#feeling normal

Something about how the first scene that was shot was the penthouse scene and the last scene that was shot was shane and ilya by the fire. Something about how the first interaction they had on set was sexual and crazy and the last was emotional and deep. Something about the connection between the plot of the characters and the actors that so lovingly and wholeheartedly portray them

There’s a new hole in my wall from where I just punched it after the Coalecroux kiss. I need someone to put me down with horse tranquilizers. I thought those fanarts weren’t canon. I didn’t know. How could I know. Holy shit. I’m going to put myself into a meat grinder. I can’t do this. Someone send help

"I want what they have" not as a lighthearted shipping phrase but as an expression of deep visceral violent jealousy

thinking about teenage ilya back in russia during the winter wearing a massive puffer jacket and a neck gaiter and big fluffy mits with a hat that covers most of his ears but the bottoms peak out and they’re just a little red. imagining him doing a big dramatic show for sveta like when he wrestled with her on the bed but instead he’s all done up in winter gear and they’re around a fire instead and filled with liquor and laughter that makes their faces redder in the cold. imagining him an hour later slouched back into a chair by the fire with his face mostly buried into the high collar of the coat as he half dozes with a scrunch to his eyebrows like he won’t give into the exhaustion even though he’s hitting the crashing point from the alcohol he, sveta and sasha have been drinking straight from the bottle for hours now. like that’s my son actually