#00q

friend: oh like romantically?

me: no. like cursed object passed between hands for centuries, they are cosmically linked, probably bonded by blood ritual, I think they’ve fought in a war together in at least three lifetimes, and their souls make direct eye contact every time they breathe in the same room

friend: so… romantically?

"Married?" Bond scoffed. "Can he not be my useless son or something?"

Q made an offended noise. "Useless, really? Could you not be my recently divorced disaster of a father?"

"Department budgets only stretch to a one bed," Moneypenny continued dryly. "And more importantly the mark's husband-"

"Can we not just send someone to seduce him?" Bond cut in impatiently. Hell, he'd do it himself if it really came down to it. He wasn't above ruining someone's marriage in the name of getting what was required.

"-Is a couples therapist." Moneypenny finished.

"Ah." Bond said, suddenly this ridiculous set up was starting to make an annoying sort of sense.

Q laughed darkly. "And we're to be the couple made of — how do people put it — more red flags than a communist rally?"

Bond cocked his head at Q and raised one eyebrow in lieu of a question.

"Married extremely quickly, absolutely nothing in common, concerningly large age gap." Q listed off on his fingers. He turned and locked eyes with Bond. "One struggling with his masculinity and sexuality."

"I think you'll find I'm perfectly content with my masculinity, thankyou."

Q shot him a withering look.

"And there's a beautiful example of you bickering like an old married couple already." Moneypenny smiled smugly.

Moneypenny gives them each other's files and tells them to brush up on both their backstories but both of them independently go "No?? The cover will work much better if neither of us know anything about the other."

In session 1 the therapist is like "dear god I don't even know where to BEGIN with all this" gesturing at their everything. but by the end is like "you know what I don't understand it but somehow it works"