#epic teucer

Telemachus: Diabetes Diomedes: Telemarketing Agamemnon: Arch-hiles Achilles: A game on Odysseus: Nestor, what are they doing? Nestor: Well, Penelope's Bitch, they're going over their code names. Odysseus: *Realises what Nestor called him* Hey! Teucer: He's not wrong, you do ask Penelope's permission to do anything. Lil' Ajax: You didn't build the horse until you got her permission. Odysseus:...That doesn't mean I'm her bitch. Penelope: Yes it does Odysseus: Yes it does

Penelope: *In her room glaring at her guests* Diomedes: *Leaning towards Teucer, whispering* I think she's happy so see us. Teucer: *whispering* I think you're wrong. Helen: Pene-- Penelope: You broke an oath to the Gods and started a war that claimed the lives of many of our friends and is the suspected cause of my husband's absence. Helen: ... Menelaus: ... Penelope: Opening me up to 108 pigs disguised as men trying to claim my hand in marriage and threatening my son's life. Neo: ... Nestor: ... Lil' Ajax: ... Penelope: The same men who are loudly planning to murder Telemachus, force themselves on me and then, presumably, kill me. Guard #1: We can still evacuate you, my Queen. Penelope: A Spartan doesn't run. Guard #8: *Bursting through the door* There's a beggar killing everyone! Penelope:... All her guests: ... Penelope: How? Guard #8: He hid all their weapons and strung the King's bow, he's fighting like he knows these halls like the back of his hand! Penelope & Guests: ... Penelope: *Fiddling with her hair* This Beggar, how tall is he? Guard #8: He comes to your shoulder, I think. Penelope: *Takes a deep breath* Did he mention building the palace? Guard #8:... Penelope:... Guard #1:... Guests:... Guard #8: Oh shit, he's the King. Penelope: Everyone leave, and don't come back for three weeks.

Voice of An Angel but there's a secret fanfiction writer whose work accidentally gets spread to the Achaean and Troy encampments.