My Online Diary

KOTA KINABALU TRIP 2018

Last year, I visited my grandparents with my sister. We suddenly felt the need to visit them, because we missed them like a lot.

There are so many things I love about Kota Kinabalu from my childhood. There’s the garlic rice and steam fish I’d go to at least once when I’m there, Little Italy, Tanjung Aru Beach (RIP), the mountains, the little kampungs we’d visit, my family members, and more. I also just love how KK was small compared to KL, back then at least. I could really go on about how much I love KK.

This time round, we pretty much knew enough of Kota Kinabalu to get around by ourselves. We were there to keep my grandparents company, and to help them with chores if there were any.

One day, my grandparents decided to take us to Mount Kinabalu Park. It was nice and cold up there, and it felt so fresh to be away from the city. After Kinabalu Park, we decided to take a detour and visited Kundasang. I don’t remember going to Kundasang as a child, so I considered this as the first time visiting that place. It was just as chilly as it was up in Kinabalu Park, and the scenery was just gorgeous.

We visited the war memorial and gardens in Kundasang. The memorials were made to commemorate the fallen soldiers who aided the Kadazan people/ people of Kota Kinabalu during the Second World War. Some soldiers were as young as 17 years old.

I found that trip to Kundasang to be my highlight of my last KK trip. I’m just glad that my grandparents were willing to take us to these places. Who knows, some of these wonders may end up like Tanjung Aru Beach :( Thanks Yiayia and Aki <3 Love you two.

GOOD VIBES FEST 2K18

Last year, I went to Good Vibes Festival and I was really only there for Honne, haha. It was pretty cool, met almost everyone I have on my social media, drank overpriced water, but had a good time as I had amazing company. I don’t have anything to say, but I love you Honne and thanks Jibby & Co. for letting me hang with you guys :)

MY FIRST STEP TOWARDS BIGGER OPPORTUNITIES: That’s Entertainment: A Night of Radio Hits

I was asked to audition for Pan Productions last year by my dear Aunty Nell. I still remember when I was asked. It was on one of the nights of the T4YP 2017 batch’s final showcase and I wasn’t feeling so good. I saw Nell after the show and she offered me a ride home as I didn’t have any transport back. Mind you, the last time I saw my Aunty Nell before that night was when I was about 7 or 8 years old. She’s a close family friend, and I look up to her a lot. On the drive home, she asked me to try out for them.

2 months passed after that, and I was at the audition. I was a little nervous, given that I have never auditioned for something that was outside of what was convenient for me. By “convenient,” I mean that I have never gone to an audition that was not of my circle of people I’ve worked with before. I’ve auditioned for school plays/ known theatre people since I was little, which would lead to just being asked to play a role rather than audition for it. I was finally coming to a state where I was going to do a lot of these things on my own. Whether the outcome was in my favour or not. 

I was asked to come back for a second round of auditions, but this time with the performers that worked with Pan Productions before. That was the scariest part of the process. There’s not much else to talk about at that point. Alas, after a month of waiting, I was selected to be part of one of the two productions they were holding, That’s Entertainment: A Night of Radio Hits.

At first, everything was pretty new to me, of course. I was pretty much an amateur in the midst of all these very talented and professional performers and so I was trying my best to fit in. In the end, I managed to find my connection with each and every single performer in different ways possible. For example, the story between how me and Lynn started to bond was over Rupaul’s Drag Race. She saw that one of our male cast members was put in drag and she said to herself, “Hehe like Eureka.” I stopped, turned to her and asked, “Eureka O’Hara?” That’s when we clicked.

Being a part of this production has honestly given me so many future opportunities and I cannot thank Nell enough for this experience. I learned a lot more about how much is put into bringing a production together, from all sides. I made new relationships with people who helped me see things in perspectives of those who’ve worked in the theatre industry for a while, and memories that will stay with me and will help me for my future reference when it comes to theatre work, hehe.

MY KIDS

Everyone, meet my children who I adore to the fullest. Encik, and Belly. My pride and joy.

Encik is a female British shorthair plus Scottish Fold and was born in either November/December of 2017. She has the personality of a Cancerian and is the eldest baby.

Belly is a female Scottish Fold and was born in either late December of 2017 or early January of 2018. She has the personality of an Aries and is younger than Encik.

My sister Illy (who mind you is 8) named the cats before we had a chance to, but we felt that the names were fitting. These two cats are always either sleeping together, fighting or playing with each other to the point where they will knock over anything in their direction of running.

We find that Encik is the more mature and good kitty while Belly is the immature and naughty cat. Even though they’re nearly the same age.

I just love these babies so much!!!!

DIRA

This is my good friend Eznyeta Izhar. We call her Dira because it’s short for her middle name ‘Nadira’. I met Dira alongside Franco as they welcomed me for my first day of boarding school, and we know how that goes in my entry for Franco. She is such a bubbly personality with a contagious as f*ck laugh that keeps the room lively. She’s someone of a very big heart, and I will explain why.

Dira was in the same class as I was in high school, and when we moved on to International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP) she was my roommate in the first year. Even though we bonded very well during the years before we were roommates, I think on a spiritual and a disgusting level we bonded way more when we were roommates. She was the best person to have as a roommate, only because she was nicest person ever. She would check on me once in a while if I was ok, and sometimes remind me to come down for dinner. I say sometimes, because after classes me and her would head back to our rooms and nap. Sometimes these naps end up until past dinner time. We were both messy people.

I would say when it comes to her and work, she is balanced. But once in a while the balance is lopsided, hehe. For example, she is very focused when it comes to studying, but when it comes to certain assignments… Just let the 3 dots explain that for you, lah. I find her to be very smart and a very strong person, which are very good attributes to have when in boarding school. Also, she is super talented. She can sing and dance very gracefully, and I’m always in awe by her. As for acting, haha well she is spectacular if you were to make her do her own material, she would go koyak as hell and it would be so funny to watch. Which reminds me, I’m thinking about our drama classes together and I can’t help but cringe and laugh hahahhaa.

Dira is really someone else, lah. What she makes up for her petiteness is a very loud laugh you can hear a thousand miles away. Honestly, most of the time when we’re 😅 while she is, its because of her laugh. Even when the joke is not funny, I can’t help but laugh with her. She can be so funny even when she’s not trying. It’s really an experience where you would have to be there to know. Once, she came up to me during the first drama class (during IGCSE times) and randomly said, “I will destroy you,” in a Scottish accent. I’ll never know why she said that in that way but that’s one of the most prominent memories I have of her.

WHICH REMINDS ME OF HER HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEAS! She once went to a Halloween party dressed as a man with a go sign. Because… Man… Go… And she tried to walk around like a dead person once, like… The Walking… dead…

I think Dira is a very strong, kind, and funny girl. Looking back at the three years I spent with her in boarding school, I just want to say that I am very proud of her for everything. I may not know her as well as Ariadna or Franco do, but I consider her to be one of my closest friends and a shoulder to lean on. She has done so many things that have left an impact on me and a couple of gold memories for me to keep. I love you loads, Dira. I hope to drop by and visit you at uni!

PS. I have only 2 nice photos of you because all the other photos of you are either you sleeping or you doing something dumb. Like MAN-GO.

DISCLAIMER: Nadira is not actually her middle name. It’s one of her names in her full name. I think? Smh.

(Mia Sara)

FRANCO

Last year on 18th November, my college had a lil prom. Here is my feelings about it and the verdict of my night. As I was part of the ball committee, I had gone through a rollercoaster of stress and what not to help to get this ball to work. I can’t say that it was all easy, and I can’t say that I was entirely happy BUT in the end I did my part and that was the end of it. Since it was gonna be my first proper ball*, I wanted to make sure that my night was gonna be perfect, obviously. The dress I ended up getting made me feel like a legit princess, which was the tick off box number 1. (first proper ball* - I was stood up at my high school prom and I was pretty much invited to someone else’s prom.)

I can say that that night was a good night for me and my friends as we all just really wanted to leave the stress behind, lol. Seeing other people dancing and having fun with the performers was pretty much what made that night bearable.

Jibril was a total goof. Of course, I’m kidding. I thought he was pretty dashing, although he looked like Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. I was glad I had a date for my own prom this time, so I had lots of fun.

The highlight of my night was performing in an unnamed band whose members consisted of me, Jibril, Amreez, and my cousin Farris. I was so happy with how we performed, and I’m very proud of my boys for giving top quality music ye. I could also tell that they were happy with the result of it. Even though we were the last to perform and by the end of it, many people had went on to take pictures at the photo booth, our friends came along to support us, which was an amazing feeling. Once again, thank you Jibby, Amreez and Farris. Couldn’t have done it without you boys.

Yay ada member yang sapot.

I sang.

Farris ma man on the drums.

My homeboy Amreez on guitar.

My baby Jibs on guitar as well.

DISTANCE AND ITS BENEFITS

The last time I talked about Jibril on this blog was in April (link here). Since then, a lot has happened within our relationship. I mean, a LOT. There have been ups and downs throughout the time we spent together (mostly ups), and I feel that those ups and downs have really given me a lot to be thankful for in terms of the way I look at things nowadays and how I handle situations.

When we first got together, I had heard from Kasih that he would be leaving for college which was not located in KL, and that he was going to be boarding there. This meant that I had 4 months to decide whether it was worth it to carry on with this relationship and to see whether that relationship was even going anywhere. In those 4 months, I can say that the time I got to spend with him was so worth it. I really felt that he was making me feel that I was worthy of his time yahooo hahahah. Though, as the days grew closer to when he had to leave for college, I was hopeful. Yes, I was scared, and I knew it would be tough. But I was willing to take on that challenge for him.

I believe the proverb, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” to be true. Since he’s gone off to college, I only get to see Jibril 3 to 4 times a month on average, when he’s not on holiday, that is. Some may think that not being able to see my significant other would drive me and my feelings for him to stray away. That is not the case for us, though. In fact, it’s helped me to balance my love life and studies really well, as I can get a bit distracted when he’s around haha. I feel that the more we are away from each other, the more we love each other. I think that’s because of the amount of effort we put in for when we see each other, and texting becomes a platform for us to really express how we feel when we’re apart.

Most of the time when we see each other, there is an event going on that we go to, or we just lepak somewhere. No in between. Mostly just lepak sessions. During those lepak moments, we usually just take in the time we spend for each other and just appreciate it in the moment. Just enjoying each other’s company is the best feeling in the world. Talk about how our week went and how college has treated us so far. Other than that, there’s a story I wanna share. After about a month in of dating Jibril, he gave me his stuffed toy tapir that he’s had since he was a little kid, and he got that toy at the Night Safari in Singapore. He had named him Steve. Since then, I’ve been having Steve to snuggle when I’m in bed. A small reminder of Jibby. And, since he’s been to college. he ‘adopted’ a stuffed toy whale he calls Moby Dick. So sometimes we meet up, he would ask me to bring Steve so that Steve and Moby could have a little play date together while we’re out. I’m just :’)

Even when we have our highs, there are some lows. Not being able to see someone for almost a month can really weigh down on you when you least expect it. We ended up texting less than we used to, which didn’t worry me, more like it just made me a bit sad. Obviously, I cannot expect every person to attend to me when I’m free, so I brush it off most of the time. It wasn’t until a few nights ago, when I was with my friends out when I really met my lowest low of all lows, haha. I really missed him. And yes, I miss him when he’s away all the time, but this time it was an ugly miss. Eventually after I calmed down, I was embarrassed, haha. But I realised that that’s natural. When I have to feel those feelings, I have to allow myself to do so. Long-term relationships are hard work, but that doesn’t mean that that’s a bad thing. I am not willing to give that up anytime soon.

Jibril, you have given me a lot to be thankful for, and I really wish the best for you in anything you want to achieve. You’ve truly made me the happiest girl in the world, and there is nothing more I could ask for. Thank you for supporting me through my ambitions and work, and I will continue to support you in whatever you do. You’ve been my best friend, my greatest companion, and an all-round kind and amazing soul. I have never met anyone so willing to invest in having me around, and haih. I love you la.

During our stay in the UK, my dad took me, my sister and his friends down to Liverpool, as probably the main reason why we went to stay in London in the first place was to go watch the Liverpool match happening on the 7th of May early this year.

The train ride to Liverpool was 3 hours long and they didn’t have any seats available because most of the seats were reserved. SO, me and my sister took the liberty of using the free space for baggage, and squeezed in there for THREE HOURS. But it was okay, I guess. Adds to the experience of it all.

We arrived to only have a few minutes to take in what was of Liverpool. It was pretty quiet, peaceful, and I really loved the atmosphere there. Once we left the station, my dad’s friends drove us straight to Anfield and whoa. Outside the stadium there are sports bars filled with LFC supporters waiting for the game to start. It was pretty neat.

The stadium was HUGE. It was a lot to take in. This was my second Liverpool game I’ve been to, only this time it’s in Anfield itself. I was pretty mesmerised by everything at time, really just taking in the cheers of supporters, and also grunts and boos from angry supporters of Liverpool, hahah.

Early this year in May, I went to London for the first time. I’ve always wanted to go to London, as most of the greatest drama schools in the world are in London. The main reason we went there was because my dad had tickets to a Liverpool game at the time, so he really wanted me and my sister to be there to watch the game with him. That’s a separate piece I’ll write about later. For the rest of the time, we did things that tourists do. Explore! And shop.

London was of course, pretty gloomy. But I always loved the cold weather. Everything I could ask for was there, in terms of education and job opportunities of my interest. Besides that, all the makeup I wanted was there. London doesn’t have Sephora which, wtf.

We travelled to Bicester Village, which I understand is what JPO is trying to be in terms of the idea of it. Lots of high market brands, sold for cheaper prices. It was fabulous. I don’t have a lot of pictures of the place, but check out this food truck I came across there.

Now to the part I love about the UK. The THEATRE and the THEATRE COMMUNITY. Wow, it was really amazing. The amount of appreciation for theatre they have there is overwhelming for me, cuz I’m used to having friends and family appreciate and a couple of theatre lovers come watch me perform. But to see large theatre houses in every street in London have shows that sell out every night was just amazing. To be able to perform for crowds like that who really appreciate it.

Which brings me to THE BOOK OF MORMON in London. It was so fucking funny and the actors were so goooood. Haih. Sorry I’m just dreaming of the day that I will get to be on a stage like that. But for now, I’ll appreciate theatre to the MAX.

I had the opportunity to visit my dream performing arts academy. The Royal Academy of Performing Arts. I got to ask about the audition process for the Acting degree course. I really felt like a little amateur, more like a mouse seeing these student actors walk in and out of the building. One day, that will (hopefully) be me walking through those doors. Time can only tell what I’m destined for.

Here’s a pic of me and the poor dude walking out HAHAHAHHA.

BONUS

Here’s the premiere of King Arthur: Legend of The Sword where we could see David Beckham, Jude Law, and Charlie Hunnam from a distance on a screen.

DIYANA

This is Diyana. My first encounter with her was sitting outside of Starbucks, probably killing time until the next lesson. We sat together and talked a bit about Inarah, Kasih and Yan, since they all went to the same high school. Diyana entered college a little late, so she didn’t end up in the same class as the four of us. Eventually as the second semester came ‘round, we got closer as we were in the same class for Critical Thinking Skills.

Diyana is a tough ass bitch. And I really admire that! She can be the sweetest person who looks out for you when you need it but can also give you the back of her hand (metaphorically) to make you realise flaws. I’m not as tough as her, but sitting back to watch her do her thing teaches me a lot HAHAHA. She can balance ‘yin and yang’ or the ‘devile to the angle’ hahaha. What I mean by that is her tendency to be caring and kind, at the same time be hard or stern when necessary.

I’d say my best memories with her are quoting vines (RIP) and being able to talk smack about things that stress us out and still be able to laugh in the end. Our love for anything pop-culture related that originated in the late ‘90s-early 2000s brings us even closer just because of the campness of it all and the really ridiculous ideologies that those films revolve around. I’m so thankful that I have another person like Diyana to talk about these things to.

Diyana’s love for Jimin of superstar KPOP group BTS is really special and I hope she meets him. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT: Diyana, you are a very beautiful person! There are many people out there in the world who will AGREE with me. Don’t feel that you are not worthy of other people because of the way you look or are (which in my opinion, you look amazing and you have a good heart). I really believe that you are way more than how people think of you, and I believe that you are destined for great things. I’ve known her to be very hardworking. To see the things she’s gone through, I really admire how she manages to keep herself afloat. And not only that, but to bring joy to others at the same time, is really amazing. I really see her achieving great things in the future, like win a humanitarian award or something of that field. She really is the type to help others when they are really in need of it. Of course, that is what I believe she can do, but time will only tell. If you’re reading this Diyana, I love you loads!

GYENICE

This is Gyenice. She’s probs one of the realest people out there. I met her through college, and she’s probably one of the reasons why I don’t miss my classes. The first thing she said before we headed into our first class was, “TBH, I cried the whole night yesterday after orientation,” (she’s joking) and I instantly became her friend if she ever needed me HAHAHAHA.

Gyenice is highly intelligent, but she underestimates herself. She has a lot of potential to do many unspeakable things, even when she says that she’s incapable of it. We both bonded over the fact that we are needy and overemotional at times. She’s one of the few people I am comfortable with sharing my personal views, thoughts and experiences. She tends to give me good advice or is able to say the right things during times of trouble/ distress.

She’s an advocate for most forms of K-Pop and is someone I can cry over certain K-Pop related drama or songs. She always finds a way to make things fun, even if you are not in the mood for K-Pop, for example. She’s always made me feel comfortable certain environments I've felt disoriented in. It’s always pleasing to her yelling from a distance as you’d know that she’s in close proximity and the day of dullness will be saved by this bubbly ball of magic. For your information, Gyenice’s name on my phone is Vagyenice.

Vagyenice is someone to look up to when it comes to picking yourself up from stressful situations. She has a strong will for things and it amazes me as to how she manages to fight against things that come in her way. She is definitely a force to be reckoned with. Sometimes, I feel that she’s the glue to some of the friendships I have with certain people. Definitely someone to have in your circle of friends. And with that, I end this post with, “Take care, Gyenice. Kick ass.”

More of Gyenice to come!

ENGLISH PAPER (FINALS)

Second day of finals.

JIBRIL

Quite the funny story here, mates. I met Jibril through Kasih and Inarah. We (me, Kasih and Inarah) were figuring out what we wanted to eat for lunch during our class break. Kasih wanted The Notorious B.I.G. burger that they have at Plan B, so onz we headed to Publika. On the way there, Inarah mentions that this guy Jibril from her high school works there, and that he’s seen me before. Of course, with this information, I am both curious and worried. What does he know about me??? Will I be set up for blackmail???

Alas, I met this guy, who was friendly and very attentive. Eventually, Inarah and Kasih had their own people to layan at Publika, so I was basically left alone for a bit with my meal. I thought it’d be best to get to know this guy better since I couldn’t deal with the idea of having a mutual friend that’s just there while I silently eat away in my little bubble.

Eventually, I kept bumping into him, as my family and I would occasionally eat there. Each time I was there while he was working there, he’d always be the one to send all our food to our table and he’d manage to get it there super fast HMMMMMMM…. Anyway, eventually I asked for his number, cuz he was about to stop working there, and he’d seem like a cool guy to have quality banter with.

Upon getting to know him, we realised we had a lot in common that were scary coincidences that fuelled that worry part I mentioned earlier. It was kinda funny, the man nearly has the same Nando’s order as I do, we’re the only two out of very few Malaysians who support Liverpool (pls don’t @ me), and  preference of Hugh Grant films.

He eventually became a good lad to talk about things we were interested in, and nice intellectual talks about science, studies, life and opinions on certain subjects. We pretty much saw each other eye-to-eye on anything we brought up in conversation. It’s always a nice pleasure, to have to talk to him about things we’re interested in. Sometimes, it’s great cuz it makes me feel like less of a nerd when I speak to him, cuz he overpowers his interests in certain things we talk about like games and TV shows.

Jibril eventually asked me if we could start dating, which to be honest, didn’t surprise me HAHAHA (sorry Jib). I took it upon myself to agree for his sake (I’m kidding, haha). Ever since then, intellectual conversations have dumbed down a bit but it’s still nice to feel comfortable with my sense of humour and taste in certain things with another person. Like for instance, the man told me that he calls himself Jamie Olive Oil in the kitchen, and I broke down.

That’s all I can say for now, as there’s really too much to put here. Til next time, folks.

Jibril, if you’re reading this, take care, and be safe. Love you loads.