jack and the media:

listen. jack's parents are a professional hockey legend on par with gretzky, and a model. lots of pressure there, right? so we’ve all seen the posts where someone looks into how that pressure affected his mental health, and how people definitely made comments about how ugly he was in comparison with his parents. 

but like, listen. most fat people hate being on camera. fucking HATE IT. the camera adds ten pounds, etc. so like, you can say he’s not good at interviews because he has anxiety (and if you HC him as autistic, that too), but don’t forget that he was a fat kid being asked to be on national/international tv over and over again. obvs he trained himself with soundbites: get in, get out as fast as possible. DEFINITELY contributed to his anxiety. 

because it’s one thing knowing you’re fat (and trust me, when you’re fat, you fucking know it), but it’s a whole other thing seeing it over and over again since you were a baby.

and don’t you dare forget that he’s francophone. i have done MANY interviews, french and english (i work in marketing/communications, it comes with the jobs), and i am perfectly bilingual (often people think i’m english first language), but it’s always fucking harder when you’ve got cameras on you, and you’re on the spot. in your SECOND LANGUAGE. 

so he thinks he looks like crap on camera. he also thinks he SOUNDS like crap on camera. 

and that shit doesn’t just, you know, go away. no matter how beautiful people tell him he is, or how anglicized his accent gets, it’s always going to be there. internalized fatphobia and internalized francophobia is really really real. 

he’s a quiet dude. he doesn’t want to take up more room than he already does.

so yeah, he’s trained himself. yeah, he says the same things over and over. yeah he sounds like a hockey robot. but can you blame him?

(also, he hates taking selfies, prefers to be on the other side of the camera, because hello, he’s a past Fat!! it’s not just because he, like, pop-culturally lives under a rock and hates selfies!! so think about that when you think about those two times he asked bitty to take a selfie with him, because AWWWWW)

jack and clothes:

i saw a post recently where someone said like, jack knows how to dress himself, his mom is a model etc (if you send it to me i’ll link it here)

and yup jack knows exactly how to dress himself, i will never believe otherwise

the post says he dresses so as not to draw attention to himself because of the media, and yeah for sure

i’ll go one step further: when you’re fat, you learn to dress yourself so as not to draw attention to your fatness

jack wears dark colours, loose shorts, sweats (i think??) sweaters with high necks, idk i cant seem to remember what else he wears right now

HUMMMMMMMM HUMMMMM

oh yeah that’s all the kind of stuff i’ve been told is most flattering on me, a fat person

okay so like by the time we get to know jack he’s obvs not fat anymore, but once you’ve trained yourself to think something looks good on you, you kind of forget why you have. kind of like how i wear a cardigan every single day, and i love them, i own tons, but why did i start wearing cardigans? was it because i originally thought they were cute? was i always cold? (yes). or was it to cover up my arms, give myself a waistline? at this point i don’t know. i’ve been wearing them for so long, i’ll probably never stop.

he probably hates shopping. i know a lot of fat people who do. i used to. dressing rooms are like freaky vacuums with only you in there analyzing what you look like from every angle. shit’s terrifying.

so he goes to sport chek or wherever (do you have sport chek in the states? no wait i think it’s called dicky’s or something, idk A SPORTS STORE), and same with the interviews. he knows exactly what he wants/needs. in and out, no fuss.

i mean, the dude has bangs. who even has bangs like that these days? oh yeah fat kids who don’t want to make their face seem so round (ok this might be reaching and i doubt it’s what N had in mind but let me beeee)

jack and being better:

so, jack started playing for the Q at 16, right? i dont know if this is true, though i tend to think it is, but i’m thinking he was still at least a bit fat at 16. regardless, he didn’t start just playing at 16, he started when he was like 3, and was fat for a long period of time

people definitely didn’t take him seriously because of it

“YOU’RE bad bob’s kid?” “YOU play hockey?” “YOU’RE in the Q?” “YOU play forward?” “YOU’RE alicia zimmermann’s kid?”

that kind of shit fucks with your mind

so not only does jack want to prove himself as being a player separate from his father, you know, be known for his own accomplishments (because you also know he got a LOT of shit from people because of that too), he always wants to prove to them that he’s not just a fat kid, he’s a damn good hockey player, and yeah, he’s not a goalie like most people expect

“jack zimmermann works harder than god” “0% or 110%” “be better”

he works out. he’s got a personal trainer. he follows his meal plan to the letter. he doesn’t drink much. he goes to bed early. 

i hesitate to write this, but from what we know of jack, who let’s not forget is a fat anxious eventual addict, i’d say he gets obsessive about “being better” and that he often equates better with fitter

it isn’t healthy. this kind of obsessive behaviour is NEVER healthy (please remember that)

so he gets a therapist

wow that got dark, please forgive me. 

jack and romantic relationships:

from what we know, jack’s had two and a half/three relationships since he was 16/17 (depending on when he and KVP got together)

so, being fat, or a past fat, really colours your view of the world. it plays huge role in your life. it’s something you think about, whether you want to or not, every day. ESPECIALLY when you’re interested in someone

you are constantly second-guessing yourself, readjusting the way you sit, thinking about what you’re eating and how you’re eating it, everything

even when he eventually gets thinner/fitter, that stuff doesn’t go away, and like, the kid lives and works with jacked hockey players. he’s going to be comparing his body to theirs. 

oh yeah, and he’s Not Straight in a notoriously homophobic sport

oh yeah, and he’s got anxiety

ENTER KENT PARSON, STAGE LEFT. he’s a sweet-talker, and he’s young and hot and american and they play fucking well together. they’re bffs. jack basks in the validation. kvp tells him everything he wants to hear: lookin good man, you’re a good player, we play well together, we’re going to make it to the nhl

eventually: you’re fucking hot, i want to kiss you, let’s have sex, you’re a good kisser, i want you naked, all of that kind of praise-kinky stuff

so they’re good, and even when they’re not good and jack knows they’re not good, at least he knows that kvp is still attracted to him, right?

and listen, this is pretty personal for me. i consider myself an independent woman who’s fully accepted her 5′4″, size-24/26, d-cup, body -- that doesn’t mean i believe that other people have accepted it. i was in a relationship for a year and a half, and even at the end when it wasn’t going so well, i knew i was never going to break up with her. i kept putting it off. or, in the back of my mind, it was like this is probably it for me. i can live with this for the rest of my life if it means knowing someone’s attracted to me, someone isn’t grossed out by my body. i was 19/20 years old, pretty much ready to settle bc of that. which is fucked. 

OKAY THIS ISN’T MEANT TO BE A PITY PARTY I’VE COME BACK FROM THAT AND I DON’T REALLY THINK THAT ANYMORE anyway we had a very amicable split and we are still good friends

but jack’s what, 18 at this point? he might not explicitly think something along those lines, but... yeah. 

anyway we all know what happens next

maybe he sleeps with someone else and it shows him he’s not going to be alone for the rest of his life (camilla maybe??)

maybe he realizes the fact that he’s in samwell’s 50 is real and not a joke

(because if you’re fat or if you were fat there’s always a part of you that thinks when someone is hitting on you it’s a joke, or they’ve been put up to it)

i really like that post where shitty always knows exactly what to say to jack when he’s feeling down about his body (again, i’ll link it if someone sends it to me)

ENTER ERIC BITTLE, STAGE RIGHT. there’s a whole webcomic that tells us what goes down (have you read it? it’s called check please!, it’s pretty good). halo, graduation, i’ll text you, v cute

kvp came back halfway through though, what do you think went through his mind? kenny’s the only one who will ever want me, he’s the only one who knows everything about me and he still wants me, he doesn’t care bout my stretchmarks, he knows i’m an addict

kind of stuff that fucks with your mind

i’m very very proud of my boy for saying no 

(i’m neither pro- nor anti-kent, but obviously if he said no after all that, it’s because he wanted to get away from his life pre-OD or something, right? he deserves to make that choice)

and BITTY

what gets me is that jack kissed him first

that just like, blows me away, as a fat person

the only time i’ve ever kissed someone first is when they like, explicitly told me they were into me, with their words. 

the fear of rejection is constant constant constant

even though jack is now handsome as ol heck and fit and ript (#gainz), it’s never going to be something he totally gets over

he waited until the literal last minute, thinking maybe bitty would make the first move, hoping he would

i mean, he’d been flirting right? maybe he got his message across? *jumps over a snowbank* *shows bittle his pictures* *spills his coffee all over him* *asks him about his blog* *asks him to take a selfie*

ANYWAY

jack kissed him first, i had many Feelings about it (the F stands for Fat), and i still do

and now he’s got a new life in the nhl with new friends and a new boyfriend who loves his body and his accent and him

he is kind, he is a good leader, he is a good player, he is a good friend, he is a good boyfriend

TLDR: being fat is more than just having stretchmarks and taking up extra room in the back seat of a car. but it’s not necessarily a bad thing! and jack’s shown us that you can still be amazing and excel even if you are, or have been, fat! look at him go!!! so proud!!!!