#garyxmiranda

Gary couldn't believe how much he missed her. It was only supposed to be a night away, their first since Paris. He went to see his family, couldn't get out of it, but then there was the storm, and his flight was canceled. Breaking the news to Miranda broke his heart. He just wanted to be home, as he now thought of Miranda's flat. She was fine, Stevie had spent the previous night after a long overdue girls night, and was thrilled to extend their girl time, so he didn't feel too guilty.

He was still at his brothers house, watching the snow fall through the window, when his sister-in-law interrupted his reverie.

“So what's the plan? You staying tonight?”

“There's no other option is there? I've got a flight booked for tomorrow, if they're running again.”

“If you like, you can borrow the Land Rover. You worked in that ski resort right? It's not snowing too hard, they just get so nervous at the airlines.”

“Really, no, I couldn't, could I?” Gary checked the window again. The snow was just flurries compared to the winter he spent in Finland.

“Of course! You've been talking about Miranda so much I can't take it. The lorry never gets used, so bring it back next month, and bring Miranda with you.”

Gary quickly packed his bag, thanked his brother, hugged his sister-in-law, and headed out the door.

Once he was on the road, he realized he hadn't talked to Miranda yet. She wasn't expecting him until tomorrow. Wouldn't it be so romantic to surprise her? He figured the snow would slow him down, and she'd probably be asleep by the time he got there, and decided to make her breakfast in bed.

***

He drove through the dark night, the large truck handling the snow perfectly. He thought about the long road that had brought him here. Meeting Miranda at university, she made him laugh right away. He loved her spirit, and her ability to laugh at herself. They only shared a couple classes, but when they were together they sat in the back of the class, giggling at the teacher, passing notes...

He remembered a study session in the library that got them kicked out for their laughter. He wondered what would've happened if he'd asked Miranda out then. She was painfully shy back then, and prone to running out the door whenever anything too embarrassing happened. No, looking back, Gary knew that even if he was ready to be with her then, she certainly wasn't ready to be with him. He sighed at the lost opportunities there.

Leaving uni was easy for Gary, he couldn't wait to start his life, ready to conquer the world, traveling across Europe before heading to Malaysia. He remembered a trip home in his 20s. He was back for a few months to gather funds before heading to Borneo, when he and and a bunch of mates went clubbing. Miranda and Stevie were there, and Miranda's trousers fell. He went to get her a drink but she wouldn't look at him the rest of the night. He didn't see her again before he left, but then, he wasn't ready to look then. He was lost before he went to Malaysia. He was so glad he met his mentor there, and he found his passion for cooking.

By the time he left, Borneo had lost its appeal. He went out clubbing every night, but never met anyone who really made him laugh. The kitchen he worked in was in a nice hotel, but he was terrified of traveling too far off the beaten path. When Clive called about the job in Surrey, he was ready to return to the comforts of home and a well stocked pantry.

He'd been working for less than a week when she came in the first time. She was just the same as he remembered her, a little awkward, but always smiling, always seeming to have the best day of her life. He was intimidated by her, by her overwhelming enthusiasm, and felt a little shy himself. He grew close to his odd friend then, and often wondered what it would be like to be with her, but she would get so skittish whenever he came close to kissing her. Oh that was such torture! So frustrating to watch her put herself down all the time. He sighed as he thought of when he was leaving.

He wavered so much at that decision. He honestly just wanted someone to make it for him. When Miranda told him to go, he finally felt free to leave. It wasn't so much that she was keeping him from going as he couldn't leave without her blessing. He thought about what would've happened if he had pressed then. No, he wasn't ready then. He was excited, then, about Hong Kong and wasn't quite ready to be done with all the traveling in his life.

The thought of Hong Kong still sent spurts of hot guilt through his veins. While he was there, Tamara was kind and funny, and he was trying to forget what he had left behind. Who. They fizzled quickly but couldn't find a good reason to deny her request for the greencard wedding. What an idiot, he chastised himself. And keeping it from Miranda, he should've known that it would never work.

He was so proud of the changes Miranda had made in herself. She didn't run away every time Gary turned on the charm, and they were so close, so close... But no matter how much they may have wanted it to be, it still wasn't right.

At the time it hurt that Miranda called a halt to their plans. Sleeping together then might've been fun, hell, would've been, but the Miranda he knew then and the Miranda he knew now...

He had to admit that even though he hated it when Miranda was seeing Mike, their relationship was necessary for bringing Miranda home to Gary. Every day Miranda became more confident and comfortable with Mike, and Gary began to berate himself for not snatching up before.

He was glad for his best friend, but as she spent more time with Mike, Gary started seeing Rose to distract himself from the happiness he could see in Miranda. It took seeing Mike tell Miranda that he loved her for him to finally admit to himself that he was desperately in love with his best friend. It burned him up seeing her with Mike, but Miranda was so happy. Splitting up with Rose barely put a hitch in his stride. If Rose couldn't see how special Miranda was, he wasn't sure how well he could relate to her on everything else. But oh, even with a boyfriend, Miranda did not like that Gary was seeing her. He could admit it now, the time with Rose was all to make Miranda jealous.

Pulling into the Petrol station to refill the Land Rover, Gary bought himself a large cappuccino before starting on the last leg of his journey.

The night after the dinner party, Gary had gone home alone and shared his feelings with a bottle of scotch. He decided then that he would wait out the Mike and Miranda situation. He kept telling himself that if she was happy, he was happy. Whenever a doubt would push its way in, if she's happy, I'm happy. When she would tell him about her dates, if she's happy I'm happy. He somehow managed to convince himself that she was as sublimely happy as she said she was, and tried to get back up on the proverbial horse. He took that ballroom dance class and met Jacinta, who bored him to tears on their second date.

Then that most horrid day. All day he was so angry with Miranda. He'd given up hoping on their future, but still relied on her as his best friend. He was so stressed he was jumping at every sound. All he wanted was a break! Then Miranda, his crazy, beautiful, unpredictable love, was shouting everything he had been waiting years to hear. His ears started ringing and he froze into place as his heart exploded. Pole-axed, he knew he was blowing it, he pulled every fiber of his being back into place to find her kissing Gary Barlow! He left the restaurant then for a walk to gather his thoughts, and when he was back, she was gone.

Every day of his life he will be sorry for letting Miranda down then, but the time still wasn't quite right.