#fadiman

Sometimes I think I miss voyeuring in on my "friends" on Fake Book, but I have to tell you, my mental health is already improving by not utilizing that platform as most people do. I go into groups when I need to, participate in meaningful discussions, and I manage my business page. That's it. Having strict boundaries on interacting with people in this "close but distant" dynamic is helping me feel much better. I listened to my feelings about it the first week I began microdosing. Now we are entering Week 5! For the last two microdosing weeks (4 & 3) I skipped one because I was too tired to get up early to take it. I have a sleeping schedule where I consistently get up at 1pm-2pm. I've been this way for a long time and it's just against my neurology I think to wake up any earlier. This is one of the many fun things of being neurodivergent and on the autism spectrum. I used to wake up much later. The fact I consistently get up at these times is a good marker of success for me. However, if I don't interrupt my sleeping cycle and get up briefly at 10am to take the microdosing capsule, then I shouldn't take it all. Otherwise, it will cause me to have insomnia. I noticed a dip in mood when I basically was taking 0.1g for 2x a week instead of 3x a week and I wonder if I should even increase the number of days in which I am microdosing! I'm a "low and slow" kind of person. I have to ease my toes into new waters to ensure I don't upset my highly sensitive nervous system. Almost everything so far has been highly positive and making gains towards progress since I started. It was only when I dipped below 3x a week that I noticed a little bit of a slide backwards. This causes me to believe that I might just benefit from going up to 4x a week. This would mean I would need to change my microdosing schedule entirely. It's important in some cases to make sure there are a couple of consecutive days off to allow for any tolerance to reset. Right now I am doing Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday with Sunday/Monday my two consecutive days off. Going up to 4x a week would mean I would need to change to 2 days in a row on, 2 days in a row off. So something like: Friday/Saturday on, Sunday/Monday off, Tuesday/Wed on, Thursday off. This looks closely related to the Dr. Fadiman protocol, which is 5 consecutive days on, 2 consecutive days off. I will have time to think about it as I will be finishing up weeks 5 & 6 at 3x a week, then I'll have 1-2 weeks off to reflect and make any adjustments.

(George S. Kaufman (1889-1961) US dramatist, wit, member of the Algonquin Round Table. Story found in Clifton Fadiman’s The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes)

I found Ex Libris tucked behind another book I wanted on a library shelf, and as I simply cannot resist essay anthologies, and this one was all about books, I read it in one sitting. Books and reading to me are sacrosanct. Not an hour of my life passes that I do not think of books. Everything reminds me of one I have read, am currently reading, would like to read, distantly know about but have no interest in, etcetera. The most surefire way for me to find the motivation to do something is to imagine I am a book character, and to narrate the scene in my head as I enact it. This is seriously how I trick myself into cooking dinner. Given the depth of my bibliomania, there was little in this compilation that did not resonate with my soul, and I am going to share the best ones. Sharing the Mayhem was an essay about reading aloud. I think anyone who has ever spoken to me knows of my passion for this topic. I listen to podcasts about it. Like, more than one, about reading out loud. It is one of my most positive childhood memories, it is something I still do with my siblings, and once I had a friend start reading to me just because, and I started crying. So, I loved this one. Insert a Carrot is an essay about compulsive proofreading. I do this. I feel like a dick sometimes because most people don’t want their text messages picked apart, but it is reflexive. Though I sometimes intentionally use a word that doesn’t exist, or spice up the grammar for the sake of getting my dramatic point across, I assure you that the errors are intentional sacrifices for the sake of style. The way I feel about correcting grammatical and spelling errors is how I imagine my mother feels about watching those pimple popping videos. Guilty and somewhat embarrassed for the subject, but deeply satisfied at the conclusion. (I do not watch pimple popping videos). Never Do That to a Book is an essay that really, really hit home for me. Fadiman describes readers as loving their books in either a courtly manner or a carnal one. So often book lovers are appalled by a reader dog-earing a page, or opening a book so wide that the spine breaks. These are the courtly loving readers. I am firmly in the camp of carnal readers. My books are left spread-eagled on the table overnight to mark my place, they are torn, and crunkled, and probably have spilled tea on them. My sister's copy of I Am Malala has blood smeared on the back cover from the time I took it with me to make a plasma donation. My copy of Little Dorrit is deformed and crunchy from taking a swan dive out of my car, where it lives as my 'just in case book', right into a snowbank. Our communal Harry Potter paperbacks that went around my family in a loop as we all took turns reading them, and rereading them, and rereading them a half dozen more times have completely fallen apart. The fourth book is taped together with packing tape, and there is green duct tape on top of that because the first taping job didn't last. The fifth book is in 3 pieces that we just prop up next to each other on the shelf. I like my books loved, just as I like the rest of my possessions. I am a super tactile person, and it makes me sad when books are touch-starved, used decoratively, placed on a pedestal, kept in pristine condition. They aren't meant for that, they're meant to be read and loved, like the Velveteen Rabbit. "How beautiful to a genuine lover of reading are the sullied leaves, and worn-out appearance... How they speak of the thousand thumbs that have turned over their pages with delight! Who would have them a whit less soiled?" - Charles Lamb wrote this, and it was included in the essay. I love it. I also deeply love Charles Lamb. There are eighteen essays in here, and they're all worth reading if you're as obsessive about books as I am.

"The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down"

One's first book, kiss, home run, is always the best. #CliftonFadiman #Clifton #Fadiman #quote #sinetos #quotes

Clifton Fadiman

Clifton Fadiman

Clifton Fadiman