#fibroprobs

What is a crash:

A crash is a term used by chronically ill people when their bodies go into shut down.

A crash can happen at any time, it can have many levels of severity, it can last an hour, a day, a week.

A crash consists of your body going into a almost shock, you will be in severe pain usually, and have a wave of fatigue hit you. It is hard to explain, but imagine ifnyou had been awake for 24 hours, imagining how tired you are after that, now picture you then do a 2k run, in this time you have had no food.

Imagine how painful, worn out, tired, and in pain all your muscles would be after this and this is the closest you could be to what it feels like.

So this evening about 10:20? I crashed, severely crashed.

I could not get out of bed, i could not manage to see light, i could not even cope with the feeling of cloths touching my skin. I was a 9/10 on the old pain scale every joint felt like it were on fire. My skin felt like it was burning,and had creature's crawling under it.

I was so tired i couldn't even lift my arm because it felt like i was lifting a car.

This lasted too maybe 1:10am, then it went away, i felt much better.

It’s 4am. I’m so tired and wish I could sleep. My body, however, has other plans for me. The pressure from my mattress on my body is excruciating. I lay there, rolling over, hoping to find a more comfortable position. It doesn’t help. I can no longer stand the pain of being in bed so I get up. Those first few steps are hard. Shooting, throbbing, pain goes through my feet but it beats the discomfort of being in bed. I come downstairs and grab a protein bar to eat so I can take pain meds. Thankfully it’s the weekend right now so I don’t have to force myself to try and work.

I sit on my couch trying to distract myself while I wait for the meds to start working. The pain meds never fully help; they just dull my senses a bit so it’s more tolerable. Once they’ve started working I force myself to get on my exercise bike. Exercising is about the last thing I want to do when I’m hurting so badly. I’d really love to just get in the fetal position and not move. I’ve learned, with lots of experience that will only make things worse. If I don’t move the pain will become worse.  The movement of the bike actually feels good. All the muscles in my legs have felt like they were hardening and turning to stone. I can’t do a full-fledge heart pounding, sweaty workout when the pain is this bad, but it’s something. I watch TV and play on my phone while peddling (even though the meds help a bit, distraction is still needed).

It’s Saturday. I have lots of errands to run and jobs to do around the house. Those are going to need to wait…again. Some items have to be done regardless. I have to have clean clothes so laundry is done. Might not get all folded and put away, but they’ll at least be clean. My bathrooms need cleaning. My floors need vacuuming. My bedroom needs straightening up. I have to be able to let go of being able to do all I want to do. Instead I look through my library of movies I own and select one to watch. I spend the day doing not much of anything. I’ve taken meds so I can’t drive.

There are places I wanted to go, people I wanted to see. Instead I stay home. I have great friends I know I could call. I hate being “that person” though and asking for help or rides or whatever all the time so I don’t. I spend the day watching mindless movies and shows and forcing myself to get movement in. Thankfully the day before I had stopped on my way home from work to pick up take out. I have food to eat that only takes my microwaving to prepare. Eating, watching TV, taking pain meds, and some low-impact movement; that’s how I occupy my day.