#formula 1 ff

Kimi has a slow start, which costs him the first place immediately, red cars sprinting on his sides, and he falls into third position quickly, while Russell is committed in keeping his forth place.

That's when I say my farewell to the team and head to the pit wall, safe start meaning I can switch places comfortably.

When I finally get there I put some belongings on the counter of my station, then I turn to my right to find Bono already sat, his expression relaxed, almost a mirror of the mood Dudley is showing at my left. Just like that I sit down on my seat between the two, focusing on the cameras capturing the front of both of our pilots' cars. My eyes drift to the right camera, Kimi's one, who is running after Hamilton.

In the pit wall I can feel the tension rising little by little as each lap is completed. Eyes are wide open, focused on the screens, while I hear Bono and Dudley communicating every once in a while with their drivers.

Kimi is good in keeping the expectations high, and within the 28th lap, with no pit stops yet, he finds himself in the lead after Leclerc goes in for a wheel change. Me and Bono look at each other with satisfied expressions on our faces, but are quick on focusing again, because we need a change of wheels as well, as the other contenders run after Kimi, new ones on their cars as a boost.

He's called for a change of his own when the gap from the driver after him reduces little by little, at lap 36, and re enters the race second place, seven seconds separating him from the first place Leclerc is keeping tight.

I say he can do it, he can reach the guy in 10 laps, and I can feel him smiling through the radio call as I sneak near Bono to feel more connected to the short conversation they're having, Bono copying the words coming out of my mouth once I confirm his predictions.

After that, my eyes are planted onto the screen, stats looking fine, seeing the milliseconds reduce little by little. From 7 seconds to 5, then 4 and as things keep on happening on the track he keeps the 3 seconds gap from the Monegasque champion wannabe. When the virtual safety car is removed after an umbrella fought for its place on the race track, I can see the time gap between Leclerc and Kimi. The latter is 2,3s from being first place.

I get ready for the rush of adrenaline derived from the impending battle for the first place, but suddenly Kimi seems slower.

I look at the stats on the screen, then to my right at Bono for a second before the radio connection starts.

"Problems. Problems. I have something broken in the car."

I look at the screen, searching for something.

"Okay. Any more info?" Kimi seems nervous, and Bono is quick in replying.

"Ah, something's broken! In the car, it's like suspension. I don't know."

Right after, I turn around to see Kimi getting into the Pit Lane, his voice coming from the headphones, loud in our ears "Box, box! Front wing I think."

I hear a quick "Ok, ok. Copy" and instantly our engineers are on his car, giving him a wheel change and searching for some kind of issue in the suspensions.

As soon as our team is done, Kimi gets right back on track, but the problem is still there and he's quick in telling us.

"Ah mate, I think the suspension is broken."

I hear Bono sigh, and he responds with another "copy that." I swear under my breath, then wonder if it's time to…

"Ok so… Let's box this." Bono is quick in speaking out loud my mind, negative energy, a wave of disappointment coming from right next to me, and I feel so too, but the driver doesn't let go.

"I can try to keep going!"

I look at Bono, leaning onto his station, searching for that something that is messing with Kimi's race in his eyes. They are focused on the screen, and as seconds pass by, his voice is once again in my headphones.

"We think it just is the wheel shield, left-hand side."

"But the car is not turning!"

Bono sighs, muttering a quick "ok, standby" but for Kimi that's not an answer.

It's time for another pit stop, the tension really felt in our circle of workers. Engineers replace the wheel shield as Bono said was the issue there, and Kimi just re enters the race right after, still insecure of his car.

"No but there's something fundamental mate. In high speed the car doesn't turn."

Kimi's voice by now is trembling, clearly overly anxious about the situation.

Looking at the monitor, I try to keep my composure, telling myself to focus yes on him, but Russell too, who is now fighting for a second place.

Bono's voice echoes in my ears as he says, yet again, to box the car, retire it. He's quick in telling Kimi again and again, and I feel the disappointment in his voice, surrendering to the circumstances. On the other side though, the younger man is fighting against it.

"I can try! I can try to get the point! At least one point!" I feel his voice shaking, and I find it hard to keep my composure.

"Wait, which place am I?" the driver asks, and Bono is quick in answering.

"We are just in P10. We've got Colapinto behind."

"I'll stay out, I'll try to get a point."

By now Bono's hands are on his face, a stubborn kid not willing to listen to his instructions.

Kimi is pleading us to keep him on the track, and that's when I take Bono's microphone with my hand, bringing myself closer to it to communicate to Kimi on my own accord.

"Get on with it, Kimi." I say, and regardless of the side eye coming from Bono and the two other technicians beside him, the team accepts to let him stay on track. Not that the guy would have clearly surrendered so easily anyways.

Bad news are on the way soon after, when the FIA communicates a 5 seconds penalty for track limits, and when we tell Kimi, he lets his emotions show.

"Kimi we are getting track limits for all the excursions we've had."

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath, nervous on my seat.

"So we are going to get 5 second penalty for track limits anyway. We’re going to have three racing cars."

"That's a joke mate. I didn’t do it on purpose, like, the car was broken."

"Yeah, Understood." Bono tries not to feed into Kimi's feelings, but the guy is quick in replying.

"Like I wasn't even gaining time."

"Kimi, I want you to-" I try again, about to reassure him, ask him to stay focused, but Bono cuts my line immediately, distancing himself from me.

"Safety car on track."

There's a quick exchange of lines between the two of them, stating how things just won't go their way today, and from that moment, it's radio silence. We aren't hearing from him, but I see the others keeping up with the second place George Russell. Today is just not Kimi's race.

The team by now is awfully quieter than it usually is, safety car and all that involved, and I know that they're rethinking every movement and decision they've made for the past two hours on Kimi's car. I am too.

The last two laps are slow, and some of us are happy for Russell, some are sad over Kimi car's problems, and I'm just there, keeping my eyes on the screens, on his car, his face covered by the helmet.

I feel the crowd take joy in Ferrari's victory, and as an Italian I should do that too, but instead I leave my headphones down on the counter as soon as Kimi cuts the finish line, headed to the closed park.

Bono and Dudley turn to me for a second, but they don't actually step up to stop me.

My steps are fast, yet slow enough not to bring attention to me from commentators or cameramen.

And then I see him. I see how he takes some seconds to take off the headrest, the steering wheel. I can sense it from how he grips the sides of the car and slowly gets out, how he's feeling.

And as he walks towards the Pesa, I follow him silently. He acknowledges my presence, but doesn't take off his helmet, nor does he talk.

When we get there he weights himself and goes through all the other procedures, always keeping his head turned, not showing me his face. And I let him.

He looks towards me just enough only when he needs to see I'm following him to the Media Zone, his helmet left to a FIA official, his fluffy hair and the tip of his nose the only things I can actually see, despite being shorter than him. That's how much he's hiding himself.

I let him be, staying behind him as we step into the Zone. He's Instantly talking to reporters, but the monotone of his voice gives off what he was trying to hide with his face.

Disappointment. Sadness. Anger.

The engineers talk, and I'm just there to witness the scene. Enough to stand on the line, not enough to speak on situations.

Kimi is quick in his commentary, and when he's done, he turns to finally reach our garage.

He sits down in the corner of the relax zone, and I just lean onto the wall nearby.

The garage is full with voices, however none directed to Kimi. Team knows when to let him boil down the negative thoughts before a debriefing takes place, and that's why I kind of feel as if in a bubble, just the two of us, in the corner of the box.

I look in front of me anyways, taking in the emotions of the guy near me, just by standing there.

My hands are planted behind my back, onto the wall, until I feel fingertips reaching for some comfort.

I look down and Kimi is by now slightly turned towards me, eyes on my right hand, not daring to look up.

My palm leaves the wall, and lets him do whatever he feels like doing.

His fingers brush my hand, slowly lacing around it, bringing it closer to his face.

The back of my hand comes in contact with his cheek, and I feel it. It's sticky, probably from the tears he shed less than an hour ago.

His hand is trembling slightly as it keeps mine on his skin, his palm on mine, in search of some kind of comfort.

The scene in front of my eyes is not what people would expect out of a F1 driver, but Andrea Kimi Antonelli is a young boy, who can feel sad like only a teenager can. Incidents happen, cars break all the times, but for a podium hungry guy it's more than bad luck. It's failure, it's disappointment.

If engineers see the interaction, they don't hesitate, not even a second, to look away, somewhere else.

The thing feels somewhat awkward, but I can't find a proper reason to put a distance between the two of us.

He keeps the back of my hand still on his cheek, and looks down to his other hand, sitting on his legs.

I can feel his thoughts tangle in a big mess, but at the same time, he looks kind of relaxed by now.

I divert my eyes from his figure to look up, just to lock eyes with Toto, who's standing far from us. He's leaning onto the monitor counter, headphones still around his neck, arms crossed on his chest.

I feel a rush of embarrassment spread through my body as I actually realize we're in public, and I quickly look away, lips tight. When, just a few seconds later, I look back at the man I find him with his eyes still on me, us, this time a subtle smile on his face.

It's him who drifts his gaze now, and I see the smile vanish from his lips as soon as he gets to talk to Bono nearby, his serious persona kicking in.

My focus returns to the racer beside me, and as my hand remains on his cheek, my index finger moves slowly, rhythmically going up and down, a little caress for him to accept.

I see his eyes close for a moment, his head slightly higher, as if more prone to accept what happened today. I focus on his face, and when he opens his eyes again, that's when he looks up at me.

His eyes are a bit reddish, of course, and his eye bags slightly puffy.

I smile lightly at the vision, it's like seeing a hurt puppy. Kimi is usually pretty fearless, emotionally balanced after a race, with a certain something in his eyes. But events in this last one brought things out of him that made me realize he's just a young man still.

I want to say something but I don't know what, so I just stay with my mouth closed, eyes focused on his expression.

He still isn't smiling, but the eye contact is still there. Something unsaid, maybe something that shouldn't be heard, not from his team anyways.

The grip of his hand on mine tightens as he turns it the other way around, then he leans into the palm of my hand, his cheek rubbing slightly against it.

My cheeks flush a bit, a reddish color painting them sweetly, and I continue to exhibit a soft smile.

"Thank you." He says, gently, in a whisper, and I find my lips twitching, fighting to smile wider.

"Feeling a bit better?"

"A little yeah'."

He doesn't take the conversation anywhere else. He just drops it as I do too, unsure of what is better to say, or what to say at all.

He leans some more onto the palm of my hand, then with a deep breath he lets go of the grip he held until that moment, and with decision gets up from the sofa, directed to the group of engineers on the other side of the box.

I stand still, looking as a quick talk takes place. After some time I take a seat down just where Kimi was moments before, and see how the team speaks to the nineteen y.o boy.

Some of them seem cautious, others approach him as if nothing happened, as if he wasn't really touched by the events.

That's when Toto comes up to me, and I slightly correct my posture on the chair, aware of his stern face. He stops in front of me, a hand on my shoulder as he speaks with a serious tone.

"No more solo instructions to the drivers y/n, for safety and professional reasons. I'll see you during debriefing in 5."

Before get going, he lowers his voice to a mere whisper just for me to hear.

"Great job at comforting Kimi."

And with that, I see him heading for the doors to the paddock, followed soon after by some key figures of the team.

When Kimi is done talking to the people in front of the monitors, he turns to me, head tilted to the side, telling me it's time to go for the debriefing.

Soon after Bono and Dudley come to my sides, and we reach together the paddock.

Once sat, the meeting doesn't take much time for the general insights, but as soon as the private talk with Russell's team is over, which didn't take long either, Kimi's one starts, and it feels endless.

Kimi sometimes lifts his head up from the screens on the counter, meeting my eyes, and somehow invites me to join the conversation, but Toto has put me in standby, so there's nothing for me to say.

Due to my reckless solo actions in decision making earlier he is temporarily taking away from me my right to say on matters, so I just smile at Kimi, as I usually do when something can’t be helped, and he gets his eyes down on the counter right after.

As for him, he has returned to his focused persona, speaking volumes about how he felt about the car, how he would like to feel it, and some objectively good observations.

After what, for me, feels like an eternity, the team disbands and everyone walks their way to the dressing rooms, all still in their uniforms, me and Kimi included.

He doesn't follow, rather than that, he comes back to me, expression easier on his face than before. Toto is behind him, and as he passes me by to get to the dressing rooms, he gives me a polite smile, and after that, he leaves.

I'm glad I didn't get scolded further than that by my co workers, Toto playing obviously a big role on that.

I watch him leave, then turn back to Kimi who has his eyes still on the man. We should catch on schedule, doctors probably already waiting for him to get on the health check ups and eventual massages.

But he isn't really moving, instead he just stands near me.

"You should go change, you know. With the doctors waiting and stuff."

That's when a hand runs through his hair, a sigh escaping his lips.

"Wait.."

And that's what I do. I wait. I wait with him for everyone to get out of the paddock, the slightly loud press of the door echoing in the room, and when it comes to the two of us as in the last two people in here, his energy shifts.

His hands reach for the sides of my waist, and slowly brings me closer, in a soon to be hug.

His arms wrap around my sides, and in a second his body is pressed against mine.

My arms reach for his neck, slowly lacing around it. Because of the height difference he gets a bit lower, his back a bit arched, and it's simpler for me to reach for strands of his curly hair to play with.

"You smell good."

"That's good."

He lets out a soft laugh, and in doing so his face buries deeper in the crook of my neck.

"You're just like a puppy." I tell him, a giggle escaping my mouth, and he tightens his arms around my waist.

"You treat me like a child."

"You still are two years younger than me."

"And 15cm taller."

I know he can feel me rolling my eyes, and his laugh is quick in returning again in my ears.

I'm glad he's feeling better after the debriefing, after.. This.

-Fin