#existentialcrises

Existence in itself is a sick game. You are born with no say to whom, to what circumstances or when. For the first few years you live off the hope of your parents. They hope you can play sport,they hope you’ll be a clever baby and some day an adult. They hope all sorts of things for you and act on it. Even before you are born, they are hoping, hoping that you’re a girl or boy. You are surrounded, preceded, and grown by hope.

And then you grow your own hope. You hope to pass, you hope to do well, to be rich, in fact you hope on the hope of your parents, your spouse, your family and friends. Sometimes you materialize the hopes of those around you just to be considered a good person. Existence is hope. Every second of your life, you are hoping. You wake up early because you hope to get to work on time. You study because you hope to pass. You prepare so hard to materialize your hope. Everything you do is an effort to secure a better variation of hope. You pray so you can have faith that things will happen, you prepare, research or study so that you can know that things will happen. And being able to say, “I know” and “I have faith”, sounds much better than saying I hope. It’s consoling.

But what happens when hope turns against you, when despite implicit faith and the certainty of knowledge, things don’t happen. There are times when faith and belief toy with your knowledge so much you become angry at God.And your mind can no longer make sense of all that is happening in your life.

Truth is, there exists a rock bottom, and you will hit this place several times in your life. You will discover that rock bottom has a lower basement, and the lower basement is made of quick sand. With each visit to rock bottom, you will discover a new strength, but with each trip a new strength tested. You will fail despite hope, but you will rise from rock bottom despite it too.

Personally, hope has scared me into darkness and non-belief many times, often left me questioning even the things I do know. I think you’d be a fool not to fear hope, but perhaps an even bigger fool not to have it. Because even in the moments when you will God to take your life because you just can’t take it anymore, there’s a dual hope to survive and for it all to end. And maybe sometimes it’s scarier to hope to make it out a situation than to know you can’t.

If you had all you hoped for, would it stop you from hoping? If you had hoped for money, even though you could afford the best medical care in the world, would you not hope for good health.