#fvckingavengers

James Buchanan Barnes is a fool. He releases a bitter chortle, smooth Wakandan vibranium tucking a stray strand of darkened chestnut hair behind his ear, powder blue irises fixated on the scene in the Avengers’ kitchen. “Buck, you know I’d never let anything happen to her.” Steve’s heartfelt promise reverberate in his ears, accompanied by the pulse of his rising blood pressure, as he watches the way Steve’s fingers wipe the batter from your delicate cheek with a smitten glisten to his eyes. He trusted Steve, he’s always trusted him; he’s his best friend, his brother. Unfortunately, as your melodic giggle shakes him from his thoughts, he can’t help the bubbling jealousy simmering in his abdomen. With a disgruntled huff, he swallows the dry lump in his throat and stalks into the kitchen to break up the sickening scene. 

“‘Mornin’.” He doesn’t recognize the rough voice that escapes his chapped lips but he shakes the feeling off as he snatches the half empty pot of coffee from it’s place on the hotpad. He’s gripping the handle so hard that it releases a strained creak as he pours the steaming liquid into the ‘Grumpy Cat’ mug you got him as a gift for his last birthday. Steve clears his throat, swallowing the guilt that smolders in his chest as he notices the whiteknuckled grip his best friend has on his favorite mug. 

“Good mornin’, Buck.” Your greeting is cheerful and it causes a subconscious smile to quirk his mouth. A magnetic current ripples down his spine as you press an affectionate kiss to his stubbled cheek before returning to your bowl of batter.

“Buck.” Steve greets with a pleasant smile, ignoring the ache in his chest at your action. James takes a careful drink of his steaming coffee, resting his flesh arm around your waist before setting his chin on your shoulder childishly. 

“What’re you up to, doll?” He questions, a smug sense of satisfaction settling in his stomach as he’s alerted to Steve retreating from the kitchen. 

“Makin’ cupcakes for Peter’s school bake sale.” You respond bashfully, ignoring the burning of your cheeks as you shy away from his embrace. “I told him I’d help out. Apparently his aunt May isn’t a very good baker.” He nods his head, a complacent silence settling in the kitchen before he hops onto the counter, setting his mug on the marble countertop between his legs and stares at the amber liquid. He watches the steam escape the cup in billowed vines, swallowing the nerves as he contemplates speaking his mind. He wants to ask a million questions, but he’s unsure of whether the answers are his business anymore. Ever since Thanos’ defeat and the return of most of the Avengers, he didn’t know where the relationship stood. 

Before the snap, there’d been something romantic between you but neither had placed a label on the connection. James wanted nothing more than to ask you to be his, to claim you for himself, but he was well aware that he had issues to work out. There were endless problems with which he’d have to endure for the rest of his life and a part of him would never agree that he’s worthy of receiving love from someone so perfect. James loves you; that there was no denying but how could you ever love him? As much as he hated to admit it, you and Steve would be perfect together. Steve Rogers is the definition of pure; he’s selfless, kind, compassionate and brave. In his mind, Steve could give you everything that he couldn’t; a family, safety, happiness. 

“Bucky.” He was shaken from his thoughts, glacial blue eyes meeting your concerned expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He replies attempting to soothe your anxiety, but he sees that his words have fallen on deaf ears as you wipe your hands off on a dish towel and stand between his legs. “I am fine, really.”

“James.” The assertiveness in your tone made him squirm, your hands cradling his bearded cheeks as you met his gaze. “What’s wrong?” Just like that, he’s drawn back into this invisible magnetism that makes it impossible for him to care about anything other than you. Whether you knew or not, your claws had sank into him so deep that he’d never be himself again without you. You’d nestled under his skin, fundamentally changing him on every possible level. He was a better man, in his opinion, but he’d never be what you needed.Despite this fact, he always found himself coming back to you. He couldn’t help himself. 

“I love you.” He murmured in a breathless tone, freezing as he came to his senses and his confession registered in his mind. “I a-am so s-so-”

“I love you too.” You whispered, gnawing on your bottom lip as you refrained from giggling at his mortified expression. “I’ve loved you since I met you, Bucky.” As the words left your mouth, his body reacted on it’s own accord; strong hands grasping the nape of your neck as he crashed his lips against yours in a heated kiss. The passionate gesture knocked the air from your lungs, heart hammering against your ribcage, and just as quickly as he’d confessed, he jerked away. He slid off the counter, mug shattering against the ground as he darted away from you with a furrowed brow. “D-Did I do something wrong?”

“I shouldn’t have done that.” He replied, ignoring your question as he ran a hand through his hair. “I c-can’t.”

“It’s okay, Buck.” You chuckle, approaching him as you reach out to grasp his hand. 

“No.” He yanks his arm away, swallowing as he stumbles back. “I am not good.”

“What do you mean?” You’re both confused and hurt by his words. How could he ever think he wasn’t good?

“Steve, he’s perfect for you. He can give you what I can’t.” His perfect blue eyes blur with unshed tears as he struggles to keep his composure. “I am a monster.”

“Buck.” He could hear the waver in your voice, the tremble of your bottom lip making his heart crumble as you rush to him and wrap your arms around his torso. You bury your face in his chest, squeezing his athletic frame as hard as you can as you mumble into his shirt. “That wasn’t you. That isn’t who you are. You are a good man.”

“I am not good enough for you.” He whispered against your hair, wrapping his arms around you as he attempts to comfort you to the best of his ability. “As much as I want to be selfish, I can’t keep coming back to you.”