#trying things

It’s the way he presses-smoothes your neck. It tells you the tone of his kiss before his mouth settles on yours.

I came down with a rotten cold immediately after new year's and spent a solid week fighting for my life and mostly just rotting in a chair. it wasn't totally wasted, i gave myself over to the gay hockey psychosis and learned some things about myself, and that was fun. so it was okay.

but i have had absolutely no ability to focus ever since then. i keep getting stuck scrolling things, stuck sitting places that are uncomfortable and i can't make myself get up, stuck not doing things, stuck unable to even conceive of what i need to do in order to make my life better, etc.

so that's been incredibly annoying. dude has been fine just sort of picking up pieces and keeping life going, which is great, and we've been mostly eating and i've managed like, basic hygeine and the laundry sometimes. but i'm tired of it.

i dug through the meds i tried all last year and i'm giving vyvanse another shot. therapy broke my minimal ability to make to-do lists so i'm not eager to hop back into that, but at least i'm going to try to half-ass-pomodoro myself through some basic house tasks today, using brainrotting in the fic doc as my intermittent rewards.

so far i've swept the kitchen floor, done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen counters, taken out the recycling, gotten dressed, and put away some laundry, so. it's not nothing.

but it's not much either so. mostly, as i remember, vyvanse makes me overheated and thirsty, but i can handle that on a bleak january day.

that shitpost fic i splurted out in two days is getting lovingly crafted into a masterpiece of css by the way. i have no idea when it will be ready to be posted but @sassaffrassa is making it into art, which is an honor it perhaps doesn't deserve. so i also have that to tide me over, i go and look at the draft in a tab on my phone whenever i feel real shitty about doing nothing. maybe i am doing nothing, but some of my delerium is funny sometimes.

First digital piece since forever

He is looking so damn fine 🫢

Maybe I will draw the pupils smaller but I am afraid for the final result 🤔