#fandom random ramble

IT'S ONLY MY FLIPPIN' BIRTHDAY.

usually a depressing event, but this year:

Re-united Freebatch and a Hobbit movie -- possibly the best gifts ever?

(Thanks, Universe!)

there isn't enough Thor-love on my dash at the mo so in the time-honoured tradition of tumblr may I ask: 

omg, this scene, can we just talk about this fucking scene, okay??

because this scene is fucking amazing. People talk about Hiddles' ability to cram a hundred emotions into a split-second shot, but look at Chris Hemsworth! He is acting it to pieces here! Thor goes through this massive range of emotions (shock, incomprehension, horror, shame, sorrow, hope, desolation, resignation) and he makes every single one of them utterly, heart-breakingly crystal-clear (which he kinda has to, because his character is so open and artless and, in a way, innocent that he telegraphs his emotions without embarrassment). And look at the contrast: Thor has just ripped through Coulson's people like a fucking chainsaw and yet half a minute in Loki's company and he's reduced to this hurt, lost little boy with a wobbly lip, barely able to keep his voice steady as he begs to be allowed back into his home. (Oh and did I mention that Chris only has the space of a few seconds and a couple of inches of super-tight focus on his face in which to do this?? Daymn!) 

And on top of everything else, this scene is so representative of Thor's true nobility of spirit (to me, it's basically his equivalent of Cap's throwing-himself-on-the-grenade scene) because look how fucking magnanimous he is towards Loki... Loki brings him this horrifying news, plus (to add insult to serious injury) the fact that he now has the throne that should rightfully be Thor's - and what is Thor's reaction? Is he resentful or ungracious in defeat? Does he argue with Loki's declaration that he has to remain in exile? Nope! He's just received the worst news of his adult life and yet he still manages to pull his shit together enough to behave graciously, to make sure that his last act towards his brother (what he thinks is his last act towards his brother) is to thank and comfort him, by taking the blame for their father's death on his own shoulders. 

I mean, Jesus, what a GUY!

Is it any wonder Loki felt like he couldn't measure up? 

And.

Um.

WOW. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ my reaction / what it should have bin^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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Okay, 4 things. 

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1 ) I feel like this is the movie Stewie Griffin would've made if he was able to turn all those gay twisted innuendos into reality. 

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2 ) As far as I'm concerned, it could have been called 'Kink-Meme: The Movie.' 

(Hmm, lessee: 3somes, bjs, bdsm, hatesex, cross-dressing/gender-bending, dubcon, blood!play. Gee, the whole family's there!)

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3 ) I'm pretty sure I should not have found it so...

...yeaaah.

(Seriously. At one point I actually whimpered.

audibly.

in the cinema.

The second I get a rip of this I am fastforwarding it straight to that moment.

You'll know the bit when you come to it. 

but...

just...

Yeah: Wow. >_<') 

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And 4 )  In short, I feel like I have been *wrecked* by this movie. 

Ladies, Gents, James-fans, and anyone else whose sense of decency has been suitably-fucked-up by over frequention of kink-memes, I implore you: go and see it. 

You won't sit right for a week!

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[read more for spoilers]

*grabs people who have tried to flee and drags back in*

Okay, right, it was Will in prison at Chez Chilton, being awoken in his cell by a strange noise.

He woke up, looked outside his cell and there was this cut chiselled guy with a white-blond buzzcut and the eyes of a huskie. 

It was James Bond. 

(And Will basically took one look at him and thought: STONE. COLD. KILLER.) 

And Bond was swaggering past with a gun in his hand, blithely screwing on a silencer, about to "interview" the guy in the next cell. 

Who was... guess who? ^_^

Yeah, and then it kind of skipped around a bit and there was this FANTASTIC bit where Hannibal came to see Will but Will was sleeping so he just stood there, watching him through the bars of his cell with his head cocked to one side, and ended up having a conversation with Silva, who kicked things off by complimenting Hannibal on his suit and asking him where he'd got it tailored... 

(I seem to remember there was some talk of rat-eat-rat, etc.) 

Silva could tell exactly what Hannibal was just by looking at him (and also that Will was an innocent; was showing quite an interest in Will, in fact) and Hannibal just hated his guts.  

And then there was a bit where Q turned up to interview Will ( to find out if he'd got anything out of Silva ) and Will couldn't understand why this natty little British chap, with an obvious razor-sharp intellect, was being so nice and polite to him *when everyone's supposed to think he's a serial killer* and was shaking his hand through the bars and everything. 

....Like, for example, that he looked like this: 

(extra meta-points for that being bb!Anton Yelchin, i.e. the psychic kid who befriends Classic!Hannibal Tony Hopkins in Hearts In Atlantis.)

It was basically about a Werewolf in London (jeez, I'm dreaming Warren Zevon songs), on the rampage one night - and this was Ripper's London, y'know, typical Victoriana: fog, pocket-watches, top-hats n' frock-coats, carriages, urchins, etcetera. 

ANYWAY. 

This werewolf was rampaging down a shadowy cobbled street, the full moon shining gaily above, when he spots a likely gent lurking in the shadows.

Werewolf thinks 'hey, here's tonight's morsel' and bounds forwards....

BUT, at the last second the man turns around...

and it's Hannibal, Mads' Hannibal...

And in my the dream the werewolf (this is a big, slavering, fuck-off scary monster, eyes like soup-plates, teeth the size of your foot) takes one look at Hannibal and does a kind of 'raAWWWRGHhhohshitohshitno-whoops-sorry-thoughtyouweresomeoneelse' skid on the cobbles, talons throwing up sparks, and shoots off into the night, tail between his legs. 

And Mads-as-Hannibal just touched an immaculately-gloved fingertip to the brim of his brushed top hat, did that smug little prick smile of his to himself, and went on about his merry ripping way.... ^_^

HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT?? 

A GIGANTIC TERRIFYING WEREWOLF. 

....in which Ragnar n' co come across a mute one-eyed killing machine played by the magnificent Mads Mikkelsen. 

[Ender's Game, omg, that book almost gave me nightmares]. 

Net result = Complicated-Dark-Robot!Cherik-Ficbunnies up the wazoo. 

Okay, brace yourselves. >_<'

So it goes:

Doomed Lovers / Robot Reincarnation. 

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Once upon a time in the distant future, on a ship orbiting a strange planet... 

A clone of the famous humanitarian-turned robopsychologist Charles Xavier meets a battered malfunctioning android [a robot made to resemble a human]. This android has somehow been programmed to ignore the Three Laws of Robotics whenever they interfere with its mysterious Prime Directive. 

What happened was: at the point of his death, original!Erik created a robot version of himself. 

Robot!Erik's directive was to keep itself in one piece until technology had advanced to such a stage that it/he could be turned into a human [a la The Bicentennial Man]. 

The Twist: original Erik and Charles were not human, they were mutant. 

Ergo, clone!Charles has telepathic powers, and soon starts to regain his original memories! 

In this way he has been leap-frogging his consciousness down the centuries - from clone to clone - and has become, in a sense, immortal. 

Original!Charles had a plan to take Erik with him when he died: or rather, he prearranged to take Erik's consciousness with him, when he died. 

So whenever one of Charles' clones is reunited with Erik's robot, his mutant powers unveil a second consciousness hidden and entangled within his own.

And- if technology has advanced to such a stage that the cyborg!Erik is now sufficiently human -he can 'implant' it into Erik's waiting surrogate, thus resurrecting his lost love. 

[The problem is that clones have a certain shelf-life: by the time they meet, this clone of Charles is already dying, and if they ever want to reunite again he has to take Erik's mind back into his own, when he dies, and hope that the android finds his way back to the next clone. 

They are doomed to repeat this cycle, over and over, until both or either of them decides that they are ready to die, for good, and has the other one leave him behind... ]

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BUT, on the other hand I *am* now reading The Caves of Steel, so the alternative!bunny could be 'hardnosed!futurecop Erik is reluctantly teamed up w/ chirpy looks-like-a-human robocop!Charles in order to solve politically-sensitive murder case.'