#fourpe

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Sen: Welcome, to the Adventure Tavern! Number three coming through for the lovely lady!

Sa: Eeh.. The order is a Dragon’s Grilled Chicken and a Slime Soup, is that right! Shima!

Shi: SAKATA-KUN! THERE ARE SO MANY ORDERS THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! THE KITCHEN IS ALREADY WORKING AT A FULL TEN!

U: Uhhh… Ummmm…

Sen: For the young gentleman, order number four coming through!

Sa: Oi, Urata! You’re a hero so stop wasting time! Get over here and help out in the kitchen!

Shi: (in English) HELP! HELP! COME ON!

U: NO WAY NO WAY! HOLD UP! YOU GUYS! (in English) STOP!

Sen: What’s wrong Uratan?

U: Weren’t we going to go on an adventure to defeat the Demon King and get his treasure?!

Sa: Aah, that’s right..

U: Then why.. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?!

Sen: Uuh.. Calling tavern orders.

Sa: Customer service.

Shi: Washing up.

U: ISN’T THAT WRONG?! WE BECAME HEROES IN ORDER TO DEFEAT THE DEMON KING! NOT TO WORK PART TIME AT A TAVERN!

Shi: How did we end up working here in the first place?

Sa: Well.. If I remember correctly, before our adventure as we were arranging equipment, we enthusiastically went ‘It’s time for our pre-adventure meal!’

Sen: We had bought too many items but didn’t realise so then we walked into this tavern

Shi: That’s right! We ate too much to find that we didn’t have enough money, and that’s why now I have to wash up dishes every day.

U: If you work here every day then you’ll be stranded here for eternity!

SSS: NO WAY!

U: Did you forget about our adventure?! Were you guys just gonna happily work part time instead?!!

SSS: Ahaha ha hahah a

U: Well, I guess thanks to you guys saving up money we can get new equipment which would be nice.. Anyway, let’s finally get on with the adventure!

SSS: YEAH!

USSS: Our adventure has started once again.

-

Sen: We’ll get to the first first village if we go through this forest. It looks like things might jump out at us but since it’s a shortcut, let’s hang in there.

U: As expected of the fortune teller Senra, up till now your fortune-told paths should’ve been fine.

Shi: Well, if a demon comes out a dungeon I’m having none of that.

Sa: We’ve bought our new equipment though! Anything can come at us! A demon!

(growling)

U: ..you spoke too soon.. (TN: i think that’s what he said?)

Sa: Everyone get back! Leave it to me, battle master! WAIT! OW OW OW OW! WHAT WHAT WHAT?!

Shi: YOUR ASS! IT’S BEEN COMPLETELY BITTEN!

Sa: EH?! SERIOUSLY?! MY ASS??!! OW OW OW OW OW OW! AT THIS RATE THE DEMON IS GONNA SPLIT MY ASS INTO TWO!!

U: Your ass already had a crack in it.

Shi: And furthermore that’s not a demon.

Sen: I’ve got it. There, off you go!

(barking)

Sa: WHAT?! IT WAS A DOG? I THOUGHT IT WAS A DEMON!

Shi: wwww The battle master got chewed up by a dog..

Sa: No no no, the fault lies in the idiot sorcerer Shima who didn’t even do anything!

Shi: I was so close up, I would’ve burnt your ass to ashes with my magic.

Sen: Oh, we’ve reached the forest exit.

U: So this is the first village..

USSS: The heroes have reached the first village.

-

Shi: Umm.. It doesn’t look like there’s anyone here..

Sa: I only checked one house, but there was no one inside.

Sen: How strange.. This village is the first place heroes visit..

U: And I thought we could be able to find the whereabouts of the Demon King.. Wait, you guys! Come look at this for a second!

Sa: Ooh! This hero has beautiful nails.

Shi: Even though they have the hold a sword to fight with.. Interesting interesting.

U: NOT MY FINGERS! Over there! This, this.

Sen: There’s a large body of water on the ground isn’t there.. It’s almost as if something has scratched holes into the ground..

Sa: Oh! Now that you mention it, I noticed a lot of slash marks on the walls of the houses..

U: Senra, would it be possible to tell us what’s happened here with your fortune telling?

Sen: You only have to ask.

(Ethereal music)

Sen: Let shooting stars illuminate this blood. Gander at all beings. Let me see your everything!

Sa: Amazing! This is a fortune teller’s astrology!

Sen: Ok! I get it now.

U: So? What did you find out about this village?

Sen: Uhh, today’s lucky item is a bomb~

Sa: (slap) We didn’t want today’s fortune!

Sen: Even if you ask me to tell fortunes, I’m still level 5..

U: fu fu fu So.. What’s wrong Shima?

Shi: Do you hear anything? Sounds like footsteps.

U: Footsteps? (rustling) That! That’s a skeleton warrior!

Sen: A demon in a bone frame with a sword.

Shi: Could it be that.. It’s the one that destroyed this village? And the big-

U: No, I don’t think so. That warrior.. Wait, where’s Sakata?

Shi: He ran towards the skeleton warrior! Since when?!

Sa: Don’t move any further! Boney guy! Just now I showed everyone my seriously uncool side, so now I’ll show you my battle master special move! (punch)

U: Sakata stop! That guy isn’t a demon!

Sa: EH?! (punch) ouch ouch..

U: Are you alright, Sakata?

Sa: Ah, it hurts.. I got my ass beaten again.. It got broken in half again..

Sen: You’re quite alright. It was already cracked in two.

U: This skeleton warrior isn’t a real demon. I think that’s what he’s saying.

Sa: You can understand demons? As expected of a hero!

Shi: It sure doesn’t look like a saintly warrior, does it?

Sen: So it’s true identity is?

U: It’s a resident of this village.

Sa: Eh? So.. Everyone’s dead?

U: Ah, no.. A demon’s probably just cast a curse. How do I put it.. The Demon King has taken control of this village.

Sen: I get it! So that’s why there’s no one here.

U: So the Demon King’s minion is.. a basilisk.

Sa: Ba.. Baji?

Sen: Hmm.. A basilisk, huh? I’ve heard that they’re snake demons.

U: It looks like that’s what cast this spell on this village.

Shi: If it’s a snake demon then.. From here I can see a cave where it might be.

Sa: That’s right. What should we do, Hero?

U: If we defeat the Demon King’s minion, then we’ll be one step closer to finding the location of him. Let’s check out the cave!

SSS: Yeah!

USSS: The heroes scout the cave!

-

(drip drip drip)

Sen: Hmmm.. Searching for this demon is kinda boring..

Sa: It was a good idea to check this cave but.. It’s pitch black in here.. I can’t see a thing!

Shi: This is where you can leave it to my magic..

U: As expected of our sorcerer!

(blam)

Shi: (ethereal music) Come forth, my dazzling light. Fire spell! There! (zap)

Sa: Wahh!! Shima you’re amazing! You made the dark cave completely light up!

Shi: Right? This light will also light up our futures.

Sa: Wahhh!! I don’t really get it but Shima you’re so romantic!

U: To hell with that! Aren’t those just matchsticks?!!! A magician’s magic fire is WAY cooler!

Shi: Ha ha ha ha! It’s because I’m still level 5. I can’t make a flame any bigger than this!

U: Don’t be so proud of yourself!

Sen: Well, well.. Let’s leave it. Matches are just as useful as fire magic right now.

(footsteps)

Sen: When we’re exploring with such a big light, it sure feels a lot safer inside a cave, doesn’t it?

U: But, there are so many partings in the path, it’s like a melon. (TN: The skin of a cantaloupe?) Don’t forget to keep an eye out.

Sa: It’s okay! All the way I’ve been dropping Spark Fruits on our path.

Sen: Your phrases are as bad as ever.. Is it the same fruit that bursts when you bite into it? Isn’t that kinda dangerous?

Sa: It was so cheap, not even 300 gold, even an idiot would go for them.

Sen: Is that shade of yellow edible?

(growl)

Sa: Hey Shima! I know the fruit sounds delicious but your stomach doesn’t have to make such a big noise!

Shi: Eh? But it didn’t..

Sa: Eh? Then, Senra?

Sen: No no no, surely it was Urata?

(a louder growl!)

U: Be quiet! This sound isn’t coming from a stomach.. It’s the roar of a demon!

Shi: D-Doesn’t it sound like a really dangerous demon?

U: I’m not sure, but how can heroes turn their back away from this? Full attack!

(fighting sounds)

(thud)

(fanfare)

U: There! Do you see that? That’s a hero’s sword for you!

Shi: Amazing! In one blow, we levelled up!

Sa: O-Oi.. Look, you guys.. This demon looks like a wolf, but half its body is a humans’!

Shi: This is.. A Silver Fenrir, isn’t it? (rumbling) E-E-Eh? Footsteps again?

Sa: Oi oi oi OI OI OI! IT SERIOUSLY SOUNDS LIKE IT’S COMING THIS WAY! WHY IS IT STILL ALIVE?!

Sen: Uhh Uratan? Is it me or are a pack of Fenrir are coming our way..

U: P-Probably.. They must be very hungry.. And they’ve sniffed out smell of the fruits, which means they’ve found us!

(howl)

USSS: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

U: EVERYONE! RUN AWAY!

Sa: JUST NOW DIDN’T YOU SAY A HERO CAN NEVER TURN THEIR BACK?!

U: THERE ARE TOO MANY IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!

Shi: WAIT UP WAIT UP! I GOT (my leg?) STUCK JUST NOW!

Sen: RATHER THAN GETTING STUCK, DOESN’T IT LOOK MORE LIKE A TRAP?!

U: IT’S NOT IMPORTANT! FOR NOW JUST JUMP AND KEEP ON GOING!!

USSS: WAAAAAAaaaaa-

-

USSS: -wwaaAAAAAAAAAA!

(wind whistling)

Sa: HUH? Even though just now we went ‘hyuu’, could it be that we didn’t actually fall?!

Shi: Because of the sound, it feels like that could be true doesn’t it!

Sen: There’s no sign of magnetisation is there..

Sa: THEN! LET’S PLAY CHARADES!

Sen: Pafu pafu!

Shi: Yeeeyy!

U: HOLD UP OOI! THIS ISN’T THE TIME TO BE MESSING AROUND!

Sa: THEN! PLEASE INDULGE IN THIS GAME OF CHARADES WITH ME! GO!

Shi: UHH, SOMEONE SKYDIVING?? OR NOT!

Sen: A HUG? IS IT A HUG? A COUPLE EMBRACING EACH OTHER! OR NOT!

Sa: THESE MOVEMENTS! LOOK AT THESE MOVEMENTS CAREFULLY!

U: AH! WHAT WHAT?! A GUY DOING MARTIAL ARTS?! AM I CLOSE? AH I GOT IT! A WRESTLER? WRONG? NOT WRONG?! SOMETHING SIMILAR? AH I’VE ALMOST GOT IT I’VE ALMOST GOT IT! YOU’RE HUGGING SOMETHING! YOU’RE FALLING! YOU’RE RUNNING! FALLING! RUNNING AGAIN! FALLING AGAIN! AH! I GOT IT! YOU’RE A FIRE FIGHTER SAVING A CHILD!

Sa: YOU’RE ALL WRONG! I WAS A RUGBY PLAYER!

USS: AHH, THAT’S WHAT IT WAS?

U:  (slap) HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO GET THAT? MORE IMPORTANTLY I CAN SEE THE GROUND!

USSS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (feat. Urata going GOWEEHHHHHAAAAA)

-

(thud)

U: Ow.. Is everyone ok?

Sa: Yeah.. Somehow.. My ass is saved..

Shi: It doesn’t look like the Fenrir are coming for us any more.. Ow.. Hm? Where’s Senra?

Sen: Aaaa..

U: Ahh, I’m sorry! We landed on you!

Sa: We landed safetly, but at the expense of squishing Senra!

Shi: SENRRAAA!!

U: WE SELFISHLY KILLED SENRA! Oi, are you ok, Senra?

Sen: (in a foreign accent) O~kay

U: ..Excuse me?

Sen: (still in foreign accent) I’m O~ka~y. Totally fi~ne.

Sa: Ah. What’s this, isn’t it kinda bad?

Shi: Did he hit his head and turn into some weird guy?

Sa: (imitating accent) A~re you Oka~y? Senra?

Shi: Eh? Sakata? (also imitating accent) Ar~e you Okay?

U: (clearing throat) Senra? What’s up with you?

Sen: No need to worry. I’m just borrowing this guy’s body for a bit.

U: Could it be that this guy… Isn’t Senra?

Sen: Good job hero. My congratulations. (ding ding) I am the Lord of this cave. A Basilisk. (shing)

U: A BASILISK? THE LORD OF THIS CAVE?!

Sen: That’s right. In order to get my message across, I took over this man’s body!

Sa: Why Senra’s body?!

Sen: This man is a fortune teller, and..

Shi: And..?

Sen: He was the closest one.

Sa: Ah.. Is that so..

U: So? What do you want from us?

Sen: If you don’t all leave this cave quickly, you’ll all be killed! That’s all.

Shi: All be killed?!

Sa: Ah. How elaborate.

(ding)

U: Ah! Did his consciousness come back?

Sen: (Without accent) Nn! I just saw something that probably isn’t important..

Sa: Not important?!

U: Basilisks certainly give off a mighty foe image..

Sa: ..So? What did you see Senra?

Sen: Ufufu.. It’s not good to be jealous.. What I saw just now.. IT WAS A TOTALLY UNIMPORTANT EROTIC DREAM!

USS: …

(all sigh)

Sen: So? What’s wrong guys?

U: Is it okay if I hit you several times?

Sen: (clang) ..Why?

(rumbling)

Shi: Uwah!

Sa: What, what?!

U: This is bad.. This is just as it said!

Sen: We’ll all be killed, huh?

Shi: So you did hear us. Ah, AH! IT’S HERE!

(growling)

U: This is.. The Basilisk!

Sen: I haven’t even read about such a big demon in books!

Sa: Oi, Oi! How are we supposed to defeat such a big enemy?!

Shi: For now, let’s evacuate the cave!

Sen: Got it! Wait, Uratan?!

Sa: What’s wrong?!! Let’s go!

U: Listen up, would it be okay to run away right now?

Shi: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! GET OVER HERE!

U: Aren’t we a Hero party? We can’t possibly run away from this!

Sa: How can you say that when we could all die?! It’s an RPG, so our lives are important!

U: If we run away now, if we stop fighting the Demon King’s minion, the Demon King will still be at large for all of eternity! Think of people of that village, the Demon King would destroy everything just like he did with them, and you want to run away! Would that be okay?!

Sen: Ufufu.. That’s right.. A Hero party would never run away.

Shi: Well, we wouldn’t gain anything from running..

Sa: It can’t be helped.. I’ll fight with you a little!

U: You guys!

Sa: But, how are we going to take down such a large enemy?

U: Heheh.. Listen closely.. When I levelled up just now, I gained a new ability.. Which is.. To boost everyone’s power for one minute! (ding) Activate ability! Everyone, attack the basilisk with all you have!

SSS: Yeah!

Sen: Fortune told! It’s weakness is.. A strong blow and heat!

Sa: A strong blow? In that case, I ‘ve got this! Damn big-ass snake! Guwaahhh!! Amazing.. It withstood it!

Shi: Fires from Hell.. I ask for your assistance.. Burn this foe to a crisp! Fire spell!

U: Did we get it?!

Sen: No, we missed by a little..

Sa: This guy.. I can’t believe it dodged!

Shi: As expected from a snake.. Tch.. A minute of power up is great but.. I’m at my limit..

U: This is bad.. We fought at full strength too much, now everyone’s completely drained! What do we do?!

Sen: Sorry, aside from telling fortunes, my skills are pretty useless..

U: Don’t say that.. Ah, that’s it! Our lucky item!

Sen: Hm? Today’s lucky item was.. a bomb? Ah! I get it!

Sa: Eh? What what?

Sen: The stuff you were dropping so we wouldn’t get lost.. They were Spark Fruits, weren’t they!

Shi: They’re so explosive only gods can eat them.. We can use them as bombs!

Sa: This guy’s weakness.. A strong blow and heat, wasn’t it?

U: If we dropped them so they would connect like dominoes being knocked down.. They’d explode in one go, it ought to finish him!

(growl)

Sa: Uwah! It’s coming this way!

U: It’ll be make or break, but we have no choice! Shima!

Shi: Okay! Stay clear of it everyone!

Sa: I’ve thrown down all the Spark Fruits!

(growling and explosions)

U: It looks like we can defeat it!

Sen: Wait a second Sakata, take a look at the Spark Fruits.. You’ve placed them all the way to the entrance from here..

Sa: Yeah, so?

Sen: So basically.. Our escape route is also.. going to be completely blown up as well?

USS: Ah..

U: WE HAVE TO MAKE IT OUT OF THE CAVE BEFORE IT ALL BLOWS UP!!

USSS: FUAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

USSS: (coughing and vomiting(?))

Sa: Somehow we did it?

Shi: That’s.. The last time I want to see a cave…

Sen: (cough) That snake.. didn’t survive this explosion, right?

U: We.. (cough) We did (cough) it..

USSS: The heroes defeated the snake.

U: And thus, the first village returned to how it was.

-

Sen: Welcome, to the first village’s tavern! Number three coming right up for the lovely spirit lady!

Sa: Eeh.. The order is a Dragon’s Fried Chicken and a Slime Mixed Juice, is that right! Shima!

Shi: SAKATA-KUN! THE KITCHEN CAN’T HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW! URATA, HURRY AND COME BACK HERE!

U: On my way now!

-

U: After defeating the Basilisk, we returned to the village..

Sen: From dusk to dawn, to celebrate our adventure, we had a great feast..

Shi: And so, when the feat ended, we realised..

Sa: When the bombs blew up, everything in our bags were turned to ash..

-

Sen: To the lovely witch, order number four coming through!

Sa: I’m very sorry! I wasn’t thinking straight!

(smash)

Shi: LOOKKEEYHEREEEURATAAAA!! AREN’T YOU TOO BAD AT WASHING UP DISHES???!!??

U: AHHH, FOR THE LAST TIME, I WANT TO GO ON A GREAT ADVENTURE!

-

U: The era of great adventures. We went on an adventure in order to defeat the Demon King and bring back his treasure. Hero, Urata.

Sa: Battle Master, Sakata.

Shi: Sorceror, Shima.

Sen: Fortune teller, Senra.

U: The record of our great adventure has a long way to go!