#fosterparenting

In my first ever blog "Let me introduce myself" I mentioned how we have kinship foster kids, which is basically family members that are in the foster care system and have been placed with Matthew and I. They are a nephew, Brady - 17, and a niece, Kat - 9. I also mentioned that we want to adopt Kat. But days like today make me question that, because when they lived with their parents all of the kids fought, like physically. A lot. Apparently sometimes cops got called. Once we had to call the police because Brady and Brice were fighting here at our house. (Long story.)

And now Kat has taught some of that to my little boy. My almost-3 year old is almost always in trouble for hitting, kicking, throwing things, etc.

And I know that this is a little bit things that his age group does. You know, things like "someone stole the toy from me so I hit." Or, "you were sitting with mommy but I wanted to so I hit."

But that's not what's happening here. Not most of the time anyway. Eli will walk up to Kat and just... hit. Or poke her in the eye. He does not do this to anyone else but Kat. She will literally just be sitting there. Or playing by herself. Not even looking at Eli. It's extra frustrating because Eli is NOT violent kid. He is soo sweet and loving. All he wants is to cuddle and love on people, me, Koehn, everyone! Even Kat. But then he'll just... hit her.

Here's another thing, Kat will just SIT THERE. She will see it coming, and LET IT. He's 2, a few weeks from 3. SHE'S ALMOST 10. She can block it! Instead she let's it happen, then hollers "OW!" literally so loud. It's all very dramatic. I'm thinking of putting her in a drama class.

Now here's the thing. I know that Kat started it. Kat hit, kicked, or whatever else to Eli and now he's doing that to her. She's admitted it. But what do I do about it?! I mean, she never hurts Eli in the view of an adult.

Just today we were at my mother-in-law's, and Eli was playing in the living room with a plastic bucket, swinging in circles and such like boys tend to do. Kat was laying in the middle of the floor, saw him playing, and decided not to move. So when Eli inevitably got close to her, Kat ended up with a bloody nose. According to my MIL, Eli slowed down but seemed to decide to hit her anyway. So Kat started crying, Matthew came to hug her so she cried harder, and when she saw the drop of blood come off her nose she started screaming.

So I took Eli to another room and asked him was it on purpose or an accident? He said on purpose. I asked why and Eli eventually was able to tell me that Kat pushed him into the cabinet of the laundry room at my in-laws. So I guess he remembered that and decided to get back at her. Or maybe he thinks that's how the two of them are supposed to play together? I really am not sure.

Now after all the bleeding, Matthew ended up having a conversation with Brady. Brady said that Kat has always been this way, very "anything for attention." Even starting things behind the scenes in order to get the attention in the end.

I'm ashamed to say that it took me way to long in the beginning when Eli started the hitting to ask Eli if Kat had ever hit him. I kept having that "mom feeling" that something was not right. Honestly I am still having that feeling sometimes. Now though I try to ask fairly often, especially on days where Eli seems to be particularly violent "did Kat hurt you?" And always Eli says yes and tells how. The story has never been the same 2 days in a row. Today was being pushed into the cabinet, and tonight he said she poked him in the eye when he was sitting in a chair here at our house. I have a tendency to believe him, especially because he doesnt know about lying yet.

Now, I'm not unsympathetic to the situation. I know she was not raised right. But she has lived in my house for 7 months. And while I know that 7 months cannot undo 9 years of life and learning, Matthew and I have had MULTIPLE conversations with her about hitting. One time she was even grounded for hitting a cousin (it was witnessed by Matthew, so at least I know I'm not crazy thinking shes hitting Eli.) So I know that she knows violence is wrong and not tolerated in this house.

I just dont know what to do. I mean, she's family, and a little girl, and it's not totally her fault, because she was raised this way, even though she does know at this point that we don't allow hitting here. But also, shes hurting my baby, my sweet Eli. How do I know that she won't also try to hurt Koehn, who is totally defenseless? How do I get her to stop this violent circle with Eli? What if the violence (and the getting in trouble for it) is hurting Eli/changing his personality?

I'm so confused. What does God want me to do? When the call came that Child Protective Services was taking these kids from their parents and they (CPS) wanted us to take custody, Eli was 2 years old, and I was 4 months pregnant with Koehn. God has given me 2 perfect boys to have, to raise and teach His ways. These are my babies, given to me to protect, love, and cherish for all of my days. And then it seemed that God was calling us to be foster parents sooner than we had planned. Being foster and adoptive parents was always in our plan. Well, you know what they say, the plans of the Lord may not match up with the plans we lay. So I thought that these kids were also given to me to love, protect, and cherish. So much has happened that I am confused about God's plan for my family. And I know that God does not always make His plans clear. But my son is hurting, and I am hurting for him. So now the questions are, what do I do? How do I protect ALL of my kids? What is God's plan?

I don't think any of my family or friends follow me, but if you do please don't say anything on any other social media.

We are preparing for a baby. My cousin had his baby (#5) and they've all been taken away previous to this one, at discharge this baby was taken. We are prepared to take him in through kinship care. We have contacted all the right people and if everything goes in favor of the baby, we should be bringing him home next week or so. The state may attempt reunification, but we're confident that the circumstances my cousin is in, they won't be able to care for the child as they should. And it would be in the baby's best interest to come home with us.

All of that said, it has been so fun preparing for this baby. We went on a shopping trip and spent about $300 on baby things. Everything is washed and ready to use, car seat bases are in both of our cars and car seat is ready, diaper bag is packed, and we bought a swing last night. We already have a crib and bassinet. And we have been working on the room to get it ready. It's been our office so it's got a lot of junk in it we need to get out and then we also need to paint because currently the walls are brown and green with a giant tree painted on it with pink flowers all over, something the previous owner painted on there.

As parents, guardians, or foster care parents, we all desire a happy and healthy home environment for our children. However, what makes a home truly unbroken? According to the Bible, an unbroken home is a place where God’s message of love and forgiveness is central. The Gospel holds an ideal life and an example of an unbroken home before us. In this blog post, we will discuss the importance of an unbroken home according to the Bible about our children, and how it can enable us to raise our children in a way that glorifies God.

1. Unbroken Homes: What They Mean from a Biblical Perspective When we talk about the importance of an unbroken home, our understanding of it needs to come from a biblical perspective. According to the Bible, an unbroken home is a home where the faith of the parents is genuine and vibrant. It is a home where the Word of God is taught, and the worship of God is central. Such homes are characterized by authentic love, respect, and understanding between spouses and their children. Biblical unbroken homes are not free from trials, disagreements or conflicts, but they are rooted in the love and grace of God, which works powerfully in the lives of each member.

2. The Impact of an Unbroken Home on Children’s Lives The home environment is the key to raising children who are happy, healthy, and successful in their future lives. An unbroken home can have a profound effect on children. It provides them with a sense of identity and security, enabling them to form healthy attachments to their parents or guardians. It can build their confidence, deepen their faith, and enable them to develop a positive outlook on life. It can provide them with an understanding of the importance of forgiveness, grace, and love, which enables them to form emotionally and spiritually healthy relationships with others.

3. Godly Parenting: The Foundation of an Unbroken Home The foundation of any unbroken home is godly parenting. The Bible instructs us to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. This involves teaching our children the truth of God’s word, modeling Christ-like character traits, and providing a loving, stable environment. Godly parenting requires setting healthy boundaries, listening attentively, and being present in the lives of our children. It requires being a servant-leader, providing guidance, and being willing to discipline when necessary.

4. The Importance of Forgiveness and Grace in an Unbroken Home  Forgiveness and grace are essential ingredients in any unbroken home. The Bible reminds us of the importance of forgiveness and grace in all our relationships, including our marriages, parenting, and friendships. An unforgiving, graceless attitude can destine a home in chaos. Forgiveness is not always easy, but it is necessary. It involves repentance, confession, and the willingness to rebuild what has been broken. Grace allows mercy and forgiveness to flow and enables peace and unity in the home.

5. Leaving a Legacy: The Fruit of an Unbroken Home  An unbroken home not only benefits our children today, but it also leaves a legacy of faithfulness, love, and grace for the generations that follow. Our homes can become a powerful expression of Christ’s love for the world. As we model Christ’s character and pass-on our faith to our children, we can impact not only our families but also the broader community of faith that surrounds us. Building an unbroken home in which Christ is the center is the most valuable inheritance we can pass on to our children and the world.