Something has shifted internally now I'm more and more being socially recognised as male.

Something feels like its slotted into the right place, in a way I don't think I've ever experienced.

I fit in the hole.

(and other junk related ramblings)

PSA: Okay so I know I have talked none about my junk on youtube or stps before but its just cause I don't want it voiced on youtube, I'll answer questions and things if someone personally asked me.

ANYWAYS

So at least 6 months ago (maybe longer) I got a free packer stp (the one with the baby bottle nipple attachment) for writing up some legal documents for contests that the trans* blog I help run needed. When I got my packing stp it was shorter than I wanted but hey it was free. I did get nervous about trying it but I tried using it a couple times. The first time I got so pee shy that it took forever and then when I finally ended up peeing, I peed down my leg for most of it so needless to say, it was a disaster. I liked the concept that it was a packer but for some reason it gave me even more dysphoria (maybe it was the giant tube that stuck out of the end which I knew I could cut but would try later). The nipple end was difficult for me to hold and it didn't feel big enough, so needless to say I wasn't happy at all for my first try. Cut to about a month ago, I tried it again, it was a little better (no dysphoria this time!) but something still didn't feel right. I didn't like the setup at all and I was just getting angry with peeing down my leg...

~enter a trans* study that I participated in and got a $15 amazon gift card for my time~

After I received my gift card I went looking on amazon for other products that were mentioned in the community and I found the GoGirl. I hated the name but I knew a friend here who has one and it looked the most promising (and the most comfortable) choice that I saw so I ordered it. It came today and I was seriously surprised on how tiny the tube was and I was hoping this would be better. So after a long time of standing there, being pee shy and it between my legs I gave up and took a shower (where I brought it with me). In the shower I finally was able to get it to work and it worked great for what I saw and it was awesome. Later on today I tried again with clothes on and it was super awkward so I ended up having to take my shorts and boxers off which was fine. I was a little less pee shy and I was able to stand at the toilet and go but it started going down my leg so I stopped and readjusted. After starting again it still felt weird so I sat down and used it (to get myself more comfortable with using it while I peed) and it went well for what I felt

I'm hoping that once my body gets used to me having to stand to pee that using the GoGirl will work out and I'll finally be able to not feel awkward in public when I go to the bathroom (it feels weird to pee sitting down when I know the dude beside me is standing and I think he's judging me). So far the GoGirl is working a lot better than my packer stp that I have and I don't have any dysphoria, I just have to figure out where to hold it so I don't have it going down my leg!