@heffer-wen I remember we talked about this some time ago. Iām an ex-catholic pagan myself so it was very fun writing this.
Peter had gone to church since he was a little boy. Heād memorized enough scripture to get him through it. He knew heād never be a priest, so what was the point?
Heād had two experiences with the Church that left him speechless. Two experiences that held him to Catholicism forever. Both were fairly blasphemous.
The first had been at around seventeen. He and this girl Marie heād been seeing snuck into St. Giovanniās and got freaky in the pews. He remembered all of it, touching her all over, suckling at her breasts like the duomi on top of the churches heād visited in Italy growing up. He remembered feeling guilty; making love to her in a place like this. God was watching. He remembered seeing this painting of Jesus in the corner of the hall; his hands outstretched and pointing, eyes wide and brown and gorgeous. He remembered thinking that it looked as if Jesus was giving him the āok-son-go-get-emā finger guns. Peter laughed against his better judgement. If heād had the son of Godās permission, he might as well do it, right?
The second experience was his first time at the Vatican. He never usually visited central or northern Italy, as his whole family and their associates were from the south. Heād finally made it though. And as his family was weeping over the spirit of the Lord, Peter found himself staring at the duomo overhead. It was painted to look like angels looking down on you; the bottoms of their feet visible from the floor. In fact, it wouldnāt look right if you were staring at it head on, painted in that perspective. Heād smiled. He knew then that he wanted to look at them head on and see the difference; that he wanted to be higher than God.
Only he never made it that far. Christ, heād never even made it higher than his old man. Heād never even made it higher than himself.
He remembers his first great experience with Stregheria, Italian American magick. It had been at his in lawās place. His mother in law was called La Strega, or The Witch. She had an herbal remedy for everything. If Peter had joint pain, olive oil on the foot. If heād had a cut, raw garlic on the wound. If he had oily skin, a little lemon juice. Heād used her for pretty much fucking everything. He loved his mother in law possibly more than his own wife.
He knew his whole birth chart. He also knew people didnāt think guys should be into that, but as long as he kept it secret, then this was all just for himself, right? Just a little secret that made him feel he had a little more control in his world. He looked to his big three for inspiration in life. Peter was a Capricorn Sun, an Aquarius Moon, and a Gemini rising. Take that as what you will. He knew he was a bit moody and a bit feminine. He hated both. In his business, you had to do what you had to do, no emotions involved. Peter wasnāt good at that. His father never thought so. Heād always wanted to be something bigger. Something better. He never could seem to do it though.
Peter looked out at the sea, shelling peas right next to his mother in law. He felt guilty. He loved his mother in law more than his own wife. Christ, thatās probably why he married her. Galilea was always there for him. Sheād had his back always, and was the only person he cried in front of when his Ma passed. Galilea was going on about the pasta piselli theyād be making that night, the importance of the stir and the freshness of the ingredients. He was barely listening, thinking about his role in the family and how heād let everyone down. She must have noticed, because she stopped taking.
āPietro?ā She always called him that. Reminded her of the old country. āPietro, che pensi? Whatās on your mind?ā
āI donāt think I can run the family, Mamma.ā He called her Mamma like she asked him to do so many years ago. āI just donāt know if I have it in me. Iām not like Pop. Not stoic or smart like him.ā He threw the pea husk at the ground, dejected. Galilea smiled, and kept shucking her peas.
āTesoro, of course youāre not.ā She said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. His eyes shot to her not in anger but rather confusion and regret at having said anything. āIāve always liked you Pietro. Youāve been good for my Rosie. Youāre not like the other vitelloni in the family. You never have been. You may not be as brutish as Dino or as strategic as your fatherā¦ā
She leaned forward and touched his knee with her free hand.
āā¦But caro mio, you donāt have to be.ā She shrugged and made the eh gesture with her hand. āSo theyāve got the muscle or the mind. Youāve got something else.ā
āBesides muscle or mind, what else is there?ā
She made an ah face, glad that he asked.
āThe spirit.ā she continued with her work. āRemember, you donāt have a soul. You are a soul with a temporary body. Everything else is temporary, but the soul is forever, Pietro.ā
She gestured at him to wait, getting up and going to get something from the chest outside. Her bones creaked and ached but she persisted for Peter. She took something out of the chest. A red cornicello on a chain, the Italian protection horn. A small, deep blue malocchio, or evil eye, was hooked to it, as well as a mano cornuto, or horned hand. She gave it to him, and he took it to admire the craftsmanship.
āItās for protection, against the mali. The evils.ā She said, still going through the chest. āOne day, Iāll teach you how to use it. The evils. But youāre much too young, much to volatile as you are now. You must know, you cannot practice black magick without offering something in return. Whenever you ask something from a God or Force, you must give something back, lest it comes to take you tenfold the power of what you took.ā
She shook her head, as if sheād lost many an apprentice to the dark forces of the world.
āIām ready now.ā Pleased a Peter who most certainly did not understand the powers with which he was meddling. Galilea knew this, and so smiled at him, as the Madonna might have at Gesù, with all the patience and love of a mother duck.
āIād like for that to be true. As it stands today, youāve a ways to go. In the meantime, these charms should offer you the protection of the powers that be. The chrysalis is made to protect the farfalla, until itās ready to fly away.ā
Peter smiled against his first instinct. He liked the way his mother in law spoke; like some character in a Dante epic. He always liked that about her. Her regality. He wished he had some of that in himself. The lyricism with which she spoke was something of legend, and as the saying goes, what are legends but tales of ordinary people who do extraordinary things. He wished still that he had a touch of the miraculous as did Galilea.
āFa lu Santuccio, Benedetto.ā She nearly sang, making the sacred cross across her chest. āDo a little holy thing, blessed one. You are blessed, Pietro. Well and truly.ā
āI donāt feel it, Mamma.ā He answered, honestly. She tutted and turned around, a small vial in hand. She handed it over.
āAāruta, rosmarina, ambra, uova, e la cimaruta.ā She said with a confidence, and Peter translated in his head to mean; rue, rosemary, amber, egg, and la cimaruta, the rue branches of fortune. āFor protection as well as fortune. Bury it in your garden, just outside your home. We Benedetti di Benedicaria, know from our indigenous Italian ancestors how to utilize the genii, the soul of plants and crystals.ā
āAnd if I plant this Iāll be a good capo?ā He asked, genuinely, and she chuckled to herself.
āNo, Tesoro, but youāll have the eye of the saints upon you. It will be enough to protect you during your transition.ā
āAnd if I wanted to have the eye of the mali on me, the eye of the black magick spirits?ā He asked, knowing what her probable answer would be. She made the cross over her body and spat on the ground.
āYouād be opening yourself to forces beyond your comprehension.ā She sat down next to him, stroking his hair gently. āPietro, you mustnāt force things. Take it as it comes.ā
But Peter didnāt listen, did he. As soon as his father had been arrested, and him named active boss on the outside, it was as much of anything that he could do at once. It was as much racketeering and gambling and whoring and drugging. Anything he saw as fair game became as such. He burned the Saint, and thereby negated the protection Mamma Galilea had put on him. He pretended to be a devout Catholic, while doing these shows of unholy magick behind the scenes.
Heād still visited his Mamma Galilea, but it became interspersed with meeting of the family and muscle and consiglieri and soldati and capi that he became power mad. Still he could never fill the shoes of his oh-so-illustrious father. Every conversation was about comparing them. Every loss was considered twice as lost as if Peterās father had done it. Every misstep was counted twice.
So one night, Peter called upon those dark powers that be. Those frightening powers that always had him cowering in his room as a young boy. One night, a mere two months before heād been arrested, on Samhain night while the veil between this life and the next was thin, he called upon the powers of Bia, Goddess of Anger, Force, and Raw Power, as well as Enyo, Goddess of Bloodshed, and Keres, Goddess of Violent Death, in a ritual he was ashamed to say he did without the knowledge of his Mamma Galilea. Heād stirred together some unholy concoction of herbs; Teeth of Hades (nettle), Toad (sage), Heart of Jupiter (cloves), Bride of the Sun (calendula), Genitals of Jupiter (anise). Heād set up his altar and crafted sigils into his candles, everything heād been taught to do. He sat in prayer for an hour and forty five minutes, calling on those dark spirits to show his enemies that he was not a force to be reckoned with. That he was a man as revered and feared as his father. That he was a man not to be trifled with. He begged the other side to alleviate him of those merciful traits that held him back so, wishing harder than anything that he would become a serious man. When heād gotten out of his trance later that night, he dismantled the altar, hid the evidence, and ate his weight in pasta, having been left ravenous from the venture. For the next three months he lived in his successes, becoming as known throughout the neighborhood as his father had been, as he was meant to be. He tore through the town in a blind rage, swiping down all of his enemies and devouring his competition. It was a massacre highlighted by cocktail parties and dinner reservations. He and his wife, Rosalie, were unstoppable.
Mamma Galilea took notice. She went to Peter one day, having cut the line, as it were, to see him as Peter would drop everything for that woman at a momentās notice. He embraced her and showed her around his new office.
āBeautiful, huh?ā He reveled in his success.
āPietro, Iām so proud of you.ā She hesitated for a moment, so Peter asked her what was wrong. āI hope to be proud of the way you came about this transformation.ā
At Peterās instant paling, Mamma Galilea knew exactly what Peter had done.
āTo whom did you call?ā
Peter told her, and she nearly fainted to the ground. Peter caught her in time and guided her to a seat.
āPietro⦠what did you offer in return?ā She asked, having already known the answer. Peter turned bright red. Heād not offered a single, solitary thing. āFiglio mio, what have you done? Pagan Gods donāt work the same as the Catholic one. They are every bit as flawed as we humans are. Every peccato.ā
She moaned out these words and started saying Our Fathers over and over again, clenching his hands until her knuckles turned white.
āMamma, itās okay. They gave me what I asked and they havenāt taken. They know Iām grateful. Theyāre all knowing.ā He stroked her hands and kissed the tops. āMamma, itās all going to be fine. I have a better life for Rosalie and me. Weāre finally moving up. This is a good thing.ā
He was more trying to assure himself than her at this point, and even someone with half the perception of Mamma Galilea could have told you that. She touched the side of his face softly, trying to impart on him with just her eyes how badly things would turn. But all she saw was a young man, violent and angry at the world, clawing his way up the ladder of success not for money or fame but to surpass his fatherās shadow. She shook her head and made the cross over her heart.
āFor your sake, I hope youāre right.ā
Only Peter wasnāt right. It happed thirteen days after his thirty fifth birthday. Heād gotten busted for money laundering. It was a disguised charge, of course, he was really being charged for the drugging and the whoring and the murders. Itās just they had no proof of those. Thirty five years in prison he was sentenced to. His life done a second time. His mother in law had been there, crying her eyes out. Her heart broke for Peter that day, more so because she knew how it had come to be.
In prison, he tried to get some of his jizz back, but he still could only measure up to half his fatherās prowess. Half of what he should have been. So, having learned nothing from his first experiences and in a moment of desperation, called upon those dark spirits again. This time, heād called upon Hecate, Goddess of Necromancy, Nyx, Goddess of Darkness, and Medusa, Goddess of Inner Power. Heās made a makeshift altar and starved himself for a few days as penance. Heād gotten together some items, sources front eh kitchen, trying to make something that would give him the power to know what comes next. Heād poured out the other half of the concoction, hoping this would reconcile the Gods to his favor. He thought he did everything right this time. But his reasons werenāt righteous. His motives were corrupt, filled with human greed and desire. Desire. Itās the source of all suffering.
Broken. Desolate. Every time Peter tried to become something, he was shot down.
Peter was cursed. Cursed by his own doing. Cursed by his hubris. By his desire to be someone.
It was only when he saw his wife that he spoke to his mother in law again. He couldnāt stand to look at either one, couldnāt stand to be pitied after everything heād tried to do for them. Rosalie saw him and wept the whole way home. Peter was thin, gaunt, and hollow. He looked like a shell of the cocky boy that was sent to prison. She called on her mom to go visit him, which is what Peter wanted. He didnāt mention what had happened to him to Rosalie, but when Mamma Galilea came, he spilled everything, holding back tears so much that it physically hurt his face. He grabbed her hand quick enough so the CO yelled at him.
āMamma, what do I do? I know who killed Pop. I know who raped me. I know who let it happen. How? How is it fair that I should suffer and they should go walkinā around like they own the joint.ā He squeezed her arthritic hand. āHelp me, Mamma. Help me.
Her heart broke for the second time that day. She thought for a moment, pensively mulling over the pros and cons in her head, until, despite her better judgement, sheād said;
āYes, Pietro. Of course.ā She laid it out for him; get an item from each of the people who had wronged him. Sheād do the rest, and keep Peterās hands clean. All Peter had to do was collect items from the people who wronged him.
Only he didnāt do that. See, what he didnāt tell her, was that his plan was to make those that wronged him suffer beyond comprehension, the way he had. So he didnāt collect items from those that wronged him. He collected items from the innocent, in order to indirectly punish the guilty. Mamma Galilea didnāt know that. But the spirits did.
Peter was dead a week later, his eye having been ripped from his skull, the epic of the hubris of Peter Schibetta, disgruntled son and tormented boy, had been completed.