#gaybashing

“But, Leviiiii~”, the way Hange drags the last vocal out is hurting his ears. “You never do anything with me anymore. I feel so lonely all the time with Moblit gone for the rest of the semester and you always work or study and are too busy to even meet up for lunch.” Levi is pretty sure their sniffling is fake, but he can’t say for sure. “I just thought we could do something together for once -- have a good time together and relax.” Their voice is getting quieter and quieter towards the end of the sentence. “I thought we were friends.”

Levi crosses his arms over his chest. “Tch.” He hates it when Hange manipulates him like that, but more often than not his friend means well. In their own crazy way, of course. “... Fine. I’ll come with you. But only tonight! Tomorrow you have to crawl to the bar on your own.”

“Really?!” Their eyes shine. “YAHOO!”

“Geez, Shitty Four-Eyes, keep it down!”

“My best friend is going to go out with me!”

“You sound like a fucking child.”

“Well, you sound like an old man,” Levi can’t help the pleased rush that surges through him as they call him ‘man’. “Now come on, Levi, get ready. I know you take hours.”

“And why do you think that is?” he snarls. As he sees them trying to leave, he calls them out on it. “Oh no, you stay where you fucking are. The least you can do is help me choose a goddamn outfit if you drag me all the way out of my comfort zone.”

“Of course!” They jump towards Levi’s wardrobe like an overeager puppy and start going through his clothes. Levi is fine with the amount of attention Hange invests in the matter --- it makes a few different matters easier to attend.

Slowly, Levi takes off his shirt and lessens his bandages. His breasts pop into his view and he growls at them before he opens his bag and pulls his newly purchased binder out of it. He wonders how it will feel to wear it, and if it was worth the thirty dollars he paid for it in his lunch break. Carefully, as not to damage anything, he drags the binder over his head and assembles his breasts into it, breathing a few times before he looks down.

His breasts, small and bothersome as they usually are, are completely concealed by the binder. A small sound escapes him, and a part of him wants to tear up. He turns around and sees Hange looking at him with warmth radiating from their eyes.

“You look amazing, Levi,” they say while they put a black shirt on the bed. They come to him and look at Levi with a question on their lips. “May I …?”

Levi nods, opens his arms and lets them hug him tightly. “I’m so happy for you, Levi. When did you buy it?”

“Today,” Levi answers, his voice hoarse with emotion. “I saw it in the shop when I was going to the diner, and--”

“It’s perfect,” Hange finally lets him go with a sniff, and Levi has half a mind to check his back for snot. “You’ll look so handsome in the outfit I chose. Now go and take a shower. You stink.”

The warm feeling they had ignited in his chest extinguishes completely. “Fuck you, Shitty Four-Eyes. You are the one that usually stinks!”

They just laugh at him.

.0.0.0.0.0.

Levi stares.

The performer twirls around, hand on his heart, while he sings Lana Del Rey in a voice that sends shudders down Levi’s spine. ‘Summertime Sadness’ has always been one of his favorite songs, even more so since he realized that he had been born in the wrong body, with suicide constantly on his mind. Listening to the emotion in the performer’s voice is enough to tear him up. He wipes the evidence away before he faces Hange once more, who is completely enraptured by the singer.

“I told you this would be awesome!” They say with shining eyes, then look at the performer again. Levi does the same and finds himself staring once again.

The singer wears a sleeveless dark green cocktail dress mixed with a pair of tights and glittering green high heels. His -- no, their, Levi knows how bad it can be to be tantalized with the wrong pronouns -- long brown hair is open and cascades down the back in soft waves, while their makeup is simple. Dark eyeliner, green eyeshadow, and mascara. Nothing more.

Levi likes it. He likes it a lot.

The song ends. Immediately the audience begins to clap in applause, and Levi can’t help but join in enthusiastically. Hange whistles loudly and Levi can actually see the performer blush on the stage.

“Thank you,” they say in a voice that is clearly male. “I’m really flattered by all your support. I’ll perform again next Saturday. Wait for me until then, alright?” They wink and Hange whistles once more. Levi wants to crawl into a hole and die.

He waits until the performer has left the stage and a guy has taken their place with his guitar that Levi turns to his friend. “Did you have to whistle?”

“Embarrassed?”

“No more than usual,” Levi sighs. It is the sad truth that Levi always gets embarrassed whenever he and Hange hang out. At least it feels like this for him. “I was just wondering because you seemed almost eager to see this performer, is all.”

“Oh, Levi, my sweet clean freak,” Hange chides. “I whistled because you couldn’t stop staring.”

Levi feels a blush creep on his cheeks. Luckily for him, the bar is cast into darkness in that exact same moment -- with only the stage lit-- , so he doesn't have to face Hange’s knowing look. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Shitty Four-Eyes.”

“Poor Levi, being flustered because of his feelings,” Hange teases. “His name is Eren, by the way. You two would make a great couple.”

“What the hell Hange?!” Several people turn to them after Levi’s outburst. He just glares at them in the darkness before he continues, in a quieter voice, “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“I love how you call me Hange when you’re really irritated with me,” they say, amused. “And no, I’m not out of my mind. I'm just worried. You’ve been pretty lonely these last couple of years, haven’t you?”

Fuck Hange, of course, he’d been lonely. After realizing that he was born in the wrong body, his brief period of suicidal thoughts and finally his decision to transition, Levi had lost the support of the last bits of his family. His uncle Kenny had left the house without another word when he’d told him, only to throw him out later, and his mom had actually cried and yelled that she didn’t understand why her beautiful Rebecca wanted to be a man. The only one who had shown a smidge of support was his cousin Mikasa, but since she lived on the other side of the country

she was out of the question, too. The only friends he had were Hange and Erwin, and the latter was swamped with work so often these days that they barely saw each other anymore.

His voice grows thick. “Of course I’m lonely,” he says quietly. “Who wouldn’t be in my position?”

“That’s why I think it would be nice for you to have a significant other,” Hange explains. “And Eren is someone who will understand what you’re going through. He’s a nice kid.”

“Tch.” Levi drags his hand across his eyes. “No one will understand what I’m going through.”

“Oh, not this again,” Hange hisses. “Levi, I swear to God, I love you like a brother, but if you don’t get out of your shell for once, you’ll never find someone who’ll accept you as you are.” Softer, they continue. “Come on, at least talk to him. I’m sure if not a lover, he’d make a good friend.”

Levi contemplates this. He can’t deny that he wishes for someone to hold him at night -- someone to stroke his hair while he falls asleep, someone to kiss when he comes home from a long day, someone to support him when he has one of his rare dysphoria attacks. He craves it with a passion that burns in his veins, but simultaneously the thought of sharing his life with someone terrifies him. He swallows.

“I have to think about that.”

Hange tries to say something else, but one gaze at Levi’s current state is enough to chase the words on their tongue away. Instead, they just nod. “Okay.”

“I’m going for a smoke.”

He practically flees Hange after that, makes his way through body’s that sway to the rhythm of an acoustic guitar just to escape their understanding gaze that sometimes is too much. It isn’t that Levi doesn’t want the support -- he does, really -- but Hange more often than not hits too close to home. Drags all of his fears out of this small corner in his mind where he stuffed them to be forgotten for all eternity. He can’t handle it many times.

When he finally arrives at the entrance, the bouncer lets him pass without a second glance. Breathing in the fresh air outside feels deliberating, and Levi thanks his friend for choosing an attire that went well with his leather jacket. He doesn’t feel as caged anymore as he did inside. His fingers find the cigarettes and lighter effortlessly and soon one of his precious cancer sticks dangles between his lips. He rubs at his eyes while he takes a drag and wonders how often he’ll be close to crying tonight when there is a sudden noise coming from the alley next to the club.

Levi looks towards it and wonders what is making such a ruckus, then shrugs and takes another drag. As he exhales, he hears the noise again. It sounds as if someone is beaten up.

Someone is beaten up.

It takes his brain a while to register what he just thought. His eyes widen and he promptly chokes on the smoke still in his lungs. Fighting the coughing fit that tingles in his throat, he quickly walks towards the source of the noise. It could very well be that he just imagined at -- that it really is a cat rolling around in some garbage -- but you never be too sure.

This makes him enter the alley the moment a shady figure punches the performer from before straight in the gut while another holds them. They double over in pain, held up by the second man’s iron grip. As if on cue, the men start yelling insults.

“Stupid faggot--”

“Get the fuck out of our bar, you stupid fuck--”

“People like you should just die--”

“You’re wrong--”

Levi’s body moves on its own. He runs towards the man who is about to hit the performer again, shifts his entire weight onto his left leg and delivers a powerful kick towards the man’s side with his right. The guy screams and falls to the ground, wheezing for breath. His comrade immediately lets the performer crumble to the ground and goes to attack Levi, only to stumble over the singer’s outstretched leg. He falls face first into the dirt with a yell.

In the meantime, the first guy manages to get on his feet again. He dives towards Levi and swings his right fist at him, only to have the shorter man dodge it easily. Before he can find the energy for a second attack, Levi’s right fist already collides with his jaw and knocks him out like a light. The second guy gets to his feet again as well, and Levi already swivels to him to let him get a taste of his bloody knuckles when the performer hits him on the head with their purse with all their might. It shouldn’t have done much damage, but the velocity had been enough to make him fall to the ground again -- unconscious this time.

Breathing heavily through his nose, Levi looks at the two idiots on the ground, before his gaze shifts to the performer. Their hair slipped to the side -- making Levi realize that they are wearing a wig -- their makeup is smudged, and they are bleeding from their nose. Without realizing it, Levi fumbles a handkerchief out of his pocket and holds it towards the performer.

“Thanks,” they say as they take it and hold it against their nose. Levi stares, then coughs.

“Don’t mention it.”

“No, really, thanks,” the performer smiles at him, and it warms something deep inside Levi’s chest. He chooses to ignore it. “I usually can hold my own against people like this, but not while I’m wearing one of my dresses. As freeing as they are, they’re too fitting to let me fight properly.”

“Oh,” Levi says. “In that case, you’re welcome.”

The singer smiles once more then holds out his hand. Their voice is a little muffled because of the handkerchief. “I’m Eren, by the way.”

“Levi.” They shake hands. Levi notices that the performer’s hands are warm and strong, and tries not to imagine them stroking his hair. He fails miserably.

“How about we get out of here before they wake up?” Eren’s gaze wanders over the two guys. “I don’t really want them continuing to beat me up.”

“I wouldn’t let them,” Levi blurts out. He quickly adds, “But I agree.”

Eren smiles again and Levi’s heart skips a beat. “Cool.” They take a step, then stumble as their high heel suddenly breaks apart. “Fuck! I just bought those! Fuck those guys and their dick eating mouths, god fucking dammit!” Levi bursts out laughing at that, but stops as Eren’s angry gaze flicks to him. “This isn’t fucking funny! Those shoes are so fucking expensive and now they fucking broke on the first day! FUCK!”

“I--,” Levi wheezes out. He coughs to get himself under control again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh.”

Eren still looks angry for a moment, then the fight visibly leaves them. They sigh. “Fuck, I know. I’m just so done with this day, you can’t believe it.” They take off both shoes and store the broken heel in their purse before holding the shoes by their straps. Together they start walking towards the alley’s entrance. “First my asshole of a father reminds me that his birthday will be in a few days and tells me my presence is required,  then my car breaks down in the middle of the road. And on top of that, I get ambushed by a bunch of losers as I leave the bar and then one of my heels breaks off.” They sigh and run a hand through their hair, taking off the wig in the process. Levi sees that Eren’s hair is rather short and darker than the synthetical hair in his hand. He watches on as Eren takes a hair net out of his bag and carefully stuffs the wig inside it. “The only good thing that happened today is you.”

Levi blushes before he can help himself. Why must he always be so awkward? “Er, thanks. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Bullshit,” Eren says. “It is a big deal. You could’ve ignored the situation, but you didn’t. That was very brave of you.” They seem to think for a moment, then smiles. “In fact, I think I should invite you to a drink at least for your help. There is a diner two streets over.”

“I know the place. Marco’s, right?”

“Yeah,” Eren nods. “They serve coffee until ten and warm meals until eleven. Come on, I want pancakes.”

Eren grabs his wrist, intend on going to the diner. Levi barely manages to type a quick text to Hange with one hand before he is dragged along.

..0.0.0.0.0.

Soon after they sit in a both in Marco’s. The entire place is rather cozy since it is late and the lights are only half lit -- the dark brown furniture does the rest.

Their way over here had been filled with occasional small talk, in which Levi had learned that Eren identifies as male but is fine with she and they as well. As long as the person talking to him is nice, he doesn’t care what they call him. Levi sticks with he.

They get weird glances from the few patrons present, and one of the servers is staring at them as well as she mopes the table next to them, but they don’t care. They are rather comfortable and jump right back into conversation with one another.

“So, Levi, what brought you to the bar anyway?”

Levi shrugs. “My friend Hange dragged me along. They said it would be the best if I left my flat once in awhile.”

“Oh, you’re a hermit then?”

“Not that bad yet, but I’m working on it.”

“Shame. Such a waste.” Eren laughs as Levi’s cheeks color. “Why don’t you go out more? You seem like a nice guy.”

There it is. The opportunity to clear this all up, to tell Eren what he is. Levi clears his throat. “I--” He is interrupted by the waitress bringing them their drinks, a coke for Eren and a black tea for Levi. He drinks a little of the scalding liquid before he continues. “I was -- er -- I was born in the wrong body.” He watches Eren, afraid of what he will see. But Eren shows no disgust -- rather mild curiosity. It gives Levi the bravery to continue talking. “I’m currently transitioning. From Female to Male.”

Silence. Levi suffers as Eren doesn’t say anything for a moment, refuses to look into those eyes and be hurt after all. He is startled when Eren’s warm hand covers his on the table. “Fuck, you’re awesome.”

“Excuse me?” Levi blurts out, finally looks up. The smile on Eren’s lips takes his breath away.

“You’re awesome. Handsome, courageous, and damn sexy when you’re angry.”

Levi’s blush seems like a permanent fixture on his face now. “Thanks,” he says, voice tiny and barely audible.

“How far along are you? Did you already have surgeries?”

“Not yet,” Levi takes another sip. The tea calms his anxious nerves somewhat. “My insurance only covers part of the top surgery so I’ve been saving up all the money I can to get it done. I’m certain that I will be able to have it in about half a year.”

“And down … you know.” The gesture Eren makes wrangles a short laugh out of Levi.

“They sadly don’t cover it yet, but I’m hopeful that they’ll change their mind in the future.”

“Nice,” Eren finally takes a sip of his coke. “I hope you don’t mind me asking all these questions?”

“No, not at all,” Levi says. “I get that people are pretty curious about my current situation, so I try to explain it to them as thoroughly as I can. It’s only the people who judge you that I can’t stand.”

“I get where you’re coming from.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Levi gives Eren a once over. “Why do you dress like a woman?”

Eren looks offended for a moment. Levi is about to apologize for this stupid question when the brunette finally speaks. “At first it was to escape. My asshole of a dad is a very successful doctor who owns his own private praxis. He wanted me to get into medicine as well when I was younger so that I could, one day, take it over, but my marks were too bad. I couldn’t make it into the university he wanted,” Eren takes another sip before he continues. “He changed after that. Started all this passive aggressive bullshit and told me every day how much of a failure I am.”

“Ouch, that’s rough,” Levi flinches. “What about your mom?”

Eren sighs deeply. “Mom died when I was ten. My dad never really got over it.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was a long time ago.”

“How did she die?”

“Cancer.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Eren’s voice is heavy with emotion. He clears his throat. “Anyway, the first time was an accident. My dad’s girlfriend had left a pair of panties lying around our house. I found them and wondered how they would feel like if I tried them on. So I did.” His gaze becomes dreamy. “Oh, it was such a nice feeling. I somehow felt liberated from all the shit Dad was giving me. Like I had become a different person. I looked into the mirror in the bathroom and decided that I liked what I saw. That was when I realized that I wanted more.”

“Oh no,” Levi says, grinning. “You stole some of her stuff, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did,” Eren chuckles. “Just a little makeup and a black dress she wasn’t wearing anyway. You can’t imagine the rush I felt when I put it on. I felt so … alive. And let’s be real, dresses are fucking comfortable, okay?”

Levi laughs at that. He finishes his tea in one large gulp, then sets the empty cup down. “I prefer denim, but I get where you’re coming from. That’s what I felt today when I bought my binder.”

“Nice,” Eren holds up his hand in an obvious high five. Levi is a little hesitant at first but then slaps his own against it. “Did you use bandages before that?”

“Yeah.” Levi sighs in delight. He can openly talk about it with a person that is not Hange. “They aren’t that … big, but still there. I want them gone.”

“I hope it happens soon.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Then you’ll finally be one step closer to being a dude. A short dude at that, but a dude nonetheless.”

“Fuck you, brat.”

Eren blows him a kiss and Levi grins. He is about to respond when his phone vibrates in his pocket. Pulling it out of his jeans, he sees that he got a text from Hange asking him where he is. Since he already told her in a previous text, he can only assume that she is drunk. He sighs.

“I have to go and fetch my idiot friend from the bar. They’re obviously drunk off their ass.”

Eren laughs. “How do you know?”

Levi shows him the text message without a second thought. It’s so full of typos that it is barely readable. “Geez, and I thought I wrote badly.”

“Believe me, Hange is one of a kind. Your typing is probably completely readable at least.”

Eren bites his lip. “Wanna find out?” he asks sincerely.

Levi swallows, his throat suddenly dry. Oh, he wants nothing more than that. Eren is funny and cute, and Levi wouldn’t even care if he liked to run around naked as long as he could be with him. God, he has it bad. “Sure, let me give you my number.”

He’s typing the digits Eren tells him into his phone and calls him so that the other will have his number as well. The Darth Vader theme sounds. “Really?”

Eren grins sheepishly. It is a sight that will burn itself into Levi’s mind forever. “I wish I had a younger cousin to blame this on, but I don’t. I’m a fan of him.”

“I prefer Han Solo to be quite honest,” Levi says while Eren downs the rest of his coke. “But then I’ve always had a thing for brunettes.” He grins as Eren chokes and splutters, blushing for once.

After leaving a few dollars on the table, they exit the diner and stop near a darker corner. A few meters away is a bus stop. Levi sighs. “I should get going and fetch Hange.”

“Sure,” Eren says. But instead of leaving he lingers. “I had fun tonight.”

“Me too,” Levi admits. And he means it. He thanks every God there is that he listened to Hange tonight. “I’ll text you, alright?”

“Yes,” the brunette says. “I can’t wait.”

And there is this smile again that takes Levi’s breath away. Before he can stop himself, he stands on his toes and kisses Eren on the cheek, relishes the quickly heating skin beneath his lips. “See you, brat.”

Then he is gone, the image of a heavily blushing Eren holding his cheek and smiling as if Levi had just gifted him the moon burned into his mind. This really was a good night indeed.

To be continued? -