#endverseau

Castiel's Notebook / World 654

Humanity always surprised me, even as an Angel with all eyes over them, I always was in awe how much they've tried to get through their life and in the end, death.

Death comes for us all, even for me at some point and I'm good with that, after a few years traveling worlds now, I'm actually glad I will be gone.

If you ask philosophers, poets and people with an actual awareness about their surroundings, you'll definitely hear that humanity is the cause of all evil. Living in my, I think, third Apocalypse, makes me think it's actually true. Even though the few people I surround myself with are an exception (at least I hope so).

Traveling through worlds without humans, teached me a lot about how the human race actually IS arrogant. Making themselves the main species while forgetting that everything around them is a tiny ecosystem which is fragile and not as easy to repair if the damage is done.

Traveling through worlds without humans also teached me that we can be glad that we're not squirrels, building a Kingdom and trying to kill strangers (it's funny to look at though). Or that we are able to breathe the air, that Zombies are only a thing if the supernatural is involved and not the norm.

If I ask Dean if the world would be a better place without humans he doesn't waste a second to say "Yes, absolutely.".

But maybe he's not the best person to ask :)

Hi.

SUPTOBER 2023 //DAY 1

LIMINAL

Castiel sat slumped in a chair, hadn't moved since the other Angels have arrived and his past superior told him that they were not able to bring Jack back.

"I'm so sorry Castiel, Heaven is still so fragile in it's new ways, we can't bring up the power to call upon his grace into the Empty." He just had nodded and walked away, Dean's eyes on him as he took the stairs into the library.

Later, Naomi approached him.

"We have to talk," she sat herself in the chair beside him, he was close to giving her a petty answer, but just took a deep breath and nodded.

"We're going to close the Gates soon, we just wait for Rowena to arrive and-" she leaned back in her chair, her watchful eyes always on him "-and we want to give you a choice."

That made him look up, his eyebrows raised and looking at her.

"We learned from our past mistakes, Castiel. We want things to be different now, Heaven will be a community, a working together and not against each other. We want to give our brothers and sisters a choice" she smiled, more to herself then at him.

"What's my choice?" He asked, still not able to believe what she was saying.

"I think I already know your answer," she smiled,"but you can choose between Humanity and the Heavenly Host. An extended lifetime on Earth, more human then angel or a complete part on our community".

He looked down at his hands, when he heard Dean's gruff voice from the map room. His broad back turned to him, talking to Sam.

He would be-

No. He would not be human. He would be always in that liminal place between being a celestial being and something...else.

Dean shouted something at Sam, the younger brother just taking a deep breath before he walked away.

"They need me here," Castiel said, his eyes still on the back of the hunter, who ran a hand through his spiked hair. Castiel balled his hands into fists. He needed them. Him.

"I thought so. I wish you nothing but good things Castiel, I hope you'll never regret your choice and I really hope we only see each other again at the end of your life."

She laid something small and round on the table, a coin, got up and with one last look at him, walked away, back to their brothers and sisters.

SUPTOBER 2023 // DAY 3

INSPIRED

Cas waited for Rowena to finish her spell on the Bunkers main entrance, then he laid his palm on the door.

It vibrated with magic, what once was a entry into safety, would be now the door to their prison.

"If you close it now, you'll not be able to open it until you really need to." Rowena looked at him, her eyes still had a purple glimmer.

"Do you ask yourself sometimes, what inspired Go- Chuck to be a creator?" Cas asked, as his grace slowly creeped into the small nooks and crooks of the door, melting the pieces together.

The witch beside him chuckled,

"Kicked out of Heaven officially and already asking fundamental questions?" he turned his head to her, one eyebrow raised.

"I was kicked out of Heaven way before this, I don't see why asking for the purpose of existing if in the long run was the idea to destroy it anyway, takes it more to the point." He felt himself sweat. It was not comfortable, he wasn't used to it but it happened now and then. But the spell needed more grace, more safety.

"Have you ever met a Spark?"

"No? Is it a supernatural being?"

Rowena laid a hand on his back, his dressshirt was already glued to his back from sweat, her eyes knowingly on him. It took him a second to feel the new energy entering his body but a relieved sigh escaped him.

"I have once met one, they're old, older then time, older then the Darkness. They inspire people and planets and universes, gorgeous little things. I guess Chuck met one of them, or maybe thousands back then, when everything was still new."

He took his hand away from the door, even with Rowena's help, his world went black for a short second.

"Hey! Cas!" Dean's voiced echoed from the map table under them.

"Are you okay?"

"He's fine, just needs a little rest, maybe you could prepare us some dinner, darling? I'm starving after all this work!" The hunter gave her a thumbs up and left, which Cas didn't see, still trying to collect himself.

"And sometimes a spark is someone, who's making us do things other people would question. And sometimes we're the spark, sometimes we inspire people to try different thi-"

With a gruff noise Cas took his trenchcoat he had laid over the stair railing and walked down the stairs.

"Sparks also start a fire and I don't think that's wise", he didn't look back, already knew how Rowena was looking after him.

ENDVERSE AU Masterpost

SUPTOBER 23 // DAY 9

STARLIGHT

Their first night on the road.

The Impala was cramped full with stuff, duffel bags, books, food. What to pack when you have to take just your necessary things, but a Bunker full of knowledge and goodies.

Jack was snoring in the backseat, his head on Eileen's shoulder, who dozed against the window, a bunch of sleeping bags on her lap.

Cas was reading, Slaughterhouse 5 , had his clothed changed to something more comfortable for the road and Dean wasn't still used to the Hunter look on the angel. Ex-Angel.

O Children played on the radio, Sam humming along to the grotesque ballad while doing inventory on their belongings, from what he remembered was packed in the last minutes before the Bunker was nothing more then a grave for the hundreds of creatures that were crawling up it's walls.

And Dean-

He looked at the long road ahead, his hands on the steering wheel, knuckles white. And the stars and the moon flashed by and for the first time in his life, he felt so damn small in the big universe.

And from one second to the other, everything was too small. His jacket, his shirt, his jeans. His fingers got numb, his vision tunneled, too small, everything was too small. The Impala was too small. His own head.

"Dean?" His brothers voice came from far away and before he could recognize what he did, he hit the breaks, all people in the car holding on to their dear life and Dean opened the door, it took him three tries, and he stumbled out of the car and into the night.

"He's having a panic attack!"

No! Everything was just too small! Couldn't they see it? He pulled on his hair and his hands searched something to grab on and suddenly there were two warm hands, pulling his fingers away from his scalp.

"Look at the stars Dean," Cas.

"Look up at the stars and count them, every single one", and he lifted his head and there were so many of them. Starlight sparkling at the sky. Warm hands holding his, grounding him.

And as his breathing calmed he felt so stupid but the hands were merciless and held his still tight.

"Hi Cas," he swallowed. Blue. So close.

"Hello, Dean".

SUPTOBER 2022

Day Fifteen // Smoke

There was only one situation, in which Dean enjoyed riding shotgun.

Cas leaning over him, slow, seductive, an open mouthed kiss which let him inhale the smoke the ex-angel had held.

They didn't do it often, most of the time Dean got dizzy from the stuff Cas mixed himself but sometimes he needed the buzz. Sometimes he needed the break from the shit that was going on. A break from this new cursed reality.

"You're so beautiful," Cas whispered against his mouth, before he kissed him again. And again, until time was forgotten in bodies moving and more smoke.

SUPTOBER 23 // DAY 8

SATANIC PANIC

"Lose it with the whole Bruce Banner attitude, I know you're angry too! Why do you always make it look like it's MY FAULT?"

Dean was furious. They sat around the map table and for the last hour discussing how and if to leave the Bunker.

And Sam was so damn calm, like he already had made his decision, like his opinion was the only one counting. Maybe Dean was petty, but sue him, their situation wasn't easy.

"I'm not angry!" Sam sat up in his chair, Eileen at his side laid a hand on his arm which he rolled his eyes at and turned to her.

"Why do you always do that? I'm talking with my brother, why do you always want to get in between?!" His hands were fast, underlining his annoyance.

"Excuse you??" Eileen scoffed.

"While you and your brother scream at each other, we all have to listen to your years pent up trauma! You're not angry?" She got closer to him "I am, angry. I'm so angry and sick of being treated like an intruder. I'm so sick and angry about your brother and you playing some psycho tricks to each other. Red flags all around you! And you!" She pointed at Dean, who just crossed his arms over his chest.

"You and your damn toxic mood. We all care about you, we try so hard and poor Castiel crawls behind you like a kicked puppy-"

"Eileen", Sam tried to interrupt her, her name sign fluent from his hands.

"No! No I'm angry! It's always about him! We could've been gone the second we knew it's too dangerous to stay here but we stayed! Because you two have something really really weird going on-"

"Stop it!" His big hand grabbed her arm and she looked at him and his touch was hot, way too hot and she saw Dean getting off his chair, saw him grab his gun.

Red.

"Sam!" She gasped but his eyes were nothing but red and sigils glowed on his skin. And her skin burned and she smelled her burned flesh through her flannel.

Two big hands grasped Sam's head from behind, blue light filled the room, the hunter screamed as if in pain and toppled forwards, catched by Eileen who just was able to lay him down on the map table.

Cas, out of breath looked at his burned hands, his grace very slow fixing the skin again. Dean at his side had his gun on his own brother.

"What the fuck was that?!"

ENDVERSE AU Masterpost

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