#esotericdescent

Connections - The promise of coming back Inej sighed as she stood above the deck, one foot hooked into the web of robes connecting the sails. The dark, familiar rooftops of Ketterdam seemed to be coming closer faster and ever faster. Her throat was dry, no amount of water could sooth it nor the fluttering inside her chest. She remembered the last time she watched these buildings only then they were fading away in the morning mists and coal smoke. Now they were set aglow by the light of the late afternoon. It almost didn't seem real. "I'm leaving." Inej still remembered the look in his dark eyes, the color of bitter coffee as always when he heard something he didn't want to. Maybe it had been the tone of her voice but she remembered him looking up at her, the boy she had shared so many moments with open and vulnerable in a way Inej still wasn't used to, then the warmth vanished as he closed himself off. The words had felt hollow in her chest. They both knew it was a indeffinite goodbye. She wasn't giving up on him, but she also couldn't stay, she didn't want to stay. The shadow that crept over her shoulder, every time she walked past that horrible building on West Stave...

It was Specht who called her back to reality and for a moment Inej wondered if her letter had beat her here, if Kaz would be waiting for her at the harbour? But what would she say? Nothing felt like it was big enough to express what she had given up... what she had gained. Inej straightened. Her hand rested on the knife handle of Sankt Petyr. The bone familiar and warm against her palm. The berth still lay empty in fifth harbour. Somehow it was strange seeing it in all it's splendor. Boats arriving and departing, wares being loaded and unloaded. Kaz could have easily used this spot to give more space for buisness and trade and yet the only ship ever landing here was 'The Wraith'. Inej gave Specht a nod. He knew what to do, then she swung herself off of the deck and seemingly disappeared into the shadows unnoticed by any bystander. It's been nearly one and a half years since Inej had left Ketterdam last and yet a shiver still ran down her spine as she joined the bustling on East Stave. She walked over the Zentsbridge, caught a glimpse of the Church of Barter. For a few heartbeats her thoughts belonged to Wylan and Jesper. She would like to go and see them straight away. Answering their questions and withstanding their accusations would be easier then facing Kaz. But her reason for returning took precident over her friends, still she looked forward to seeing them again.

Inej turned left instead of right, delving deeper into the Barrel but choosing the way over the rooftops rather then joining the crowd below. She didn't want any prying eyes on her, no matter if they may be friendly or not. Here, Inej paused for a second, taking a deep breath. This was the Ketterdam she loved. With it's steep, water slick roofs and planks connecting them. If the Barrel belonged to Kaz then this had been her Kingdom and her safe space... and her prison. For a second she could feel the shadows crawling around her feet as old sensations came rushing back to her, but not all of them bad, not anymore. Silent as a ghost the Wraith crossed deadly heights with ease, gravity bowing to her will as she leaped and twirled and climbed towards the crooked building that used to be filled with people she loved. Her heart gave a painful squeeze in her chest, then started double timing. Her palms prickled and felt uncomfortably warm as the familiar window appeared in her preiphery vision. It was late afternoon, just after five bells. She didn't expect Kaz to be there, but Inej would wait. There were seeds and breadcrumbs in her pockets in case the crows had forgotten her.

{♚ x @esotericdescent — Mirae x}

 Sneaking out in the middle of the night was never easy, not when his grandfather made sure to have all of his men on high alert at all times. Matt might be the heir to the clan, but he didn’t hold any power, not really. Not until his grandfather said he did, anyway. Until then, it was all strict training and studying, with occasional little missions to test his skills for his grandfather to see where he stood. Distractions weren’t part of his schedule, and hanging out with Mirae Brekker could certainly be classified as a distraction.

 Not only was she the daughter of the one and only Barrel boss Kaz Brekker, she also had the habit of unknowingly getting Matt into a world of trouble with her little schemes and heists. Schemes and heists he happily participated in. For one, because he genuinely enjoyed her company, and two, because he enjoyed the freedom it made him feel. There were no rules, no expectations, and he didn’t have to pretend to be the perfect, obedient little grandson. He could be himself, and she thought no lesser of him for it.

 So, no, sneaking out wasn’t easy, but Matt had done it so many times by now that he probably could’ve done it in his sleep at this point. Climbing the rooftops had become a habit, and provided very little challenge thanks to years of rigorous training that had left him with an incredible sense of balance and a whole lot of strength. And no one ever thought to check up here, so the only time he’d ever been caught was before he found out about this little loophole.

 “Rae?” Keeping his voice low, Matt jumped down from a ledge and searched the shadows for his friend he knew was most likely already here. He admittedly was a little late, because he had to lay low for a brief moment shortly after climbing out of his window. “I’m not that late am I? I didn’t miss the ship?”

 It had been a rough night, and despite being beyond exhausted, sleep evaded Thomas Shelby as though he had the Queen's plague. Even drinking himself nearly into oblivion hadn’t helped, though it had taken the edge off of his own thoughts, at least. It was hard to think when you couldn’t form thoughts, to begin with.

 But the worst of it wore off quickly, and he knew he needed a different distraction. Ketterdam really only had two things to offer: gambling and sex, and Tommy had never much cared for gambling. He passed a few of the pleasure houses on his late-night walk, but neither of them really appealed to him at that particular moment. The Menagerie wasn’t really his cup of tea, either. Too flashy, too pretentious, and the way they dressed the girls up in stereotypical clothing only made him roll his eyes. However, he did remember a few guys at the Garrison raving about a particular girl there. A Suli girl, if he wasn’t mistaken. Supposedly drop-dead gorgeous, and not quite as annoying as many of the other girls.

 It was the not quite as annoying part that appealed most to him. He didn’t go there for false compliments and fake moans meant to pull more money out of his pocket, but for relief. Nothing more, nothing less.

 So after a while of contemplating the ugly exterior, he finally made his way inside.

 Tommy was greeted by name, of course. Everyone around these parts knew who he was. And if they didn’t know his face, they at least recognized him by his distinct clothes and cap. Once the formalities were out of the way and Tante Heleen was done greeting him in person, he finally got the chance to inquire about the Suli girl and if she was available. Apparently, she was supposed to see someone else in about 15minutes, but after offering a little more than the going rate, they were more than happy to accommodate him. And soon enough, Tommy was led down hallways just as garish looking as the outside, until they stopped in front of a door.

What the hell had he been thinking? Had he been thinking at all? Probably not. It certainly didn't feel like it now that his heart was pounding painfully inside of his ribcage, and his lungs struggled to keep up with his panicked gasps. His hands were buried in his hair as he sat hunched against his bed, gloves still laying abandoned above on the blankets.

It had been a mix of curiosity and wanting to test his own powers. Heartrenders were capable of slowing one's heartbeat and altering moods. So it wasn't too far-fetched that, if he could do both at the same time and to himself, he might finally be able to overcome his own weaknesses. There was no room for weakness if you were one of the Darkling's oprichniki, after all.

He'd been practicing for a while now, spent hours controlling his own heartbeat until he could do it without much thought at all. Then he'd set his sights on controlling his own moods. That one had been a whole lot tougher and required several weeks before he felt confident enough. And Nina was the only one he felt comfortable enough around to try it out.

So, tonight was the night. Kaz hadn't told her, of course. This was between himself, his powers, and his weaknesses. He'd listened to her complain about something Baghra had done a few hours prior, and slowly peeled off his gloves while she was distracted. His heart had started to pound then, but it only took a couple of seconds to get it back under control. Then he'd reached out, had laid his hand on her arm. For a few moments nothing happened. There was a glimmer of hope, and he even grew bold enough to tighten his grip around her arm; but then it hit him, all at once. He'd let go of her as if she'd burned him, and seconds after slid off the bed to get as far away from her as possible.

"The guards are rotated out like you said."

It was nights like these that she didn't care for her job- or rather one of many nights she didn't care for the work. However, she'd admit only to herself that the beauty in it was being able to roam across the wet rooftops in the dark. That for a moment she could lie to herself and pretend that she was free.

Just a moment only as she leapt from rooftop to gutter pipe before scaling another wall to swing herself under an awning where the unofficial leader of the dreggs laid in wait for her. It was a small crawlspace that didn't lend itself for people of great height, but for her it was ample enough to kneel in with careful movements to not hit her head. Hope burgeoned in her chest, a childish thing as it as, that maybe this would be the night she could sneak up on Kaz again. It was raining with all the saint's fury and Ketterdam had both quieted and gotten louder with the patter, ringing and clanging of rain on every inch of the city and drenching every soul that dared step out into it. It was remarkable to be soaked to the skin now and see Dirtyhands, perfectly dry, laying low on his stomach with a spyglass aimed toward Van Eck's home. What she'd have given to see how he had managed to fit into this crawlspace for the view with his height, but it would have to be left for her imagination as it seemed.

 To say Tommy was exhausted was a complete understatement. Between digging and all the other duties, his unit had also been involved in an ambush and all hell had suddenly broken loose. Things had only started settling down an hour or so ago and, after checking in on everyone and making sure they were alright, he finally allowed himself to take a break.

 The small room that contained some bunks for the men whose turn it was to rest was still deserted after everyone had jumped up to join the fight. Or so Tommy thought, anyway. After taking off his uniform jacket and throwing it down on one of the bunks, he realized that there was someone else in here. Hardly visible in the sparse light of his lantern. But, sure enough, sitting in the corner of the small room with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms hugging them closely was Kaz Brekker. The newest member of their unit. He hadn't been out of training for very long, before they had thrown him into the tunnels. Poor sod.

 And now, looking at him in the soft orange glow of the lantern, the boy looked to be the age Tommy suspected he truly was. There was no way he was 19. His brother John was 19, and they looked worlds apart in age.

"Well, it was either adopting him, or letting him die. What would you have had me do?" A heavy sigh and groan later, Kaz willed himself to get up out of bed, the screaming driving him a little too mad to really milk his current need for dramatic theatrics. Although he had to admit he very much enjoyed the light hearted banter. A moment of normalcy in a life where normalcy was hardly a common guest. 

@esotericdescent said: “[ relax ] sender rests their head on receiver's shoulder while they talk ( from Rae, but - idk if I'm jumping too far ahead lmfao just ... *clenches fist* so cute ..... )" {♚ x PROMPTS FOR COMFORTABLE INTIMACY ||  Accepting x}

 There was no doubt that he was doing the right thing. Now. Finally. And no matter how difficult, Matt was determined to pull through with it. There were several sacrifices he had to make along the way, but he was willing to make them all in an attempt to right the wrongs he had done. In an attempt to refuse to become the monster he had been raised to be.

 The hardest sacrifice, however, was not being able to see Rae as often as he was used to. Sneaking out had always been difficult, but Matt was under more scrutiny now than ever before. So their meetings were few and far between. Having temporarily dropped out of University, they were lucky if they got to see each other once a week, in the middle of the night, preferably on the rooftops of Ketterdam where no one else would be able to see them.

 Tonight was one of those nights. And, as though the Saints were on their side, the sky was clear and the weather mild. The chimney they were leaning against gave off a comfortable heat as they talked about anything and everything. Well… Everything, but all the things currently weighing heavily on his mind. There was a time and place for that, but tonight wasn’t it. He just wanted to enjoy the time he got to spend with her, and he had no intention of ruining it by bringing down the mood.

 In his lap, Matt had a small bone light, as well as the well-worn sketchbook he always carried on him in case he got a chance to use it. He’d been mindlessly sketching in it, but was focused enough that it took him a few seconds to realize that Rae had stopped talking. Just as he was about to turn his head to look at her, he felt a weight on his shoulder and froze in place. He didn’t have to see it to know it was her head. His heart skipped a couple of beats at that realization and, for several moments, he wasn’t sure what to do. In the end, he simply exhaled and continued drawing. For Saint’s sake, chill out. She’s your best friend. She's comfortable around you. Don't ruin it.

 “Are you tired? We can wrap it up for tonight, if you want.”