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TREAT YOU BETTER - KIMI ANTONELLI

Kimi Antonelli x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Y/N spent months convinced she was one conversation away from finally ending up with the boy she'd loved for years. Instead, she watched him fall in love with someone else. Heartbroken and desperate to move on, she makes one impulsive decision: giving a chance to the one person who has quietly loved her all along, Kimi Antonelli.

What begins as an attempt to outrun heartbreak slowly turns into something frighteningly real. As feelings deepen the truth becomes harder to hide and she's left wondering whether genuine love can survive a dishonest beginning... or if some mistakes are simply too painful to forgive.

WORD COUNT: 12K

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There’s a version of this story where I’m the villain, and honestly, I’m not going to argue with it. If I were reading it without knowing the full story, I’d probably think the same thing.

Because, from the outside, getting into a relationship with one guy just to get over another sounds as cruel as it does stupid.

What no one sees is everything that happened before I got to that point.

The conversations that always seemed to mean something but never actually did. The glances that lingered just a second too long. The two a.m. texts. The hands that somehow always found the perfect excuse to brush against each other. The promises that were never spoken out loud, yet somehow I swore I could read between the lines.

Now I know I mistook attention for interest.

Back then, though, I was convinced it was only a matter of time. After all, how was I supposed not to believe it? He was always the one who came looking for me first. The one who took the seat next to mine before anyone else could. The one who always found some excuse to text me after the rest of our friends had already gone to bed.

And I fell for it completely.

That’s why, when Matteo showed up hand in hand with Julia—the girl who had so conveniently started showing up to all of our get-togethers—my heart nearly stopped.

Months of mixed signals, months of believing we were only one step away from becoming something real, came crashing down in a single moment.

The news of their relationship caught our entire friend group just as off guard as it caught me. Every single one of them had been convinced that Matteo and I were going to be endgame.

That was the most humiliating part of everything. The awkward smiles. The sympathetic glances. The quiet pity in their eyes. Everyone had words of comfort for me after that day.

Everyone except Kimi.

That’s exactly why he became the perfect place for me to hide.

Kimi and I met a couple of years ago. I was studying in Switzerland, and some of my classmates were Italian. During a summer trip to the Amalfi Coast, they introduced us.

He had always struck me as incredibly kind, and, to some extent, painfully shy.

Our friends loved teasing him, insisting he only acted that way around me because it was obvious he had a crush on me. I usually ignored their comments. A harmless crush wasn’t something anyone deserved to be embarrassed about.

Kimi didn’t seem to care much either. Whenever he had the chance, he’d find an excuse for us to talk or spend time together.

Just as friends.

After everything that happened with Matteo, those moments became even more frequent.

“And?,” Kimi asked, blowing lightly on his coffee before looking up at me, “is the ice cream good?”

“It is.” I smiled, licking the last bit of ice cream from my spoon. “Thanks for inviting me, by the way.”

For a split second, his eyes followed the movement before he quickly looked away again.

“So…” he said carefully. “Have you heard from Matteo?”

I shook my head, absentmindedly twirling the tiny spoon between my fingers.

“No. Ever since he started dating Julia, he barely replies in the group chat anymore. I guess he’s… busy.” I tried to sound indifferent, but even I could hear the faint bitterness creeping into my voice.

Kimi nodded quietly.

He didn’t make a single comment about Matteo, and I appreciated that. Most people felt obligated to remind me that “someone better would come along” or that “he wasn’t worth it.”

Kimi, on the other hand, seemed to understand that sometimes people simply needed to talk about something else.

He took another sip of his coffee before setting the cup down.

“Have you started the paperwork for university yet?”

“Not yet.” I shook my head. “I don’t start until after summer, so technically I’m still on vacation.”

“Must be nice.”

I let out a quiet laugh.

“Says the Formula One driver who spends his life traveling around the world.”

He shrugged with a small smile.

“Trust me. It stops being fun a lot faster than you’d think.”

The silence that followed wasn’t awkward.

Kimi tapped his fingers lightly against the table a couple of times, like he was debating whether he should say something.

“Hey…” he began at last, scratching the back of his neck. “Now that the season’s started, I’ll be spending most of the summer traveling around Europe.”

I looked at him, unsure where he was going with this.

“Okay…”

“And I was thinking…” His gaze dropped to his coffee for a second before he let out a nervous little laugh, clearly embarrassed with himself. “Since you don’t start university until after the summer…”

He hesitated.

“…maybe you’d like to come with me. To a few of the races.”

“…With you?” I blinked, completely caught off guard.

“Yeah. Well—not with me all the time.” He laughed awkwardly. “I’ll be busy pretty much the entire weekend. But you’d have paddock passes, you’d get to see the circuits… and once I’m done working, we could go out and explore whatever city we’re in. My parents will be at most of the races too, so you wouldn’t be by yourself.”

He said the entire explanation so quickly it sounded like he’d rehearsed it over and over before asking.

“You don’t have to answer right now,” he added almost immediately. “I just… thought it might be fun.”

A small, shaky smile spread across my face.

“I’ll think about it.”

His invitation stayed in my head for days. If I was being honest with myself, that wasn’t the kind of invitation you gave someone of the opposite sex if you only saw them as a friend. At least, not from where I was standing.

Kimi had taken the opportunity after everything that happened between Matteo and me, and little by little, he seemed to be making his feelings more obvious.

The more I thought about it the less I minded. I mean, if I went with him, I was guaranteed to have a good time. It would be the perfect distraction from Matteo. The only thing that worried me was his parents. What if they misunderstood the situation? Still, I figured any awkwardness would only last a moment.

One night, while mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, I came across a photo Matteo had posted with his new girlfriend.

The moment I saw it, a knot tightened in my throat. How could he be telling her he loved her when, not that long ago, he’d been saying those same things to me?

My mind refused to come up with a reasonable answer. Instead, through the haze of heartbreak, it desperately searched for a way to pull out the thorn that had buried itself deep inside my chest. Eventually, it landed on the worst possible solution.

I knew Matteo was jealous of Kimi. Kimi was younger than him, yet already far more successful—and wealthier than Matteo would probably ever be.

I also knew Kimi was attracted to me. At least enough to invite me to spend the summer traveling across Europe with him.

So in my mind the most logical solution was to start dating Kimi. Just to make Matteo jealous.

At first, I tried to shake the idea away. It was immature, petty and almost ridiculous. There was no way something like that would actually work.

But as the hours passed, the thought refused to leave. If anything, it only grew stronger. By the following morning, it had completely taken over my mind. So I decided to make the first move.

With trembling hands, I dialed Kimi’s number. It rang a few times without an answer. I was just about to hang up when he finally picked up.

“Hello!” His voice sounded breathless, and I could hear muffled voices and movement in the background.

“Kimi, are you busy? I can call you back if you’re—”

He cut me off before I could finish.

“No! Just… give me one second, please.” His voice grew even more strained, as if he was running.

I waited quietly. For a few moments, all I could hear was the wind, distant conversations, and hurried footsteps. Then a door slammed shut.

“There,” he said a second later, still slightly out of breath. “Sorry about that. I was in the middle of training.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were busy. You could’ve just called me back later.”

“No, no.” He answered almost immediately. “You’ve never called me before, so… I figured it had to be important.”

My heart melted just a little at the shy sincerity in his voice.

“Honestly, I don’t know if it’s that important,” I admitted with a nervous laugh. “I just thought it would be easier to call.”

“Oh… okay.” A brief pause “Go ahead.”

“It’s about what we talked about at the café.” I bit my lip, trying to suppress the smile that kept threatening to appear.

“…Yeah?” He sounded so hopeful it almost made me lose my nerve.

“I was wondering if your invitation still stands.” I hesitated for only a second “I’d like to come with you.”

Without realizing it, I had started absentmindedly biting my thumbnail while I waited for his answer.

The line fell silent. For two long seconds, I wondered if I’d somehow managed to break him.

“Uh— I—” A soft, nervous laugh escaped him. “Yeah, of course”

Another laugh.

“Of course you can, Y/N.” The excitement in his voice was impossible to miss.

We spent another few minutes talking through the details before eventually hanging up.

I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing was morally right. Using someone’s feelings to make someone else jealous wasn’t exactly something to be proud of.

But if life was handing me an opportunity… Why shouldn’t I take it?

(…)

Our first stop was Monaco.

Needless to say, I was completely blown away. I’d never seen that much luxury concentrated in one place. The streets were overflowing with supercars, enormous yachts lined the harbor, and it seemed like every other man had a supermodel on his arm.

And there I was… A bundle of nerves.

Kimi had booked me into the same hotel where his parents were staying, but because our schedules were different, we didn’t actually see each other until we met at the entrance to the paddock.

“Hi, Y/N!” His little sister, Maggie, greeted me so naturally it felt like we’d known each other for years.

“Hi,” I replied shyly, giving her a small wave.

“Y/N, we’re so happy you’re here supporting Kimi.” His mother wrapped me in a warm hug, smiling from ear to ear.

A second later, his dad hugged me too, patting my back affectionately.

It was obvious how much they adored Kimi, and they seemed genuinely grateful to anyone who supported him unconditionally.

We walked into the paddock together, and once we reached the garage, Marco started introducing me to everyone.

It felt strangely surreal.

Every time he introduced me, it was almost like he was doing it with pride, as if simply having me there meant something. What made it even stranger was the way everyone reacted.

Almost every single person gave me the exact same knowing smile.

Oh… so you’re Y/N.

That Y/N.

I had absolutely no idea what Kimi had told people about me.

The race arrived much faster than I’d expected. From lights out to the checkered flag, my heart never stopped racing. Thankfully—for my sanity as much as everyone else’s—Kimi crossed the line in P1.

Only then did I finally remember how to breathe.

Marco wanted me to go with him to greet Kimi in the parc fermé area, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt like I’d attract too much attention. So instead, I stayed in the garage, watching the podium ceremony on one of the team’s monitors.

Kimi stepped onto the top step, beaming as champagne sprayed in every direction.

I couldn’t help smiling.

My attention was suddenly pulled away by the vibration of my phone. An Instagram notification.

My heartbeat instantly sped up when I saw the name.

Matteo.

He had replied to the photo I’d posted from inside the garage. My hands immediately started trembling.

MATTEO: Nice. Didn’t know you were into Formula One.

ME: Kimi invited me hahaha.

I didn’t hesitate for a second. If I was going to follow through with my terrible little plan, I might as well commit to it.

A few seconds later, another message appeared.

MATTEO: Cool.

It was a simple reply. It shouldn’t have meant anything, but I knew Matteo.

Or at least, I liked to believe I did. Somewhere behind that one-word response I was convinced he’d felt at least a tiny stab of jealousy.

Suddenly, a pair of soaking wet arms wrapped around me from behind. I jumped.

“Kimi!” I spun around to face him. “You’re completely soaked!”

His grin was impossibly wide, his racing suit drenched in champagne from head to toe.

“Why weren’t you out there?” he asked.

“I didn’t want to draw too much attention to myself.” I shrugged.

Kimi rolled his eyes dramatically.

“You’re always hiding.”

I laughed.

“Someone has to keep you humble.”

His smile only grew wider.

The next few weeks were the most fun I’d had in years.

Kimi had a way of making me laugh like no one else could, and his family was just as easy to be around.

Things couldn’t have been going much better for him, either. He was having the best run of his championship so far, which only made everyone’s mood lighter.

A couple of times, Marco jokingly told me I was Kimi’s lucky charm and that I should stay with them until the end of the season.

I always laughed it off.

But every time he said it, the guilt inside me grew a little stronger. I didn’t deserve their kindness. I hadn’t accepted Kimi’s invitation because I genuinely cared about Formula One or his career. I’d accepted it because it was convenient for me.

Our friends had started wondering if something had finally begun to happen between us. We’d grown so comfortable around each other that people couldn’t help noticing.

Especially Cleo.

She was probably my closest friend, and more than once she’d let me know how strange she thought it was that I’d suddenly become so interested in Kimi. I tried not to give too much away. Whenever she asked questions, I answered as vaguely as possible.

Between the Hungarian Grand Prix and Zandvoort, there was almost a month-long break. I decided to use the time to take care of my own life for a while.

Kimi had to spend some days in Brackley working with the team, so we said goodbye.

A few days later, our group of friends organized a barbecue at one of their houses. It had been a while since we’d all been together, so I decided to go.

The house was already packed when I arrived. I could hear music and laughter before I’d even walked through the front gate. Several long tables had been set up in the backyard, and the smell of grilled meat filled the warm evening air.

It was exactly the kind of gathering we’d always had whenever everyone happened to be in the same city. I greeted a few people before leaving my bag on an empty chair.

“I didn’t think you were coming,” one of the guys said.

“Honestly,” I admitted with a laugh, “neither did I.”

The past few weeks had been so different from my normal life that being back here felt strangely unfamiliar. Like returning somewhere I’d known forever, only to realize something had quietly changed.

“So… where’s Kimi?” someone else asked, taking a sip of his beer.

“Brackley. He’s working with the team.”

Everyone nodded as if that were the most obvious answer in the world. I didn’t think much of it.

At least not until a familiar voice spoke behind me.

“Haven’t seen you in a while.”

I turned around.

Matteo.

His hands were tucked casually into his pockets, wearing the same relaxed expression that almost made me forget the mess he’d left behind. Almost.

“Hey.”

An awkward silence settled between us. Not because there was anything left to say. But because meither of us seemed to know where to begin.

“So…” he asked eventually, “how have you been?”

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

I nodded.

“I’ve been traveling.”

Something shifted in his expression. Just slightly.

“I saw the pictures.”

He didn’t need to explain which ones. Almost my entire Instagram feed had turned into a collection of racetracks, paddocks, and European cities.

“With Antonelli?” he asked, sounding almost indifferent.

I sighed quietly.

“Yeah.”

He waited, as if expecting me to add something. I didn’t.

“I didn’t realize you two were that close.”

A small smile tugged at my lips.

“Neither did I.”

He looked away for a moment.

“So… you spent basically the whole month with him?”

“Most of it.”

“Huh…” He didn’t sound angry. He sounded… confused. As if he was trying to fit a puzzle piece into a picture that suddenly no longer made sense.

That was when Cleo walked over, carrying two drinks.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“Not at all,” I said.

She handed us each a cup before lingering beside us with a little too much interest.

“We were talking about her summer,” Matteo explained.

“Oh.”

The look Cleo gave me made my stomach twist. It wasn’t curious, it was analytical.

“So you really spent the whole month traveling with Kimi?”

“Yeah.”

“Interesting.”

I frowned.

“What’s interesting about it?”

She shrugged.

“Nothing. I just never imagined you two were that close.”

“I guess we are now.” Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Matteo staring down at the cup in his hands.

“And does he…?”

He stopped himself.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “I was just thinking… it must be hard trying to keep a friendship like that when someone spends their entire life traveling.”

There was something strange about the way he said it. It wasn’t criticism. It almost sounded like he was trying to convince me it couldn’t possibly last.

I opened my mouth to answer, but someone beat me to it.

“Well…” The familiar voice made all three of us turn around. “I’m planning on making it last.”

For one brief second, I honestly thought I was imagining things.

Kimi was standing there.

Still wearing a black Mercedes team shirt, a backpack hanging from one shoulder. His hair looked slightly messy, like he’d only just taken off his cap.

I blinked twice.

“What are you doing here?”

He smiled.

“I finished earlier than expected.” He dropped his backpack onto the ground before walking straight toward me.

He didn’t greet Matteo. He didn’t greet Cleo. He didn’t greet anyone else. He stopped right in front of me.

“I told you I’d try to make it.”

Before I could answer, he wrapped me in a hug. It wasn’t particularly romantic. But it lasted longer than anyone would’ve expected from two people who were supposedly just friends.

For a brief second, I felt his chin rest lightly against the top of my head before he pulled away.

“I missed you.” The words came out so naturally that, for a moment, I forgot how to breathe.

When I looked up again, the first thing I saw was Matteo’s face. He didn’t look angry. He looked… Left behind. Like he’d just realized he’d shown up late to a conversation that had been unfolding without him for weeks.

“Hey, Matteo,” Kimi said at last, offering his hand.

“Hey.”

They shook hands politely.

It was the kind of politeness that only existed between two people trying very hard to prove they had absolutely no problem with each other.

“I thought you were in England,” Matteo said.

“I was.”

“And you came all the way here just for the barbecue?”

Kimi glanced at me for the briefest moment before answering.

“Yeah.” Just one word, but it shifted the atmosphere completely.

Cleo looked at me. She didn’t have to say anything, I could practically feel the tension radiating off her.

And, to my own embarrassment, a small part of me enjoyed every second of it.

The conversation fizzled out when someone announced the food was ready. As always, any sense of order disappeared immediately.

Everyone got to their feet at once, grabbing plates, cutlery, and searching for empty seats around the backyard.

I’d stayed behind for a moment to pour myself another drink when I noticed Kimi walking ahead of me. At first, I assumed he was just looking for somewhere to sit. It wasn’t until a few seconds later that I realized what he was doing.

He chose a table near the end of the garden. Before sitting down, he quietly pulled out the chair beside him just a little, resting one hand on the back of it as he casually continued talking to one of our friends.

The gesture looked completely unconscious. But it wasn’t. He was saving that seat.

For me.

Cleo reached the table first. Balancing her plate in one hand, she rested the other on the back of the chair.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Kimi looked up. For the briefest moment, something crossed his face, like he’d suddenly remembered something important.

“Oh—sorry.” He stepped aside with an apologetic smile. “I was actually saving that seat for Y/N.”

The silence lasted barely a second. Just long enough for Cleo to smile.

“Oh. Right.” She took her hand off the chair and quietly moved farther down the table.

Anyone else watching would’ve thought absolutely nothing of it. I probably would’ve too… If I hadn’t caught the way Cleo clenched her jaw before turning away. I tried convincing myself I was imagining things. That it had just been an awkward little moment.

“You gonna stand there all day, or are you coming?” Kimi called from the table.

His voice pulled me back to reality. I laughed softly before walking over. As soon as I reached him, he pulled out my chair.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” He waited until I was comfortably seated before sitting down himself.

The gesture was so natural it felt automatic. Maybe that was exactly why everyone noticed it.

Almost instinctively, I looked up.

Matteo was still standing with his plate in his hands. He’d been walking toward our table, but the moment he saw me sitting beside Kimi, he quietly changed direction.

Instead, he sat at the opposite end of the garden. He tried joining another conversation. Still, every now and then, I caught his eyes drifting back toward our table.

Kimi noticed too. Their gazes met for only a second.

There was no challenge.

No smug smile.

Just the uncomfortable silence that exists when two people understand exactly what’s happening without either of them saying a word.

Then Kimi looked back at me.

“What?”

I shook my head.

“Nothing.” I was lying.

I’d gotten exactly what I’d wanted.

Matteo was watching me. For the first time, he finally seemed to understand that he could lose me.

And yet that victory stopped feeling important the moment Kimi, completely unaware of the game unfolding around him, reached over and spooned some salad onto my plate because he remembered it was the only way I’d eat tomatoes.

It was such an absurdly small gesture. But somehow, it unraveled something inside me.

The satisfaction I’d felt seeing Matteo’s expression faded into the background. What stayed with me for the rest of the night wasn’t Matteo at all.

It was Kimi’s easy smile as he talked to me… Completely unaware of the chaos he was causing inside my heart.

(…)

Kimi had the next two weeks off, so he invited me on a quick trip to St. Barths.

At first, I hesitated. It took him nearly half an hour of convincing before I finally gave in.

We flew first class. I’d assumed his family would be coming with us, but they weren’t. It was just the two of us.

That only made me more nervous. Up until then, every trip we’d taken together had included his parents and Maggie. Everything had always felt comfortably family-friendly.

Now we’d be alone. I didn’t know what that might lead to and I wasn’t sure I was ready for things to become more intimate.

Kimi seemed to understand that without me saying it out loud. Because he’d booked us separate hotel rooms. To my immense relief.

Our first day was spent by the hotel’s pool.

Kimi practically lived in the water while I stretched out in the sun, hoping to catch that soft golden glow summer always leaves on tan skin.

The following day, we went to the beach.

That was where I made my first mistake.

The water was so impossibly clear it looked more like an infinity pool than the ocean.

The moment we arrived, Kimi insisted I get in. I only dipped my feet into the water while looking for somewhere to leave my towel.

“It’s freezing,” I complained.

“You’re lying.”

“Kimi, you willingly sit in an ice bath after every race. Your opinion doesn’t count.”

He laughed. Without warning, he splashed a handful of water at me.

“You’re such an idiot!” I immediately splashed him back.

That was all it took.

We started chasing each other through the shallow water, laughing, soaking each other over and over again like two children who had absolutely no interest in behaving like adults.

While trying to escape, a wave caught me off guard. My footing slipped. Before I could fall, a pair of hands caught me around the waist.

Everything happened so quickly that I ended up crashing into Kimi’s chest.

Neither of us moved.

The ocean was still roaring around us. People were still laughing somewhere farther down the beach. But somehow it all felt impossibly far away.

One of Kimi’s hands was still resting around my waist. Mine had landed against his chest.

“Sorry…” he murmured.

Though he didn’t seem particularly eager to let go.His eyes drifted from mine to my lips, then back again. Like he was fighting himself.

“Y/N…” His voice was barely more than a whisper. “I don’t want to read this the wrong way.”

My heart pounded painfully against my ribs. I knew exactly what he was asking. I knew exactly why he was hesitating.

Part of me was still thinking about Matteo. About how much he’d hate this if he ever found out.

The other part simply wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss Kimi.

A small smile found its way onto my lips. I couldn’t look away.

“Why don’t you find out?”

For a split second, every trace of uncertainty disappeared from his face. Like he’d been waiting for permission all this time.

He closed the remaining distance between us.

The kiss was slow. Tentative. So unbelievably gentle it almost felt like he was asking every second whether I was still okay.

There was no urgency. No desperation. Just the soft brush of his lips against mine and, at some point, the warmth of his hand slowly tracing comforting circles along my back.

Time seemed to stop.

When we finally pulled apart, neither of us spoke.

Kimi was smiling. That small, almost disbelieving smile I’d started seeing more and more often. Like someone who’d just lived through a moment he’d imagined for years.

And all I could think was that I’d just made my plan infinitely more complicated than I’d ever intended.

That night, I couldn’t stop tossing and turning in bed. I felt awful, I didn’t deserve someone like Kimi. I’d taken advantage of him in the worst possible way.

He’d been nothing but honest with me. What I was doing was cruel. And somehow I couldn’t make myself stop.

Over the past few weeks, Kimi had slowly occupied more and more space inside my mind. Instead of fading, his presence seemed to grow stronger every single day.

Morning arrived together with an endless stream of notifications.

My eyes flew open. There were photos of Kimi and me at the beach. Standing much too close to be mistaken for just friends.

I kept scrolling.

Then my heart nearly stopped.

Pictures of us kissing. When had someone even taken them? As far as I knew, no one had been anywhere near us.

I knew Matteo would inevitably see them.

That realization should’ve made me feel satisfied.

Instead… I felt nothing. If anything, I felt even worse. It was like I’d fallen into a hole that kept getting deeper and every wall was too slippery to climb out of it.

Before Kimi woke up and discovered the media frenzy that was already unfolding online, I slipped out of the hotel.

The beach was almost empty. I wandered aimlessly along the shoreline, letting the waves wash over my feet while desperately trying to convince myself there was still a way to fix everything.

There wasn’t.

Footsteps echoed softly behind me. I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

His voice startled me anyway.

When I looked back, he was walking toward me with his hands tucked into the pockets of his shorts. His hair was still damp. The concern on his face only made the guilt worse.

“Sorry… I just needed to get out for a while.”

He nodded.

He didn’t ask why. He simply stopped beside me and looked out at the ocean. After a while, he finally spoke.

“I saw the pictures.”

A knot tightened in my throat.

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could manage.

He turned to look at me, clearly confused.

“What are you apologizing for?”

I opened my mouth. None of the real answers would come.

Because I’m using you. Because I never should’ve kissed you. Because none of this started because of you. In the end, I chose the easiest lie.

“I didn’t want this to become public.”

A quiet laugh escaped through his nose.

“Believe me… I wasn’t expecting there to be a photographer hiding behind a palm tree either.”

Despite everything, I smiled.

When he noticed, he smiled too. Just for a second, he’d managed to pull me out of my own head.

Silence settled between us again.

He took a slow breath.

“If this makes you uncomfortable we can just tell everyone it was a misunderstanding.”

I looked at him confused. He avoided my eyes.

“I don’t want you thinking one kiss means you’re suddenly obligated to anything.”

My chest ached. Even believing I’d regretted kissing him, his first instinct was still to make things easier for me.

He was always like that. Always thinking about how I felt before himself.

“I just… I need a little time today.”

The disappointment that flickered across his face lasted barely a heartbeat.

Most people would’ve missed it. I didn’t.

He smiled.

“Take all the time you need.” He reached over, gently ruffling my hair before turning away.

He didn’t push, didn’t ask questions, didn’t try to convince me to stay. He simply respected what I’d asked.

I spent the rest of the day hiding in my room.

I tried sleeping. Then reading. Then convincing myself I could still stop all of this before it went any further. Every attempt ended the same way. With the memory of Kimi smiling at me on the beach.

By the time night fell, someone knocked on my door. I opened it expecting room service. Instead, It was Kimi.

He was wearing a plain white T-shirt, his hair was still slightly messy. His hands were buried deep inside his pockets.

He looked so nervous that, for a second, I thought he might change his mind and leave.

“Can I come in?”

I stepped aside.

He sat down on the small sofa by the window but stayed quiet for several seconds. His hands rubbed nervously together, like he was rehearsing every word in his head.

“I’ve been thinking a lot since yesterday.” He finally looked up at me. “And I don’t think I want to keep pretending this doesn’t mean anything to me.”

My breathing stopped.

“I know maybe that kiss was impulsive for you…” He smiled shyly. “And if it was… I understand, but it wasn’t for me.”

He lowered his eyes before meeting mine again.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time.” Another quiet breath. “I’ve liked you for a really long time.”

My heart pounded so hard I could barely hear anything else.

“I don’t want to pressure you, I just… I wanted to ask if you’d like to give us a real chance.”

Silence swallowed the room.

No.

I needed to say no, that was the right thing to do. I could still stop this before I hurt him even more.

But I also knew that saying no wouldn’t erase the kiss, It wouldn’t erase the photographs, It wouldn’t erase everything that had already begun to grow between us.

All it would do was make me lose the one person who had spent months trying, every single day, to make me happy.

I let out a slow breath.

I was still trapped in that hole, but now instead of trying to climb out, I picked up a shovel and started digging even deeper.

I’d already crossed too many lines.

And instead of turning back, I crossed one more.

“Yes.”

The smile that lit up Kimi’s face was so genuine that I had to look away.

He believed he’d just lived through one of the happiest moments of his life.

I’d just made my second mistake.

(…)

The next few weeks were complete chaos.

Kimi hadn’t publicly confirmed our relationship, but people didn’t need a statement after seeing us walk into the Zandvoort paddock hand in hand.

His family, on the other hand, couldn’t have been happier.

“Finally,” Marco declared dramatically after finding out. “I was starting to think I’d die before Andrea finally admitted how he felt about you.”

Kimi and I exchanged an embarrassed laugh.

Just like his father, several members of the team came over to congratulate us, joking about Kimi’s little crush that, apparently, everyone had known about for a very long time.

A knot tightened in my stomach. Now I finally understood what all those knowing smiles had meant. I understood why everyone had welcomed me so warmly the first day I’d stepped into the Monaco paddock.

Social media, however, wasn’t nearly as supportive.

People were deeply divided. Some were genuinely happy for Kimi. Others had taken the opportunity to pour out every ounce of jealousy and hatred they’d apparently been saving.

I found that out one morning when a post appeared on my X timeline.

@kimi12aka: I don’t know who needs to hear this, but Kimi deserves someone who loves him for who he is, not for everything he can give.

He looks at her like she’s the love of his life, and she looks like she wouldn’t have given him a second glance before he became a Mercedes driver. You can tell she’s good at manipulating men. One day Andrea’s going to regret trusting the wrong person.

I couldn’t understand why the algorithm had decided to show me something like that. Until I looked closer.

Cleo’s private account had reposted it.

My eyebrows immediately drew together. How could she share something like that? But the longer I stared at the repost, the more all of Cleo’s recent behavior started making sense.

She was jealous.

I wasn’t entirely sure of what. But it was the only explanation that fit.

I was about to message her when Matteo’s name flashed across my screen.

MATTEO: I saw you’re in Italy. Want to grab a coffee?

For the first time I hesitated before saying yes. A few months earlier, I would’ve done anything for that opportunity.

Now, accepting somehow felt like betraying Kimi.

MATTEO: Just an hour. Don’t worry.

His persistence made me feel guilty enough that, eventually I agreed.

I arrived at the café ten minutes early.

I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous. Matteo and I had shared dozens of coffees before. But this one felt different. Maybe because, for the first time, I wasn’t secretly hoping something would happen between us.

He arrived a few minutes later wearing a simple white T-shirt and a dark baseball cap. He smiled the moment he spotted me.

“Thanks for coming.”

“It was no trouble.”

An awkward silence settled over the table as the waiter brought our drinks. Neither of us seemed to know how to begin.

Matteo broke the silence first.

“I saw the pictures.”

He didn’t need to explain which ones.

“Oh…”

“You look happy.” There was no bitterness in his voice. Only sadness.

“I’m trying to be.”

He let out a quiet, humorless laugh.

“I guess I deserve that.”

I frowned slightly.

He rubbed a hand over his face before speaking again.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking these past few months.”

“So have I,” I admitted.

He nodded slowly.

“…I don’t think in the same way.” His fingers absentmindedly traced the rim of his coffee cup. “When you started traveling with Kimi, I thought you were just trying to get my attention.”

My stomach twisted.

“I figured if I waited long enough, you’d get tired of it and everything would go back to the way it used to be.”He paused. “But it didn’t.”

He took a slow breath.

“That’s when I realized…” His eyes met mine. “The problem was never Kimi. It was me.”

I didn’t know what to say. So I stayed quiet.

“I got too used to having you around.” He smiled bitterly. “You were always there, and I just assumed you always would be until one day you stopped looking at me the way you used to.”

My throat tightened.

“I broke up with Julia two weeks ago.”

I blinked.

“What?”

“I realized I was trying to build a relationship while I was still thinking about someone else.”

My heartbeat quickened.

“Y/N…” His voice softened. “I love you.”

For a moment the world stopped.

“I know I’m late and I know I hurt you. But if there’s still even the smallest chance… I want to try again.”

The words I’d spent months dreaming about were finally right in front of me.

And yet I felt nothing. Nothing like the happiness I’d imagined all those times before.

I lowered my gaze to my hands.

I tried.

I truly did.

I tried to find the girl who would’ve jumped out of her chair to hug him. But she wasn’t there anymore.

Instead all I could see was Kimi.

Kimi laughing while trying to teach me how to swim.

Kimi pulling out a chair for me.

Kimi remembering that I’d only eat tomatoes if they were in a salad.

Kimi looking at me like I was the best part of every single one of his days.

I took a deep breath.

“A few months ago I would’ve given anything to hear you say that.”

Matteo closed his eyes for just a second. He already knew my answer.

“But you were too late.”

He smiled sadly.

“It’s because of Antonelli… isn’t it?”

I slowly shook my head.

“No.” I paused. “It’s because of me.”

He frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“It means, while you were realizing you loved me, I realized I’d stopped waiting for you.”

The silence that followed was devastating.

Matteo nodded once. He didn’t argue. He didn’t try to change my mind. He simply left some cash on the table.

“I hope he knows how lucky he is.”

I watched him walk away without looking back.

For the first time in months, I finally felt that chapter of my life had come to an end.

When I got back to the hotel, I found Kimi sitting on the balcony. His phone rested in his hands. He didn’t look up right away.

“Everything okay?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

“Yeah.” The answer came too quickly. Too flat.

He set the phone down on the glass table before finally looking at me.

“How was coffee?”

I froze. I didn’t remember telling him I was meeting Matteo.

“It was… fine.”

He held my gaze for a few long seconds.

“Did you just talk?”

My stomach dropped.

“Why are you asking?”

Without saying a word, Kimi picked up his phone again. He unlocked it. Then turned the screen toward me.

There were several photos. Matteo and I walking into the café. The two of us smiling across the table. Matteo leaning slightly toward me and one taken through the café window where the angle made our hands look much closer than they’d actually been.

My breath caught.

“Who sent you those?”

“I don’t know.” His voice remained calm but his knuckles had turned white around the phone.

After several long seconds, he spoke again. Almost in a whisper.

“I just need you to tell me one thing.” He swallowed hard “Do you still love him?”

There was no anger in his voice. Only fear. A fear so deep that the photographs themselves suddenly stopped mattering.

I stepped closer until I was standing in front of him.

“No.”

He searched my face.

Looking for even the smallest hint of hesitation.

“He asked me to meet him. He broke up with Julia and told me he wanted another chance.”

I watched Kimi’s jaw tighten.

“And you?”

I slowly shook my head.

“I said no.”

For the first time since I’d walked into the room, his shoulders relaxed. He let out a slow breath, like he’d been holding it all afternoon.

“I’m sorry.” He lowered his head. “I didn’t want to doubt you. It’s just… When I saw those pictures…”

He didn’t finish.

He didn’t have to.

I took one more step toward him and gently took his hand.

“I’m here.”

Almost instinctively, he laced his fingers with mine. When he looked back at me, the tension between us had changed.

It was no longer fear. It was the quiet need to feel close again. Without taking his eyes off mine, he slowly closed what little distance still remained between us. His lips sought mine with excruciating slowness until contact finally came.

His hands tightened around my hips, anchoring me against him as a low moan escaped his throat—a mixture of relief and desire that vibrated straight through my chest.

"Are you sure you want to keep going?" he asked, his words coming out between ragged breaths.

I could only nod hurriedly.

The air grew heavy, saturated with the citrus scent that always clung to him, now mixed with the metallic tang of adrenaline. We stumbled backward, bumping into the edge of the table and knocking a few decorations to the floor with dull thuds that neither of us even registered.

Kimi lifted me in one fluid motion, wrapping my legs around his waist before sitting me on the cold tabletop, the chill creating an electric contrast against the suffocating heat of his hands sliding beneath my blouse.

His kisses were no longer driven by urgency alone; they had become territorial, trailing down my jaw until they found the exact spot on my neck where my pulse hammered wildly.

I felt his teeth graze my skin, a deliberate pressure that arched my back and drew a moan from me, one that was swallowed by his mouth when he claimed my lips again.

There was no room for doubt anymore.

"You're beautiful," he said, his hands still wandering gently over my body. "I love everything about you."

His fingers, rough and resolute, found the fastening of my pants, undoing it with an efficiency that suggested he had imagined this moment a thousand times. When his hand finally reached the warm wetness between my thighs, a sharp gasp escaped me as my world narrowed to the single point where his skin touched mine.

I pressed myself closer to him, desperately trying to erase every last millimeter between us, feeling the hardness of his cock pressing against my stomach.

Kimi pulled back just enough to meet my gaze, his eyes burning with an intensity that set me on fire, while his breath struck my cheek in short, hot bursts.

There were no words, only the sound of my pants and panties sliding down my legs with an urgency that bordered on desperation. He left me vulnerable, exposed to the cold air of the room, but the chill lasted only a heartbeat before his mouth claimed my collarbone again, leaving behind a trail of fire that made my fingertips tremble.

His fingers sank into my wet cunt with a steady, rhythmic pressure, exploring the texture of my walls with ravenous curiosity. I felt my body arch involuntarily, craving more of that friction, while a deep moan rumbled from his chest, resonating through the empty space between us.

His movements were anything but gentle; they were precise, driven by a muscle memory that seemed to know exactly where to press and how long to hold the tension before releasing the first spasm.

Without warning, he lifted me off the table only to turn me around, pressing my chest against the cold wooden surface. The sharp contrast stole my breath, leaving me exposed as I felt his body—solid and burning hot—anchor itself against my back. His hands slid down to grip my thighs, spreading them apart with a firmness that left me defenseless, while his breathing, now ragged, scorched the back of my neck.

There was no pause for tenderness; the rough brush of his pants against my damp skin was a delicious torture that made me want to bite the edge of the table to keep from crying out.

I felt the cool fabric of his trousers grazing my hip before he stripped out of them in abrupt, almost violent movements, driven by an urgency he could no longer contain.

When he finally felt the direct friction of skin against skin, an electric shiver raced down my spine, and a muffled sob escaped me, absorbed against the skin of my shoulder as he marked me with the possessiveness of someone reclaiming something they had believed was lost.

The entry was slow, a deliberate penetration that forced me to close my eyes and dig my nails into the wood as I felt every inch of me stretch to make room for him.

It wasn’t smooth; it was a struggle between resistance and surrender, where the air grew thick and the sound of our bodies colliding began to set the rhythm of the room.

He buried himself inside me with one deep thrust that stole the breath from my lungs, stopping at the precise point where the tension became unbearable, savoring the uncontrollable trembling of my legs beneath his grip.

Then the cadence changed. There was no longer any room for anticipation; it became raw, almost animal urgency. His thrusts grew heavy, driving into me with a force that shook my entire body against the table, the wood creaking beneath the weight of our desperation.

It was a feverish rhythm, stripped of every trace of tenderness, where each impact felt like a claim, an invisible mark being etched into my skin as rough, ragged breaths escaped him.

There was no subtlety in the way his hands closed around my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh to anchor me in place, making sure there wasn’t a single millimeter of air between us.

I felt small, overwhelmed by the intensity of his desire, like it was meant to consume me. Every thrust was a jolt, a sharp, visceral collision that forced me to arch my back to its limit, desperately chasing the point where pleasure fused with an almost painful pressure.

I could feel the tension coiling low in my abdomen, a knot tightening with every stroke of his cock against my cunt, while he whispered my name in a broken voice, almost a plea, against the curve of my neck.

His movements became erratic, shorter and deeper. Then, without warning, the rhythm broke. His hands clamped down on my hips with desperate force, pinning me against the wood as a guttural groan tore from his throat.

I felt the first contraction, an involuntary spasm that made my vagina tighten around his cock, and then the dam broke. A wave of liquid heat surged from the very center of my being, spreading outward in ripples that forced my head back as a cry escaped me, swallowed by the heavy air filling the room.

He didn’t stop. If anything, he drove into me one last time with a depth that stole the oxygen from my lungs, releasing a moan that reverberated through my entire chest as his body tensed like a rope pulled to its breaking point.

Pleasure ceased to be a sensation and became a deafening hum. For a single moment, we remained suspended in that precise instant when desire stops being hunger and becomes pure exhaustion. The table no longer creaked beneath us, replaced only by the dull echo of our breathing colliding with one another.

For a long moment, neither of us moved. Our breathing gradually slowed until the urgency dissolved into something quieter. Something deeper.

He brushed another kiss against my shoulder.

“I thought I’d lost you today,” he admitted softly. His voice cracked ever so slightly.

I closed my eyes.

“You didn’t.” The words came out barely above a whisper.

He held me a little tighter.

“As soon as I saw those pictures…” He exhaled shakily. “I kept thinking maybe I’d never really had you to begin with.”

My chest tightened. I turned in his arms until I was facing him again.

“You have me.”

For the first time that evening, the tension disappeared completely from his expression. His forehead rested gently against mine as he smiled—a small, relieved smile that reached his eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered.

The words settled quietly between us.

I couldn’t bring myself to answer, not because I didn’t feel anything. But because I still wasn’t sure I deserved to.

(...)

Months later, I found myself in a get together with our friends. The party looked exactly like every other party our group had ever thrown.

The music was far too loud, someone was burning the meat on the grill, and half a dozen conversations were happening all at once.

Seeing Cleo again made me wonder if I'd overreacted about Twitter. Maybe Cleo's repost had just been a stupid, impulsive decision. Maybe if we both pretended it had never happened, things could go back to the way they were.

I was wrong.

"Y/N!" One of the guys waved me over from the backyard. "Come here—we were just talking about Kimi."

I couldn't help smiling as I walked over.

Cleo was already sitting there, a glass of wine in her hand. Our eyes met for only a second. She was the first to look away.

"So?" Marc asked. "How's Mercedes' golden boy doing?"

I laughed softly.

"Pretty well. He's feeling really confident with the car."

"It shows," another friend said. "I've never seen him this relaxed."

He smirked.

"Must be because he finally has a girlfriend."

Every pair of eyes immediately turned toward me. Heat rushed to my cheeks.

"Don't start..."

Laughter rippled around the table. Everyone laughed... Except one person.

"Yeah." Cleo's voice was so quiet it almost disappeared beneath the music. "Some people really do have all the luck."

I chose to ignore her. Someone else quickly changed the subject, asking what life inside the paddock was actually like.

I told them a funny story from Monza about a Mercedes mechanic who had mistaken me for a member of the team. Everyone laughed.

"Look at you," Cleo spoke again. "Six months ago you couldn't tell a Ferrari from a Williams, and now you sound like an F1 commentator."

The laughter this time was noticeably weaker. I simply smiled.

"I guess you learn a thing or two when you spend that much time traveling."

"Of course." She slowly swirled the wine in her glass before looking at me. "When someone offers to take you around the world for free, the least you can do is learn a little about their hobbie."

Silence crashed over the table.

One of the guys awkwardly cleared his throat, another suddenly became very interested in his phone. No one seemed to know what to say.

I took a slow breath.

No.

I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. I kept talking to everyone else like nothing had happened. For almost twenty minutes, I managed to convince myself the night might end without us confronting each other.

Then someone pulled out their phone to show us vacation pictures. As they scrolled from one photo to the next, one image appeared.

Kimi and me. Walking through the Zandvoort paddock hand in hand.

"You two look adorable here."

I smiled faintly.

"That was the day we—"

"...made it official," Cleo finished for me. She took another sip of wine. "Although... I suppose for Andrea, it had been official long before that."

I frowned.

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged.

"Nothing. I just think it's funny how some people spend years waiting for a chance while others just happen to show up at exactly the right moment."

This time, I wasn't the only one who caught the poison behind her words.

The conversation died completely. I slowly set my glass on the table.

"Cleo."

She looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Come with me for a minute."

For the first time all evening, she smiled. A real smile, like she'd been waiting for exactly this.

"Sure."

"We need to talk," I said the moment we were alone in the kitchen.

She barely looked up.

I waited.

She said nothing.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and placed it on the countertop in front of her.

The repost was already open. The post calling me a gold digger. A manipulator. The girl who was only with Andrea because of everything he could offer.

Cleo looked at the screen for barely a second, then calmly took another sip of wine.

"So?"

My patience started slipping.

"You're seriously asking me 'so?'"

"Yeah."

"Why did you repost this?"

She looked back at the phone.

"Because I felt like it."

I frowned.

"You know exactly how much hate I've been getting ever since my relationship with Andrea became public."

"I know."

"Then why would you add to it?"

She let out a dry laugh.

"Because for once, someone on the internet actually said something that made sense."

Anger surged through me.

"Do you really think that's who I am?"

She set her glass down.

"I don't think it. I suspect it."

"Suspect what?"

She held my gaze.

"That Andrea wasn't your first choice."

Silence settled between us. I forced myself not to react.

"You're talking nonsense."

"Am I?" She crossed her arms. "A few months ago you cried over Matteo every single day. Then Julia showed up and, conveniently, weeks later you were traveling around Europe with Andrea. How convenient."

I clenched my jaw.

"You have no idea what actually happened."

"No." Her voice remained infuriatingly calm. "I don't. But I do know how to add two and two together."

I inhaled slowly.

"You're letting your jealousy make up stories."

That finally made her smile, not because she'd found it funny. Because I'd hit a nerve.

"Jealous?"

"Yes." I pointed directly at her. "You're jealous. You've always liked Andrea."

She laughed.

"And if I do?"

The question caught me off guard.

"What?"

"If I like Andrea... Does that automatically make me wrong?"

I didn't answer. She stepped closer.

"Answer me something instead. When Matteo started dating Julia how did that make you feel?"

I looked down for a split second.

She noticed immediately.

"Exactly. It hurt."

I nodded.

"Yeah."

"And right after that, Andrea invited you to travel with him."

A knot formed in my stomach.

"Yeah."

"And you said yes."

"...Yeah."

She smiled sadly.

"See why I have my suspicions?"

I raised my voice for the first time.

"That doesn't prove anything!"

"Oh?" Her voice never changed. "Then tell me why did you say yes?"

I opened my mouth.

The answer was simple.

Because I wanted to forget Matteo. But I couldn't say that. Because then I'd have to explain how.

My silence condemned me.

Cleo sighed.

"That's what I thought."

I immediately tried to defend myself.

"Things changed. I love him now." I said it firmly, because it was true.

She believed me. I saw it in her eyes. But it didn't make her feel any better if anything... It only made her look sadder.

"I don't doubt that you love him now." She paused. "What I doubt is why you gave him a chance in the first place."

My breathing quickened.

"Stay out of my relationship."

She slowly shook her head.

"Do you know what makes me the angriest?" She didn't wait for an answer. "He genuinely believes you chose him. That one day you woke up and thought I want to be with Andrea. When we both know that's not how it happened."

A hollow ache spread through my chest. Because even if she didn't know the whole story, she'd gotten far too close. I took a step toward her.

"Don't ever speak like you know my life."

"And you should stop pretending this started because of love."

That was it. I completely lost my temper.

"You don't know anything!"

"I know enough." She didn't blink. "I know you went to see Matteo."

My entire body froze.

"...How?"

Cleo slowly let out a breath.

"Because I'm the one who sent Andrea those pictures."

The world seemed to stop. I stared at her in disbelief.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me."

"It was you?" She nodded.

A mixture of anger and disbelief rushed through me.

"Why would you do something like that?"

It took her several seconds to answer. When she finally did, her voice sounded utterly exhausted.

"Because I wanted to be wrong."

I frowned. She smiled sadly.

"I wanted Andrea to receive those pictures and for you to be able to look him in the eye without being afraid. But after I saw you I knew I'd hit something, I don't know what. But something."

My heart pounded painfully.

"You could've destroyed my relationship."

"No." She shook her head firmly. "If a few photographs were enough to destroy your relationship then the photographs were never the problem. The problem was the secret you've been hiding from him since the very beginning."

Silence fell between us.

I was shaking with anger.

She was shaking with sadness.

She picked up her wine glass. Before walking away, she stopped beside me.

"I really hope you love him as much as you say you do. Because if he ever finds out otherwise... I don't think he'd survive it."

I watched her walk away, unable to move a single muscle.

For the first time since I'd accepted that trip, I realized the truth no longer belonged to me alone.

Someone else had started to see it. Even if they could only make out its outline through the shadows.

I didn't go back inside the party. I said goodbye to the few people who were still outside using whatever excuse came to mind, then drove for almost an hour without any real destination.

I didn't cry. I'd already cried every tear I had left during my argument with Cleo.

All that remained was an unbearable emptiness in my chest. For the first time since all of this had begun, I realized there was no point in putting it off any longer. I could keep hiding the truth. Keep waiting for the perfect moment. But the perfect moment was never going to come.

And with every passing day, the lie only grew bigger.

The apartment was completely silent when I got home.

I glanced at the clock, it was almost eleven at night. For a moment, I considered turning around, waiting until the next day, making up another excuse.

Doing what I'd spent months doing: Running away.

My hand was already on the doorknob when the bedroom door opened.

Kimi looked up the moment he saw me. He was wearing gray sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt, a glass of water in one hand. The expression on his face changed immediately.

"What happened?"

I shook my head. I tried to smile but I couldn't.

He set the glass down on the table without taking his eyes off me.

"Come here."

He didn't ask another question. He simply opened his arms and I did exactly what I'd spent weeks trying to avoid.

I fell apart.

I felt his arms wrap tightly around me as I buried my face against his chest. He didn't say anything. He just slowly rubbed my back, like he knew that any words would only break something that was barely holding together.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. Five minutes, maybe ten.

Until I finally managed to speak.

"I need to tell you something."

I felt his hand stop moving against my back. He didn't let go of me, but his breathing changed.

"Okay."

I took a deep breath. I pulled back just enough to look at him. I'd never found it so difficult to hold his gaze.

"I don't even know where to start."

Kimi sat down on the couch and quietly gestured for me to sit beside him. Then he waited. Just like he always did. Without pressuring me, without filling the silence, simply waiting. I sat down beside him.

My hands were shaking.

"Do you remember the first time you invited me to travel with you?"

A faint smile appeared on his face.

"Of course."

"I've been wanting to talk to you about that day for months."

The smile slowly faded. I lowered my eyes to my hands.

"It all started long before we kissed, before we started dating, before I even understood what I felt for you."

I took another deep breath. I knew that once I said the next words... There would be no taking them back.

"When I accepted that trip I didn't do it for the right reasons."

The silence that followed was unbearable. I waited for some kind of reaction.

A question, a change in his expression, anything. Nothing came. Kimi remained perfectly still, watching me quietly, waiting for me to finish.

I swallowed hard.

"I was completely heartbroken over Matteo. I thought about him all the time. I couldn't understand why he'd chosen Julia and then you came along." I looked up at him for only a brief moment. "You were the only guy I knew had feelings for me, and I..."

My voice began to crack.

"I convinced myself that if I started dating you I'd be able to forget him." The tears came before I could stop them. "I thought I was taking advantage of an opportunity not a person. But I was wrong, because the person was you and you never deserved that."

The room fell silent again. This time for much longer.

I struggled to breathe.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, I don't even expect you to want to see me again after this, I just couldn't keep lying to you anymore. For months, every time you told me 'I love you,' it felt heavier than the time before." I lowered my head completely. “I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

Kimi didn't answer.

I heard him slowly let out a breath. Then I felt him gently take one of my hands between both of his. He held it there for several seconds, like searching for the right words.

When he finally spoke... His voice was much calmer than I ever could have imagined.

"Are you finished?"

I looked up at him, confused. I nodded.

A very small smile appeared on his face, sad, but genuine.

"Then let me talk now."

Kimi remained silent for a few moments.

He never looked away from me. His fingers still held my hand with the same gentle touch they always had, as if he was afraid that one careless movement might break me.

He lowered his head for a second and let out a quiet breath of laughter through his nose. It wasn't mocking. It was the nervous laugh of someone who had been waiting for this moment for far too long.

"I've spent months imagining what this conversation would be like."

I frowned slightly.

"What?"

He looked back up.

"Not exactly like this." A sad smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "But I always knew it would happen someday."

My breathing stopped.

"What do you mean?"

He stayed quiet for a few seconds, choosing each word with care.

"I never knew exactly what had happened." He slowly shook his head. "There were just... things that never quite added up."

A chill ran down my spine.

Kimi took a breath before continuing.

"At first, I thought I was imagining it. It was easier to believe I was just being insecure. That I was seeing problems that weren't really there." A faint smile crossed his face. "George always says I overthink everything."

That managed to pull the smallest smile out of me before it disappeared almost instantly. His expression grew serious again.

"But the more time I spent with you the harder it became to ignore." He looked down at our intertwined hands. "There were moments when I'd catch you looking at me and I knew you were really there, with me. But then there were other moments..."

His voice softened.

"...when someone mentioned Matteo, and something changed in your face. Just a little, if I hadn't been paying so much attention to you I probably never would've noticed."

A sharp ache spread through my chest. Because he was right. I hadn't even been aware of those tiny changes. He had.

"Then you agreed to come to every race, we became closer, then we kissed, then we started dating and there were still things I couldn't understand." He looked back at me. "Not because I doubted that you cared about me. That was never the problem, what I couldn't understand was... Why me?"

I blinked.

"What?"

"I never understood why you'd chosen me. There were better-looking guys, older guys, guys with more experience, guys who looked a lot more like Matteo. I was just..."

He let out an awkward laugh.

"...me."

I immediately shook my head.

"Andrea..."

He smiled softly.

"Let me finish."

I nodded without saying a word.

"Then the coffee happened. It wasn't the pictures, the pictures just forced me to ask myself something I'd been avoiding for a long time." He closed his eyes for a brief moment. "What if I'd just come along at the right time?"

Fresh tears filled my eyes.

Kimi had never had proof. He'd never read a message. He'd never overheard a conversation. He'd figured it out entirely on his own. Just by piecing together tiny details that anyone else would've overlooked.

"I thought about asking you. So many times, there were nights when I almost did. But every single time I came to the same conclusion." He took a deep breath. "If I forced you to answer before you were ready I'd never know whether your answer came from love or guilt."

The first tear rolled down my cheek.

"Kimi..."

He slowly shook his head.

"Just listen to me a little longer." His thumb gently brushed over the back of my hand.

Such a tiny gesture and somehow It was enough to break me all over again.

"Then Matteo came back, he broke up with Julia, he came looking for you and I thought this is it, this is where it ends."

A sob escaped before I could stop it. He smiled at me with endless tenderness.

"I was convinced you were going back to him and do you know what the worst part was? I wasn't angry with you, I was just scared. So unbelievably scared, because I understood exactly why you'd choose him. He was the boy you'd been in love with for so long, the one you'd spent months waiting for."

I tightened my grip around his hands.

"But you didn't go back."

His voice cracked for the first time. Only slightly, enough for me to notice.

"You came back to me, not because he didn't love you anymore. You came back after he told you he loved you, after he offered you exactly the life you'd wanted for so long and that's when..." He smiled. "That's when I stopped asking questions."

Through my tears, I frowned.

"Why?"

"Because I realized that was the first decision you'd ever made thinking only about us. Not about Matteo, not about the past, about us."

A long silence settled between us. A very long one. I could barely breathe.

"Everything else, everything that happened before..." He let out a slow breath. "Of course it hurt, it hurt more than I can explain. There were days when I wondered whether every kiss had really been for me. When you told me you loved me, whether you already loved me or whether you were still trying to forget someone else."

He let out a quiet laugh, though I could see his eyes beginning to glisten.

"It was awful I'm not going to lie to you. But one day I realized something." He slowly lifted his hand and gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I stopped asking myself why you'd come into my life and I started asking myself why you were still here."

"Because you'd already had the chance to leave and you didn't. So I decided to wait until one day you trusted me enough to tell me everything."

"Even if it took months, even if it took years." His smile grew just a little wider. "I just wanted it to be your choice. Not because someone found out, not because someone forced you. But because you no longer wanted to hide from me."

I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. I'd spent months imagining this moment. In every version I'd played out in my head, he stood up from the couch, asked me to leave, or—at best—told me he needed time.

I never imagined the hardest outcome would be this. That he would understand me.

That hurt so much more, because there was nowhere left for me to hide.

A broken laugh escaped me as I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand.

"You're an idiot."

Kimi raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah?"

I nodded several times.

"A complete idiot."

He chuckled quietly.

"I already knew that."

I shook my head.

"No, no you don't." I pointed a trembling finger at him. "Who waits that many months knowing there's a chance they're being used?"

He lowered his gaze. It took him a few seconds to answer.

"Someone who was afraid of hearing the answer before it was ready." The honesty in his voice completely unraveled me.

I started crying again. This time, I didn't even try to stop. Kimi didn't do anything.

He didn't move closer, didn't try to hug me, he simply let me feel everything. And somehow the space he gave me was exactly what made me close the distance myself.

I rested my forehead against his shoulder and closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry." My voice was barely a whisper. "I really am."

I felt him gently rest his cheek against the top of my head.

"I know."

We stayed like that for a long time. Neither of us seemed in any hurry to break the silence.

I was the one who spoke again.

"You know what makes me the angriest?"

He slowly shook his head.

I took a deep breath.

"If I could go back, I'd change the reason I accepted that trip. But I'd never change the fact that I accepted it."

Kimi lifted his head slightly to look at me. I continued before I could lose my nerve.

"Because it was the worst decision I've ever made and somehow, it was also the best."

A small smile appeared on his face. He didn't say anything. He waited, just like he always did.

"I just wish I'd found my way to you differently. That's what I can't forgive myself for, not being the person you deserved to meet." I lowered my gaze again. "Sometimes I think about the girl who got on that plane and I don't like her very much. Not at all, because she had no idea how much damage she was about to cause."

Kimi let out a quiet laugh through his nose.

"I do."

I looked up at him, confused.

He shrugged.

"She was an eighteen-year-old girl with a broken heart. People do stupid things when their hearts are broken and that doesn't make them bad people."

I stayed silent. I'd never looked at it that way.

"Besides..." He paused. "If that girl hadn't accepted that trip, I never would've met the woman I'm in love with now."

I felt my chest tighten again. Not from guilt, this time was something else. Something much closer to peace.

I took his hand in both of mine.

"Promise me something."

"What is it?"

"If I ever make you doubt how I feel again don't wait months. Tell me, even if we argue, even if I get upset, even if you're scared. I want you to be the one who tells me."

He smiled.

"It's a deal."

I smiled back. The first completely genuine smile I'd given all night.

We didn't need to say I love you. We'd already said those words hundreds of times before. The difference was that, for the first time those words were no longer resting on top of a lie.

I rested my head against his shoulder while he intertwined our fingers.

Neither of us spoke again. We didn't need to, we'd spent far too long trying to rewrite the past and, at last we both seemed ready to make peace with it.

There's a version of this story where I'm the villain.

And honestly...

I'm not going to argue with it.

Because the only thing that version never tells you... Is that people are rarely defined by the worst decision they've ever made.

And that was the one part of the story Kimi never let me forget.

hi! If you'd like to be added to my general taglist or to the taglist for a specific driver, feel free to leave a comment below or send me a message. You can find the list of drivers I usually write for in my masterlist. Thank you so much for all the support 🫶🏽✨

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