#higgs

The silence was deafening. You could not remember the last time you heard anything but the ringing in your ears. Shifting the smallest amount, you pulled against your restraints. As ever, nothing changed.

You were helpless.

Looking forward, you glared at the large pane of glass twenty feet in front of you. It was the only thing that broke up the white tile surrounding you on all sides. It was obviously a one way mirror, and you imagined the brains of those on the other side plastering the walls.

Looking back down, you took in what had become of you. Straitjacket, chains, IVs, and a tube it all connected to, holding you upright. How much time had passed? Months? Years? You couldn’t tell anymore; time lost all meaning in your unchanging world.

It wasn’t always like this, but reminiscing was something you no longer indulged in. All it would result in was a more upset state of mind, and you were already on the crux of losing what little was left of yours. Better to not think at all. 

More silence. More time. You’d bite your tongue off and be done with it if your captors hadn’t seen to that already. A guard was placed in your mouth, and the half-mask you wore held it in place. Such a powerful being rendered entirely impotent. Your anger grew.

The ringing in your ears exploded. Your eyes squeezed shut as you struggled to comprehend what was happening. The piercing sounds continued. Did your eardrums just rupture? How? Why? But then, the noises became more clear. It wasn’t in your head. Bang. Bang. Bang.

Gunshots.

Your eyes peeled back open as your head swiveled in what little ways it could. Of course you couldn’t see anything, but you could finally hear something. Screaming; horrific, terrified screams that all cut short following the sound of gunfire.

Tugging at your restraints, you attempted for the millionth time to pull yourself free. Just like every other time before, the chains that held you did not budge. You continued to wiggle anyway.

Life or death, what was coming for you? As the singular door into your large cell opened, you supposed you were going to find out soon enough.

A masked man approached, covered head to toe in blood. He left footprints of tar behind as he slowly crossed the length of the room over to you. Stopping ten feet in front of your tube, he stared. You stared back.

More men filed into the room, all wearing heavy tactical gear and donning rifles across their chests. Every single one took aim at you.

“Well ain’t you a sight,” the man in front drawled.

You couldn’t respond, but if you could, the words that’d leave your mouth wouldn’t hold any ounce of kindness.

“Probably curious as to what’s goin’ on, huh?” The man continued.

Your eyes narrowed.

“Salvation, baby!” He threw his arms up over his head, fingers spread wide as if reaching for the heavens. Bringing them back down, he rose a single finger over where his lips would be. “Though, gotta be careful with ya; a real fuckin’ notorious one you are. López over there didn’t even think you were real!” He jutted a thumb out to one of the men aiming at you. “But nah… I always believed. And hell. Just look at ya.”

He took a step closer, his head moving up and down as he looked over the length of your tube.

“Well, let’s get you outta here,” he said.

Pulling a vial from one of his many pockets, he used a needle to extract what was inside. The front of your tube hissed open as he pressed a button hidden from your view. Reaching up, a sudden pop of pain began to burn in the side of your neck. The feeling lasted only seconds, but whatever drug he administered hit your system pretty fast.

As your glare intensified, tar began to bubble underneath your tube. It smelled of chiralium; a smell you knew all too well. Sour, metallic and of the dead.

Your tube began to sink, and before long, not only was sound stolen from you once again, but so was your vision. The world ceased to exist as exhaustion washed over you. Your conscious mind slipped away, falling into a deep sleep.

–

When you awoke, panic settled deep within your heart as you realized your cage had simply been replaced with another. With monotony, there was a sense of comfort in knowing what was to come, but now anything was possible. Chains bound your wrists behind you, the IVs you had grown used to in your scalp had been moved to your hands, and your DOOMS still remained inaccessible. At least the straitjacket was gone.

You looked around, and were surprised you could move your head more than forty-five degrees. A medical tent. It looked pretty high end too. Tables and monitors lined the sides of the space, with you right smack dab in the center, chained to a pole.

A burning sensation itched at your throat. You attempted to swallow some spit, and were elated at realizing your mask and mouth guard were also gone.

“Finally awake.” That same southern twang you heard before spoke once again. You turned your head to the left, and there he was, sitting backwards in an office chair. “Was worried that the dosage might’ve been a little too high.”

You had the capacity to speak now, but words failed to form. It had been so long since you talked to anyone.

“Sorry for, well,” he gestured to your current state, “all that. But can’t take any chances, ya know?”

You remained quiet.

What was going on? This man was clearly an enemy of your enemy, but did that make him a friend? You were still bound, you were still drugged, you were still an object; you were not a person. A sneer worked its way across your face.

“I get it,” the man went on. “Don’t trust me yet. Makes sense. Hell, I don’t trust you yet! But I’m hoping we can change that?”

He stood up and walked over to you. Crouching only five feet away, blue eyes pierced through yours. The tattoos on his forehead were curious indeed. Higgs boson?

“The bindings are temporary; to give ya time to cool off. I wanna offer you a contract of sorts. Work for me, I work for you sorta thing. But again, take some time to relax. Adams will bring ya some food in a bit. Please don’t try anything with him, he’s our only half decent cook. I’ll be back later.”

About an hour passed before you were brought your first meal in who knows how long. The man you supposed was Adams was clearly scared out of his goddamned mind as he spoon fed you the mush. You think it tasted good? It was hard to tell with your tastebuds being out of commission for so long.

You didn’t have the strength to try anything, even though you really wanted to. The lanky blond left in a hurry once you were done. Whatever drugs were pumping through the IVs were strong and soon, the land of sleep found you once more.

–

“Hurry! He’s about to die!”

A woman hunched over her husband’s convulsing body. Golden chiralium leaked from his eye sockets, and blood dribbled from his mouth. You were about to head into another surgery, but this one clearly took precedence.

Rushing over to the duo, you pushed the woman back. She protested, reaching desperately for her dying love.

“If you want me to save him, give me some fucking space!” You snapped at her; your bedside manner had never been great. She stumbled back into the wall behind her, and you and your team were finally able to roll the gurney into the already prepped surgery room.

The man was in the final stages of chiral contamination. In any other case, he would be as good as dead.

But he was in your care now, and that meant he had a chance.

You got to work immediately. Barking at your assistants, they moved the man to the table. They got him ready for you in record time and then, they all left the room. You walked up to him. His head was beginning to twitch side to side, similar to a corpse going necro. You had minutes to do what you needed to do.

Inhale. Exhale. You let go of yourself, releasing all personal troubles and thoughts; you were simply a tool. The DOOMS surged through your veins; always heightened by an empty mind. You could feel it in your blood; the other side, the power, life and death all mixed up nicely in the cocktail that was you.

With hands outstretched, your fingertips touched the man’s temples. His eyes shot open, bloodshot and still leaking gold. His mouth formed a wide O as the rest of your fingers caressed the sides of his face. Pushing your thumbs into his cheeks, you at last could grasp it.

And then you pulled.

Chiralium began to pool from the man’s mouth, lifting into the air. It swirled around you, stinking of sour metal. You gritted your teeth, pushing from your mind your disdain for the aroma. Urging your DOOMS on instead, you continued to pull the poison from the man’s body.

You could feel your knees getting weak. You kept going despite it.

The man’s body thrashed against the table. His fingertips dug into the metal, peeling the nails back from their beds. Legs kicked, eyes rolled, and choked groans reverberated from deep within.

He went still.

At last, the golden flow halted, and all of the chiralium that danced in the air fell to the ground with the removal of your touch. You collapsed with the contamination, and the door slammed open. Black dots danced across your vision, but you weren’t afraid. Your team would finish up treatment on the man while you passed out in the corner. As always.

You’d awake with a migraine, a sore throat, and a weak body, but you did your job.

If only that thought still comforted.

–

Someone was tapping your shoulder. Your eyes snapped open, and the soreness in your bones greeted you first. The sight of your captor-maybe-friend greeted you next.

“Shit! You really do sleep a lot huh?”

It’s the drugs, you responded in your head. Asshole.

“Brought ya some more food. Not mush this time. Think ya can manage?” The man kneeled down, holding out a plate of… pancakes?

You nodded vigorously.

The man fed you this go-around, and the food was a challenge to swallow, as soft as it was. But it was the best thing you had ever tasted… well, that you could recall.

“Name’s Higgs by the way,” he said after you finished.

Higgs… like the equations. Very on the nose.

“And your name is–” 

No! That’s not me anymore. Is it…?

You cut him off with a shake of your head.

“Oh? No? Alright. Well, that’s okay. New beginnings, yeah?”

Higgs sat down next to you. You stared at him.

“So why don’t ya talk?”

Don’t have anything worth saying, you thought to yourself.

“Oookay…” He shifted to lean behind you. With a single, sharp tug, the IVs in each of your hands were pulled free. “A small step towards trust?”

Your eyes widened. While your DOOMS were useless as long as you remained bound, not being drugged was a good enough start. Maybe you could regain enough strength to break free and then–

“If ya be good, I’ll bring you a present later. How’s that sound?”

A present? Freedom is all I want. What else could…

Your eyes locked onto Higgs’.

“Gettin’ ideas, huh? Listen, just take it easy. I promise we ain’t enemies,” he said. “Just gotta be careful with ya. I know what you’re capable of, trust me I do, but this ain’t gonna be like Bridges, no siree! So, I’ll be back later. Whether that’s a nice meeting or a shit one, it’s up to you. See ya toots.”

A golden flash filled your vision and Higgs was gone.

He couldn’t possibly be offering what you were thinking. Could he?

–

“What the fuck is this?” You held out your gun, arm shaking from adrenaline.

“Don’t resist. This is for the greater good of mankind. So just–”

BANG.

The man before you fell dead to the ground. Fuck that. Every officer took aim at you then. You squeezed your trigger and created another corpse.

Suddenly there was burning. In your leg? Hot. Spreading. Falling.

“You idiots! We need them alive! Stop–” A man’s voice called out, rushing to the front of the group.

You were on the floor. It all happened so fast. Bright red blood gushed from your leg.

So that’s what getting shot feels like. Wish it had been my head. This isn’t good.

Your trembling arm raised to shoot again, however the butt of a rifle came crashing down on your forehead before you could. Everything went black.

When you awoke, your leg pulsed in agony, and a pain thrummed from the front of your skull. You tried to groan, but found yourself unable to do so. Blinking rapidly, your vision began to come into focus.

Your arms were bound across your chest. You could barely turn your head. Something heavy weighed down on your shoulders. A tube held you in place. You could not scream for help.

The owner of the voice you heard last was staring at you, only feet away. He wore a floor length lab coat, and his slicked back hair shone in the light with too much hairspray.

“We tried doing this professionally and peacefully,” he said, starting to pace slowly in front of your newfound prison. “There’s so many people you can help with your DOOMS. The individual surgeries have been too slow. For every person you save, five more die. Your blood is special. You want to save people. This is the best way to do so.”

You thrashed against your restraints. The heavy mask on your face smacked into the front of your tube. All of the pains your body carried ignited. And that’s when you finally felt the needles in your head.

“Don’t fight. It’s pointless now. I’m sorry to do this to you.” The man who you now recognized as the head of the Chiral Contamination Research Team, Dr. Zhuāng, donned a somber expression. “But you tried running. We simply can’t let your blood go; not with all of the lives it can save. May you find it in your heart to someday forgive us.”

Your heart burned with fury, with hatred, with the desire to kill. The surgeries had taken their toll on not just your body, but your mind as well. You couldn’t do it anymore. There was a life to live; a life you had tried to reach for.

And failed.

–

“So. Got that present for ya!” Higgs wore a cheerful smile as he reentered your tent.

You had reminisced despite knowing the pain that would flood your heart. It kept you still though, and that earned you whatever Higgs had in mind as a gift. Your eyes found his.

The smile he wore was genuine. You remembered how only the day before that same face was obscured by a mask drenched in blood. Higgs waved to someone behind you, and the shuffling of feet filled the tent.

“Like I said, wanna build some trust with you,” he went on. “Think of this as a sort of peace offering, hm?” He walked off to the side and the space in front of you was then filled with the unbelievable.

Dr. Zhuāng.

You pulled forward against your restraints, wishing to get at the man who ruined your life. Lips peeled back as you snarled like the animal you had become, and your feet dug into the dirt below. The weakness your body carried ceased to matter.

“Whoa now!” Higgs expressed. “Take it easy, yeah?”

Zhuāng’s eyes were wide. He looked rough; a black eye and split lip told you he didn’t come easily. The gag in his mouth and the front of his shirt were all stained with blood. He was shoved to the ground by the Demen escorting him, and it was there he remained on his knees. His eyes refused to meet yours.

“So, how ‘bout it?” Higgs approached your side and kneeled down. “This make ya like me now?” He winked.

His tone was joking, but there was a seriousness underneath it. This terrorist was genuine in forming a bond with you. And ultimately, your anger towards Zhuāng, Bridges, and all of the people who needed your help, your life, overpowered you. 

You nodded.

“I’m gonna take the next step then, okay?” Higgs paused. You couldn’t see it, but his hands trembled the slightest amount as he reached for the lock on your chains.

The moment you felt the weight fall from your wrists, you launched forward. Your hands wrapped themselves around Zhuāng’s neck immediately. He fell onto his back, his bound hands unable to brace for the impact. Straddling his abdomen with your still-weak legs, you put all of your remaining strength into the grip around his throat.

He wiggled. He kicked. He cried.

And this time, it was he who failed.

Your grip tightened.

“I think ya can cause him some more hurt, don’tcha think?” Higgs’ voice brought your mind back to itself.

He’s right. I absolutely can.

Moving your hands to Zhuāng’s face, you placed your fingertips against his flesh as you had done to so many patients before. This time, however, you did not pull the chiral matter that dwelled from inside the man. No. Instead, you channelled the chiralium from the air and…

“Fuck!” Higgs shot up, hands grasping his head as he watched you work. His smile grew ever wider.

You pumped the poison into the man who had been in charge of stealing your life from you. His blue veins turned black as the chiral matter destroyed him from the inside. Blood and gold started to burst from every single orifice on his body; the gray matter of his brain even began to pool onto the ground from his ears. His screams turned into disgusting choking sounds.

You did not stop until Zhuāng was no longer a man, but an unrecognizable mess of destroyed flesh, tar, and that sour smelling, golden poison.

“Hey…” Higgs sounded distant. “Are you–”

You didn’t hear what he said next. The world around you swayed side to side.

And then you collapsed.

–

Humming. It was nice. Peaceful. Have you heard this song before? You couldn’t tell. Your eyes opened.

The world was still sideways, but the tent around you was different. It was warm. You tried sitting up. The humming stopped.

“Rise and shine,” Higgs said from just behind you. That’s when you realized your head was in his lap. His fingers tangled in your hair, continuing to stroke the locks in a way that brought your drowsiness back. “You really did a number on that fuck, but it backfired a bit, didn’t it?”

You groaned.

“Yeah,” Higgs breathed out a laugh. “Let me help ya up,” he said as his hands guided you into a sitting position.

The two of you were on a couch in a dimly lit tent. A small amount of light filtered in from the partially open tent flap. You looked at Higgs.

“Hi.” He smiled at you.

You raised a weak arm and waved.

“So uh,” he paused for a moment. “This make us friends now?”

It was your turn to pause. I think so? I haven’t been chained up again. Or drugged. He just brought me the gift of revenge. But… he had said this was for mutual benefit. What is it that he wants in return?

You stared at him.

“Oh! Right. So,” he seemed to pick up on your internal struggle. “I’m more than happy to serve those Bridges assholes up on a silver platter for ya. It’s my prerogative to take ‘em down anyway. Thing is…” His words trailed off.

You continued to stare at him while he mulled over whatever was going on in his head.

At last, he continued. “My men have been gettin’ sick. It’s worse after every field mission. From the chiralium.”

So that’s what it was. He wanted you to do exactly what you had been made to do for as long as you could remember.

“I won’t force ya. Hell, I can’t. It’s your choice. Truly.”

My… choice? He’s actually letting me choose? This isn’t a trap of some kind? Surely he wouldn’t be so–

That’s when you realized the vulnerable spot Higgs had put himself in. You were mere inches away, your hands unbound, able to offer him the same fate as Zhuāng.

And the man sat there smiling at you.

Trusting you.

The act of pulling the contamination from his men would take its toll on you once again. But to have your enemies brought to your lap so nicely, to have them suffer… It was tempting indeed.

So tempting, that before thinking on it further, you gave Higgs a nod.

His smile split his face as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. Bringing you close, he kissed you sloppily on the cheek.

“I look forward to our collaboration, then!”

–

It had been a few months. Your body was slowly regaining its strength. Higgs would periodically bring you another face that had been seared into your memory, in exchange for saving one of his men. It was never one without the other; always a fair trade.

The Demens kept their distance from you; even the lives of which you had saved. It didn’t bother you, for you enjoyed your space.

Higgs was the only one to ever breach such.

“There ya are,” he said as he approached. “Was wonderin’ where ya went.”

The man sat down next to you on your perch. The distant hill overlooked the camp, and it gave you a good view of the valley, along with the imminent storm. You liked it.

“So, got some good news.” Higgs never seemed bothered by your lack of speech. He spoke enough for the two of you, and truthfully, you had grown to enjoy that too. “Found more of Zhuāng’s men hiding out in Mountain Knot City. Already got a crew on the move. Think we’ll be able to bring in a nice batch for ya.”

You nodded.

“Though…” Higgs paused to look you in the eyes. “How have you been farin’? Last time you were out for ‘bout thirteen hours.”

You nodded again.

“Alright.”

A few minutes of silence passed. Dark clouds continued rolling in on the distant horizon; timefall. You could smell it. The ability to sense chiralium grew stronger every day.

Each life you saved and ended infected you further. You always knew the procedures weren’t good for your body, but it became exacerbated with the many exchanges in recent weeks. The true irony of your DOOMS would not leave your mind.

The ability to revert chiral contamination, by contaminating yourself. The ability to cause contamination, by, yet again, contaminating yourself. Always the short end of the stick for you.

It was still worth it in the end.

“Gettin’ cold out here.” You jumped, reminded of Higgs’ presence. “Gonna head back to my tent. That storm ain’t lookin’ too good. Wanna come? I got pizza.”

You glanced over at him. The smile he wore always intrigued you; so happy, almost holding an air of innocence, but you now knew better. Higgs was one of the most dangerous DOOMS sufferers in existence. You smiled back.

Unknowingly, entering his tent that day was the start of a new routine for the two of you. Whenever downtime managed to work its way into Higgs’ busy schedule, he invited you over for his favorite meal. You always accepted. Sometimes he would talk to you, and other times you both would eat in silence. 

Every time however, emotions you thought you were now incapable of, managed to worm their way into your mind and heart, as scary as they were.

And still you went with him.

–

It had been another rough day. You were unconscious for fifteen hours after your latest chiralium exchange. Upon waking, Higgs extended to you the offer of dinner. After the initial wooziness wore off, you found yourself walking with him to his tent without a second thought.

Higgs’ tent was warm, and the aroma of gun oil permeated the space. A pizza box rested on his desk. You approached it immediately and grabbed yourself a slice. It was cold, but ever since your rescue, you ate anything and everything, just because you finally could again.

“Good stuff, huh?” Higgs chuckled as he watched you down the food.

You nodded, moving to his couch.

“Agreed,” he returned your nod as he helped himself to a slice, plopping down on top of his desk.

Silence washed over the both of you as you ate, but it never once became uncomfortable. You watched Higgs, as you often would, and couldn’t help indulging what had begun to blossom inside yet again. The man saved your life, and offered you what you wouldn’t be able to accomplish on your own; vengeance.

He was also really handsome.

It had been easy to ignore early on. Your anger towards those who had wronged you made your mind a blank slate. But now, as the two of you got into a routine of giving and taking life, spending time together, and having your own version of conversations, your mind slowly began to hold the capacity for more than just hate.

And it continued to terrify you.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Higgs said with a mouthful of food.

You paused for a moment. He knew you wouldn’t respond to him properly, but he constantly made an effort to engage with you all the same.

So you pointed at him.

“Me?”

A nod.

“Why ya thinkin’ about me?”

You shrugged.

A sharp breath left his nose. “Well, I think about you too. A lot, actually.”

Your body tensed. You stared at him.

“Before, it was all business. Found your files buried deep in some Bridges archives. Was a complete accident comin’ across ‘em. Couldn’t believe the shit I was readin’ about your DOOMS! Knew ya needed to be recruited. But shit. After seein’ ya at work, the anger, that intensity you carry…” He paused as he looked up, thinking.

You shifted in your seat, subconsciously scooting to the edge.

“I dunno. See a lot of myself in that.”

You blinked.

“But it’s more than that. You’re like a true kindred spirit or some shit. Down to the core.”

You blinked slower.

“You’re also really hot.”

You stopped blinking entirely.

Higgs smirked at you as he continued to eat. Your head became a whirlwind of thought.

This is dangerous. We’re technically business partners. Should never mix romance into that. Or sex. Sex is probably worse. Don’t. Bad idea.

You’d seen the way he looked at you over the past few months. In a way, it felt like he wanted you to. But he’d never acted on it, perhaps sharing similar fears to your own. But damn him for being so enticing, and damn him further for finally saying something.

Eventually, your mind at last settled on the treacherous thought of, yeah you’re hot too, so get over here.

You gave in, and gestured for him to come over. The man practically leaped across the room from the invitation. Not a moment passed before his lips were on yours. Hands groped at your sides, pushing you down into the couch. Your own reached up, tangling in his hair, pulling him closer.

You each tasted like greasy pizza, but it didn’t matter. The longing tasted better.

Higgs shoved his knees under your thighs as he hunched over you. Your legs wrapped around his waist instantly. He leaned further in and you couldn’t help but moan into his mouth. Taking the opportunity, his tongue slipped against yours. The two muscles danced with each other, as spit swapped between the both of you.

Something hard began to press into your crotch, forcing your eyes open. Higgs was already watching you.

He pulled back a small amount, then said with a laugh, “Caught me.”

You breathed out your own laugh through your nose before pulling Higgs back. Nipping at his bottom lip, a moan escaped his mouth. He shoved his erection deeper into you, and you couldn’t take it anymore. Pushing yourself up, you forced Higgs to move with you. Guiding him to lay on his back, the two of you switched places.

Your hands rested on his face as you took the sight of him in. Flushed cheeks, heavy breathing, spit glistening on his bottom lip. And then you realized the placement of your fingers on his flesh. Your DOOMS began to awaken in your veins. A pulse thrummed in your blood, the chiralium in the air around you coming alive.

Higgs noticed it too.

“Havin’ second thoughts?” His eyes remained locked onto yours. “Pretty good opportunity to take me out, ain’t it?”

It would be. After all, your little arrangement was still killing you in return. Higgs said he wouldn’t be able to contain you, but that wasn’t true. You could still bleed, and each and every Demen carried the perfect instrument for causing such. Yet, he had already proven to you that he respected you, that you were more than your DOOMS, by engaging with you as he did; by making you equals. Even days where you didn’t even give him a single glance in return, he continued to do so anyway. And it helped. It really did.

For he saw the person, not just the monster.

You shook your head no.

Higgs smiled, reaching a hand up. He brushed back some of the hair that fell into your face, holding your cheek as you did his. Leaning down, your lips found each other again, and this time, the kiss was different. Slower. Sweeter.

Your eyes peeled open. Higgs’ own were squeezed shut this time. Smiling into his touch, you closed your eyes and kissed him harder.

You went to bed that night the happiest you had been in probably your whole life. The sex was good, but Higgs allowing himself to be at your mercy, that trust, did something to you. He held you close, snoring softly in your ear. It wasn’t just that he trusted you, but he offered something you weren’t sure you’d ever feel again.

Safety in vulnerability.

It was in that moment that you realized, you were okay dying for this man.

What an alarming thought.

–

The snoring woke you up. Turning, you were greeted with Higgs’ face inches from yours. Drool pooled from his mouth onto the pillow. It was kind of cute.

Morning light filtered in from the plastic window of the tent. The sun was out, with timefall only a distant thought on the horizon.

You breathed in the stale air of the space. Old pizza, gun oil, Higgs…

Higgs.

You shot up in the cot.

His arm slid off of you, and he groaned as his whole body shifted.

“Too early,” he mumbled. “Lay down.”

It couldn’t be. How was that possible? He should be…

Higgs reached up and tried to pull you back into his embrace. You remained stiff and unmoving.

His eyes finally opened. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re dying.”

“What? What do you mean I’m– Wait!” It was his turn to shoot upright. “You just spoke!”

You stared at him as your heart began to thud with a heaviness deep within your chest. The chiralium you smelled, it wasn’t from the air; it was coming from inside of him. His DOOMS should’ve negated any effects of chiral contamination. Such a high level as his, he should be downright immune.

Should be.

“You’re infected. Badly.”

“You’re speaking.”

“Higgs.”

“I can’t believe it!”

You grabbed his face with a tight grip and forced him to focus. “You are going to die.”

“I feel fine.”

“It’s in your heart.”

“No, really, I feel great. Especially hearin’ your damn voice. I didn’t expect–” His sentence cut short as he began to cough. Your hold on him dropped as he moved away, the coughing growing more violent. When the fit finally subsided, Higgs pulled his hand from his mouth.

And blood covered the flesh.

He stared at it in disbelief for a moment. Then, you spoke. “Told you.”

Higgs offered a dry laugh in return. “Fuck. That ain’t good, huh?”

“Normally, no. But you have me.”

Blue eyes found yours. “I do.”

“We need to get to the medical tent. Now.”

“I still can’t believe you’re finally speaking.”

“Shut up.”

Higgs smiled, and a small droplet of blood trickled down his chin. He looked so happy; if only he understood the extent of his contamination. The man had mere hours to live. How had it progressed so badly, so fast?

Is it from being near me so much?

You pushed the awful thought from your mind as you helped Higgs down through the camp.

–

The Demens prepped the room faster than they ever had before; they were even quicker than your team of medical professionals back at Bridges. Higgs didn’t seem all that worried as he sat on the table. He remained carefree; happy to have finally gotten you truly out of your shell.

Fucking idiot.

“Everyone out,” you barked the order this time. A few Demens stared in disbelief, but did as you told. They knew the drill, after all. Being in a room with chiral contamination floating around was not a place you’d want to be in.

“See! Even they can’t believe you’re speaking.”

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It is when you haven’t spoken in months. Hey, why was that, anyway?”

“I think you should practice it.”

“Ha-ha. Very funny. Ya know–” Another coughing fit overtook Higgs and whatever stupid thing he was going to say next. It subsided after a moment, as more blood trickled from his mouth.

“Lay down.”

“Aye-aye,” his voice rasped as he gave a mock salute, and laid flat on his back. He tried to keep his air of calm, but you could see a little bit of panic settle behind his eyes.

“This won’t feel good,” you warned.

“Figured.”

“Like, this will hurt. A lot, actually."

“It’s okay. I don’t need aftercare.”

“You’re annoying.”

He winked at you in response.

The banter helped calm your racing heart somewhat. However, your fingers betrayed the feeling. The digits trembled as you reached forward, hovering over Higgs’ flesh.

He saw it instantly. “Hey. It’s okay. I’ll make sure you’re alright after. We’ll take care of you.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about.”

“Well, I ain’t worried about this guy,” Higgs said, pointing to himself. “He’s in good hands.”

You swallowed the thick wad of spit that had begun to accumulate in your throat. “Close your damn eyes.” Higgs obeyed instantly. You took a deep breath.

And you got to work.

Your fingertips each found their place on Higgs’ face. They still shook, but another deep breath helped calm their motion somewhat.

Empty your mind.

It was difficult following your own order, as the procedures weren’t always guaranteed to save the life before you. It happened a few times in the past, but truthfully, it never bothered you. People die. That’s a part of life.

But Higgs… You couldn’t let that happen to him. Not after finally accepting him as–

Empty your mind.

All thoughts were pushed away. Your breathing slowed. The DOOMS grew restless in your veins. You were but a tool once more.

The chiral matter was thick and heavy within Higgs’ blood. His own DOOMS had done a good job at repressing its effects, but it finally became too much, even for him. This was going to be a difficult procedure indeed; it was the most contamination you ever had to pull from a single person.

Higgs’ mouth opened as golden liquid lifted from deep within. He groaned as a wave of sharp pain hit him. Every single one of his nerves were on fire, alight with the burn of the rushing poison. Tears spilled from his eyes as the pain grew. He began to thrash, head twisting side to side with bending knees.

He whimpered, but did his best to relax. A wasted effort.

A stronger tug of the deadly gold pulled with it a scream. Higgs’ eyes opened, rolling around in his head. His fists pounded the table, desperate for a reprieve. Your chest ached knowing you couldn’t give it to him. You had to keep going lest his heart give out.

Another forceful pull.

Higgs went still. Finally.

You breathed out a sigh.

If the patient wasn’t unconscious yet, the pain that part offered always knocked them out. The shimmering gold danced all around you as you focused on every last drop.

It continued to lift, and swirl, and fill the room with its sour smell. Your knees were already feeling weak, but you steeled yourself. There was still work to do.

Higgs’ body twitched in his dreamless state, but you were glad he no longer felt each one of his nerves protesting against your actions. The hue of his veins shifted from blue, to black speckled gold. With every ounce of death you pulled from him, slowly, the veins all started to return to their natural blue.

Your fingertips were getting numb. You couldn’t think about it. More chiralium filled the air. Higgs’ twitching became less and less. The flow began to run thin.

His heartbeat grew louder in your ears. The DOOMS he suffered crashed throughout his veins stronger than before. Your body felt like lead.

At last, the final drop of his death sentence lifted from the corner of his eye. A single golden tear shed for the end that he did not meet.

You fell to the ground.

–

Higgs’ first thought when he awoke was of you. He scrambled to get up, but a wave of nausea hit him before he could. Rolling over on his side, he threw up whatever remained in his stomach. Tears burned in his eyes, but he wiped them away along with the bile on his chin.

He looked around himself. A few of his medics were hunched over in the corner. Swinging his legs over the table, he wobbled when his feet touched the ground and fell in one swift motion.

“Sir!” A Demen rushed over to help him up.

“Where are they? They okay?” He asked, shoving the man away once he got his footing.

Dr. Amos, the head of the Homo Demen’s medical team, turned from the corner of the room and met Higgs’ eyes. “Sir, they…” She paused, unsure of how to continue. Finally, she said the worst thing she possibly could. “They died.”

What?! No. No. No no no!

Higgs stumbled over to the group and pushed everyone out of his way. And that’s when he finally saw you.

You laid in a crumbled heap on the floor. Blood spilled from your eyes and mouth, already turning brown. Chiralium stained your fingertips, all the way down to your wrists. The gold sparkled in the light.

You were not moving. You were not breathing.

You were not alive.

Higgs fell to his knees, and began to cry.

“Sir…”

“Get out!” He yelled. “All of you! Get the fuck away!”

Everyone left the tent until Higgs’ heartbeat was the only one left to resound throughout the space. He reached down and pulled you into an embrace. Your limp head rested against his chest. You felt cold. Too cold.

He held you tight, and cried into your hair. His legs encapsulated you; your body going stiff between his limbs.

“M’sorry…” The whisper came out in between choked sobs. “M’so sorry. Sorry, sorry…”

His hold never loosened. Minutes turned to hours, and still the man did not relent. Thunder rumbled in the distance. More tears spilled knowing how much time you spent enjoying the storms.

BTs roamed outside; Higgs could sense them. In fact, he had been able to sense them long before they ever arrived. It was almost as if his DOOMS had leveled up again. If only he could thank you properly for the newfound clarity in his veins.

He cried some more. It was the first time he cried since he was a child. It was the most he cried in his whole life.

Thunder crashed and timefall pelted the world outside. BTs moaned through it all. Higgs didn’t care if they got too close. He didn’t care about anything anymore. The moaning grew louder.

And closer.

His grip on you became a vice.

The moans were right in his ear.

His eyes opened. He looked down. And you were looking right back at him.

“Too tight,” you rasped.

“W-what…” Higgs assumed he had lost his damn mind. You were dead. And now you were alive? That couldn’t be. A man named Sam was the only reported repatriate.

Could the same be true for you…?

“Let go Higgs,” you pulled away to sit up on your own. His dumbfounded state allowed you to do so.

“You… You were…” He couldn’t bring himself to say the words. His mind was still catching up to reality.

“Huh?”

“You were dead.”

“Yeah okay,” you rolled your eyes. A groan escaped your lips as you tried to stand.

“Careful!” Higgs launched up, catching you just as you were about to fall.

“Damn, I really don’t feel good…” You rubbed your chest. You froze.

“What is it?”

“W-wait a m-minute…” You stumbled backwards. Higgs continued to help you stay upright, his hold tight enough to bruise.

“What?!”

“My…” You grabbed one of his hands and pressed it to your chest.

Higgs eyes remained locked onto yours for a moment. Tears stained his cheeks, and you found that curious indeed. The more pressing matter of your chest dismantled that train of thought.

“Oh my god.” He finally noticed it.

Your heart was not beating.

“What’s going on?” Fear rattled each of your words. The shakiness in your legs became ten times stronger. You felt faint.

Higgs shook his head as his hand remained firmly pressed into your chest.

“Higgs?”

“I– I don’t know.” He looked into your eyes. “And I don’t care.” Wrapping his arms around you, he pulled you in close and pressed his lips to yours. He really didn’t taste good, but you melted into the kiss all the same. The warmth he offered felt just as nice.

Whatever was going on was a mystery to solve at a later time. All that mattered right now was you and Higgs.

–

“So,” Dr. Amos began after clearing her throat. “You’re not a repatriate since, well, you’re technically not alive anymore. Hm…” She peered down at her notes, before meeting your eyes once again.

Higgs’ arm rested comfortably around your waist, and you were grateful for it. The touch helped ground you.

“We believe that due to the high concentration of chiralium that had been flowing in your veins at the time of death, your Ka was able to reunite with your Ha through the passing storm. The Seam is closest to our world during such events, after all. However…” She looked down at her notes again.

“So basically, you’re even cooler now,” Higgs whispered to you.

You elbowed him.

“Right,” Dr. Amos looked up. “Your Ha is dead. No way around that. But it's been allowing your Ka a comfortable place to rest. Without it,” she adjusted her glasses before continuing. “You’d be no different than a BT.”

“So is that how I am able to process thoughts? Why I’m not just a wandering soul and all that?”

“Yes and no. BTs are still able to have thoughts, albeit not very advanced ones. The difference is that your Ha retains the person you once were. It’s not just a mere shell to exist in this world, but a blueprint. A reminder. It’s still you, just, uh… dead. BTs no longer have that.”

“So what happens when the body begins to rot?” Higgs interjected.

“Actually, that isn’t a concern.” She looked at you. “While dead by human standards, chiralium now seems to fuel your Ha as blood would. So long as you maintain a steady flow of that, you’re technically no different than a living being. Just, on different parameters, is all.”

Higgs sighed. “Chiralium is everywhere. You’ll be fine. Holy shit, you’re gonna be fine!”

You were unable to speak further. This woman just told you that you were a walking corpse. You died, and now you lived.

Sort of.

“Thanks Doc,” Higgs nodded to the brunette. “Think I’ll get this one back to rest now.”

“Of course. But please,” she smiled at you. “Come to me with any concerns. You’re a goddamned miracle.”

You couldn’t help but smile back at her drop in professionalism. A quick nod assured her you would, and with that, you and Higgs made your way to his tent.

–

Higgs tangled his body with yours. His cot was not nearly big enough for the both of you, but somehow you made it work. He felt so warm.

“Fuck your feet are cold!” Higgs squealed as you shifted in his hold.

You laughed. “Well, I am technically cold-blooded now. So you should get closer.”

“Yeah yeah, just keep those fuckin’ things away. Too damn cold.”

“Not my fault there’s an apparent shortage of socks without holes here.”

Higgs rolled his eyes and leaned into you. A chaste kiss warmed your lips, and you immediately pulled him back in for more.

The two of you made out until exhaustion washed over you both. Higgs fell asleep first, but you didn’t mind. It gave you time to think about everything that had just occurred over the past few days.

You died.

You came back.

Your heart did not beat.

You were alive anyway. 

You needed chiralium, or you would no longer be.

You still had access to your DOOMS.

The thought you spent the most time on however, was that chiral contamination could no longer do you any harm. It was the basis for what kept you “alive” now, after all.

You smiled over what that could mean for your enemies.

But for now, you stopped thinking about Bridges, about dying, about anything and everything. You only allowed Higgs into your thoughts then. Caressing his sleeping face, you smiled. The warmth from his cheek seeped through your fingertips.

Golden fingertips.

“Thank you for saving me.”

–

You entered the room. There were only minutes to spare.

“It’s you…” A frail voice called out.

“It’s me.”

“How? How did you–”

Walking over, you cut the question short as you grabbed the woman’s face with golden hands. The DOOMS within you had never felt so strong. Not another second was wasted; you pumped all of the excess poison you stored from your veins to hers. You did not stop until you felt your Ha begin to weaken.

Not too much now, still need a supply of chiralium.

But it was enough. She began to cough. Her veins darkened. The smell of death was strong. She had an hour left of life, tops.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice weak.

“That will never be enough, Bridget Strand.”

“I know. I’m sorry anyway.”

You left the room without another glance at the dying woman. Sam Porter Bridges would arrive soon, and his mother would die. A smile worked its way across your face. Higgs’ plan worked.

But you weren’t done yet; you had a new calling after all. Anyone, and everyone, who was a part of Bridges would face infection.

For you were one hungry Zombie.

𓁀 𓁨

Soo I got pretty carried away with this one. Clearly. And since reader borders on being an original character in this, I couldn't help but draw how I view them <3 So here's "Zombie", alive/undead: