"Because of the contract," he whispered. "Ei-nai could break my family apart again just as easily as ei-nai gave it back. If I break the contract I will die and they will be split up again."
"Do you want to use me?" she said. "Do you want to hurt me?"
"Never."
Daanah reached down and touched his face like a blessing.
She heard his breath hitch.
"Comrades," she said. She had promised to save him and she would.
He reached up and grabbed her hand against his cheek. "Comrades," he repeated quietly.
Half of Daanah's skin was eyes now. Her head throbbed from what it was doing to her vision.
She wished she was prone to something else. Ausse grew feathers, and Daanah was sure that was painful, but at least it wasn't eyes. They made her so nauseous and her clothes against them was so distracting.
She laid her head down for a minute and tried to close all her eyes to give her brain a break from trying to manage the fractured sight.
Ausse gnawed on the end of one of his short pair of braids. It was the first thing Daanah had ever seen him do that might indicate anxiety. Purple feathers weeping blood were all over his body, so Daanah assumed they had him to thank for the favourable weather. Ffeira lingered close to his side, with Ptoled protectively watching their backs.
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"Well, you know," said Ausse. "I might happen to be in the area then."
"Okay."
"Can't believe you haven't even been of age this whole time," Ausse said.
Daanah shrugged. "I'm fifteen. My birthday is just a lot earlier. I actually turned fifteen ages ago, but in Kulainestainer we don't have the coming-of-age until almost the end of the year."
"Are there a lot of you this year?"
"About a dozen," Daanah said. "It's never very many. Kulainestainer's not very big."
"You Dalahe tend to have pretty small communities, don't you?" Ausse said. "Not like us." Ausse was Schwany Norve, like most of Sautgurotays.
Ausse raised her eyebrows. "Alright, then. I'll see you."
This would be Daanah's first time actually getting her hair cut more than a trim to keep it healthy. Her hair was a different texture than most other Norves, so Saafeera always took her to the Gathiya Na Theenan hair salon in the city. They'd had a consultation the other day about what Daanah wanted.
"It will take a while," Ghiyafee, the hairdresser who always did Daanah's, had said. "You have a lot of hair. I'll be gentle, but the combing will probably hurt your scalp somewhat."
So Daanah had brought the mystery she was reading and a second book in case she finished the first. She wasn't really one for chatting. Saafeera and Ghiyafee always talked while Daanah got her hair done.
"You said you want it short like your mama's?" Ghiyafee said.
Daanah nodded. She had the urge to pull at her hair. Dalahe Norves usually got their long childhood hair cut very short for their comings-of-age. It was symbolic of the transition into a new phase of life.
"How has the picking been lately?" Ghiyafee asked.
Daanah shrugged. "Reyal helps."
"Good, good." Ghiyafee pulled one of Daanah's long locs over her shoulder so she could see it in the mirror and pinched her fingers around it just above the height of her glasses. "I'm going to cut it here to begin with so there will be space to fine-tune the ends once it's all picked out."
Daanah nodded again and reminded herself that this was a good change.
Saafeera smiled at her encouragingly.
"This is my first real haircut," Daanah said quietly. "Like⊠ever."
"It's her coming-of-age soon," Saafeera said.
"That's certainly exciting," Ghiyafee said.
Daanah swallowed. "Yeah."
"You nervous?"
"âŠYeah," she said. "A little."
In the mirror, Ghiyafee nodded. "Well, if I have anything to do with it, your hair will look perfect for it."
Ghiyafee had been right about the tugging hurting her scalp. She gritted her teeth and read as Ghiyafee cut- the change in weight as the locs fell to the ground one by one was disconcerting- and then combed and talked with Saafeera.
She had been right about it taking a while, too. Saafeera left and came back with lunch at one point and they took a break. Daanah nearly finished her book. She did her best not to look up, not wanting to see it until it was done.
She had worried about how expensive all that work would be, but Saafeera had told her that her coming-of-age was one of the most important days of her life and she wasn't going to let Daanah have anything less than what she wanted for it and that it was her aunt Chaariya's gift too.
Ghiyafee was especially careful working in the conditioner afterwards; she knew how sensitive Daanah's scalp always was. "You'll want to be gentle with it for a little while. It's fragile now; don't try to braid anything in. Let it rest."
Daanah made an affirmative noise.
"Alright," Ghiyafee said excitedly. "Take a look."
Daanah cautiously looked up at the mirror. "Oh!"
"Do you like it?"
Daanah touched her short, tight curls, careful not to let herself pull. "I⊠had forgotten what my hair looks like loose."
"It looks beautiful," Saafeera said.
"I think so," said Daanah. She mostly felt overwhelmed. It was very different and would take a bit of time for her to get used to, but she was sure she would like it a lot once she did.
The evening before Daanah's coming of age, AilĂt tapped her on the shoulder and signed "I have something for you."
She pulled Daanah into her and Fiya's section of the starhouse. Fiya lay asleep in the middle of the bed, the baby monitor next to em paired with the vibrating one AilĂt wore on a string around her neck.
Daanah looked at the lack of barriers around em anxiously.
"Ey doesn't roll yet, and your mum says it will be a good while before ey does, so I'm not worried about looking away for a couple minutes," AilĂt signed. "I wouldn't do anything that wasn't safe."
Daanah nodded.
AilĂt turned away for a moment to open her jewellery box while Daanah watched Fiya's tiny chest rise and fall.
AilĂt put a handful of metal revaap pins with little beaded flowers on the ends into Daanah's hands. "These belonged to Fiyavu Ozast," she signed. "I want you to have them. I know Rovian wears her revaap more, but they're not really her style, and I thought you would like them for your coming-of-age."
Daanah burst into tears.
All of Kulainestainer was here- and then some.
"This is exciting for you," said TalĂ, sounding semi-confident.
Daanah nodded. "Yes." She fiddled with one of the pins AilĂt had given her and added, "I wish Fiyavu Ozast were here."
TalĂ held her hand in an attempt at comfort that Daanah appreciated.
The thirteen of them were lined up based on birthday order, which meant Daanah was fourth.
A very small stage had been erected in the village square, about a foot off the ground- a ramp, then space for the senior priest and one other person to stand comfortably, then a ramp back down, and that was it. Daanah had been on a lot of stages recently, but this was the one she had always anticipated. This was, in some ways, the most important one.
She winced slightly as she accidentally ripped a hair out of her arm. Reyal was with her family, but maybe Daanah should have kept her with her to help her stay calm. She didn't want to freeze.
"Your turn, Daanah," the girl behind her whispered, and Daanah almost panicked at the realization that she had lost touch with the now.
Butterfly wings on her bare arms, butterfly wings uncomfortable under her clothes.
She stepped forward.
"Child of Maidallis Leykin and Saafeera Riwazee," Curain said. "What is your name now?"
Daanah tried to speak and failed. She swallowed and tried again. "Daanah Chaariya Addeyn Leykin Riwazee."
She heard Saafeera cheer, and blushed with equal parts embarrassment and pride.
"What gender do you want to live as, Daanah Chaariya Addeyn Leykin Riwazee?"
Curain hadn't approved of her initially, but ze had become a strong ally with time, never tolerating anyone being disrespectful. Everyone in Kulainestainer was pretty much used to it by now, even the most traditional of them. No one who came to their village to see the Scribe of the South got very far if they didn't treat her right.
"I'm a woman," Daanah said. The butterfly wings split into a different shape, belying her anxiety. She reassured herself that even if some people had probably expected her to just grow out of it, no one here would disrupt the ceremony over it.
Curain informed her of her rights and responsibilities as a Dalahe Norve adult.
"When you are next upon the ground," ze said, "you will be an adult of our community."
Daanah knew the residential spaces were almost entirely underground, dug into the soft bedrock for insulation, but she hadn't realized how much emptier that would make it seem.Â
Sure, there were businesses above ground, and sporting arenas, and of course lots of Temples, and the twin pyramids above the underground palace, but other than that⊠where other cities were crowded with houses and apartment buildings, Zioshue only had sporadic little shelters that accessed the underground part of the city. It was all covered in snow now.Â
They were here to speak, which Daanah was very nervous about- this was definitely the most dangerous place they'd been. It was home to the seats of power for both the imperial government and the Temple of Corysecli.Â
Daanah found she was half in love with the idea of Ausse already. A mysterious rebel. Someone who would complete her, be her perfectly balanced other half. Someone whose power would match her own, who would help her understand it.Â
On stage, she was more nervous than she had been in a while. She was acutely aware of the scar on her side.Â
The energy of the crowd was equally unsettled. Daanah doubted there were this many Norvic Senci in Zioshue and suspected many of them had just come to see what all the recent fuss surrounding them was about.Â
The person who had shouted looked intimidated, but they pressed on. "If you don't even believe the gods are real, who are you to claim you know the true meaning of the Annals?"
Scanning the crowd, Daanah spotted an older teenager leaning against a wall in the back. One armed, tall, round, chestnut brown hair cut to the chin. Daanah gave a silent prayer and finger-sketched the word for see near her eye under the guise of adjusting her glasses. The mask nearly covered it, but when the teen's position shifted slightly, Daanah found the definite giveaway- Ausse's mouth opened all the way to her ears.Â
An older girl in black leather blocked her way as she approached Ausse.
"Excuse me," Daanah said.
The girl crossed her arms.
Ausse tipped her head to the side. "Let her by, Ptoled." She had a melodic baritone voice.Â
The girl- Ptoled- stepped aside. Daanah felt her piercing gaze on the back of her neck as she passed.
"I'm Daanah," she said, holding out her hand to shake.
"I've heard." Ausse shook her hand. She wore a fingerless lace glove over her single prosthetic hand.
"You're Ausse?" Daanah tried, feeling very self-conscious.
"Unless the cops are asking," Ausse said. "You a cop?"
"I'm not police," Daanah said. "I'm Alteyr's Favoured."
Ausse sighed. "I know. I was joking." She pulled her mask down and grinned. "Of course I'm Ausse."
"Oh." Daanah tried not to be put off by how wide her face split. It was just a side effect of divine magic, like her extra eyes.Â
"What do you want with me, then, Alteyr's Favoured?"Â
"I just wanted to talk," said Daanah. "Um. The Balance would like to extend an offer-"
"No."
Ptoled moved closer to Ausse's side defensively.Â
"You didn't let me finish," Daanah protested.Â
"I don't believe in the Annals," said Ausse firmly.Â
"Oh?" Daanah had been certain Ausse was Senci.Â
Ptoled rolled her eyes. "She won't understand if you say it like that."Â
"Well, I believe they're real, of course," Ausse said. "I don't believe they have the right to control us."Â
"Well," said Daanah awkwardly. "I mean, what's your end goal with that? They dictate the future whether you want them to or not."Â
"Break them," said Ausse simply.Â
Daanah gaped. She wasn't sure whether the impossibility or the sacrelidge of that action astonished her more.Â
She floundered. "You can't just- I mean- You can't-"
"You don't know that," said Ausse. "I don't know of anyone who's ever tried, before me. Why shouldn't I be able to, with Manir's power running through me?"Â
Someone else pushed through the crowd to them just then. They grabbed Ausse's shoulder and said breathlessly, "Time to go!"Â
Too late. The force of the doors crashing open rattled Daanah's teeth. Everything got very loud and very chaotic very quickly as soldiers poured in.Â
Daanah suddenly felt very small and trapped in her big robes and gold.Â
"Ffeira!" Ausse shouted, and pulled the other teen close. "Get her out of here! We'll find you!" She whispered something in their ear and then pushed them towards Daanah.Â
Ffeira grabbed Daanah's hand and ran, ducking and weaving through the crowd.Â
It pulled Daanah out of her shocked stupor. "What are you doing?" she nearly screamed.Â
"There's an emergency exit from the basement- might be too small for them to have it covered-"
Ze would have had a contingency plan for this. Daanah wracked her brains for what it would be and only came up with the unpleasant idea that ze was trying to become a martyr as a last stand, because this was definitely not the escape plan they'd discussed.Â
Most of the spectators had by now been rounded up or fled. Across the room she could see Ausse and Ptoled standing cornered where they'd left them.Â
She planted her feet. "We can't just leave them!"
"They'll meet us." Ffeira didn't sound sure.Â
Ptoled punched one of the soldiers in the throat and took a bullet to the gut for her trouble.Â
Ausse shouted her name, twisting towards her, and the soldiers got a bag over her head while she was distracted and managed to drag her off, leaving Ptoled bleeding on the floor.Â
Daanah pulled away from Ffeira and started running back, by some miracle avoiding being shot herself. Ptoled was still alive. She could save her.Â
"I'm going to help you," she told Ptoled. She pulled the gold pen out of her updo.Â
"I'm pulling up your shirt to write closer to the injury." She continued to narrate. Ptoled's breathing was very laboured, but her eyes were fighting to stay open, so she could be conscious enough to understand.Â
Repair: blood vessels, muscle, fat- Daanah looked at the place where the bullet had gone through and guessed at what it might have hit- large intestine, small intestine, appendix, bladder, uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, ribs, spine, pelvis, nerves, skin- if Ptoled didn't have any of those or they hadn't been hit, it would do no harm. It was best to cover everything that might be damaged. Numb until repair completed.Â
Please, Alteyr, return this body to its natural state, Daanah prayed.Â
Ptoled's breathing began to even out as the pain was relieved and the healing started.Â
"Friends," said Ptoled. She groaned. "Fuck. I let my best friend get dragged off to her death. They already sentenced him in absentia as a terrorist. I knew we shouldn't have come here."
"WhyâŠÂ did you come here?" Daanah asked.
"Curiosity," Ffeira said. "We shouldn't have even come to Zioshue, but he's popular here, and-"
"She wanted to taunt them," said Ptoled. "Show up and agitate people against the Annals and the empire in their own city. We knew it was reckless. Should have stopped her."
"Disciple of Manir." Ffeira sighed. "We do our best to temper the chaos with reason, but Ausse can be stubborn. I should have pushed more, but I'll admit it was an appealing idea. I mean, isn't that why you came to Zioshue?"
"But we'd have the element of surprise," said Daanah. "It's not that far to fall if we land right." She'd fallen and jumped from trees higher than that as a kid and been okay. Onto softer ground, sure, but⊠they didn't have a lot of options.
"Everybody brace," she said, and disintegrated the floor.Â
happy trans day of visibility! Letâs have a look at some trans (and adjacent*) characters in and around Aros Against Fate :)
Halek: he/him (they + neos allowed if youâre close friends), genderqueer intersex* alloaro-mspec* trans man. (*relevant to how he understands his gender- he's part Se-Naskan and they don't really separate those things.) He is of the main characters, a revolutionary.
Daanah: she/her, trans girl in both our context- based on the body parts she was born with- and hers- in which children are not assigned gender and instead grow into it, but she is âsupposedâ to be genderless as a religious figure and is insistently not. She is of the main characters, a powerful divine magic user.
*ZheâÄrani (if you know her well)/Ć i Arroakhai KjĂș (if youâre not intimate): she/her (if youâre intimate) or they/them (if youâre not), transmasc girl taking testosterone for gender reasons, used to identify as a binary trans boy in her tween years but no longer does. She is of the main characters, an Initiate at a powerful Temple she doesnât believe in but owes a debt to.
*Jue: (Jue doesnât identify as trans- if pressed ze will identify as a cis boy- but ze uses ze/hir pronouns instead of the expected he/him, so. Fairly trans-adjacent in my opinion as someone who uses those pronouns and *is* trans.) Ze is one of the main characters, the Younger Emperor of RÄmia (under a regency).
KaelĂa: she/it, demigirl. It is one of the other Initiates at the same Temple as ZheâÄrani and they are close friends.
TalĂ: they/them (expands to include more pronouns if youâre close), agender kolgirl (combination between a girl and a kolman, which is the Beri third gender, at a very weak intensity. This is a nontrinary identity). They are Daanahâs best friend, Jueâs new friend, and Halekâs younger sibling.
LÄ«s/LÄ«sandyr/LÄ«syka: he/him -> he/they -> she/they -> he/they/she/xe/fae, demiboy + demigirl + genderless + libraxenic spacegender. They are another Initiate at the Temple and one of ZheâÄraniâs close friends.
Guodei: she/her, trans woman. She is one of the other Initiates, ZheâÄraniâs direct superior, theyâve got a⊠complicated relationship.
Ănaenow: they/he, nonbinary. They are Halekâs fathersâ and parentâs headmate; his step-parent.
Ausse: she/he, bigender manwoman. She is powerful divine magic user and revolutionary, and considered to be Daanahâs counterpart magically.
Maaziariitna: ffe/ffer/ffes & Ă„ddĂ„/Ă„ddĂ„r/Ă„ddĂ„s, bigender, genders are associated with fire and air and are specific to Ă„ddĂ„s culture, which has six âstandardâ elementally-related genders. Ffe is Halekâs cousin.
YstraddĂž: ly/lyt/lys, trans, gender is associated with light. Ly is Halekâs maternal uncleâs spouse (Maaziariitnaâs lightparent).
Ngionah: she/her, trans woman. She is Jueâs primary guard.
Onarys: they/he, transmasc nonbinary. They are Jueâs uncleâs spouse.
Suinak: she/her, trans girl. She is one of Jue & Seiâs betrothal candidates.
Inoj: they/them, nonbinary. They are one of Jue & Seiâs betrothal candidates.
Neesa: she/her, trans woman. She is Halekâs friend.
Diihse: he/him, trans man. He is one of Halekâs best friends.
Juraji: xe/xem, nonbinary & aporagender, solidly gendered in a way that is firmly and explicitly outside the binary. Xe is Halekâs queerplatonic partner.
Ektanai: they/it, nonbinary. They are Halekâs former cellmate at the Moghrlai Gurodstadit Juvenile Detention Facility and still his good friend.
Juni: ze/hir, kolman. Ze is Halekâs grandkether (kolman grandparent).
ÄvolĂș: they/them, gendervoid. They are one of ZheâÄraniâs best friends from before the Temple.
Ghurviâairra: she/her, trans girl. She is one of ZheâÄraniâs best friends from before the Temple.
Reeha: they/she, transfem nonbinary. They are Daanahâs good friend.
Okpa: she/her, trans woman. She is FiitsĂŁnâs mother.
Sinquisok: he/they, trans man. He is FiitsĂŁnâs father.
XÄqesqua: she/her, trans woman. She is also FiitsĂŁnâs mother.
*Yna: she/her. So, trans-wise, Ynaâs a bit of a complicated case; in our cultural context she would be a cis woman, however, in hers she would have been re-assigned to the third category of kolman as a visibly severely disabled young child and then transitioned back to girlhood probably in her early teens. She is one of Jue and Seiâs betrothal candidates and developing a serious relationship with Sei, and going to be very important in the second book.
*Jiremau: she/her; similar situation to her cousin Yna, born visibly disabled and assigned kolman because of it and thus occupying a trans position in her home culture. (In the next draft I wonder about making her a kolgirl, or bigender kolman and girl as two separate coexisting genders, nontrinary, like TalĂ? With both she/her and ze/hir pronouns. I think that would be interesting.) She is also one of the betrothal candidates.
Luivo: pronouns variously include he, they, and she; genderfluid between various genders on the boy-girl-other-none spectrum. He is Halekâs step-cousin (Maaziariitnaâs stepsibling).
Iifel: she/they, nonbinary woman. She is Halekâs maternal aunt who thinks he is a bad influence on her children.
KĂkam: they/she, nonbinary. They are Halekâs cousin (Iifelâs child).
Uoliveg: ze/hir, kolman. Ze is Halekâs neighbour.
Saurikasi: ze/hir, kolman. Ze is Halekâs cousin.
Amadi: they/them, nontrinary. They are Halekâs neighbour.
ElĂšrĂ: he/him, transmasc. He is the ðĂĂșfai- water spirit- associated with Halekâs family.
*Veisau: ze/hir, kolman. Ze is Ynaâs half-kester.
Trais: To all appearances, ze/hir and holy genderless as expected of Norvic Senci holy people, but in her heart she's a closeted-to-everyone-maybe-even-herself transfem. She is Daanahâs colleague.
*Reymud: Ze/hir, holy genderless (as expected of hir). Ze is Daanahâs colleague.
*The Historian Royale: she/her to most and she/he to her wife, trans-ish likely-androgyne butch lesbian. She is the RÄmian Empireâs immortal official historian.
Ăye: She/her, trans woman. She is Halekâs friend.
Itheo: She/they, nonbinary. She is Halekâs friend.
Heishun: they/them, Feka third gender. They are Jueâs cousin.
JÄn-TajanÄ: they/he/she, Feka third gender. They are Jueâs cousin.
Kikkyl: they/them, nonbinary. They are Halekâs motherâs sibling.
Attendant Ngeh: he/she, bigender man + woman. She is a low-level doorman at the imperial palace.
Elected Representative Swkatsh: ae/aer, nonbinary. Ae is the elected representative of ĂĂĂșharlaeslai and acts as an advisor to the imperial government on matters concerning that province.
Ffeira: they/them, nonbinary. They are Ausseâs best friend.
*Kjotar: he/they, doesn't think deeply about his gender 'cause boy is adequate enough and he's for sure his brother's brother but he's also fairly confident about the he/they thing. Another Initiate.