#ending thoughts

We’ve definitely talked before about how Tsubasa is largely about grief - the ways it can shape your life, the different ways people struggle with it, and sometimes even the ways people manage to accept it and take it with them moving forward. 

We can see it very clearly in some of the worlds we visit - Chu’nyan struggling with the death of her mother in Koryo, Ashura struggling with the death of Yasha in Shura, a community struggling with the grief of a collective tragedy in Jade, the survivors in Acid Tokyo struggling with the death of the world, and so on. It's laced through a good deal of the scenarios we visit, though not all of them!

And we can't forget that our main characters themselves act as our biggest examples of the various stages of grief. Kurogane’s backstory is the most literal expression of Anger possible, with his murder rage after the death of his parents. 

Fai’s entire life is one big slice of the Bargaining stage, with him hoping to trade his life for his brother’s - and I’d add that his attitude (especially in Outo) is laced with the Depression stage as well, since his dedication to his grief makes him forget that his life might be worth anything else.

Sakura herself has to grapple with her own death in Infinity, and we see her go through a few stages of Bargaining, Depression, and finally comes through with Acceptance - though I think in reality hers is more about trying to prevent Lava Lamp’s death, it still does have a nice arc to it and comes with an acceptance of her own end. 

And the Syaorans! The plot opens (both times) with the “death” of Sakura, with both of the Syaorans struggling to try prevent it, and going through some very literal Bargaining to try and stop it from happening with the wishes they make. And their arcs are so fascinating to me - Syaoran (the clone) ends up losing himself entirely in the process of trying to save Sakura, fails to save her (he ends up killing her by his own hand in Nihon), and then dies himself in the confrontation with Evil Wolverine. The Autopilot state acts as a sort of metaphor for the Depression stage of grief, where nothing matters anymore (except saving Sakura) even if it’s slightly displaced in time, and the fact that it takes full control of him ends up making his loss entirely real. 

We should also touch on the beginning of the manga giving us two examples of a much more natural and accepted grief with the passing of Fujitaka and Clow Reed. Both have passed on by the time of the manga’s opening, but the thoughts surrounding their memory are much more grounded and positive. Syaoran keeps a photo of Fujitaka on his desk to keep his memory alive, which he looks on fondly. 

By contrast Evil Wolverine himself is maladjusted grief come to life. He is a living wish made from grief, and his entire existence is bent around trying to reverse a death. This grief IS all he has - unlike other naturally occurring clones he never expands his horizons into living a full life or making other bonds. He is an endlessly destructive force, a metaphor for what unchecked grief can lead to, and permanently cracks the universe in his refusal to accept someone’s death.

And then we get Lava Lamp, who Evil Wolverine finds kinship with. 

It’s very interesting looking back, since his arc really is so similar to Evil Wolverine’s goal AND to Syaoran’s failed attempt to save Sakura, except his one kind of works? 

Before the flashback arc in the Reservoir I had guessed that Lava Lamp’s whole arc would culminate him having to learn how to accept Not!Sakura’s death - that the entire journey has been him trying to force a kind of resurrection that wasn’t entirely possible, since he literally turns back time itself to make it happen. Since this is the trigger point for almost everything that happens afterwards, it seemed like a logical step for his arc to end in Acceptance - that he would have to finally learn to accept the reality of losing Sakura and move on. 

I WAS WRONG. I WAS THE MOST WRONG.

Lava Lamp gets what he wants and through several complication technicalities absolutely does manage to bring Not!Sakura back from the brink of death. 

Not only that, but everyone else in the Clow Kingdom comes back too! No-one is dead, not even Nadeshiko or Fujitaka. Full resurrection is back on the table just in time for the happy ending!

WHICH, as you might be able to guess, was slightly confusing to me in terms of the themes we’ve been tracing so far. It seemed odd that the universe could seemingly punish him for making his wish to turn back time, but at the same time actually go through with it and save not just Not!Sakura but also both her dead parents.

On the universe side it makes sense - the universe is confused and broken and struggling to flatten out a timeloop, so it’s made some choices and has to pick something to go with. 

But in terms of theme? I was a little fascinating that it kind of reversed the way it seemed to be going. Evil Wolverine was incorrect for trying to resurrect Yuuko but Lava Lamp manages to squeeze his through just fine. Sure, they have to pay some prices to escape the Time Loop Punishment Void, but that’s more about the fact that they were time anomalies rather than anything to do with the resurrecting. 

But in going back over the last five volumes I do think there’s a turning point in the story where we actually DO see the theme naturally evolve in real time. When we get Lava Lamp’s backstory in the reservoir there is a moment where Lava Lamp explains how he blames himself for everything that has happened (which Evil Wolverine agrees with), and he presents it all to Fai and Kurogane expecting them to agree. He gives them the space to blame him for all their tragedies and abandon him forever.

Instead Fai presents the opposite viewpoint - that there’s no way to actually tell what will happen and all we can do is what we honestly want. 

And THAT'S the point where the theme evolves out of the narrative Lava Lamp thought he was living. Instead of everything being Lava Lamp's fault forever (ie, being consumed with grief for your entire existence) Lava Lamp's grief meets open love and acceptance and the question of his existence changes into "How do we move forward from here?"

At this point The Big Grief shifts from any individual person's backstory to being at a universal level - grief is represented by the broken universe itself instead of any single death. The core concept we fight against becomes the Idea of Never Moving On, which is represented by a few things. The endless loop of the Clow Kingdom for one, but also the timeline itself getting stuck on repeat, and the biggest symbol of them all is Evil Wolverine, who will repeat everything forever (or destroy everything) in his effort to stay in this impossible grief. He will never get over Yuuko’s death - he IS a living grief. But it's in the previous two examples that it becomes the most clear.

Not Moving Forward is described as being the same as dying yourself. You never have any growth or really ever live again. You HAVE to move forward to be alive.

And so the universe itself, stuck in an endless time loop, is also stuck in this state of being the same as dead. The grief has consumed everything.

Also, interestingly, this is never presented as easy. Ending the timeloop in the Clow Kingdom is an emotionally heavy moment as we watch all the people there die. And fixing the universe can only be done with a very heavy cost.

But it IS presented as worth doing.

Even if it's hard and painful and costly, living is worth it every time in these ending chapters. The Tsubasa family become the agents of completing the cycle of grief - not "fixing" the grief but accepting what can’t be changed and finding a way to move forward, to carry it with you and continue to live. 

And I think they pull that theme off quite well! It's a MUCH harder idea to convey compared to the more straight forward "accept it and move on" that I had initially been expecting, but the shift of the idea from the personal level to the cosmic level really sells it for me.

(Does it get a little messy since the clones die and our immediate new goal is to bring them back again? Maybe! But shh it's close enough. We're in a shounen after all)

I wish you your wildest dreams As I go to mine May we meet again within A better story line

~Not The Villain by SJ Tucker

...

Been having thoughts about this song and how it fits Dabi (among other sympathetic villains) but especially the closing lyrics as his dying farewell to Shouto.

It seems clear to me that Verso's ending is the narratively correct one. I suppose that means I sided with the Writers— but real!Verso's whole story is that he sacrificed himself for his family... and no one in the story tried to convince him that he shouldn't have.

Verso was a static painting by the time we meet him. He doesn't grow. His goal from the start to the end was saving the "real" part of his family from the painting and freeing himself. Real!Verso chose self-sacrifice. Painted Verso chooses death. The remnant part of Verso's soul also wanted to stop painting. He and the remnant of Verso's soul are tired. He only ever painted one painting, and no one understands it.

Maelle.... What I find most telling is that she didn't really know her brother in the first place. She never played with him in his painting, that was all Clea. She doesn't know him. She never did. And he still sacrificed himself for her. I think... Verso's a symbol to her, not a person.

And watching her ending on YouTube... It's not just that she's choosing death over disability— I could forgive her for that, the world outside is cruel and only her father seems to want her back (Clea sees her as a nuisance, and her mother painted her suffering in that perfect family). And I get the feeling even he sees her as a problem to be fixed rather than a person who needs help grieving. But no... She won't let Verso go, not really, no matter how he begs. Only she can fully unpaint him, and it looks for a moment like she did, but... there she is, forcing him to perform in the opera house. She becomes the greyscale Alicia, stopping time while she decays.

Leaving the cabin with Stranger is my "true ending" more than anything else. More than any other Princess, Stranger's plurality feels *right* for the heart of a concept like Change. And the love story of her finally finally being able to reach that unknown. "Something new that we'll experience together, with someone who exists outside of Us. With someone who can see Us in a way We can never see Ourself"

I JUST BEAT KH2. And oh my GOSH Sora and Riku absolutely KICKING trash, riding some hover bike through space together and cutting buildings in half 😱 I was fangirling hard (I was screaming, lol)

Also, I’m dying. I knew what would happen at the end with the door to light and Sora turning into Roxas for a sec and Kairi into Naminé— but holy cow it’s totally different to see it in motion and not just read about it online or through the manga/novels. (Also everyone looked GOOD in those end scenes. Especially Roxas 🥹) I loved the way the way Sanctuary got all soft with Sora and Kairi’s interaction. 😭😭 And then how he kept the lucky charm ❤️ I shed a tear.

Okay okay, but when Sora and Riku are looking out at the waves together, and Riku’s like: “nothing’s changed, huh?” And Sora responds with “Nope. Nothing will.”

BECAUSE I PLAYED KH3 FIRST I JUST BROKE DOWN LIKE— Sora, you have no idea what’s gonna happen to you, you have no idea how much things are gonna change 😭😭😭 and the fact that he’s standing at the same place he’s going to fade at in 3.

Ughhhh, best KH ending ever. It’s a masterpiece.

Flynn’s whole route is basically a tragedy about Flynn’s attempts to put together the truth of what happened to Sydney, and the price he pays in pursuit of that knowledge. The...thing within Echo, the ghost or curse or entity whatever you want to call it, shows him the truth of the town, but Flynn becomes the Socket Monster. He’s subsumed into the supernatural forces of Echo and loses himself entirely...or does he? We basically know things are gonna end badly as soon as the perspective shifts to Flynn. If you’ve been through the other routes, especially TJ and Jenna’s, then by this point you know there is something else controlling Chase, that the player’s input and decision-making is an analogue to Chase being possessed by Sam, or the Echo entity’s reflection of Sam (at least in part). And we know it was actively suppressing Chase’s own personality and exacerbating his existing mental condition, making him quieter and more passive so he’d be easier to manipulate. So the second you see Flynn making an in-game choice and that music starts playing, you know we’re headed for disaster. And that’s exactly what happens. By the end, Flynn is beset by visions of Sydney that play on his own self-loathing, and guided into the mines where his physical body dies. The Echo entity doesn’t just punish the crimes of the townspeople. It thrives on them. It feeds on their guilt, pushing and even possessing them to commit more crimes to keep itself going. The mass hysteria may be caused by an unpunished murder, but it’s not out to fix things. And we know that because in TJ’s route, the entity convinces/coerces Chase into killing Flynn so the truth about Sydney’s death never comes out. After all, ‘this town needs secrets’.

And now poor Flynn is a part of that, existing outside of time, a tool for this thing to dole out punishment, and push people to commit more injustices so that it can punish them in turn. And after all that, when the entity shows him that fateful day, Flynn loses his sight at the last moment so he still never sees exactly what happened to Sydney. It’s horrible and tragic in every way.

But it’s the last scene that really hurts for me. As you know if you’ve played it, the final shot before the credits is a child Jenna seeing the Socket Monster in her closet. Jenna’s mentioned multiple times that she saw the monster several times when she was especially sad or angry while living with her parents. It never hurt her or anything, it just watched. And in Jenna’s good ending, it watches Jenna talk down Heather from her actions and vanishes upon seeing she really is ok. Despite the fact that it appeared to influencing Heather’s thoughts to convince her to flood the town to begin with, it relents at Jenna’s words. Even after losing his agency to this horrible, cursed town, some part of Flynn is still in there looking out for his friends.

Flynn was never able to really open up to his friends. He’s not good with expressing sincere feelings. He hides behind snark, sometimes in overly cruel ways. Sydney’s death drove a wedge between him and the rest of the group that never healed. Heck it was especially bad with Jenna because of how protective of TJ she was. Flynn’s route sees him trying to reach some level of emotional honesty with Chase during their..um…‘relationship’, and it ends in complete failure. And yet, route after route, he comes through for them. He saves Chase from the mines in Leo’s route, he’s supportive to Carl, and he’s there to help everyone in Jenna’s route, even after fighting with them all week.