I keep having this dream...
That my parents are telling me to get in the car for church, and I ask them which one we're going to, because growing up we would switch around from time to time depending on what time we wanted to go to Mass or how far we were willing to drive for better music, etc.
And I ask them if we can PLEASE go to "that little one in the woods we went to once, we don't go there nearly enough" (this doesn't exist in real life, I don't know where this idea came from).
And then sometimes I'll be inside suddenly, or sometimes I'm in the woods and I have to find the little church. It's hidden away in the forest. Sometimes it's a little shack-like building, sometimes it's underground under a tree, and I have to walk down a little tunnel using its roots as steps. When I get to the bottom of the dirt staircase, there's usually what looks like a Holy Water font on the wall - but it's natural water flowing from the dirt ceiling in a cascade and pooling in a natural basin in the wall. I'll usually put my hand in.
The whole little forest church is a very thin and cozy tunnel. Even when it opens up to about three rows of risers with seats (these are made of wood, but built right into the earthen walls), there is nearly no separation from the altar right in front of it (I think this is wood, too, but it's hazy). I don't remember who exactly is at the altar, if anyone. But I remember a sort of cozy, hushed excitement, like a story is about to be told, and everyone wants to hear it. Maybe there was no one preaching, and this little forest church was a place for gathering and learning from each other. Maybe that's why there was barely any distinction between the altar and the seats.
I can't remember if there are torches, but it definitely isn't dark inside. It's bright as can be, as if lit by the outside sun, even underground.
I get the sense that the tunnel continues past this little room, that there are dozens of little nooks and crannies inside to explore, and I desperately want to venture further.
I know I've had this dream at least a handful of times. The other day I woke up and remembered it for the first time, and I knew I had had it before. It felt like a breakthrough. It felt important. It felt like I had finally received a message.
I'm not sure exactly what the little forest church is or what it means, but I know how it feels, and it's equally exciting and familiar.
I think maybe this is ultimately what my practice feels like, how I conceptualize my connection to God. It's private and communal, it's natural and cozy, it's mysterious and homey. It's exciting and comforting and enticing and magical and unique and it makes perfect sense to me. I hope to return there in another dream soon.