#entry1

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‼️ THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE YOU INTERACT ‼️

☆ The majority of my content will be related to mental illness, specifically depression and ED's. If you find any of this content triggering or uncomfortable, please block and do not report me.

☆ Transphobia, Homophobia, Sexism, Ableism, Racism, Fatphobia and any form of Bullying is not tolerated on this blog. If you exhibit any of this behavior I will block you.

☆ If you regularly post NSFW content, please do not interact with me.

☆ Pro-ana blogs, Ana "coaches", and ED fetish blogs are not welcome here - you will be blocked. I support recovery, harm reduction, and a safe space for people suffering from eating disorders.

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Remember to take care of yourself and stay well! <3

Depression and Pain :(

Have you ever experienced the point that you are tired? You are depressed and you just want to get rid of the undo you are dealing with? Just tired of not knowing why, you get enough sleep, you eat all day long, you get enough sleep but it is still not enough, have you ever experienced that? I really feel it, but you know why? I also do not know. But if you feel that way, we are the same, that you are not alone. 

Maybe I will overcome this by thinking that we do not need the Advice of others, that we need to think that we are not alone in the battle we entered, that in my feeling now not only I feel it, but also you, you students who are struggling, and tired for no apparent reason. 

Everyday and Every time i woke up I pray, and saw my favorite verse in 1 Corinthians verse 10 which says "No Temptation has overtaken you that is not common to Man". Where all the struggle I feel today is felt by others, just like you, yes you are too. Maybe in another way but you experienced it. But God's only message to us is that if I pass this stage, you will not be far away, you may not be able to overcome it. And let us just keep in mind that life is not happy without pain, without anger, without resentment in our hearts. 

And I believe that the pain and depression we are experiencing now God has made a way for us to be stronger and stronger, And I believe that the Lord is very faithful that he will not leave you in the battle which he knows he cannot handle, maybe he is there now by your side, you do not feel, you do not see, but he is there guiding me, you are us all that, it is said that we have the courage to fight, if now like me experience pain, and depression right now, maybe I can suggest that you choose to trust, choose to be able to and believe that you can, that you will not be swallowed up in your brain weak. Hopefully even if we can no longer, we will try to cope, so if I passed and I was able to how? 

This is not a fic... these are diary entries from my personal life for when i am feeling down. they will not appear on my master list. they have no connection to anyone in the fandom. they will not be updated regularly 

Dear stranger:

Love of my life, you hurt me.

ASTOR ACADEMY presents....... A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM

You are cordially invited to the Grandstreet Theatre’s production of A Midsummer’s Night Dream on the 20th of September, 2019, 7pm, at Alpha Theater. 

Dinner & drinks to follow at the main dining hall on the East Wing.

It has always been a long standing tradition of the Academy to prepare a back-to-school dinner in order to acquaint the freshmen of the school year, as well as give returning students time to catch up, all the while consuming good food and unlimited beverages (non-alcoholic, of course). But this year, the administration has decided to switch things up a bit. With the invitation of Arthur Astor, Grandstreet Theatre will be bringing their production of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Everyone is encouraged to attend, of course, for what else could you be doing on a Friday night other than watch this classic drama?

Not only will the end of the first week back be celebrated, but the re-opening of Alpha Theater will be, too. No one else has seen the theater since the vandalizing that took place last term, but word in the professors’ lounge is that it looks spectacular -- no expense spared for the construction and restoration of one of our beloved facilities.

The land of Aystra was a peaceful place. It was large and lush; yet parts were barren and lifeless. The Kingdom within its center was a bustling place of life-- the largest in the land.

The King and Queen ruled peacefully. Most laws were determined by public vote and many things were given by the government to its townsfolk such as healthcare and public education for both typical schooling subjects (math, language, sciences) and also the basics of magic. 

This center town, known as Potluck Square, was an area in which everyone was accepted. It didn't matter your race, origins, sexuality, gender, half human or whole… being yourself was all the King and Queen could ask for.

However someone wished to rid the world of this peacefulness. 

High above on a distance mountain was a creature known as the Dragon Witch. She was known for her ruthlessness and cunning. Rumors spread she was the original Queen of the land before a revolt but no one who still lives knows the truth. 

She believes half breeds between humans and animals are the superior race in every way. Creatures like herself-- half human half dragon. 

Mistress was her given name but she had long tossed it aside. No need for human customs. 

Once she saw news of the formerly thought barren King and Queen were pregnant with what would come to be known as the "miracle baby" the Dragon Witch had had enough. 

On the day of his birth and the subsequent viewing to all of the kingdom who would show to see the future King, she planned her scheme. 

A spell for the future King-- one that would give hope to his parents but also immense despair. For years they would suffer and suffer never knowing if their son was truly alive. It was exactly the kind of revenge she longed for. Sure the spell would force her to wait another 16 years before she could take the land back to her own control (based on the spells specifics) but what was 16 years to a Dragon Witch who has been around for centuries?

Absolutely nothing. 

She descended upon the festivities-- the beautiful clear spring morning turned dark and dismal within seconds, thunder and lightning spiralling out of control. Wizards of all strengths and specialities did everything they could to fight her off but they were weak spirited. Nothing could stop her spell on the small, innocent baby in his mother's arms.

She cackled with glee as she saw the life disappear from the child's eyes and took her leave.

The queen screamed in agony, tears rolling down her face as she sobbed into the unmoving body of her son. The King growled fiercely and immediately took control of the situation, demanding all wizards to read every book in the library to find out a solution to save his child. 

The paramedic wizards came in and took the boy, checking his vitals and all were amazed. The boy was 100% healthy, the body functioning just fine. The heart rate was normal and his nerves still accurate. What had happened?

After a few weeks of this, a single wizard, the best the Kingdom had, stepped forward with a very old tome he had found in the ancient texts. He had found the spell the Dragon Witch had cursed the boy with. It was one of the many forbidden spells simply known as "The Split".

In exchange for one third of her life, the Dragon Witch had split the soul of the prince into the parts that make it up. The now split souls didn't know where to go so when traveling they found other babies yet conceived within soon to be pregnant women and took hold. 

The King was outraged. What did it all mean?

The Queen stepped towards the wizard. "Mephisto, please explain clearly. How can we save our son?"

Mephisto snapped the book closed. "The only way is to find the souls in the world who make up your son's complete self and sacrifice them with the reverse spell. Only then will your son awaken."

The Queen immediately fell to her knees and the King as well.

They couldn't sacrifice children… other living beings. There had to be some other way…

Mephisto swore in that moment to figure out something else and as the King and Queen's official appointed leader of their Wizard Guild, took full responsibility for Prince Thomas's safety until his 16th birthday. 

The search for an answer had begun.

Taglist for original post: @vicdehart @isaberu @sadie-bear-04 @availe (do not ask to be tagged- please follow the blog after this, thank you.)

Don’t Talk About Religion or Politics

Prior to coming to France, someone told me above all not to discuss religion or politics with the French. At the time, I dismissed the comment-- because hello, I can’t even order food properly let alone have an in-depth conversation in French. But now that comment sticks out to me as being relevant and worth reflecting on. Why not discuss these topics? After two weeks in Paris, I am beginning to see why this was recommended to me-- the complexity, rich history, fears, and connotations associated with these topics have been made evident. However, I will now consider one of these topics, religion, in this “safe” corner of the internet... 

I must say, nothing confuses me more than the religious landscape of Paris. I think prior to this trip I expected Paris to be more similar to American cities in the way of accepting religious diversity than what it is. For instance, I thought that as Paris exists as a giant melting pot of people, all are welcome as they are, religion included-- but this is not the case. 

A Lack of Religion

First and foremost, my error in assumption was made evident by the observed lack of religion in Paris. Paris may be a melting pot of people, but from my perception, “religion” in a traditional sense largely seemed absent from the public sphere.  If anything, the diverse people groups in Paris were united in their apparent rejection of religion. 

Secularism was intensely present (which can be considered a religion of its own, although many would disagree with me here). I didn’t really see the outward practicing of religion of any sort while I was in Paris, other than when I attended Mass and visited the Grand Paris Mosque. Even though the majority religion practiced in France is Christianity, with around three-fifths of French proclaiming a Roman-Catholic affiliation, only around 5% actively practice their faith. The closest activities I saw to practicing religion included a man holding a “You Need Jesus” sign outside our Metro station one afternoon and a man reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer, a Christian book I’ve read, on the train. I didn’t see any signs or advertisements for religious events. No Bible verses on bill-boards (although interestingly enough I did see Jeremiah 29:11 used in a Valentino ad, but it was displayed un-attributed to the Bible). 

Laïcité

It is important to know that the French have a specific, quintessentially “French” type of secularism in effect: laïcité. Stemming from the Revolution, laïcité indicates the state protection of citizens from the effects of organized religion. This means that religious expression is prohibited in public spheres and cannot be forced upon anyone. The French can practice their own religion, but behind closed doors (hence my lack of organized religion sightings). In essence, religion in France is not something to bring into the public sphere, and should have nothing to do with the state. 

Attending Mass In Paris

I had the opportunity to attend mass on two different occasions in Paris, at Saint-Germain-l'Auxerrois and Saint-Eustache. As a Christian, I enjoyed both services immensely even though I did not speak French. I am not Catholic and had no idea what what going on most of the time, but I appreciated the beauty of the church, the practices of the priest and the congregation, and the way in which I was still able to connect to God. 

However, what struck me as odd and honestly quite sad was that the majority of the congregations in both services were composed of tourists. This tells me that Christianity no longer is seen as a collective national identity for France. There is a definitive disconnect between the ideals of Parisian society and Christianity. Christianity has become outdated and old. Churches are spectacles and admired more for their design and architecture instead of the sacredness they embody.  

I’m glad these tourists (myself included, I know I’m a hypocrite) could make the pilgrimage to these incredible places of worship, but at the same time, my heart hurts for the lack of local dedication in these churches. Who is left when all the tourists leave? How many regular attenders do these churches actually have? How does the frequent influx of tourists affect them? Maybe regular attenders appreciate tourists coming to make their numbers bigger and to get more support for their churches... Maybe some are completely infuriated by tourists’ behavior and lack of respect at times... I’m sure both ends of the spectrum are true. 

Muslims in France

One of the reasons why one should refrain from talking about religion in France is because doing so would sooner or later lead to talking about immigration and Islam, which is both a religious and political topic (double whammy, oh no). As of late, discrimination against immigrants, especially Muslim immigrants, has been a real issue in France and Islamophobia is rampant. It’s no secret that France’s Muslim population has grown due to the influx of immigrants from majority-Muslim countries. Yet what remains largely hidden from the public eye (and especially from tourists) is the fact that France really does not know how to handle its current immigration issues, promote diversity, and continue the practice of laïcité in a way that authentically gives citizens equal human rights. The face and identity of Paris is changing-- how will Parisian society and government respond, shape this change, and seek to benefit all Parisians? Is laïcité the best way to dictate the split between church and state?  This is a valid question, and one I cannot answer, but I hope that Muslims, along with everyone of every faith in France, have the freedom and support to practice their religion. 

Visiting the Grand Mosque of Paris

The moment I stepped into the Grand Mosque of Paris, I was met with a sensation of tranquility and peace. Beautiful mosaics decorated the floors and a garden offered serenity and a sweet fragrance. The architecture was simple yet elegant and served the purpose of pointing one to God. Never before had I been in a mosque. To be honest, I didn’t know much about Islam (and still do not), but I was eager to learn about the faith and partake in the experience of being in a different religious space.   

Interestingly enough, though I still grapple with the differences between Christians and Muslims, overall my experience in the mosque reiterated the similarities Christianity and Islam share. I was both humbled and surprised by these similarities in terms of faith, practice, and worship. They are both monotheistic religions. Both are “religions of the book” and recognize many of the same prophets and teachers. As I alluded to above, even the structures designed for worship and community in both faiths are similar.

Differences exist, don’t get me wrong, but being in this place of worship allowed me to gain a deeper understanding of Islam and a deeper respect for Muslims. I came to understand my own faith in a new way as well. I think if more people in France (and across the globe) were dedicated to mutual respect and seeking understanding through dialogue and shared experiences, instead of focusing on differences and dividing lines, discrimination would not be such a problem. 

To Conclude     

I still can’t wrap my head around religion in France; I need to study France further and gain a deeper understanding of the place. But also my lack of understanding comes from who I am; I am an American, not French, and some of the mindsets, history, and practices ingrained so profoundly in France will always be foreign to me. 

Sources: “France - Religion”, “Religion in France”

I am not of the folks who keep a diary but the things that have lately happened to me have been so mysterious, I need to write them down before I lose my memory again.

A few days ago, I landed in this village in the middle of the mountains, somehow. According to the retired Hunter who found me unconscious in the snow, my head probably hit a stone after a bad slip. But something sounds wrong about this.

Can a bad slip permanently erase half of your memory all at once?

In the hope of finding more convincing explanation in the future, and because no one seems able to answer my questions, I've gotten into hunting Monsters. The villagers, the Chief, the Felyne companion who follows me around – and even myself – are convinced I am just a beginner.

DIYANA

This is Diyana. My first encounter with her was sitting outside of Starbucks, probably killing time until the next lesson. We sat together and talked a bit about Inarah, Kasih and Yan, since they all went to the same high school. Diyana entered college a little late, so she didn’t end up in the same class as the four of us. Eventually as the second semester came ‘round, we got closer as we were in the same class for Critical Thinking Skills.

Diyana is a tough ass bitch. And I really admire that! She can be the sweetest person who looks out for you when you need it but can also give you the back of her hand (metaphorically) to make you realise flaws. I’m not as tough as her, but sitting back to watch her do her thing teaches me a lot HAHAHA. She can balance ‘yin and yang’ or the ‘devile to the angle’ hahaha. What I mean by that is her tendency to be caring and kind, at the same time be hard or stern when necessary.

I’d say my best memories with her are quoting vines (RIP) and being able to talk smack about things that stress us out and still be able to laugh in the end. Our love for anything pop-culture related that originated in the late ‘90s-early 2000s brings us even closer just because of the campness of it all and the really ridiculous ideologies that those films revolve around. I’m so thankful that I have another person like Diyana to talk about these things to.

Diyana’s love for Jimin of superstar KPOP group BTS is really special and I hope she meets him. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT: Diyana, you are a very beautiful person! There are many people out there in the world who will AGREE with me. Don’t feel that you are not worthy of other people because of the way you look or are (which in my opinion, you look amazing and you have a good heart). I really believe that you are way more than how people think of you, and I believe that you are destined for great things. I’ve known her to be very hardworking. To see the things she’s gone through, I really admire how she manages to keep herself afloat. And not only that, but to bring joy to others at the same time, is really amazing. I really see her achieving great things in the future, like win a humanitarian award or something of that field. She really is the type to help others when they are really in need of it. Of course, that is what I believe she can do, but time will only tell. If you’re reading this Diyana, I love you loads!