It's strange to know people fall out of love for the same reasons they fall into it. Yet Jack's endearing stubbornness had become an infuriating refusal to compromise. His one track mind is now seen as immaturity. His spontaneity has become reckless irresponsibility. His feet up on the dash just became another distraction in his busy life. It scares Davey to know Jack may feel like this as well. It scares him to know that he may become ugly to someone who once looked at him like he hung all the stars.
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Morris goes over to Darcy's house all the time because woo! boyfriend! They're texting one night because they're bored and they can. Darcy pulls the "I wish you were here" and well, his wish is Morris's command. (He would never admit it). So Morris gets all bundled up and heads out. He never expected to get a "did you tell anyone where you were going?" text from Darcy. he's never asked in the past? though it was notably later than normal. So of course Morris simply sent him a screenshot of his text with Oscar. One little oversight. The text read "Going to stay the night at my friend's house".. Now Darcy had no idea that Morris said this for protection. Oscar would never judge him obviously but that didn't stop the fear. it was just simply something they didn't talk about. So Darcy, sweet unaware Darcy, had to look at this boyfriend text in which he called him a friend. This sent his head spinning, was he just a friend to Morris? Was Morris ashamed of him? Did they not feel the same about each other? Darcy's response was an easy: "Friend? is that what I am to you?'" This hit Mo right in the feels. Darcy was his world. He tried to quickly fix the situation by simply saying he didn't want Oscar to get the wrong idea, unfortunately this only led Darcy down the spiral more. In an attempt to fix things again Morris clarified, he didn't want to give Oscar the idea that they were screwing or doing drugs or something they shouldn't be. However that wasn't enough for Darcy. he had it in his head that Mo was embarrassed of him. "I don't expect to be announced to the world but I don't want to be hidden away." Another blow straight to his heart. Morris didn't know how to fix the situation now, he just kept repeating he loved Darcy and would tell Oscar. So he did end up telling him as well as sending Darcy the screenshot of it. An when Darcy replied with "You didn't have too" Morris's response was "you felt hidden, I'm not going to hide you from anyone. I'm not ashamed." By the time they had finished that conversation Morris was standing outside of Darcys gate and asked to be let in. That night might've started out rough but it ended with them drinking coco and cuddling while watching whatever trash tv Darcy was watching this week. (Morris loved it but he'd never say that). All in all it was a wonderful winter night.
thanks to my friends @xanderissilly and @yetanotherkris for helping me
We're not quite lovers so I tell everyone we're friends, it's easier that way
"No Race! For the third time today! Jack and I are just friends!" David laughed as he spoke. Forcing down the pain of unrequited love. God what a pain it was.
We hang out alone
Davey leaned against the railing instead of Jack. He had no reason to lean against Jack. It was simply too romantic or whatever the last excuse was.
He's met all my friends
Jack went through and introduced Dave to everyone. Maybe he was simply that important. Maybe it was simply common courtesy.
He calls me all the time
It was 3am and Davey thought without a doubt jack would be drunk or high. But he wasn't, and they talked about life for a while. Until Jack had to go check on this week's partner.
And sometimes for a moment I'll catch him looking at me with a little too much love in his eyes
"Jack you can't aaaaalways draw me. You should draw.. uhh... whats her name? Emily!" David didn't care if the name was wrong. She'd be gone soon enough and they'd have their time together again. He saw the way Jack stared when he got the name wrong, the way he stared while drawing, the way...
But we're just friends, he makes sure to tell me that regularly. He doesn't want me to get the wrong idea.
"This doesn't mean anything Dave. This is just cause you're cold." An yet Jack not only wrapped his coat around Davey. He also managed to wrap himself around the boy. What, would the next words out of his mouth be 'no homo' just to seal the deal?
I try not to, but when he calls me I pick up
"Dave, Davey I'm not drunk I swear. Don't hang up again."
"Jack I'm tired... I want to go to bed, what do you need?"
"I missed you..."
An when he needs someone to talk to I'm there.
David held Jack as he sobbed, holding a partially burnt picture and a bandana. Sitting behind the stage in Medda's theater. Cradling the boy he cared most about in the world
When he needs a ride somewhere I'm halfway out the door with the keys in my hand
"Jack! I did it I got my license! let's go for a drive!" Those were the words that led to a four hour drive around New York. That ended with a quick kiss and being ignored for three days. That drive that made Davey "misplace" his license from there on out.
When I left for school I thought he might beg me to stay
"OH MY GOD JACKIE I GOT INTO YALE!!" David was practically bouncing off the walls. He got the opportunity to go to an ivy league school!
"That's nice Dave, I'm really proud of you. You worked really hard for that."
He didn't of course because we are just friends
"Well... I'll see you during winter break I guess.."
"mhn, bye Dave." Jack was painting... it wasn't a big deal, it's just a school anyway. Yale wasn't that far away anyway. He would come home on the weekends and not tell Jack anyway.
I only see him when the sun goes down
The text on the screen read: "6:17am, 19 missed calls from 'Jack', 184 unread texts from 'Jack', 1 unread text from 'Sarah🤍' " yet when he texts, nothing. Not until midnight.
But he tells me it's because my eyes sparkle in the moonlight
David and Jack are laughing on the fire escape, it's like they're teenagers again. For a second Jack pauses and leans in, David's almost certain they'll kiss and then-
"did you know your eyes sparkle in the moon?"
I sometimes wonder if we'll sit on this line forever
"Well ... he's Jack! He's my best friend in the whole world.. I'm not quite sure I'm his but we get along well enough." That's how he explains Jack to his roommate. Leaving out the long forgotten kisses, the carving of their initials, the too long stares.
The line between lovers and friends
When they go out together for a catch up day people say they're 'such a cute couple'. Davey blushes and Jack shrugs them off with a quick and easy;
"He's just my best friend"
I think I crossed it somewhere
David has talked himself down from sending an "I love you" text so many times. He wants to love Jack unconditionally and forever. But that's not what Jack wants, is it.
I think he did too
Within those hundred unread texts lies one Davey would die to see: 'I love ya Dave. More than just a friend.' But he doesn't read them. not after the fourth night in a row.
But he won't admit it
"Jack c'monnn it's not real. It's just a Valentine's discount. You don't even gotta touch me or anything."
"David I said I don't want to. I don't want people thinking we're together."
I think we both want the same thing: to feel loved
David is home for the winter break and goes over to see Jack's apartment. And if he accidentally ends up sleeping over, if they accidentally wake up holding each other, if they accidentally don't move from each other's arms even after waking.. that's between them and their silence.
The difference is
Dave is getting ready to go back to the dorms, start the second semester well. He's happy knowing Jack might finally feel the same way this time. Especially after the sleepover...
I wanted it to be him and he'll never see me in the daylight
David texts Jack as soon as he gets there. Just a simple 'hey, got back safe!' but doesn't get a reply that day. Or the next, or after that. Only at 2 and 3am does Jack try to call or text. Only when he's too out of it to know better. Of course he could only love Davey drunk. Of course Davey could never love him knowing that.
I promised my friend I'd write javey angst... there's not a lot of like reason behind it? 😭 the title was suggested by them as well.
What The Freak Kack Jelly
"I love you! I'm headed out!"
"mhn, see you later" Jack was painting, it wasn't a big deal. Davey knew once he set his mind on something he'd only think about that for a while. So yes, this was a common occurrence. But as the week dragged on he hadn't got a single 'i love you' back. It's okay! It's fine! Jack's just a busy person, it didn't mean anything. Right?
"I love you."
"Are you heading out?"
"No? I just said I love you."
"Hm, okay."
"....are you going to say it back?"
"oh yeah, sorry, love you too"
David would never say it out loud but it was a bit of a disappointment. So Davey had an idea, was it going to make him feel worse..? Probably. So he decided he would wait and see how long it would take for Jack to say the three words he wanted to hear the most.
Spoiler alert. It was a month. An the reason it was only a month was because Davey crumbled first. He was stressed over school and he just wanted to know everything would be okay.
"I failed. And it wasn't even like it was a 60! it was a 15/35 that's a 42%.. I don't understand. I know I'm better than this I don't understand."
"It'll be alright Dave, it's just a grade I don't know why you're stressin'.."
"It's important. Its dragging my grade down. I need to keep my gpa, I have to get a scholarship... I'm sorry, I love you"
"It's fine..." The silence was so very loud. It was his tone, his disregard, everything. David stood up and made his way to the door.
"where are you going?"
"this.. it.. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. Is this who we are? I love you unconditionally and you can't say it back?"
"I've been saying it back, what are you on about?"
"When was the last time you said it. Not saying it back. Said it." Yet again, there was a very loud silence. When there was over a minute of silence Davey left. He slammed the door on the way out, something he had sworn to himself he wouldn't do.
Morris was intending to go home. He sincerely was walking around when he first texted Oscar. He wanted to go watch some stupid 2000s movie with his brother like they had promised. Like he had promised. And then he got a text from Wiesel asking if he felt better and knew he was in for it. Wiesel never gave a single shit if he felt better unless he needed something. This wouldn't be some sudden change of heart.
Morris knew deep down that every time he did something for his uncle it only furthered his reputation as an awful person. Maybe, somewhere in his head, he knew he was meant for more than this. Yet he responded to Wiesel with a quick,
"Yeah, where do you need me"
Of course he was met with the other side of town. A good hour walk. He would be really, really late. So after much consideration (all of about 5 seconds) he agreed and headed that way. He wasn't told what he was in for, he wasn't told the address would be a bar. He wasn't told the man he was supposed to be facing would smell so horribly of alcohol he thought he was back on the farm.
Sometimes time slows down when bad things happen but for Mo it was a blur. Him taping the man on the shoulder. Them in an alley. Seeing his father's face in the man's and not letting up. The cries of apology, the promises to pay, the begging to stop. By the time Morris felt satisfied the man wasn't moving. He was covered in blood. The man's or Morris's? Only God would know. God. God, what had he done. This couldn't be who he was, right? this man couldn't be dead... right? so instead of doing the smart thing and checking for a pulse or simply looking for breathing he ran.
Hardly being able to get a decent breath in, eventually he collapsed. half an hours walk away from the crime scene and an hour and a half away from his brother. Away from his nice warm bed. Away from safety. Yet Morris curled up in some forgotten alley off a not so busy street and tried to see the stars. You could always see them on the farm. He remembered the nights when Oscar would be locked outside and he'd sneak down to let him in. He remembered the nights when he wouldn't do chores and would get locked out so he'd lay with the cows in the fields and try to find constellations. He was never taught so he couldn't even now. The stars and the cows reminded him of some poem he saw once, something about a two headed calf. Maybe him and Oscar were like that calf. Maybe they were all each other had in this world. Maybe Oscar could forgive him.
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"and suddenly, it's December. And you're not seventeen anymore. And you haven't been seventeen for a long time. But sometimes, you need to remind yourself"
Wishing I Was 17 Again
David was twenty seven. It had been a whole decade since the strike. He had two kids and a beautiful wife and all he could ask for. Well ... not quite all. He still thought about that summer often. He kept the article and picture in his dresser drawer. It'd been ten years and he still thinks of that boy he undeniably had a crush on. The boy who wasn't exactly a boy anymore. The man he invited over to reminisce but it ended with a confession.
David's laugh was slowing, "Yeah.. I think I had a crush on you of sorts" he knew nothing would be done now.
"Yeah I think I had a crush on you too."
What? It was reciprocated? Now it wouldn't be possible. It was out of the question. (they couldn't even legally get married for almost another century!) Along with Davey having other responsibilities like his children—He was pulled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. Jack's smile never changed. It was the same one he always loved and adored. Jack had to go, he also had a family he had to get back to. Dave didn't know when he would get to see his old best friend again, it'd certainly be a while. But to see him this once was enough. He could pretend he was seventeen again for a moment.
