#ganglefictive

I'm scared of Andrew, I really am, I was in source, I was in my canon, and I still am. If anything more so after finding out what he was really like and the kind of person he was. I feel bad for his screwed up childhood and how he never got a chance to even be a kid, how he was treated and what not, just how bad he and Ashley had it growing up, but he still scares me. Yet I miss him and I don't know why because I don't want to miss this man. He wasn't a good person. But I miss him. Part of me wants to see him again but the more reasonable part of me really doesn't. I did love Andrew even if he never loved me, but I was also scared of him. He makes me very uncomfortable and freaked out but I miss him regardless even though I don't want to see him again. He's like a worse version of Jax, but at least Jax was upfront about his intentions and how much he hated me. I hate both of them. At least I wasn't romantically involved with Jax but he scared me just like Andrew did, but I knew I was scared of Jax, I didn't know I was scared of Andrew until later. What's up with me and toxic men? 😞

it misses you so much, dear zooble. it hopes you miss it too, it really hopes. the thought of you might keep it alive. it misses you very, very dearly. we promised to be together even after we left the circus, so where are you..

I remember that back in the circus, it was considered "dangerous" (in a silly way) to mention being bored anywhere within earshot of Caine, because he'd always have something for you to do, whether you liked it or not