#flintxhamilton

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The first note had been stuck on the front door.

James, my truest love, I made a mistake. I’m sorry.

It was on a pastel blue memo and written in his husband’s finest script which James knew he rarely used these days. He sighed, peeling the note off and opening the door. He’d spent the past few days buried in work, trying to take his mind off of his hurt feelings.

Thomas had cancelled their date night. He’d been under immense pressure as prime minister with new terrorist policies and foreign negotiations. His colleagues had wanted a meeting the same night he and Thomas had planned their own special night. James had wondered if he could ask them to reschedule but the suggestion had only seemed to add to Thomas’s stress. If he did, Thomas had said, it might screw up his schedule for weeks.

They had argued. It was only their second date night and James had been looking forward to it immensely; they’d both been so busy. Thomas had apologized but said there was nothing he could do about it. James didn’t speak to him the rest of that day and the following days he’d only gotten worse.

Now, as James came inside their house he did not see Thomas, but there was another note.

alfred sent thomas to peter. why? idk. why does that bastard do anything, to be a dick i guess. probably because he’s successfully managed to spread the rumour that thomas killed himself in bedlam, so now it’s best to get him out of sight. 

only along the way the ship gets attacked by pirates. peter is very concerned for a few days 

shit, what’s alfred hamilton gonna say? (ha, u thought it was human decency? nah. peter ashe just doesn’t want alfred hamilton to destroy him) 

only then?? Thomas washes up near Charles Town. Peter is relieved. It looks like Alfred Hamilton’s scheme can go ahead as planned! Only then Thomas wakes up and his first words are “Who are you?” 

And Peter realises that Thomas has lost his memories, literally has no idea who he is. 

Peter Ashe was not prepared. 

He writes to Alfred Hamilton, who immediately boards a ship to come and see if it’s really true. 

...only he never arrives (thanks Captain Flint!) 

If Peter ever planned to tell James and Miranda that Thomas was alive (and in Charles Town, no less) he’s not gonna do it now. 

So he just. sends Thomas away to an estate in Savannah. Tells him his name is Thomas Ashford. 

...time passes...

It’s important at this point to know that Thomas hasn’t lost all his memories. That would be too kind. He remembers Bedlam. He remembers the pain of loosing people he loved, and that he was betrayed. But he doesn’t remember who betrayed him, and he doesn’t remember who he lost

(Sometimes he’s so lonely he can’t breath through it. Sometimes he wakes up from nightmares that leave him trembling and sobbing, forcing himself to remain as still and quiet as he can because he can’t convince himself that every little sound isn’t another group of men come to drag him off to hell again, away from - what? He doesn’t know. That's almost more terrifying than the nightmares)

and then, one day, there is Abigail. Peter sent her, remember? She tells Thomas that her father is dead, and her eyes are curiously dry, and she’s kind and sensible and it’s good to have company, other than the servants. 

(Abigail has bad nights too. They don’t talk about the nightmares)

but obviously, you know what comes next. somehow, James Flint finds them. Perhaps they found him injured, and insisted he stay until he was fully recovered. 

James Flint finds them, but James McGraw is the man who’s voice shakes when he says, “Thomas?” James McGraw is the man who’s heart breaks when Thomas asks for his name. James Flint finds Thomas and Abigail, but it’s James McGraw who stays. 

Because how could he not. 

Even if he weren’t in love with Thomas, he and Abigail clearly need protecting 

and the more things change, the more they stay the same. even though Thomas Hamilton doesn’t have his memories, he’s still basically the same man - he falls in love with James McGraw all over again

now, he can see that james is obviously grieving for someone important, someone he loved

so he thinks his feelings are hopeless, even though he sometimes catches james looking at him like maybe...

so he can’t quite manage to kill that little spark of hope, that voice in his head that whispers “perhaps it could be... perhaps someday he might”

he probably thinks he’s being subtle, bless him 

but james already knows what it looks like when thomas falls in love. he's seen this before, after all

he remembers. he remembers every second 

After Thomas tells the same Adam and Eve “everyone needs a partner” story, James quickly excuses himself and no one sees him for the rest of the day 

a large part of james is thinking 'I can't take advantage of him... it wouldn't be right to start a relationship under these circumstances, he doesn't know who i am, he doesn't know who HE is, it wouldn't be right...' 

and obviously, there’s all the guilt 

because James genuinely thinks he could have done something to save Thomas, and there’s only one person who could ever persuade him otherwise 

again, Thomas is still the same man. He makes the first move, just like he did the last time. and for a moment... james almost believes thomas has got his memories back

but then that moment ends. and so james forces himself to let thomas down gently.

And thomas is obviously devastated and trying not to show it and failing miserably bc 'Thomas Hamilton: Least Subtle Man Alive' 

and that angst continues until he gets his memories back. and he does get his memories back.