#feeling useful

I sometimes feel like I am not a good, functional part of my own life.

This feeling can be attributed to 1. my life-long, close relationship with anxiety and 2. my innate, mortal fear of embarrassing myself or doing things wrong and then being embarrassed about it because of who I am as a person.

When I am struggling more with anxiety, this comes into play even at my work in the writing center, a place where I usually feel that I can handle the challenge. It makes me more self-contained, and less likely to ask for help from others in any situation, whether it be a question during a session or just help writing a post for our Facebook page. I know it’s okay to reach out, and that I am really encouraged to do so, but every once in a while when I’m really stressed, I find myself reverting back to a small, ghost version of myself.

I’m definitely better about it than I used to be.

Time, growing up, and really good support have helped me realize that, even in my darker days, I am useful.

I can be functional, even if I am still, and always, learning how to live with this and other mental illnesses.

I can do things, and even if they are very small they will be done and done by me. Small accomplishments grow our perception of our own abilities.

orange braised beef shanks (except i had to use bone marrows, and beef chuck. The butcher at the grocery store says no one buys beef shanks anymore so you have to special order them. WTF!)

-in the new fancy crockpot.

baked potatoes

and broccoli (white people sides)