#evil plot bunnies

Not out of anger, or spite but out of practicality and consideration of his situation with Christopher.

Attention all Richard Sharpe and Hogan’s Heroes fans. Do not read any further unless you want to be bitten by the most vile and evil of plot bunnies.

A Good Omens/Little Shop of Horrors crossover.

HA if I knew how to do that, I wouldn’t have a hutch that’s bursting at the seems. YOU’VE COME TO THE WRONG PLACE. I think you should write it! Everyone can fanfic. Just give it a go!! RUN WITH ITTTT!!!

Then it mutated into...whatever the hell this is.

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*static and a couple of thumps are heard as a familiar voice is heard, though no image is seen* "You sure this is on--? Crap, I heard that. Do something about the echo you drone, it's disconcerting to hear myself talk!...*sarcastic tone* Thank you!

*clears throat* Hello there N-Tek. If you're listening to this, then good news! That means there may still be hope yet for a certain someone that you may know and loathe. Bad news is, this was only meant to be sent when said individual is on the razor's edge *A smirk is heard in the person's voice* Bet you're just /dying/ for me to cut to the chase, so let's get to it.

You may have heard of a man that goes by a name that rhymes with Styles. *A small chuckle is heard at this point* Sorry, couldn't resist. Well, this bane to your existence was in fact a native of the world of Tachyon, believe it or not. Well, one of the colony worlds that Makino got a hold of at any rate. But why does he look so young, you may ask? Well, you see, cryogenics do wonders in terms of making the aging process crawl to a near-standstill. As a toddler, he was put in a stasis pod and launched in the direction of the nearest habitable world that would be able to support his kind (yes, like Superman, but no solar superpowers and fuck those tiny pants!) He was in stasis for so long he doesn't even remember his own real name, poor thing, and was renamed Miles when found and raised by abusive asshole weapon specialists: engineers, biochemical experts, researchers, and yes, there was at least one stereotypical mad scientist. *mutters in a tone dripping with sarcasm* He was a real treat to piss off let me tell you... Anyway, no last name was ever given to little Miles; surnames are reserved for real children, not 'abandoned' pets. He was always treated as nothing more than a science project, was never good enough no matter what he did. Too small, too weak...*he takes a breath to level out the disgust that threatens to make his voice crack* They were looking to make him a ruthless weapon to be used to give them the edge against their enemies and the glory of power that was the sole purpose of their organization. The boy grew to be bitter and jaded because of those circumstances that grew to outweigh and bury--now keep in mind I said they were /buried/, NOT /eliminated/-- any of the good qualities he may have had, and the poor guy was even reprogrammed to think he was nothing more than an extremely intelligent human experiment. They couldn't having him thinking he was TOO special by remembering his heritage, after all.

When he grew old enough, Miles was deemed good enough to be released to infiltrate and further his 'family' 's agenda. By helping to co-found and be the sole funder for N-Tek, he saw his chance at the glory he was raised to seek, and the recognition he craved. He also felt a kinship to Jim upon first meeting him, but it was confusing as to why or how he could feel such a thing, especially with an '/alien/' of all beings. Go figure, right? To his credit, M'Gragh--/McGrath/, excuse me--had his suspicions, but with Miles being full-blooded Tachyon, the then-young man would have to consciously tap into his Turbo Power in order to do anything like 'Jimmy' could do (with Jim's brat being only half, keeping a natural force like that from lashing out instinctually would, er, naturally be a bit more difficult). Since Miles never showed any proof of non-human descent, Jim shrugged his feelings off as coincidence or a weird Deja Vu. Miles, being Miles, couldn't let it go but put it aside for the sake of, well, other focuses. For now. He had a mission to accomplish. What he didn't count on however was eventually coming to consider Forge, Jim and Molly as actual friends. Nobody up until that point had ever treated the man as anything like an equal, or even really 'human'. Unfortunately, Miles didn't really know how to be a friend as most others would be friends with one another, so he just came off as an asshole when he tried to interact. Some things never change it seems. 😶 He meant well as far as they were concerned though, so they just kept their pet Creepo at a distance.

Fast forward a bit in time...When Makino attacked Earth for the first time, Miles felt a connection and familiarity with the Army of Assbutts he and the others encountered, but unlike what he had felt with 'Jimmy', this feeling was tinged with a sense of dread. He would soon know why: In the middle of that war, Miles was captured and almost became said army's newest recruit. A Tachyon soldier that would further Makino's goals in total absorption and integration of the known universe? Who says that big bucket of bolts doesn't have a sense of irony? But in order to try to survive somehow, Miles managed to strike a bargain with the Granddaddy of all A-holes: information and a guaranteed second shot should the glorified hive queen leave him alive and the Earth alone. *A great imitation of a young Miles Dredd is heard* "Allowing your enemies to believe they've defeated you makes them more likely to be later destroyed when they are at their most vulnerable." *The narrator's voice returns to the normal sound of a man that is old and tired, but composed* Makino thankfully agreed, and let him go. Not without lending a spy to him though: a single Ultralink that was to be attached to something ASAP. Miles agreed to the conditions, but regretted it as soon as he was released back onto Earth's surface. He actually liked the three friends he was going to have to later betray...He came up with a solution, but godDAMMIT it was going to hurt: he will have to be seen as a traitor to them in order to sever the ties and to hopefully get them to hate him enough to kill him and this new leech attached to his butt in the form of the Ultralink. If they're dead, Makino can no longer use them in his plot.

Cut to the disastrous attempt to create the Turbo Star. Clever Miles has since the meeting with Makino found a way to trick that Ultralink into becoming part of a device that he hoped, with its polarising effect on Turbo Energy, would fry himself and the little sawed-off biomechanical bastard he was forced to work with. Unfortunately, Miles's luck sucks ass, and instead of just killing himself and the Ultralink, he apparently killed his best friend and destroyed N-Tek’s ultimate weapon against any future invasions should they occur! But it appears Fate decided that he still had some use to the universe, since his bio-droid creation salvaged him. Poor Miles wakes up in tremendous pain, his mind scrambled. When he got his bearings, he was informed by Jason Naut that Jim was dead, N-Tek was in a shambles and now there's a Negative Turbo-powered Ultralink fused to his body, much like Extroyer's Ultralink but minus the thing fracturing into crystals.

Miles's brain broke, and now that it's influenced by the little shit half-buried in his heart, has become the very Dread that he was trying to avoid becoming...Hmm, Miles Dread. That has a nice ring to it, actually...He shall become a dreadful nightmare that must be destroyed at all costs! *Evil laughter is heard, but suddenly stops and is replaced by a quiet and pleading tone, and a shifting of weight to be closer to the recording device is heard* Please Forge, if you ever loved or respected this man, PLEASE destroy what he has become before he has no other choice but to carry out the unthinkable! Molly, perform the ultimate mercy by putting down the mad dog that killed your beloved!...Max Steel, take up your predecessor's mantle as Earth's Hero and stomp out the infernal demon that caused the death of the one man he once called 'brother'! M'Grah, if you survived--and a part of me is certain you did--destroy the sole remnant of the ones who dared to try to subjugate this planet with their own greed, the ones led by their own Dread-ful master.

Erase the remains of the one who is now a true son of John Dredd, and reawaken the child of Tachyon Miles has the capability of being!

You want to know how I know all of this, why I'm begging you almost literally /on my knees/ for this to be done? *the video feed fades a bit into focus as it's turned on, revealing a very tired-looking man* There's a reason why I never gave up on this beautiful and damaged man, and it wasn't just because he saved my life... Let's just say that under this metallic shell I've been forced to wear, there beats a glowing heart full of, hmm, brotherly love.

J'sonn of the Dreadnaught colony, signing off."

So I’m nearly finished with one of my three fics I started and I can’t seem to end it. And what happens? Freaking plot bunnies. And not just cute cuddly ones either, no they’re accompanied by freakish tormented deformed plot bunnies from HELL! Like why demented plot bunnies? Why must you give me such ideas?

I’ll probably never write it, oh who am I kidding I’m totally starting a fourth fic that will probably go unfinished like my other three, and when I can’t finish that I’ll start another!