#first chapter?

Castiel really did hate school. All the kids either made fun of him or didn’t want anything to do with him. He was always picked last in sports and was left out of group projects. Even his own family hated him, besides Gabriel but he was sent to boarding school in Montana.

           His family held Castiel like a shameful child. His older brother Lucifer didn’t help either. He was always getting Castiel into trouble. He would cause all sorts of mayhem and come up with all of theses crazy stories about how Castiel had done it.

           Michael, Castiel’s other brother, thought that he was better than everybody. Michael always walked with his chin held up and a sort of sneer on his mouth. He was the smartest child and the pride of the family. He just always ignored Castiel.

           Gabriel was the third of the four brothers. He was, in lack of a better term, a goofball. He always made everyone laugh, except of course his parents and Michael, and always found himself in the middle of trouble. Teachers hated him, students loved him. The last strike however was when he set of fireworks in the girl’s bathroom.

           So as he sat in his chair waiting for 1st period to start, he looked around the room at his classmates. This would (hopefully) be the last day he would be alive and they didn’t even care. Nobody did.

           A week ago Castiel was sitting in his room nursing the nasty bruise he had on his stomach. Some of the kids at school cornered him near the trash cans. Two held Castiel by his arms while the other kid punched him repeatedly in the stomach. When they left Castiel stayed there on the ground hoping that that was enough to cause some internal damage and that he would die right then and there. Eventually he got up and walked  home cringing with every step he took. When he did get home he went to the cabinet that stored all of the medicine and pulled out some painkillers for his stomach. He took the bottle to his room and just sat there on his bed. He then thought, What if I took more than what was recommended? He nourished that thought until it became a decision.

He didn’t have any friends. There were a few other kids in the school who were outcasts like him but they didn’t have much in common. The closest thing he had to a friend was a stray dog who would sometimes come by begging for food in the night. So he figured he wouldn’t be missed much.

So that night he stared at the white container of pills. He fell asleep looking at them unable to even lift a finger towards it. The thought of dying scared him but the thought of living like this for the rest of his life killed him. He couldn’t do it that night. Every night after that he tried to… to… do it but failed to do anything but cry and clutch onto the bottle

           The bell rang and the class sat in their seats. Their teacher Mr. Carrick walked in with another student. One Castiel hadn’t seen before. He had this certain ruggedness about him in his leather jacket and torn jeans. His eyes were green enough to be seen where Castiel was sitting his hair was messy in a way that seemed like he had other things to deal with.

           “This is Dean Winchester. He’s new to the school.” Mr. Carrick announced. Many of the girls were whispering to each other by now and Dean gave them a little smile making them even more excited than before. Karren the class slut looked especially interested.

           Castiel didn’t think much of the guy. He did think he was quite attractive.  Of course, Castiel would never have a chance with him. Dean was smiling at the girls and they all giggled. He walked down the aisle and Ralphie caught his attention and motioned for him to sit. Castiel rolled his eyes as they started talking.

           Great, Castiel thought, Just another person Ralphie can turn against me.  Ralphie was the one who made Castiel’s life hell. In fact he was one who beat up Castiel at the trash cans. 

It first started off with his name. Ralphie called it weird and all the kids laughed with him. (He shouldn’t be talking though because his real name is Raphael.) Then one day for show and tell Castiel brought in a bee to show everybody. Castiel had it safely in the jar but Ralphie unscrewed the lid and set it loose. They all ran and screamed and one of the girls got stung. Everybody thought that Castiel had set it free and then the entire class hated him for it. It started to wear off in high school but then Ralphie did something.

           The worst thing Ralphie ever did was expose Castiel’s crush. His crush was a boy in his biology class. The boy never really noticed him but Castiel noticed him. And Ralphie picked up on that. One day while in the locker rooms Ralphie and his friends surrounded a dressing Castiel and whipped him with their towels calling him a queer and loudly announcing who his crush was. It was possibly the worst day of his life.

           Ralphie and Dean bust out laughing and Castiel rest his head on his arms. Tonight. It would definitely be tonight.

           When Castiel got home no one was there. He clambered up to his room and opened his drawer exposing the bottle of pills. His eyes started to water and he opened it up and went to his bed. Castiel stared at the bottle before he put one in his mouth and swallowed.

What if it got better after high school? Another pill. What if it didn’t? another pill. Will I ever be happy again? Another pill. Will people stop spreading false rumors about me? Another pill. Will I stop believing the things people say about me? Another pill. Will I ever have a real family? Another pill. Who would love me anyways? Another pill. Is there always going to be Ralphie wherever I go? Another pill. I can’t  keep living like this. Castiel downed the entire bottle and was now sobbing into his pillow. He was scared. His life was ending. This was going to be it. This is his end, dying alone at 17 in his room on his bed with the stink of school still on him.

Castiel shot up and ran to his bathroom. He stumbled to the toilet shoving two fingers down his throat making him throw up.

           He spent the rest of the night by the toilet crying.

           When he went to school the next day he walked though the halls just an invisible as before. One of the kids shoved Castiel causing him to drop all of his thing. His papers scattered on the floor and people were walking all over them. He scrambled to pick them. Then he saw Dean Winchster get on his knees and start to pick up the papers as well. After they gathered them all up they got up and Dean handed them to him.

           “Here ya go.” Dean said flashing a smile at Castiel. Castiel blushed and grabbed the papers. “Your in my English class right? I was actually on my way there.” Castil was too but he wasn’t sure what Dean was implying. “We can walk together if you’d like.” Dean said registering Castiel’s look of befuddlement.

           “You wouldn’t want to walk with me.” Castiel said. His eyes watered slightly and he blushed.

           “And why not?” Dean said.

           “It would be bad for your reputation or whatever.” Castiel said staring at his feet. Dean scoffed. He patted Castiel on the shoulder and pushed him forward and they were walking to English class.

           Castiel kept his eyes on the ground, glancing up at Dean every so often. He seemed to be perfectly fine. Castiel didn’t know whether Dean was being genuinely nice or if it was a prank orchestrated by Ralphie. He wouldn’t put it pass him.

           They walked into English class and immediately Ralphie waved to Dean. Dean waved back but instead of sitting in the seat he was in yesterday he sat next to Castiel in the back. Castiel saw Ralphie’s smile fell instantly and he shot up walking towards them.

           “What are you doing?” Ralphie growled when he got close to them. The whole class was watching the interaction and Castiel sunk in his seat.

           “I’m sitting down?” Dean said confused. “Why what’s wrong?”

           “You don’t want to sit with him.” Ralphie said.

           Dean fully turned to Ralphie now with raised eyebrows. “And why not?” Dean asked repeating the question he asked Castiel a few minutes ago.

           “Because he’s a faggot with aid-“ Dean shot up and punched Ralphie in the face. Ralphie fell backwards onto some other desks and Castiel gasped. Ralphie was laying there with a bloody nose and someone had done that to him to defend him. It was a first, that someone other than Gabriel was on Castiel’s side.