#gaming fandom

When Higgs had returned from the Beach, he’d been changed. When he'd reunited with you, he’d warned you before revealing himself, giving you the opportunity to decide if you wanted to face the reality of what he’d become, or keep your memory of him intact. As much as it would break his heart, he didn’t want to scare you. He’d never hurt you. 

You chose to see him, your love for him being reignited into an inferno upon discovering he still lived. You’d lost him once, mourned him, but he’d found a way to return to you. 

His mechanical form wasn’t the same, it was cold and sharp where he was once soft and warm. But it was an adequate stand in, a proxy of the man you love, able to spend time with you in the waking world. 

And in your non-waking world? Higgs had started to summon you to the Beach each and every night. 

You loved the time you were able to spend with him — so much so, that your perception of life had flipped. You felt truly awake, alive and fulfilled while you were with him on the Beach, spending time with him on your dreams. Your real life had started to feel stale and lonely, spending your time counting the minutes until you finally slumber and be with him again. You’d once said you wanted to stay longer, but Higgs had replied with concern, not wanting to keep you from living the “real” life that you deserved to have. 

Each night was the same, passionate love making followed by the eventual angst triggered by you having to leave. You knew it took its toll on him, having to see you leave and await your return, yet he persisted, still summoning you every night like clockwork. 

On occasion, Higgs’ would come to you in the real world too. He didn’t often spend the night, but last night, he did, wrapping his metal frame around you, constantly checking in to make sure he wasn’t hurting you. 

You’d fallen asleep in his arms, warm and secure, listening to the low rumble of whatever made up his internal workings. You knew he didn’t need to sleep, not in the traditional sense, but you appreciated this gesture, allowing you to fall asleep in the arms of the man you love. 

And now, on the Beach, you sat on that man’s lap, fingers delicately caressing his long dark blonde hair, his eyes shut tight as relished in your gentle touch. Higgs moaned lightly as you moved a hand to caress his face, leaning into your caress. Your fingers trailed over his cheek, fingertips brushing his rough stubble, before finally brushing over his lips. He smirked as he parted them, inviting you in, which is exactly what you did, popping two fingers inside his mouth and pushing them onto his tongue. He moaned as he licked your fingers, tongue tasting every inch as his shifted his hips beneath you. 

You smirked at what you felt, your gaze intentioned to be deliciously mocking, and the way Higgs’ breath hitched let you know you’d succeeded. You slowly withdrew your fingers with a wet ‘pop’. 

“So soon? Little bit needy are we?” 

Higgs chuckled, intentionally grinding his hips up into yours, allowing you to fully feel the extent of his arousal. It had only increased with the sound of your voice mocking him so sweetly. 

“Always baby. Can’t get enough of ya. Wanna be constantly inside ya.” 

Higgs leant forward and met his lips to yours, his tongue slipping in and immediately searching deep. As you kissed him back, you tried to remember how many times you’d made love this time, this night that you’d spent with him. You intending to use it against Higgs as some kind of playful, mocking attack, calling him desperate and needy, possibly making him beg for it this time. Higgs moaned into your mouth as you came to the realisation that the number was higher than usual, a fact that made you realise something else. 

You broke the kiss, pulling away with a string of saliva. 

“Wait — how long have we been here?”  

Time passed differently on the Beach, of that you were painful aware. It was almost impossible to tell how fast time was passing, especially while lost in the eyes and body of your lover. But it dawned on you that this night had felt much, much longer than usual. 

“Whaddaya mean?” 

Higgs responded nonchalantly as he buried his head in the crook of your neck, beginning to kiss and nibble your shoulder, each graze of his teeth followed by a soothing lick.

“Just realised it feels longer. Shouldn’t I have woken up by now?”

Higgs shrugged as he continued to devour your neck, kisses soft and teeth sharp, hands gripping your thighs just above your knees. He was rocking his hips up against you, his erection firm and rubbing on the sweet spot that made you shudder. 

“Hmm, dunno. Maybe you’re just sleeping in this morning.” 

Higgs answered with a confidence that didn’t, but maybe should have, concerned you, his voice laced with some kind of emotion that you couldn’t quite place. But you were too focused on the more important matter at hand — the fingers that were teasingly walking their way up your thighs. You were overcome with a wave of pleasure and warmth as his fingers reached your panties, brushing over the damp patch that had slowly begun to form. 

As you gripped Higgs’ jaw to pull him into a kiss, you were distracted by a strange noise. 

There was a strange hum, a low grumble, a never before heard sound that contrasted with the constant crash of waves and breeze, the only sounds the Beach had to offer. In the search for the noise, a red glowing light caught your eye, your attention being drawn to the distant expanse of APAS servers. Their usual faint pulses of red had been replaced with faster, sharper flashes of bright red light. A fault? 

“Something wrong with the servers?”

With your head still turned, Higgs attempted to bring your attention back to him, pulling you close and nuzzling his face against your neck as he spoke reassuringly.  

“Don’t worry ‘bout that darlin’, happens occasionally, sometimes they shut off for a bit. It’s all good though, doesn’t mean —“

Darkness. 

In an instant, you felt the familiar yet uncomfortable, yearning tug of being pulled from the Beach. You felt the firm tug, like ropes dragging you through thick tar, resistant and heavy, your vision swimming and head spinning in complete darkness. 

Then suddenly, as your eyes darted open, you were back in the real world. And you quickly realised you didn’t recognise where you were. 

When you’d initially fallen asleep, you’d been in your bed, Higgs’ large mechanical frame embracing you as you slipped into slumber. But now, you where somewhere all together different. 

Your vision was flashing red — no, not your vision — the room. The room flashed red like an alarm, but no sound could be heard except the faint hum of machines. 

As the initial shock of waking passed, you quickly realised that you couldn’t breath properly. There something creating pressure in your throat, making it feel tight and full. Your fingers scrambled to your face, feeling an oxygen plug over your nose and some sort of tube resting on your lips. You gripped the tube firmly and gave it a tug, and to your horror, you felt it move — deep down in your chest. You choked and gagged as you continued to extract it, your gag reflex assisting in helping you expel the terrifyingly long tube that seemingly had no end. But eventually, you got it out, tossing its slimy length onto the bed beside you as you coughed and spluttered, your chest aching in its absence. 

As you brought your hand up to wipe the tears from your eyes, you realised there was  an IV needle secured to the back of your hand. You knew it was ill-advised, but in your panic, you unrooted the needle, watching as it began to squirt clear liquid all over the bed beside you. Your eyes trailed along the IV line, back to where it was connected up high, IV bag half-full of clear liquid. 

Now seemingly disconnected from the various suspicious tubes and needles, you took in your surroundings a bit more. The red flashing light was coming from a monitor, one of several medical monitors that were seemingly busy keeping track of your vital signs. One was flashing a warning. 

APAS - STATUS: disconnected

Attempting reconnection … standby …

APAS. Higgs?

You swung your legs off the side of the bed, but as your feet hit the floor, you realised that they were going to be unable to support you. Your whole body ached, every muscle, every joint. Neck, arms, abdomen, legs, even your groin — everything was sore. You rolled your shoulders as you teased putting weight on your feet, trying to determine how much weight they could carry before giving way. 

But before you could properly stand, you heard the distinct, familiar sound of a chiral jump. While this sound usually brought you comfort, alerting you to Higgs’ incoming presence — right now, you weren’t quite sure how you felt about it. 

Your neck twinged uncomfortably as you turned to see that Higgs had indeed chiral jumped into the room, panting desperately like he’d been chased. His large mechanical frame advanced towards you, and for some reason, you felt slightly afraid. You’d never felt that way in his presence before, but this bizarre and terrifying situation you currently found yourself in was making you suspect he’d done something untoward. 

“Higgs?” You coughed as your throat tensed, straining as it recovered from the presence of the tube, your words coming out gravely and hoarse. “What the fuck is this? Where —“

“Don’t worry darlin’, it’s all okay.” Higgs had beelined to the red flashing monitor and was typing in some sort of code. He was moving frantically, his movements rushed yet precise. He looked deeply upset, various emotions flashing across his pale white face. 

“What’s happening?” 

“I uh — I can explain — back on the Beach.” Higgs sighed, sounding relieved as the red flashes abruptly turned solid green. 

“No, explain now. The fuck is happening?” 

“I can’t explain right now baby girl.” Higgs rummaged through a nearby drawer before moving to sit on the bed by your side. It groaned and sunk slightly under his weight. “Come on, lie back down for me.” 

“No, not ’til you explain.” You tried to move away but remembered that your legs were too weak, your muscles still ached terribly. 

Higgs’ expression changed to one of a smile, an incredibly eerie smile considering the situation. He still looked undeniably distressed, but you could see he we was attempting to calm down both the situation and you. 

“Please don’t make this difficult sweetheart.” 

“Difficult? I just want an explanation. Why was I connected to a drip? And this tube? What’s —“

Your words were reduced to a mumble as Higgs thrust a hand over your mouth, the silicone pads of his metal fingers muffling your words. You heard him mumble some words that were clearly intended to be a comfort before you felt a sharp sting in your neck, followed by the sensation of something flowing through your veins. You writhed in panic but you didn’t get far, face held firm by a heavy hand and body already succumbing to the effects of whatever Higgs had just injected you with. 

His voice was hot against your ear, the contrast between his soothing words and his actions causing your mind to race with a sense of panic. Well, not for long, as your vision started to blur and blacken at the edges. 

“Sorry sweetheart. It’ll be okay, I’ve got ya now. See ya soon.” 

Your vision slowly faded to black.

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆

When you awoke, you were looking at a dark clouded sky. You jolted upright, your waking body’s confusion and distress coursing through you here as well. As you sat up, your hands pressed firmly into sand. Shit, you were back on the Beach. You scrambled to your feet, and were surprised to find out that you were actually able to, your body no longer aching. You felt strong, a stark contrast to how you’d just felt upon waking connected to those machines. 

Before you could see him, Higgs announced his presence. 

“Would’ve been easier if ya cooperated darlin’. Didn’t wanna have to do that so abruptly.” 

You turned to see him sitting a few meters away, atop a large boulder, legs casually dangling from the side. When you’d been abruptly pulled from the Beach, he’d been in his boxer briefs, but he was now partially dressed once more, dressed the way he always was on the Beach, cargo jumpsuit adorning his lower half, its sleeves tied around his waist.

Your stomach churned uncomfortably upon seeing him. His presence usually filled you with warmth and love, but that feeling had now soured somewhat. You knew the things he was capable of, but he’d never hurt you. Maybe there was logical explanation to this. Before you could question him, Higgs gave you an answer, but not the one you were really looking for. 

“I would’ve rather let ya fall back asleep in my arms, warm an’ cozy, safe an’ —“

“No, stop. Stop — I —“ You began pacing on the spot, mind a jumble of thoughts and concerns, all overwhelming and jostling for position. “What was that? What did you do to me?” 

“I — I didn’t wanna hurt ya sweetheart. If you’d just lay down we could’a —“ 

“No that’s not — not that. What was that Higgs? Why was I like that? What did I just wake up to?” 

Higgs looked visibly distressed, a large shaky inhale, his hands fidgeting in his lap, fingers picking at his own skin. He averted his gaze, his head shaking to himself as if he was trying to shake loose an answer, a way to explain. He didn’t find one. 

“I didn’t mean for ya to find out like this sweetheart. Those goddamn servers —“ 

“What did you do?” Your question repeated, more demanding this time. You could tell he was trying to avoid answering and you weren’t going to let that happen. You knew his answer was going to cause you distress, but the uncertainty was becoming unbearable, your mind wandering and imagining possibilities that were potentially more distressing. You needed to know. 

“Darlin’ please — I —“ Higgs cut himself off, like his body wasn’t willing to say the words he needed to say in order to explain. He was trembling, his level of distress rising. 

“What. Did. You. Do?” You emphasised each word with a demanding intent. Your heart was racing, you needed answers. 

“I — just wanted ya here, with me.” 

His answer caught you off-guard slightly. A reason, not an answer that explained what you’d just witnessed. 

“W-what do you mean?”

“I had to — fuck —“ Higgs threw his head back in frustration, at himself more than anything. He hadn’t wanted you to find out. And if you had, he’d hoped you wouldn’t mind. He’d hoped you’d be grateful that he did this, so you could spend your lives together. But now he had to admit the truth, and he knew it would hurt you both. 

“I — I had to find a way to keep ya here with me for longer, not just — overnight.”

Another reason, not the answer, your mind filling in the blanks and trying to connect his reason to what you’d just seen. The connection formed, and you felt the world spin around you. 

“D-did you drug me?” 

Higgs jumped down from the boulder, bare feet starting to cross the sand towards you. But you didn’t want that, not now, he was going to try and use physical affection to subdue you. To lessen the incoming blow. He’d done it in the past, his gentle touch soothing the burn of many an argument. You thrust your hand out towards him, stopping him in his tracks. 

“No — don’t, just — tell me.” 

“The machines they — they were — keepin’ ya asleep. Ya woke cause they failed briefly.” Higgs looked pained, as if the words of truth were wounding him on their way out. 

“W-what?” You couldn’t comprehend what he’d just said. You’d seen it with your own eyes, and had made an assumption, but hearing that assumption confirmed from the mouth of the man you loved, who supposedly loved you — nothing could prepare you for that. 

Higgs shook his head in frustration, hands clenching and unclenching as he began to pace on the spot. His breath was coming faster now, distress beginning to overwhelm him. He spoke desperately. 

“Sweetheart please. Ya gotta understand. Havin’ ya visit in your sleep is amazin’, but then — then ya wake up an’ go away. For you, it’s just a day ’til ya see me again. But for me?”

He took a step towards you once more, arm outreached as if he meant to grab you, to provide comfort to you both with his touch — but you backed away, causing him to take a step back in response. He looked hurt, his eyes darting to the ground as if you’d just broken his heart. In fact, it was already broken. 

“Darlin’ it’s 12 hours away for you, but it’s — it’s years for me. Fuckin’ years. Years ’til I get to be with ya again in your dreams.” 

“Oh my god. Fucking hell Higgs!” Your voice carried across the sand, seemingly echoing back as the waves crashed harder as if in response to your scream. 

“Darlin’ please, I —“ Higgs attempted to approach you again, waves crashing against his feet as he moved. He was stopped by your outstretched hand once more, and by the fury in your voice. 

“Don’t come near me. Fuck!” 

Higgs’ tall lanky frame somehow shrunk three sizes as he halted his movement, remaining still, head hanging low. He wasn’t sure how he felt. Guilty, yes, but also righteous, confident that he’d done the right thing. You just didn’t realise what a good thing it was yet. Right? Even so, he couldn’t help feeling tremendously remorseful. He wanted to hold you, wanted you to hold him, comfort him and tell him it was okay. But he knew that wasn’t likely to happen. 

You continued to pace, hands flailing by your sides, fingers curling and uncurling, mind a jumble of emotions. You had so many questions that needed answering.

“So what — y-you drugged me, to keep me asleep? So I could stay here with you?” 

“I’m takin’ real good care of ya, I swear. But — y-yeah, I did. Am. I am — druggin’ ya.” 

“The tubes? The IV?” 

“Food, hydration. Monitors make sure your doin’ okay. I check on ya. I even massage your muscles so they don’t get too weak. Spend a lot of time holdin’ ya too, well — the mech does.” 

The pleasant smile that crossed Higgs’ face made your heart sink. He truly thought he was doing the right thing, like you’d be relieved that he was taking care of your body back in the real world — but it made you feel sick. 

“Oh my god.” You dragged your fingers over your face, feeling a migraine staring to pulse its way into existence. Your frustration only increased as Higgs’ kept talking, attempting to talk his way out of trouble. 

“I didn’t want ya to know but — if ya found out I — I thought ya might be happy. Are ya mad at me?” 

You’d never turned so quickly in your life, and the pure and innocent look that you saw on his face made you want to be violent ill. That was a question he’d genuinely asked. Really? You began to tremble in anger, your voice loud and booming, accusing and intended to be harsh. 

“Mad? Seriously? You’re asking if I’m mad?” 

Higgs stepped towards you again, his hands out in front of him as if he was proving he was unarmed. Innocent. Not a threat. 

“Yeah. I just — I love ya so fuckin’ much I —“

“Higgs, you’re drugging me to keep me here. You’re holding me hostage!”

“No — no, don’t say that. Y-you want to be here with me, right?” 

“I do, but not against my will. I can’t believe you did this.” 

You turned to pace again, steps taking you further away from him, temped to take you far away from him. You wanted nothing more than to be rid of him right now, you’d never felt so betrayed in your life, and you’d been through hell and back your entire life. But you turned back, you tone firm and accusatory, hands gesturing as you spoke harshly. 

“Not that it matters, cause I’ll be awake soon, but you’re not taking good enough care of me up there. I felt so fucking weak when I woke up, I couldn’t fucking stand.” 

“I know. But I mean, that’s expected under anaesthesia right? I —“ 

Higgs continued to speak, but you stopped hearing as you remembered the way your body had felt upon waking. You’d ached all over, and while most of the soreness made sense, aligning with the fact you’d been immobile for a week, one part didn’t make sense. Immobility and anaesthesia wouldn’t causediscomfort there. Recent use would though. 

“I was so sore —“ Your words came out at the same time as your thoughts, staggered and attempting to paint a picture. Your hand ghosted lower as you spoke, non-verbally indicating the area you were referring to. “— when I woke up. My — fuck, Higgs d-did you —“ 

You couldn’t even put it into words, the thought too horrific. But it turns out you didn’t need to. The shame-filled expression that crossed Higgs’ face as he immediately averted his gaze, told you the answer. You felt bile rise in your throat. 

“Oh my god you did.” 

Higgs immediately sprung to his defence, his voice and movements erratic and desperate. A desperate plea, an attempt to explain to avoid further hurt. 

“Darlin’ please, I — I couldn’t help it, ya kept mumblin’ my name in your sleep. An’ ya body was so responsive up there while we were — makin’ love down here.” 

Higgs looked as if he was prepared to list more reasons, more perverted excuses, but you stopped him there. Nothing would make that better. 

“You’re — oh fuck, I can’t believe this Higgs. This is sick.” 

“I — I know I — I couldn’t help it, ya were touchin’ me here, an’ I couldn’t help but —“ 

“How do you even control both you and the mech at the same — actually no, I don’t fucking care. God you’re sick. You’re a sick fuck Higgs.”

Shame burning red in his cheeks, Higgs was clearly determined to explain himself, his excuses coming short and fast. You only heard them partially, your eyes clamped shut as you held your head in your hands, fingers dragging over your face as you paced in small, erratic circles. Each word out of Higgs’ mouth was a pathetic excuse, the words of a man floundering to excuse a violation. His words mumbled through your ears like you were underwater.

“We’ve done it like that before —“

“We’d both consented —“

“You loved it in the past when —“

“You were so wet —“

“Ya got no idea how much I miss ya —“

You snapped, turning on the stop to face him, voice loud, tone harsh as you screamed across the waves. 

“Enough! Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” 

He did, but his eyes pleaded with you instead. You shuddered, averting your gaze, the mere sight of him making you want to throw up. You didn’t really need to know the answer to the question lingering on your mind, but it slipped out anyway. Not that the answer really made much difference. 

“How many times did you r —“ 

You were interrupted immediately by an instantaneous outburst of defence in the form of an attack. His words came with an accusatory point of his finger, but a contradictory tone like he was actually trying to convince himself that his words were true. 

“No, no. No! No — you’d consented. Consented. We’d done it before, both of us. No, no come on now, don’t turn it into that. Don’t fuckin’ say it was — no. You’d consented!” 

Higgs’ heckles were clearly up, his voice fast and defensive, almost accusatory, like you had no right to accuse him of doing something he clearly did. Something that his mind had interpreted entirely differently. 

“Yeah when we were both alive! Not when you’d pumped me full of anaesthetic. Fuck. You’re so fucking disgusting Higgs.” 

You turned your back on him, not willing to look at him any longer, the thought of what he did was rattling around in your mind. Somehow thought, it wasn’t worse than the fact that he’d trapped you here in the first place. In comparison, it was almost excusable. The fact that he thought that it was okay to keep you drugged, deep in sleep and trapped here with him? That was worse, much much worse. 

You flinched as you felt him behind you, his breath on your neck as your muscles tensed, back stretched tall. He reached up to touch your shoulders, fingers kneading your skin gently, cautiously, like he was worried he’d lose them if he made wrong move. Where his touch once filled you with feelings of warmth and love, adoration tingling under your skin, you now felt disgust. Each touch felt like a wound, and his breath as he leant down close to speak against the back of your head felt toxic. 

“Darlin’ please. I get you’re mad but — I did it outta love, ain’t ever wanna hurt ya. You know that! An’ I always made sure ya came. Sweetheart please.” 

Words and excuses to validate his actions, like they made it better, like they justified it. As he leant down to nuzzle the side of his head against yours, you shuddered, his hands wandering down and settling on the rises of your hips. You tensed as he leant into you, a feeling you once cherished now making you want to vomit. 

You’d had enough. 

“Wake me up.” 

“Darlin’ please I — that’s not why I wanted ya here. I wanted you here on the Beach with me, not so that —“ Higgs trailed off, sighing deeply. “It won’t happen again. I never wanted to hurt ya. I just wanted ya to be happy, here with me. Ya got no idea how much I missed when ya weren’t here. I need ya so bad darlin’, just your presence alone. I — I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.”

“How were you planning on telling me? Were ya gonna wait ’til I’d been trapped here for a year? “Oh darlin’ by the way, happy anniversary, one year ago I drugged you so I could keep you here with me!” Something like that?”

Silence fell like a tonne of bricks, shattering your mind and revealing a terrible realisation. 

“You weren’t going to tell me were you?” 

The shattering silence was joined by Higgs letting his forehead thud onto your shoulder. An unwanted gesture, one filled with defeat. One that confirmed the answer. 

“Fuck! So you what, just hoped I would never notice? What the fuck Higgs?” You stepped away from him as you turned, feet shuffling backwards through the sand, increasing the distance between you. 

Higgs began to tremble, distraught and panicking, his posture small and fragile, his composure shattering. 

“I just — it’s hell here without ya darlin’, I miss ya too goddamn much when you’re gone. Ya got no idea what it’s like having’ ya leave, then wait years for ya to come back. Fuckin’ years! It ain’t no time for you but —“

The rest of Higgs’ words were slapped from his mouth, your palm stinging his cheek as you’d closed the distance between you in an instant. He’d seen you coming, but he let it happen. 

“Selfish! You’re a selfish prick Higgs. As much as it makes me want to vomit, the assault doesn’t even come into it anymore. All that matters right now is the fact that you thought it was okay to keep me drugged so that I had to stay here with you! Selfish asshole!”

A forceful poke to Higgs’ chest accented each word, accusing and sharp. Higgs’ breath began to stutter as tears begun to well in his eyes. They’d been there for a while, but they were now threatening to fall. He wrapped both hands around the hand that was still pointed at his chest, and guided it up towards his face. 

“Not selfish baby, I — I didn’t want you to be alone either. I did it cause I love ya sweetheart.” 

Higgs’ lips trembled as he placed a kiss to the back of your hand, an attempt at gentle resolution. Too little, too late. The feeling of his lips made you feel sick as you sharply withdrew your hand away from him. You paced back away from him, feet creating small circles in the sand as you moved erratically, your body representing the jumble of thoughts and emotions that were swarming your mind. 

“No. Fuck off. This isn’t love Higgs.” You shook your head in disbelief.

“What is it then? If it’s not love that makes me wanna be with ya forever, then what is it?”

“It’s a fucking hostage situation.” 

Higgs' resolve shattered in an instant. Whatever shred of conviction he had in his decision to do this to you, had been shattered into a million pieces. The pieces still existed, ready to be repaired, but they now lay fine and unformed at his feet. And as he took a step towards you, they cut into his soles, each step cutting drawing blood. 

“No — no I — it ain’t —“ 

Higgs’ struggled to maintain his composure as he stuttered through his words, barely getting them out. His mind had shut down, your words conflicting with his intentions. He loved you so much, he just wanted to be with you. But for some reason you didn’t see it that way. Was he wrong? 

“It is a hostage situation Higgs!”

Higgs shrunk, small under your words, under your betrayed gaze, head shaking as you took steps towards him. When you placed your hands flat on his chest, intent on pushing him hard, he let you. You pushed against Higgs’ chest firmly, fingers tingling where they met his chiralium tattoos. He stumbled back, feet shuffling in the sand. He held your gaze, tears running, accented with black as they slowly trailed down his cheeks. 

“It’s deceit Higgs. Selfish. A fucking lie. Not love.” You pushed again, each time forcing him back, hard, causing him to stagger backwards. But he let you do it, his body frozen in panic and despair as he tried to reconcile his emotions, find words to help his case. But they didn’t come out right. 

“No, please stop — it ain’t —“ He didn’t have the right words to quell the fury and betrayal he could see in your eyes. It was breaking him apart. 

“You’re fucking disgusting Higgs.”

Another push. Another look that made Higgs feel small and weak. 

“Please don’t say that — don’t look at me like that —“ 

Higgs felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest, his body so riddled with distress that he could see his pulse throbbing in his vision. 

“I can’t fucking stand being here with you right now.” 

A spit, and another push. Another look that Higgs no longer felt brave enough to face. 

Higgs’ eyes shut tight as his chest began to heave unevenly. He took a large ragged breath, an attempt to contain his emotions — one that ultimately failed. When he reopened his eyes, they were drowning in tears. He began to sob, choking on tears, a small wail slipping from his throat. 

“No no. No Higgs, fuck you, you don’t get to cry, you’re not the one that’s been hurt here.” 

A loud ‘slap’ reverberated across the waves as your hand met Higgs’ face once more, the sight of his crocodile tears causing a conflicting feeling in your heart. But the part of you that once desired to nurture him had been destroyed by his own hand. Betrayed. Angry. Disgusted. And it reflected in your gaze. 

“Stop lookin’ at me like that —“ Higgs was sobbing loudly now, rhythmically whimpering as his chest heaved, his eyes pleading and wet. Completely broken. 

“You’re a pathetic piece of shit Higgs. Disgusting.” 

Another push. 

The back of Higgs’ legs met the boulder he’d been sat on before. He couldn’t be pushed any more, so he prepared himself for whatever justified punishment you would give him next. Whatever it was, he’s sure he deserved it. 

“No darlin’ please — I just wanted to be with you — please I —“ 

“And you assumed I want to spend every moment of my life here with you?” 

Even though he stood a head taller than you, he felt small under your wrathful gaze. He hatred the way you were looking at him, and your question hit him hard. 

“Y-you don’t?”

You sighed in frustration as you turned away, body scalding hot, burning with betrayal as you moved away from him. The look in his eyes made it seem like it was you who had just hurt him, had betrayed him by suggesting you didn’t want to be with him. You didn’t give him the satisfaction of an answer, you left him hanging. 

“I can’t believe you’d do this. Actually — maybe I can.” 

Your words were intended to hurt, and they did. The tears continued to fall, his black kohl smearing down his cheeks as he began to approach you. 

“Please baby, I’m — I’m —“

“You’re sorry?” 

The immediate look of defeat on Higgs’ face answered your question before his words did. He looked conflicted, his averted gaze confirming what you suspected. But knowing the answer didn’t stop it from hurting when his lips confirmed the truth. 

“N-no — no darlin’, I ain’t sorry. I still want ya here.” 

A truthful confession given to the sand at his feet, his eyes focused there, avoiding yours. 

You laughed, not a laugh of joy, but one of complete mania, complete disbelief at the man standing before you, the one you who supposedly loves you, the one who betrayed you, the one who isn’t fucking sorry. 

“Of course you’re not fucking sorry! Dunno what I expected your answer to be. Higgs Monaghan, only ever cares about himself! Fuck what everyone else thinks!” 

Higgs’ body shook as he continued to cry, his gaze slowly rising to meet yours, his face now a complete mess of tears and kohl. He sniffled as he let out a choked-off cry. 

You stared daggers at him as you made your request once more. 

“Wake me up.”

Higgs shook his head violently, his hands reaching up in front of him like some sort of defence. “No — baby please.”

“Wake me up!” 

Higgs threw himself at your feet, knees displacing sand as he knelt before you, hands desperately reaching up, fingers grasping at the fabric of your pants. His knuckles whitened as he clenched his fists into the fabric, his eyes pleading with you, big and wet, desperate and filled with a sorrow that made you feel sick. 

“Please — I don’t want ya to go. Ya can’t go.”

“Get the fuck off of me!” You tried to push him off, kicking your legs forward in an attempt to displace him, but he didn’t budge. Your movements only caused him to hold on tighter, terrified of letting you slip away. 

His voice was desperate, begging. No control, all emotion. Desperation driven by fear — the fear of being alone. 

“No baby please. I — I can make it up to ya. Please let me make it up to ya.” His voice cracked as he spoke, breaths being emitted with a sob, face red and wet, lungs barely breathing. 

“No. Fuck off!”

You tried to kick Higgs away from you once more, and to your surprise, he let you. He fell backwards, ass thudding back into the sand as he stared up at you, blue eyes wide and steaming tears. He moved to crawl towards you, but you stepped back, increasing the distance between you and the man who was now mumbling pleas as he crawled across the sand towards you.

“Wake. Me. Up. Now Higgs.”

“Don’t — don’t I make ya feel good? Loved? Who else out there can do that? I love ya so fuckin’ much.” His voice was broken, his chest heaving as he began to wail, hand clutching his chest like he was nursing a broken heart. 

“You’re a pathetic asshole Higgs. I don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t stand looking at you, you make me fucking sick. Wake me up!” 

In a flash of chiral energy, Higgs jumped, and before you could react, your back was on the sand, Higgs kneeling atop you. His knees were planted either side of your thighs as he rested on his forearms, low against your body but not touching. Tears streamed down his face as he pressed his forehead against yours, his breath hot, his face wet, his body imposing. You tried to push him off but there was no room to move — all you managed to do was stir up sand. He’d caged you in. 

“Ya got no idea how lonely it is here, without you.” He was convulsing, his sobs now coming heavy and deep.

“Higgs — get off.” 

You writhed beneath him, attempting to find some sort of weakness in his embrace. You wrapped your fingers firmly around wherever you could reach, grasping his upper arms and attempting to push him away — but it was no use. He let you struggle for a few moments, before his image flickered above you. Higgs chiral jumped but returned exactly where he had been. Faint particles of chiralium twinkled around you as you realised he’d jumped to restrain your arms, your wrists now held firm, elbows bent, hands either side of your head. 

“Every time ya leave — baby I — I wanna die.” Higgs resumed his sobbing pleas against your face as if nothing had happened, his breath coming so fast and shallow that the heat was causing your skin to dampen. 

“That’s not my problem.” You writhed once more, grunting in frustration. Usually you’re heart would ache hearing him talk like that, but right now, while still slightly there, that ache was mostly overcome with the stabbing feeling of betrayal. 

“It is your problem if I let ya go an’ when ya come back, I’m just a pile of bones.” 

Higgs sniffled, his words still coming out as desperate, pleading you to stay, but they were also laced with a dark sweetness. He knew how much you cared about him, his smooth talking clearly an attempt to convince you to stay by playing on your guilt. 

It didn’t work, you felt nothing but betrayal. You didn’t give him the pleasure of a response that even slightly acknowledged what he’d just suggested.

“You can’t fucking keep me here.”

He doubled down, his sobs temporarily subsiding as he laced his words with a smooth richness, his southern-drawl low and seductive. He’d try anything to get you to stay. 

“Don’t I make ya feel good? I love ya so much baby, I could give — I do, give ya everything. Please baby, we could be so happy together.” 

“No — for fuck’s sake Higgs, let me go.”

“Don’t I make ya heart flutter? Think of all the good times we —“ 

“Shut up! Get off of me! Wake me up!” 

After a brief pause, you felt Higgs’ chest convulse, his mask gone, honeyed words falling back into sobs. Pleading, begging. He shook above you, kohl laced tears tricking down your face as they streamed from his ocean filled eyes. His voice was high and desperate, his breaths whining. 

“Please baby. I can’t be alone here. Don’t leave me again, please. I just — I just love ya so goddamn much darlin’.” 

“Well I’m not so sure that I love you right now. Wake me up. Send me back.” 

Your heart dropped as you felt something in the air change. The exact moment you’d pushed Higgs too far. Particles charged and reversing direction. Gravity increased, pushing down firm. Higgs’ body language changed instantly, a terrifying contrast between the begging, sobbing and trembling — his entire body becoming still and controlled in an instant. Free flowing, desperate emotions immediately being replaced by an air of calm and calculated resolve. His previously cracked and shaky voice was replaced by one of complete confidence — and you weren’t prepared for what it said. 

“No.” 

A single word, suffocating you in an instant. Your heart dropped as you felt like you were being drowned. You couldn’t believe that this man, the one you loved so much, the one who’s sanity you were now questioning, would do this to you. Surely he wouldn’t keep you here. 

“W-what?” A word spoken in disbelief, one that requested a repeat of a word you had most definitely heard. Spoken more in shock than the actual need to hear it repeated again. 

Higgs buried his head into the crook of your neck, groaning slightly as he placed a kiss against your neck. The kiss felt like iron, heavy and with the ability to restrain, weighing you down, marking. 

“No. I ain’t lettin’ ya go.” 

You felt your whole body stiffen, your muscles tensing beneath the man who’s tone had changed drastically. He was no longer sobbing, his previously trembling weight replaced with one of rigid constitution. You’d pushed him too far, his mask firmly back on, his initial desire to keep you with him had been reignited. Whatever initial spark of madness had caused him to do this to you, was firmly cemented once again in his mind with no regard for the consequences. 

Your stomach churned as you felt him smile against your skin, his mouth still placing iron  kisses along your throat, hips grinding down against you in once long calculated stroke.  Possessive. 

“But don’t worry darlin’ — I’m gonna take real good care of ya.” 

⇩

⇩

⇩

🗂️ Series Index:

1. Cringe and Command (Wesker's Assistant Chronicles) - Part 1

You’re Albert Wesker’s assistant. Unfortunately for him, you refuse to take his villain speeches seriously. Even worse? You keep calling them cringe. He tries to fire you. Repeatedly. But you’re still on payroll. Featuring: monologue roasts, Nemesis birthday cupcakes, and the HR handbook in Comic Sans.

2. Cringe and Command: Assistant Unleashed – Part 2

Rubber ducks. Glitter bombs. Wesker’s PowerPoint nightmares. New rules are made just so you can break them. (Bonus: Nemesis adoption day, Mr. X’s flexing posters, and a vending machine full of ducks.)

3. Cringe and Command: Nemesis Gets a Spa Day (Operation Glow-Up) – Part 3

Nemesis gets a skincare routine, a towel turban, and a foot bath. You get a new loofah and Wesker’s eternal confusion. Chaos, fluff, and the gentle hum of self-care (and impending disaster).

4. Wesker’s Assistant Chronicles – OPERATION: INTERVIEW WITH A BIO-WEAPON (PART 4)

H.U.N.K. + you + a tiny mic = interviewing Lickers, Tyrants, and the emotional void. Mr. X crushes your mic, Nemesis hosts a candlelit co-op, and you rate zombie trauma while H.U.N.K. loses years off his life.

5. Wesker’s Assistant Chronicles – FIELD TESTED, EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED (PART 5)

Antarctica. Cold, mutant-infested, and definitely not ready for cupcake energy or sparkly field reports. Nemesis re-braids your scarf, you host a wildlife doc in the cryo wing, and Wesker quietly considers sending you to space.

6. Operation: Sabotage the Saboteur (Part 6)

Spain. Parachute chaos, castle sabotage, elevator drama, and a USB drive Ada should never open in public. Operation status: messier than ever, and Wesker still hasn’t figured it out.

7. Wesker’s Assistant Chronicles – What If: Survivor Squad vs. The Chaos Commander (Bonus AU) (Part 7)

Raccoon City never stood a chance. Marvin’s unbitten, Chris skipped the vacation, Leon’s lost as usual, and YOU (the world’s sassiest prepper) are about to face Wesker’s Assistant—now crowned Queen of Chaos—leading a mutant army with Barbiecore weapons. Expect glitter grenades, Nemesis in a tutu, conga-line zombies, and Wesker’s existential crisis echoing through the sewers.

8. Wesker’s Assistant Chronicles – OPERATION: PROFESSIONALISM DENIED (Part 8)

The lab. The candle. The coffee mug. And one offhand comment that Albert Wesker really just needs to get laid. Time freezes, B.O.W.s lose composure, H.U.N.K. questions his life choices—and Wesker glitches so hard he might as well be buffering. Innuendo, lavender-scented sabotage, and the day Umbrella HQ turned into the world’s worst HR seminar.

9. Wesker’s Assistant Chronicles – OPERATION: MUTUAL SUFFERING (Part 9)

Ethan Winters and H.U.N.K. get stuck in a monster-infested town full of zombies, Ganado, Lycans, and Molded—forced into the most reluctant buddy-cop team in Umbrella history. Just when survival seems possible, Wesker’s Assistant shows up with coffee, glitter, and zero professionalism, turning their extraction into an HR incident and Wesker’s sanity into a rumor.