Karlos tumblr

They treat you like shit and you just accept it.

They complain that you show them love, that you have feelings.

They say how much they don't want a relationship yet go and have relationships with anyone other than you.

They just use you.

And use you

And use.

And yet? You keep allowing them because you still love them.

It makes you an utter idiot.

And all the pain they put you through they don't give a shit. But you still try and try and try.

And they just walk on you and walk on you and don't give a shit.

I wish I could just cut my heart out and not feel.

I wish I could numb my self. I wish I could not care.

Living with that person is surprisingly even harder.

Having to accept they will never see you that way, and watching as they go off with another person never gets easier.

The pang of pain knowing they do not find you attractive, knowing they will never want you like you want them never gets easier.

The joy of spending time with them, but the pain of knowing they don't feel the same as you share that time.

The longing that you have, knowing you must suppress it constantly, knowing you must keep your self toned down, having to constantly keep your self in check. Is tiring.

But most of all.

What a lovely night.

Ohh! Mhmm, I would say Combine Harvester by Wurzles.

Bentley Continental T - SC a convertible version of the old girl.

Pro: Reduction of nerve pain, energy, capable of sleeping, not being in horrific pain.

Cons: Psychosis, extreme anxiety, extreme paranoia, causing to fall back into self harm, suicidal thoughts, making it so i couldn't hold back my thoughts, a super weird high sex drive, incapability of actually expressing my thoughts, depression.

Conclusion: yeah not worth the extra stuff, it was weird to feel normal? And to be capable physically again. But it was really not worth the rest, It has caused more than just physical scars. I ended up slashing my arm pretty bad. They will heal, some of the mental health scars not so sure on.

The worst part is the fact that i can now rationally look at thing's and i can see what i said. It feels like i can't just blame it all on medication. I will have these horrible self doubts now of what a ass i am, that is part of this whole ordeal i will struggle with.

New medication is never fun, especially when it works but causes horrible side effects.