can say is: talk to people who do understand. 

your friends that have seen you struggling in school forever? they get it. maybe they don’t understand exactly how you do things differently, but they see the grief you go through each year just to survive.

if you don’t talk to people about what’s going on in your life, you’re gonna explode. like actually.

so how do i stop from getting overwhelmed?

talk about your stress early on, before it’s “too late”

that said, it’s never too late. it is NEVER too late to get help.

you got friends who have the same classes as you? have you made friends in your classes? ask them for clarification on assignments, if it’s too scary to go to the teacher.

i know that for me, at least, it doesn’t even cross my mind to ask my teacher about these supposedly silly thing! but i’ve started trying to take into account that if it’s preventing me from knowing where to start something, it’s not silly. it’s something that i need to ask about.

if you can afford to do so, consider asking your doctor if they can refer you to a therapist. this comes from someone with zero experience in therapy (altho i really want to! it just hasn’t worked out that way yet.), so take it with a HEAVY grain of salt. i just know that from other’s experiences, it has helped them immensely.

self esteem. what’s that?

with all this getting distracted and overwhelmed, it’s easy to confuse your adhd with yourself. yes, you have adhd, but it’s not all of you. and did you know that adhd people have enhanced creativity? you probably did, actually. isn’t it amazing that people with adhd have figured out how to persevere and live in a world not built for us!

now, i’d like to address some common self-esteem issues in adhd individuals and why it’s all your brain tricking you!

feeling down about our abilities.

this can mean not feeling good enough when you fail to do something that you previously thought you could do easily.

this is your brain trying to tell you that you can do better than this, but the signal is getting messed up somewhere along the way! when something doesn’t turn out as well as you want it to, you have to take that and push down the urge to beat yourself up about it and use that disappointment and turn it into self improvement!

comparing ourselves to neurotypical people.

“why can everyone else do it, and not me?”

because your brain isn’t built to work like that, silly! you need to think hard about why you can’t do it the same way as them—and find a way to accomplish the same goal but with a method that works for you.

it feels like we get more criticism than praise.

listen. maybe you are getting more criticism than praise—and that sucks! like absolutely, positively fuckin sucks. but more than likely:

that’s the rsd baby. your mind naturally takes criticism as a personal attack, AND it amplifies it in your mind! double whammy, if you will. this is why having someone to talk to who supports you is so important, so you can have an outside source telling you that you don’t deserve to feel like shit. because you don’t.

thanks for getting through this post ☺

all bases of the art in this post come from this website of open source sketchy illustrations!!