Friendship is Being There for Each Other
I am a high-maintenance friend. (There I said it.)
And I prefer having high-maintenance friends.
And I don't mean like: Text me every moment of your life and be a constant sounding board for me. Or: let me use you with no reciprocity, or vice versa. No.
I mean: I want to have deep conversations. I want to tell you when I am miserable or anxious or depressed, or gush about my interests. And I, in turn, expect you to lean on me when you feel like that, to gush about your interests to me, even if they're not part of my own wheelhouse, to vent to me when you're anxious or stressed or overwhelmed. I want to be your sounding board, and I want you to be mine.
I don't need it 24/7 (god no). But I need it frequently enough. Like one or twice or thrice every couple of months at least, or even better, at least once a week, if possible. And if meeting in person isn't possible, call me, and if calls aren't possible, then let it happen via texts and/or emails.
I just don't gel with low-maintenance friendships. I just feel like I don't know you well enough then, and that you don't care to know me much either.
Low-maintenance friendships, I think, are the kind you have with certain colleagues or teammates or something -- situations where you aren't close enough for deep convos, but you care enough about each other that you're happy to hear from each other when you do, or have only surface-level conversations with. It's not unimportant. But this wouldn't be my ideal situation for close friendships either.
Basically, the entire idea that if you talk about your triggers or bad experiences is trauma dumping and bad makes no sense to me. Sure, it's not possible at every moment, because everyone has their own crap to deal with and sometimes you won't have the space or ability or time to deal with another's on top of your own. But that can't be a constant, impenetrable state, surely?
I mean, sometimes, when able, pushing aside your own issues to hold space for another's, is in fact a kind of selflessness, a method of kindness, a way to show that you care. And that's not a bad thing. It becomes a bad thing only if one side does it with no thought of reciprocating it. Or if someone gets aggressive and accusatory when they ask for a rain check sometimes. But otherwise? That is literally one of the main reasons for friendships: To be there for each other and to get external support when your internal reserves are not enough.
Low maintenance friendships, by the definitions I've seen pushed, don't feel like friendships tho... They feel like being acquaintances. Or having friendships that are just a number. Like reaching a number of social media followers. Only in the form on contacts.
And yeah, low maintenance friendships are not bad, per se. They're just not a replacement for deep friendships. Or in any way actual close friendships. And they're certainly not a substitute for close, deep friendships.
