#foster system

But outbursts of aggression or violence can be a symptom of trauma and PTSD. And we really need to stop completely leaving that out of the debates of “is Darry a good or bad guardian/person?”

Something many in the fandom forget, despite it being a central aspect of Darry’s character, despite it being a central aspect of Pony’s character arc, despite Pony reminding us explicitly and repeatedly in his narration - is that Darry’s behaviour when we see him in canon is out of character.

Ponyboy could not be more clear about this. “Me and Darry got along before mom and dad died.” “Nobody in our family ever hit me before. Nobody.” The palpable shock of all three brothers, including Darry himself, after Darry hit Pony.

One of the main reasons why Pony finds Darry’s behaviour so distressing is because it’s new. It’s different. It’s unexpected. It came seemingly out of nowhere. He’s not used to it and it’s caught him horribly off guard. It’s yet another cataclysmic change that Pony’s had to deal with as an unexpected byproduct of his parents’ deaths. He hasn’t had a lifetime to inoculate himself against Darry yelling at him or hitting him, like Johnny or Dally or Steve with their parents. If Darry was an abusive person, Pony would be used to these behaviors. He might say something like, “Darry was always like this but now mom and dad aren’t here to protect me.” But no. Darry yelling at Pony all the time is out of character. Darry hitting Pony is out of character. Again, it doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it does raise alarm bells and give us some very important clues.

You have some acting violently in a way that is recent, sudden, and out of character. That’s the profile of someone who is suffering from trauma.

All three brothers suffered their parents’ deaths, but it’s safe to assume Darry was the one who had to identify their mangled bodies. Darry was the one who had to prepare those bodies for burial. Do you think Darry doesn’t see that image when he closes his eyes? Do you think he let Soda and Pony see that? If Pony had seen his parents’ dead bodies, he would have mentioned it. The whole point of the story is that even after his parents’ death, Pony doesn’t see the full extent of death and violence and dead bodies with his own eyes. Because Darry took care of it for him.

Darry is not only acting out of character during canon, but he’s most likely also acting on impulses that he can’t fully control and hasn’t been given the tools to do so. Mental health and trauma therapy were not really a thing in the 1960s, and even if the Curtis’ lived in the modern era, they still wouldn’t have the money and resources to access that help. Maybe a modern Darry Curtis could self diagnose through Google searches, if he ever found time, but that’s about it.

Not to mention the societal and material circumstances at play. You can’t insist that the story is about class and socioeconomics - which it is - but make Darry the sole exception, and act like his wrongdoings alone exist in a vacuum.

The whole point of Darry hitting Pony is that it’s the culmination of events, a breaking point, that is a direct result of their class and their poverty. Darry would never have hit Pony if he wasn’t at the end of his rope, not just due to their parents’ death, but all the socioeconomic conditions resulting from it.

Darry hit his breaking point when Pony came home late, not because he was mad that Pony broke his tyrannical rule, but because Pony breaking curfew could have disastrous, life altering consequences. He was worried sick not knowing where Pony was, but he couldn’t do anything about that, because if he called the police, Pony and Soda would be taken away and tossed in the system. Because Darry’s custody is constantly under threat, because they’re low class and poor. And he’s already running on fumes from the financial ruin and precarious custody that he’s had to deal with every minute of every day since their parents died. If soc kids lost their parents it would still be a tragedy and a trauma, but money and custody and college and future would not be a concern. They’d just access their trust funds and be adopted by any number of other wealthy relatives or family friends.

If anything, I think it’s damn impressive that Darry improves his behaviour toward Ponyboy as much as he does, considering he has no more resources or support system by the end than he does at the beginning. His efforts to be more gentle and patient and communicative are sheer willpower. In essence, he’s trying to override his triggers while still living in survival mode, and he manages to make progress. That’s hard enough for people who know those terms and have that vocabulary, let alone someone who very much does not.

wc: 1.7k

warnings: mentions of foster care, none really

Lexi’s perspective

"Um, Lex," Chloe announced, causing me to look at her. "aren't those the girls?"

I looked in the direction she was pointing, when my eyes locked on them. The girls. The girls who left me and still had the audacity to claim they loved me.

I moved on long ago. The amount of calls and texts I've received in the past seven months was seriously concerning, not to mention they filed me as a missing person.

Cops have chased me, search parties have been organized, and yet I still don't want to be found.

I am not going back.

I groaned, turning to Chloe, my partner amongst all this chaos. "Yes, that's them." I growled. "Let's go before they see us."

The system is what broke me. It took away my freedom, my faith, my personality.. they weren't any different.

"They're coming this way." She whispered, turning around and leading the way.

My breath hitched but I kept my pace, careful to not be noticed.

I eventually heard footsteps approaching quickly- of course. They're footballers, they can run. I'd hope.

"Lexi?" An Irish accent was heard first from behind us. Barely making eye contact with Chloe, we slightly nodded-then took off.

I've always been fast, something they've always told me. I know I am. I'd always do the most sports to just get away from them, from everyone. Practicing was the one way I could be alone, even if I was with a team.

Chloe and I have been in this situation before, just cops instead. We've made a long going plan to run different ways and just meet up at our camp, an abandoned underground place squirming with insects.

But when I cut a turn opposite to Chloe, it didn't surprise me I could still feel the gap between us closing.

It wasn't long until I felt arms wrap around my waist, tackling me to the ground.

"No," I cried, squirming as more caught up. "let me go."

"Sorry kid," Katie mumbled, arms wrapped tightly around me. "I can't do that."

I tried pushing her off me, but more arms grabbed me. The same pair of arms that used to hold me at night, tell me everything would be okay.

Leah.

"Stop it!" I yelled, trying to make a scene.

A load of the girls were there, either from Arsenal or the Lionesses. They were all looking at me with pity and annoyance.

They must not know the story.

"Lexi, can we please just talk?" Leah practically begged, holding me against her while I thrashed in her arms.

"There's nothing to talk about," I spat under gritted teeth. "you left me. I want nothing to do with you."

I trusted her. I shared my secrets, my thoughts, my hopes, and that was my mistake.

She gasped, her grip almost loosening but never enough I could break it. "No, no. I didn't leave you. I would never." She breathed out, sounding more hurt than anything. "I was doing what was best for you, love."

Best for me!?

Beth butted in while lots of the girls explained to strangers I wasn't being kidnapped. "Le, maybe bring her back to the hotel. Somewhere more.. private."

Leah looked around, before agreeing. She nodded to Katie and let go of me, but right before I could take off, the Irish grabbed hold of me and picked me up in a bear hug.

"Katie, please," I whispered, voice desperate. "please let me go."

The Irish sighed. "I'm sorry, Lex. Just talk to Leah, yeah?"

"I don't want to talk to her."

"She just wants to make things right."

"If she wanted things to be right she wouldn't have tried to send me back.

Katie sighed again as we neared a car. "I don't think I know the full story. Just.. hear her out, okay? She loves you, kiddo. A lot. She's been worried sick ever since you left."

"No." A tear fell down my face onto Katie's shirt. "I didn't leave. I was looking out for myself, something she gave up on."

I was speaking loud enough so I knew Leah- who was only about a foot in front of us- could hear. Her shoulders were slumped and I only felt a smidge bad, simply because I have a kind heart. Deep down I knew I could rip into her with my words and still walk away unsatisfied.

Katie sighed yet again as Leah opened the car door for us, climbing inside with me still in her arms. "If this doesn't work out, I'll adopt you, alright? Caitlin would agree, no worries. Just try to speak with her."

I huffed as Less climbed into the car, squishing me in the middle. She gave my thigh a pat along with a small smile, but I didn't reciprocate.

Leah got in the passenger seat as Beth started driving away, lord knows where. A bunch of cars followed behind, assumingely the rest of the girls.

After about five more minutes of complete awkward silence, we pulled up to a nearby hotel. Beth parked and Katie grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the car. "Don't even think about running," Katie dared in a whisper.

I shot her a glare but obeyed, letting her drag me through the hotel.

In the elevator, my eyes connected with Leah's for a quick second. I looked away quickly, but only after noticing the regret in hers. It almost made me feel bad for all the distress I caused, to her and everyone else.

No, no. I can't turn into the sweet girl I once was. Not now.

Katie pulled me out of the now opened elevator to a hotel room, presumably Leah's.

Once in there, I stood against a wall, pretty much everyone I once laughed with staring at me. Both Leah's lioness and Arsenal teammates have known me, for me.

Running away was not me. But running away is what was best for me.

"Guys," Leah spoke the dreaded words, slicing through the awkward silence. "can we have a minute?"

Everyone- I'm not even sure, like 20 people- left, lots confused and lots worried. But I didn't care. I was now alone in a room with the one woman I hated.

Well- sorta hated. I could never hate her. In reality, I missed her so much. It was my one weak spot, she was the mother I never had. I had to convince myself she was my enemy first my own good.

"Lexi," Leah began from across the room, arms crossed. She had the most relieved yet sorry expression ever, something I'd never really seen. "I'm sorry."

I said nothing but stared at her. Not in shock, no. If she wanted my forgiveness, she had to give more.

Her eyes met mine as she took a step closer. I took a step back, hitting the wall behind me. "Lex, I didn't leave you-"

"Bullshit." I cut her off. "You tried sending me back to the one place I never felt safe in. You knew about that and you still sent me back."

"No, no. Lexi.." her eyes watered and her voice shook, as if she had a million things to say at once. "I wanted you in a better place. Looking back, I shouldn't have tried it.. but I was struggling. I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to take care of you and give you what you deserved."

Tears fell from my eyes as a lump in my throat formed. "So why'd you start? You never had to foster me, but you promised me you'd make my life better. I was happy, then you threw it all away."

"Because," She started, blinking her tears away. Her voice was still quiet in the small room. "you were so vulnerable when I found you. I knew I couldn't just leave you, and I wanted to give you the life I felt you deserved. I..I just didn't know I wouldn't be able to until it was too late."

I stared at her in shock, not believing her ridiculous words. "I was with you for two years. Two whole years. That's the longest I'd ever stayed with anyone after my parents. Why would you not want to fight your battles with me?"

She shook her head. "Because you're a kid, Lex. Bloody 14 years old. You're the sweetest, most loving kid I know and I didn't want you around my issues. I wasn't thinking of saving you from your own battles, instead I was thinking of keeping you away from mine."

Her words were starting to get to me, her voice so familiar and comforting. I slid to my knees as the tears continued falling, a gut-wrenching sob wracking from my body. "Th-that's not fair, Leah."

She was quick to be by my side, and soon I felt the comfort of her arms snake around my waist and cup my head. "I know love, I know. It was stupid of me and I should've talked to you. I'm so, so, sorry."

I let out another cry, this time much softer. "I-I thought of you everyday. I never understood why you would want to send me back. I thought.. I thought you'd just given up on me.

Leah sniffled, taking a second to gather herself before speaking. "I-I made a mistake, Lex. The worst mistake I could ever make. After you ran off, I realized how horrible the system is and hated myself everyday for even thinking of putting you back in that place. I.. I could never even tell the girls I'm so ashamed."

By now, Leah was brushing my hair back with her fingers, letting me rest my head on her shoulder.

"But I'd never give up on you." She whispered, kissing my head gently.

The motion was so strong it made my heart flutter.

"Lex?" She spoke after a minute of the now comforting silence.

"Hm?" I hummed, exhaustion from my experience haunting me.

"Can I be your mum again? A real one this time?"

And for the first time in seven months, I felt a true smile tug at my lips.

Having biological kids can be impossible/impractical for many reasons including you/your partner not having the relevant combination of parts, infertility, age, disability or illness, etc.

–

Went to the mental hospital for a month :/

Bio mom and stepdad forfeited custody of me while I was there, got put in foster care system two months before I turn eighteen

My partner of two years ghosts me and I'm single for the first time in four years :/

Life is hella weird for me rn

CPS already doesn't do their job, the foster system is overloaded and federal goverment spending is expecting to drop to 6% by 2033. The adoption process is predatory, lengthy and tedious and costs $20 grand and babies who are nonwhite are less likely to be adopted as well as babies with visible disabilities.

Conservatives better get comfortable with increased cases of shaken baby syndrome, repeaded child abuse and neglegence, kids that go to school hungry because their parents aren't feeding them, children getting dropped off at a realtive's house or daycare and their parents not coming back for them, babies being born with developmental malformation from failed at home abortion and acute withdrawl from drug or alcohol use.

"In 2021, 31 babies were placed in dumpsters, found in backpacks, or discarded in other dangerous locations. 22 of these infants were found deceased." -National Safe Haven Alliance

Republican conservatives better start getting comfortable with more people throwing their newborns into trash cans or leaving them on the side of the road or snuffing them with a pillow because even if you can force people to have babies you can't force people to raise them. You can throw that person in prison, but the US's obsession with crime and punishment does not take preventative action, nor does it reverse time.

Part 22

The Hybrids Bright Star

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