ok this is gonna make people uncomfortable and iām honestly fine with that. like⦠maybe sit with it instead of immediately getting defensive.
iām still annoyed about this, that kind of pissed that sneaks up and quietly ruins your night. and itās bothering me because first of all, it comes from a place of love.
i really love dom. and i mean that in a very soft, very real way. i feel respect. admiration. that feeling where you want someone to be okay more than you want anything from them.
and because of that, seeing people irl treat him like a prop inside their fantasy actually hurts to watch.
that video about the threesome with harry styles made me cringe in my bones. not because it was sexual - iām not a prude and you all know that if youāve read my fanfics. i fantasize too. i project too. i write him like a god in fiction. i live in my head as much as anyone.
but that video wasnāt fantasy. that was entitlement.
thereās a difference between having an inner world and dragging that inner world into real life and expecting a real human being to perform it back to you.
yes, heās sexual on stage. obviously. yes, he flirts, he plays with desire, he does provocative shit. thatās literally his job. thatās a persona. a stage character. but can we please remember that performance is not permission? and persona doesnāt equal consent? please.
just because he puts his hand in his pants on stage doesnāt mean he wants you. just because he makes you feel something doesnāt mean you get to act on it. and the whole āhe asked for thisā mentality is not okay, itās the same logic used everywhere to justify crossing boundaries.
also i think offstage heās actually very private. very discreet. very wellāmannered. especially for a rockstar. he keeps his personal life contained on purpose. and ignoring that because itās inconvenient to the fantasy? thatās where it crosses a line.
and because iāve seen so many posts lately about parasocial relationships with dom, people saying heās āchangedā or that they feel ādisconnectedā from him, i just want to say this:
a celebrity is not responsible for regulating your nervous system. dom is not your therapist. heās not your savior. his music can resonate with you, help you survive, yes. but it shouldnāt be the thing holding you together.
and i think people really donāt want to admit this: our experience isnāt exclusive. he resonates with a lot of people, millions actually. youāre supposed to take that feeling and build something in your own life with it not hand it back to him and expect him to carry it for you.
he never promised access or permanence. he never promised to stay frozen in the version of himself that made someone feel safe once.
and one more thing, since iām already heated with my rantš„: a kind reminder that jessie jo stark exists. sheās real and a really gorgeous woman. sheās his girlfriend. and yes, sheās a nepo baby. and honestly? who wouldnāt want to be a nepo baby. i wish i was a nepo baby, be fucking serious.
being born into privilege doesnāt automatically make someone untalented or evil. and also? sheās cool. i love deadly doll. sheās doing her own thing. and maybe, just maybe (crazy thought) dom has a good reason for being with her. the bitterness toward her isnāt really about her anyway. itās about people not wanting to let go of a version of dom whoās eternally available and emotionally outsourceable.
what makes me angry isnāt even desire. desire is human. and heās attractive as hell. itās the expectation that he should absorb ur desire. manage it. laugh it off. regulate it. forever.
at the end of the day iām just advocating for the human being behind the rockstar image. heās tried to keep the barrier thin because he wants to be real with fans but sadly the thinner that barrier is, the more vulnerable the person behind it becomes.
maybe fandom should be more about appreciation than consumption. maybe instead of testing his limits, we should just be grateful he lets us this close at all.
loving dom, to me, means respecting him enough to let him exist fully outside my head. even if that means staying on the sidelines. even if that means watching him live a life that has nothing to do with me - because guess what, we all have a life to live, and we should make it beautiful with domās music and vibes in it, not instead of it.
this isnāt hate. and it isnāt antiāfan either.
really take what reasonates and leave what doesnāt, but i think we should maybe start to think healthier so a fandom like this could thrive and be a nice place for everyone.
thank you for coming to my ted talk. now that i got it out i can peacefully go to sleep. good night!šŖ½šŖ½