hiii so. guess what. i just turned 21. i'm officially older than i ever got to live to be as noctis (i'm not really counting the time in the crystal... never have. i didn't really Live in those 10 years, yknow? just skipped straight from 20 to 30. it felt like both and eternity and the blink of an eye in there, all alone with only my thoughts and memories on loop... anyway.)
i kin other characters but noct has always been the closest to my heart, so i knew i wanted to submit something here when i made it to 21. thought about what i thought id want to say with every year closer to that- and here i am! maybe its silly but its kind of a big deal to me. i have a lot of the same mental health struggles that i had back in that life. but i'm here. i have this life and i actually get to live it. im not a prince, im not bound to a prophecy (or at least i sure damn hope i'm not!!), im not having to fight demons and monsters and wild animals every day... ive got different problems yeah, i'm not Completely free but almost anythings gotta be better than those circumstances.
theres a part of me that wishes i couldve had this kind of life with my friends and family from that life by my side too. i have people in this life who i love, and who love me, but it aches thinking that i never got as much time with anyone as noct as i get to have with people now. so... here's to the chocobros, to luna, to dad and cor and iris. to monica and dustin and talcott and cindy. to my mom... here's to a life outlived, whether you've reached that mark yet or not- i hope all of us get to. and i hope that each and every one of you are well, and if not then i hope you have the strength to weather the storm and see the other side.
it wasn't easy, and it won't be easy going forward, but i'm glad i've made it here.
