#fandom discussions

This is probably the last bit of discourse I'm dealing with today because I genuinely want to get back to editing, writing, and all the positive things that brought us here in the first place.

But I do want to say this.

To the white people in my comments and inbox saying that the person who sent that ask was completely out of line, thank you. Seriously. We know not all of y'all are like that. I've had some amazing conversations with white mutuals and readers who have shown me nothing but kindness and support.

But let me say something else.

Being an ally goes far beyond simply saying you are one.

As a white person in America, there are advantages that will always exist for you that Black people simply don't have access to. That doesn't mean your life is easy. It doesn't mean you haven't struggled. It doesn't mean your pain isn't real. But privilege and struggle can exist at the same time.

And honestly, I cried while writing this because I don't think people understand how exhausting it can be sometimes.

Not to make this a Pride Month post, but since it is Pride Month, the same principle applies there too. Being straight in America comes with advantages that queer people simply don't have. Especially when we're talking about the difference between being a straight white man and being a Black queer woman. Those experiences are not the same, and pretending they are doesn't help anybody.

Being an ally means more than saying, "I support you." It means listening when people talk about experiences you've never had. It means standing up for people even when the issue doesn't personally affect you. It means understanding that equality doesn't mean centering yourself in every conversation.

And I say this as someone who's both Jamaican and African American.

Growing up in Jamaica, I experienced colorism far more than racism. I'm dark-skinned, and I know firsthand how differently dark-skinned women can be treated compared to lighter-skinned women. Sometimes the comments come from our own people, and honestly, that's heartbreaking to me.

I never truly understood the reality of systemic racism in America until I actually came to the United States. Seeing it up close was eye-opening. And my heart especially goes out to young Black girls growing up in predominantly white spaces because I understand how difficult it can be to learn to love yourself when everything around you tells you that you should be quieter, smaller, or less proud of who you are.

I wish we were further along than this.

Because whether it's racism, colorism, texturism, or featurism, sometimes the people hurting us are people who look like us, and that hurts in a way I don't even know how to explain.

And that's why representation matters to me.

Not because I hate anybody.

Not because I want anyone excluded.

But because I know what it feels like to spend years learning to love yourself.

I know what it feels like to finally become comfortable being loud and proud about who you are.

And after spending years getting to that point, I'm not interested in shrinking myself anymore.

I'm not interested in making myself smaller.

I'm not interested in whispering that I'm Black.

I'm not interested in pretending "everybody" means "white by default."

I'm proud of being Black.

I'm proud of being a dark-skinned woman.

I'm proud of my hair.

I'm proud of my culture.

I'm proud of where I come from.

And I want every little Black girl, whether she's in Jamaica, America, Africa, Europe, or anywhere else in the world, to know that she deserves to be loud, beautiful, loved, and represented too.

And honestly, something I've been learning lately is that healing doesn't mean becoming invisible.

For so long, a lot of us have been taught to soften ourselves, make ourselves easier to digest, and make sure everybody else feels comfortable before we allow ourselves to simply exist.

But there comes a point where you realize that loving yourself isn't something you should have to apologize for.

And that's what some people don't understand. Representation isn't about taking something away from somebody else. It isn't about exclusion. It isn't about hatred. It's about looking at yourself and finally saying, "I deserve to see myself too."

Because little Black girls deserve to grow up without wondering if they're pretty enough, dark enough, light enough, feminine enough, or "acceptable" enough.

They deserve to see women who look like them being loved, celebrated, and centered without explanation.

And maybe that's why this whole thing touched such a nerve for me. Because this conversation has never just been about fanfiction. It has never just been about Tumblr.

It's about years and years of learning to love yourself in a world that doesn't always make that easy. It's about finally reaching a place where you're proud of who you are and refusing to shrink back into silence because somebody else suddenly feels uncomfortable.

I spent too long learning how to love myself to start making myself smaller again, and I know I'm not the only Black girl who feels that way.

But I hope that the generation of us who feel that way will be the last.

And another thing that people don't talk about enough is how white has been treated as the default in media for so long that a lot of people don't even notice it anymore.

Entire books, movies, TV shows, fanfics, and advertisements are centered around whiteness and nobody questions it because they're used to seeing themselves reflected everywhere. That's exactly why I don't feel guilty for intentionally centering Black people.

Representation doesn't become wrong just because Black people are the ones being represented.

And honestly, I think about the next generation a lot. I think about little Black girls growing up right now.

I hope they don't spend years wishing their skin was lighter, wishing their hair was straighter, or feeling like they have to shrink themselves to be accepted. I hope they grow up seeing Black women loved, desired, celebrated, and centered without feeling like they have to apologize for it.

I hope they're louder and prouder than we were taught to be.

And let's stop acting like Blackness itself is political. My skin isn't political.

My hair isn't political. My culture isn't political. Existing as a Black woman and writing from that perspective should not be treated like some controversial statement.

I'm not making a political declaration by loving myself. I'm simply existing.

One of the most beautiful things I've experienced is learning to love the parts of myself that I was taught to minimize.

Learning more about AAVE, embracing natural hairstyles, understanding the history behind certain traditions, reconnecting with culture, and becoming proud of things I once felt insecure about made me feel closer to myself.

It made me feel whole. It made me feel proud. And I refuse to apologize for that.

And honestly, my stories were never meant to be protests. They're love letters. Love letters to the little Black girl I used to be. Love letters to the Black girls growing up right now.

Love letters to every Black woman who spent years feeling like she had to settle for being an afterthought. If even one person reads something I write and feels beautiful, feels seen, or feels proud of who she is, then I've done exactly what I set out to do.

And nobody is going to make me feel guilty for that.

The little girl who wanted straighter hair deserved love.

The girl who wished her skin was lighter deserved love.

The girl who wondered if she'd be prettier with different features deserved love.

And the woman you've become deserves love too.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on that.

Now I'm going back to editing and writing because that's what I came here for. 🤎

Tag list : @cocomilaa @blcknebula @stiflersbabymama @callmeoncette @needjoekeery @nuttyrebelflower @1eliana123-blog @ladyearthsea @rastharex @darkgreengrl @bananajoeclone @violet0182 @minghaossv @melynex @thebabykashmere @ghoulxeg @simply-lovley44

@raefoxiegirl @peacemakersbeloved @devynrulesboisdrool @skiicoreee @boredpretty @michaelssparklysocks @sometranslationnoteru @strawberrkiwis @irissunshines @agustdpeach @fluffypuddingatz

@joeburrowife

@1meshugge1 @whyxo @coornballz @plan3tch1ld @juicybigfart @swavydadon @hyperfixawahhhh @melaninjoys @enzo6ekiiii

@st-ar-ron @unseenleylinesecret @a-motherfcking-fish @jaafarsaura

@theghostwife @tellybearryyyy @delictezz @sebbysbaby

So I get asks that are really hard to answer because that is literally coming from nowhere so I am not familiar with exactly what you’re talking about?

*Not necessarily a bad thing I love researching random shit.

Which is why I think all of the times when I’m kind of blunt about favoritism or random hypotheticals they come off as really assholey. But it’s just because in the comics those two people have never interacted so why are we gonna kill Jason for them?

That is always the thought process that happens whenever I run into the polls about saving someone over the other or who do you think is this person’s favorite?

The answer is not hard or complicated if you’ve read the comics. If you haven’t and you’re only familiar with fannon that’s when your answer is not cut and dry.

In general, a lot of the Wayne’s are also not always the best people. I’m a firm believer in the narrative of the heroes who are trying to better the world. But they also can be kind of fucking assholes.

Dick is not hugging every single vigilante in Gotham and throwing them a goddamn parade every time they save someone.

He is an extremely capable, badass vigilante with anger issues who unless you are really important to him does not typically have the time of day to care about your emotional stability.

Yes, he’s going to save civilians, he will talk you down from jumping off a bridge. That doesn’t mean he’s going to braid your hair and have a sleepover.

That is the cusp of my issue, sometimes having to answer questions about Batfamily randomness. It’s always Dick, too.

Since in fandom he is this lovable octopus.

But in the comics, unless you’re literally one of the most important people in his life he’s not actually all that nice.

Even if he does care about you in the comics, he’s still a fucking asshole. If you go through his comics and actually look at the random shit he is saying it is extremely fucked up sometimes. The only person I do not have a moment in memory of him saying something that I think is literally a War Crime to is maybe Tim. I’m not even sure because he lives up to his name. Damain he’s also pretty nice, but also has made some not nice comments.

Jason, he has an on-site order for all the time. Bruce he has ripped him a new asshole, then tried to kick his ass and like a week later showed up for patrol again.

Dick Grayson 100% is loving, kind, protective, handing out nicknames, doting but he is only like that constantly to maybe three people. Donna Troy, Tim Drake…..Wally…maybe? Keyword constantly! For people like Starfire, Babs, Damian, Roy, Bruce. He has very sweet moments and is overall nice but if you give him 10 minutes, he’s going to say something really fucked up. Jason gets an honorable mention because he was nice sometimes when he was younger…

Dick Grayson is also a lying, manipulative, cruel asshole.

Especially when he’s stressed or angry.

Even Donna, who I cannot think of a moment of him being really mean to her, I’m sure has said something fucked up. That is his Wonder Twin half of his soul.

He threatened to remove the elevator. He literally threw over his shoulder to Barbara Gordon that he would take away her way of leaving.

~ Actions speak louder. ~

Next up is the dorm based on The Lion King and on the King of Beasts' Spirit of Persistence. While it does appear to be the athletic dorm, compared to the others, there are plenty of althetic characters in other dorms. Yes Leona can certainly meet a physical challenge, but he doesn't seem to want to unless it is absolutely necessary. So there has to be more to why people get sorted into this dorm than simply being more physically active and sporty.

"Life's not fair Is it?" That famous line sums up these students and how they feel about their lives. They are not satified with where they are and they want to change it. However they don't like when others try to decide their life for them, in any way. These are the sorts who want to achieve the life and goals they want by their own actions. It certainly seems that if any student of this dorm gets told they can't do something, they'll give some sort of "watch me" response. (Might be violently.)

How much they actually believe they can reach that goal and change their lives varies between the students, but overall it's low. There seems to be something personal holding them back from achieving the life they want. Some likely don't even realize they're hindering themselves.

Leona has a lot of pride. He is confident in his skills, on a basic level. He is very smart and has a lot of strong magic. However, he does not have a lot of emotional self confidence in himself as a person. Certainly didn't help that others kept comparing him, a child, to his much older brother all the way into his 20s. He struggles to get passed the feeling of being compared, of being viewed as lesser than anyone. If only he would actually believe those around him when they say possitive things about him.

Ruggie can work multiple jobs to help his grandma and the kids in his neighborhood, but often falls back on schemes and street tactics. He's lived a large portion of his life just trying to stay alive. He knows what it's like to go hungry. Now he's in a place where he has access to better food, shelter, and has the chance to find a more... honest living (for lack of a better phrase). Yet he is still constantly behaves like he's back in the slums. Yes there petty crimes meant he stayed alive, but it also means a poor reputation and view from others. It also seems to have lead to habits and mindsets that Ruggie has a hard time breaking out of. All that can hold him back from getting out of the life he's in.

Jack wants to better his own athleticism and face challenges head-on (even outside a sports environment) on equal footing against others. He just has a hard time allowing others to work with him as teammated rather than having them simply be rivals. Receiving or giving help to others does not come easily to him. It can even be a literal fight with him to do so.

So someone that might end up in Savanaclaw would be unhappy with their life, but have a personal trait that causes them to stuggles to change it on their own. Even though they would much rather do it that way. What are you're thoughts on why someone might be placed in this dorm?

I... loved this ending. The only thing I could say that made it not perfect was the pacing in some parts, but otherwise... wow.

I had an inkling that they were brainscans, that part was not surprising at all to me. Very surprised when Caine came back, not gonna lie, but it gave the ending that little bit of hope that I needed.

The hugs, the talks, how the characters saw how their human selves were out there, living their lives, and how the circus crew decided to move on with their digital lives and try to be as happy as possible. I knew the ending would be bittersweet, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much more sweet it was.

But the thing that hit me the most was Jax's story.

If you've seen the finale, you won't be surprised that I'm now using 'she' for Jax. She was still in the egg-state, sure, but... I don't know, it just feels right.

There's been things about Jax and gender from pretty much the beginning. Enough that Jax being a trans-woman or otherwise wanting to actually present as more feminine but not allowing herself to was a popular headcanon. And that's where I figured it would be: a popular headcanon.

And then it became canon. Not only that: it was the core of her character. It was the reason she acted the way she did, why she pushed people away, why she treated people like crap, why she hated herself so much... All stemming from the fact that she told her mother who she was and got laughed at, berated and then, when her feelings were as low as they could get, her mother hugged her, causing her to lash out and maybe kill her own mother. Just... Everything just clicked for me.

I've been very lucky as a queer person. Not only do I live in Sweden, which as a country is much more chill about queer identities than a lot of other places (although there's always more work to be done, especially after the far right has made a come-back the last fifteen years), but I've not lost any family over it. They may not understand all of it, but they accept me. Especially my mother.

I've "come out" to my mother four times these last ten years: realizing I was bisexual by 25, finding out I was autistic by 28, starting to live as non-binary by 30 and then telling her I'm demi-aroace just this year, when I'm 36. Every time I did it, I though it would go alright, but part of me still feared - "this will be the thing that makes her stop loving me", "this will be the thing that makes her think I'm broken or disgusting or just lying to get attention". But she didn't and hasn't. She's worried that she can't relate to a lot of it and she still struggles with using the "hen"-pronoun (but that's simply because she doesn't get a lot practise to use it outside of me; we really need more Swedish books with non-binary characters), but that's it. When I told her about my fear of her hating me, she just couldn't understand it - according to her, the only thing that could have made her stop loving me is if I became a nazi, or an otherwise horrible person on that level. To stop loving me simply because of who I was... Unthinkable in her eyes.

So yes, I've been very lucky. But a lot other people aren't. Or weren't. A lot of people ended their lives or had their lives ended before or directly after they realized who they were. And this what Jax's story represents to me. So, I can tell you all how her ending hurt when I first saw it. It's very real, and that's what makes it hurt.

But... I'm a hopefull person at heart. Yes, Jax is still abstracted at the end of the show, and it's clear that abstraction has been a metaphor for death and specifically death by suicide from the beginning. But it's still just a metaphor. Jax was abstracted when Pomni talked to her and found out everything that happened in her human life and what happened with Ribbit and Kaufmo. She was still there. Unable to pull herself together into Jax again... but still there. Now that the crew isn't fighting to get out or having Caine as an antagonistic force anymore, there might be a way to get her back. To get them all back. After all, Caine doesn't understand everything that makes up the code of The Amazing Digital Circus - the moon told her she loved him, even though he never programmed her to say that to him. There's still a shoot, even if we'll only ever see it in fanfiction. And if they can warm up to Caine, after all he's done... If she put in the work, I'm certain that Jax would be accepted as well, and then maybe she could finally allow herself to be happy.

(Content Warning: Discussions of abusive relationships, manipulation, consent, rape, hivemind related things.)

And probably, that's the reason why it had never occurred to me before, how many discussions and arguments there are about "the right version of <insert a character name here> in the canon". 🤔

The said discussions can be connected with any kind of fandom and any character, but the ones that caught my eye are definitely Loki-related.

One reason for this is that - obviously - I search for specific content, so I end up seeing lots of posts related to the topic. The other reason, however, is - I guess - more connected with the fact that there really are different interpretations of that character: in various films, in the series, in comics. And probably none of them can be "everyone's cup of tea". 🤷

There are people for whom the only right version of Loki in MCU is the one up to "Thor: Dark World" - and everything that was done afterwards is absolutely worthless.

There are people for whom everything up to "Dark World" is a total waste of time and only "Thor: Ragnarok" and the series have the right vibe.

There are people who generally don't like Loki in MCU and stick to the comics alone.

There are people who like the films but hate the series.

There are people who love both the films and the series.

There are probably also people who don't like any of the films but enjoy the series.

Oh, let's not forget about those who might generally hate what Marvel did to mythological Loki, both in the comics and in MCU. 😉

*

Yeah, we sometimes get really emotional when it comes to our favourite characters. Because these stories, which we're being told here, for some of us might be much more than just sheer entertainment.

They're our modern myths and legends. They are a kind of conscious or subconscious work on our own issues. They are a way to project some parts of ourselfs onto these characters, to familiarase oneself with some fears, needs and desires, to discover new things about oneself.

(That's totally not your way of thinking? Okay. But it's definitely mine and I know I'm not the only one.)

*

Loki is someone with whom it might get even more complicated, because this character - based on mythological Trickster - is a really powerful symbol, additionally enhanced by all Marvel's ideas for him. And - boy! - they did give him a lot of traits and issues many of us can relate to, this way or another. 🫣

So a (possibly quite obvious) thing that occurred to me is that probably... your "right" Loki is the Loki you need. You. Specifically. For this or that reason. Because you need this character to be that way.

I'll even risk another theory: maybe the fact that we can see so many different characterisations of Loki throughout the canon is the reflection of "what kind of Loki the authors of the particular film or comic needed for themselves". 🤔 (Dunno, maybe there were other reasons as well, not arguing about that.)

And the most important thing? Well, in my opinion, there are two:

Never ever feel bad because you like more this or that version of a particular character. Or because you like all of them. Or because you don't like any of them, so you create your own one in your fantasies/stories. ☺️

Never ever make other people feel bad because they like a different version of the character than you do. Apart from being hurtful and insensitive, this kind of behaviour is also totally absurd. Would you really ridicule someone because they drink cappuccino, while you prefer black coffee? (And if the answer is "yes" - daaaamn, you've got a whole lotta things to unpack here. 😜)

*

Yep, that's all folks. 😁

Thank you for coming to my "random rambling about pseudo-philosophical sh*t that nobody needs or everyone is already aware of" kind of talk. 🤣 (My inner critic says hello to ya all. 😆)

looking at the tags and some of you make a good point that sometimes we also don't interact with a post right away, simply because we don't have the energy or the capacity to deal with its content at the time. i've put a lot of meta posts aside lately, not because i don't think they're good, but i'm a bit drained after work and i wouldn't appreciate reading them, not like i usually would. i do it with fics as well.

i also read some comments about learning to find value in yourself and your work, and while it can be really hard, it's important

but mostly i think it's about giving yourself a chance and not to get too discouraged before you even put your stuff out there. fics or posts you think will never interest people might actually get engagement, even if it's not a lot.

i said recently that i was writing a hackett & or / cloneshep fic and thought "NO ONE will read this" but people replied and said "actually deb, the idea doesn't seem that bad..." so you really never know. i'm not writing the fic for people, i'm writing it for myself, but it's an example and there are others. someone somewhere will be interested! if you think no one will read your javik & glyph go on adventures gen fic............. I WILL READ IT