#freerunner

okay so mr icky film professor asked what my favorite movie was

“how to train your dragon!” because it’s a CUNT movie

and everyone laughed? including ICKY professor?

The reality: unless you’re spending thousands on your “superhero costume,” it’s probably not going to look all that great. I’m not saying it’s impossible. There are some cool ones out there, sure. But let’s get real. Not only is it going to look bad - it’s completely impractical and unlikely to be taken seriously. Don’t mean to burst your bubble.

It’s 2022. It’s time to reinvent the superhero.

For this article, I’m focusing on the look of what I call “street vigilantes” - able-bodied individuals whose work involves mid-to-heavy physical activity. I’m not delving into the outdated ethics of Batman and his contemporaries here. I’m not writing a piece about choosing your name, either. I’ll get to that in another article.

(As for my differently abled/disabled individuals - I’m going to do a piece about the “virtual vigilante” look, too! I haven’t forgotten you.)

It’s all about color, and the colors you choose should mean something to you. The All-American might want to go red, white, and blue. The vigilante who mostly works at night might want to stick to black and dark blue tones. If you’re trying to lay low, pick muted shades. If you want to go all out with the whole “symbol” thing... do it! Just be sure to consult a color wheel to ensure you’re picking hues that play well together. (If you’re having trouble picking a combination of shades for whatever reason, I recommend you use your favorite search engine to look up color palettes.)

Shoes. Today’s street vigilantes need lightweight sneakers with breathable mesh, just enough cushioning, and lots of traction and flexibility. Converse, Vans, and Dr. Martens look cool. I know. And we all watched The Crow and we all want a pair of heavy black boots. Yes, I know. I mean, if you can make it work, more power to you. I’m envious. I suppose there ARE people out there able to make a getaway in six inch heels...

Harem pants, joggers, track pants, leggings (with pockets). It’s really up to your preference whether you wear loose or form-fitting clothing, but it should absolutely be lightweight and breathable. Pockets are a must. Pockets with zippers are even better.

The shirts, hoodies/jackets, sweaters - this is the place to make a statement. Maybe that means bold color. Maybe this is where you’ll display your logo (if you have one). As long as your clothes allow a full range of motion and are weather appropriate, the sky is (if only it really was) the limit. I have to recommend against wearing a cape for obvious reasons.

The mask. It’s not a necessity, and it might attract unwanted attention - but if you’re going to do it, do it right. It could be as simple as a lot of eyeliner or the classic black eye mask. The Venetian (masquerade) mask is daring. Ski masks look cool, but are inappropriate in many situations and could get you into trouble. Use discretion.

Accessorize with keychains, lanyards, rings, necklaces. If you’re into makeup, find your signature look. Depending on your personal style, you could sport anything from a buzzcut to blonde Viking braids. Just be sure nothing restricts your movement.

I recommend a backpack. A drawstring bag, parkour bag, etc. Keep a first-aid kit, water bottle, and band-aids with you at the very least. It’s a good place to keep your phone and wallet, too.

FINAL NOTE: don’t get yourself stuck in a rut, wearing one outfit or doing your hair and makeup one way. It’s one thing to have a color palette and another thing entirely to wear the same clothes every day. Hell, you can even have a secondary color palette to wear (Venom Symbiote Spiderman, anyone?) on certain occasions.

FINAL FINAL NOTE: I mean, have fun. Feel free to ignore literally all of this advice if you don’t like what I have to say. I’m just a Melonhead.

Love,