#gemsas

The hardest part about med school hasn’t been med school itself. (Although, I’m scrunching my eyebrows up as I write this, so maybe that’s not entirely true).  The hardest part about med school has been having a boyfriend.  Maybe that’s why I don’t have one anymore.

I moved out of our apartment in January, just one week before starting my second year of medical school. We agreed that me moving out would be best for the relationship. He would take over the lease, and I wouldn’t have to worry so much about money. Up until that point, I felt like I’d tried everything, from dyeing my soul every colour under the sun in the hope that he would fall back in love with just one shade. I tried, I really, really did. But the exhaustion from meticulously choosing every word and placating my tone in the anticipation of the next thing to go wrong, was unlike anything else. He wasn’t being rude, he insisted, just being honest. And if I couldn’t take it, then that was my problem.  I’d been seeing a psychologist, who eventually, after many sessions, shared that she couldn’t believe how much effort I was putting into this sinking ship. She suggested couples’ counselling. He refused.

Had it been going on for some time? Of course it had, but there was never a ‘good’ time to end things (is there ever?). What a laughable concept! “I’m a little busy this week, maybe we can break up next Thursday at 7pm?” To make matters worse and prolong the inevitable even further, I was always determined that there was something that I hadn’t tried yet. It didn’t matter though, because it kept happening over, and over, and over. No matter what I tried to change about myself, nothing worked. Not even the happiest of occasions could blunt the edge I was skating on: I was a bridesmaid for my best friend from school, and felt more alive and glowing than I had in months. But despite every determination to keep the makeup pristine, I couldn’t help let a few tears slip during the ceremony. The vows were beautiful, it’s true, but I think that part of me was quietly grieving as I grew to understand that the guy attending that wedding with me would never, ever love me in the same unconditional way that the groom loves my best friend. And I knew that he would never want to try, because he told me so. It didn’t matter how beautiful I looked that day on the outside. On the inside, I couldn’t help but feel my heart sink as it caught up to my head.

My spirit and self-esteem had been slowly pushed further and further into the ground to the point that I believed that maybe he was right. Maybe I am difficult, and stubborn, and dismissive, and unappreciative. In desperation, I reached out to an old ex of mine, a gorgeous Parisian lawyer who was always kind, honest, and made me laugh. He admitted that although it’d been a long time since we were together, there was no reason to ever justify such outbursts of anger, and assured me that I wasn’t any of those things that I’d listed above. “But of course, you’re not perfect!” he added. I smiled and raised my eyebrows at the message, grateful for his candour, all the while thinking that I probably could’ve done without the last comment. It’s a shame things never worked out with him; I can only assume he is happy with his life in France, as he very much deserves, but he at least serves as a sobering reminder for how I should be treated. I paused and cast my mind back. Our time together is a memory long gone now, but I still remember enough to know that I missed how I felt when we were together: calm, safe, my cheeks often aching from laughing at his quick wit. All things that I didn’t have now. His one small message of kindness after all these years made me realise how miserable I really was.

Because, when I thought about it... could I survive the next 3 years of medical school, plus my training with chaotically unpredictable ups and downs? I’d heard that medicine puts a strain on your relationships, but with or without med school, I don’t think I could survive this. Just a week prior, only a few days before my final exams for the year, we’d had a fight. Another one. No matter my attempts of resolution, they were met with jagged stares of contempt and crushing silence, and so finally, after three days of drowning in an ocean of anxiety, I pleaded for some kind of resolve. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or study from the stress-induced migraines, and was a complete mess at the idea that I would lose my relationship and fail my exams. “So it’s my fault if you fail your exams?” he scoffed. He told me to get over it. I patched things up as best as I could, determined to not let someone who could be so indifferent towards my feelings be my downfall. Miraculously, I passed my exams. But I knew that next time I might not be so lucky.

Moving out bought me one more month.  It sucks, but everything was clearly crumbling around me.  It wasn’t all bad—no one gets into a relationship with someone who’s like this at the start. There were many wonderful, fun, whimsical moments in the years we were together, and the guy I left isn’t the guy I first met.  In the end we just...  weren’t the right fit for each other.  So, I may be alone now, but I’m okay with that. For now, I love talking to the patients and hearing their stories, and I love seeing someone’s eyes light up when I ask them how they met the love of their life.

also at $500 a pop and like, a severe amount of stress- I really want to try hit a high score on my first time so for the rest of my journey into med I can just chill and focus on volunteering and my GPA and not spending $500 every 6 months to sit the 6 hour (7 if you count the lunch break) “one exam to rule them all” (yeah, a lot of people apparently call it that, I mean it has a fucking lunch break so you can sit and cry for an hour and people prepare for it like it’s an ultramarathon so it’s worthy of that title tbh)

so not only am I stressed about prepping for my 5 exams in 8 weeks, but also finding time to prep for what is actually one of the most important exams of my life (probably the actual most important)

“What caused the jaundiced appearance in the patient?” the consultant asked expectantly of me.

“Errrr,” I paused, trying to give off an air that I had at least one piece of relevant information inside my head. The 5 other med students in my group stared nervously at me, probably grateful that they weren't being asked this question themselves. Or maybe they were nervous that I couldn’t answer such a simple question.

I looked up towards the ceiling as if that’s where the answer would be. (Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.) An uncomfortable amount of time had passed in silence, and disappointingly, the answer still hadn’t magically appeared in my mind. Eventually, I looked back at the consultant and muttered, “I’m not sure, sorry,” as if he didn’t already know that I had absolutely zero idea.

Without any acknowledgement, he fired out the next student’s name. “Right, Oliver, what’s the answer?”

“Excess bilirubin,” Oliver confidently answered without missing a beat. Damnit. I did know that one.

The cycle of questions continued over and over and over, the consultant either being so skilled at hiding his disappointment in my lack of ability to answer a single question today, or, he simply did not care. For weeks now I’d been prioritising my job and clients over my studies, and today, it showed.

We headed back to the elevator. “One last one for today,” he began. Oh gosh. Here we go. “What food is high in potassium?”, he asked. Finally, something I could answer.

“Bananas!” I spat out, beaming with pride that I could show that I had a glimpse of knowledge. Still counts as a win, right?

But... lesson learned. So, here’s a question that you can all answer. How should you never, ever turn up to the wards?

I’ll tell you: completely unprepared. 

CONGRATULATIONS @mildcasesofmd! So well deserved!

Why, GEMSAS, why.

Payments close at 5:00pm today and the system has crashed again.

Last-minute applications to Notre Dame and Wollongong.

These portfolios are quite painful to put together. All the numbers and emails you need for each experience! Someone should tell you these things before you start high school, that you’d better start gathering contact numbers so you don’t have to chase them up three years after you’ve graduated from school.

I shouldn’t have left this last minute, but who am I kidding, I knew it was going to be like this. 

Hello kind anonymous! :D

It depends on which uni you are applying to! So, GEMSAS is the consortium which looks after admissions for all the graduate medical schools in Australia, except Sydney and Flinders. You have to apply for Sydney and Flinders separately.

But you lodge one GEMSAS with the preferences of 1-6 of the universities you would like go to, and you get the highest preference that you qualify for (the cutoffs for GAMSAT and GPA get determined by the unis). Remember that for Notre Dame and Wollongong, you have to also submit a portfolio!

So you get one interview, and you attend the interview at the place that you got the interview for. All the scores are standardised, so if you don’t reach the interview score requirement for that school, they pass you onto a lower preference :)

But, if you decline an offer, then you’re permanently out of the round and can’t be considered for any subsequent rounds of offers. So it’s important to put only the universities that you would really consider going to and the places you would really accept (i.e. bonded/unbonded/FFP).

Other GEMSAS applicants, does this sound right?

The GEMSAS FAQ page might explain it better than I do? I haven’t actually done the application process before.

But remember to apply before the deadline (31st May, 2015)!

HAHA oh goodness I am so sorry if I gave you the idea that you needed a 70 or above to get into medicine!!

How totally ridiculous of me!

Of course you can get into med with a score of below 70. I do know a few people who did!

Of all the GEMSAS universities, you have:

Melbourne

Monash

Notre Dame

Deakin

Wollongong

ANU

Western Australia

Griffith

Queensland

The cutoff for all of those (except Queensland) is below 70.

Remember that Melbourne weights all sections equally, though! I’ve heard that’s around a 66-67?

And there’s also Flinders, which has broken off from GEMSAS.

Check out Paging Dr for past cutoffs :)

The reason I was so neurotic about a 70 is because the Sydney cutoff has been rising by one each year for quite a while, and it was 69 last year. That said though, they can’t keep rising forever, right? I’m still not hopeful, but anyway!

Hope that clears things up!