---

It was quiet in the common area. Too quiet. The five sides that escaped should have been making more noise. They weren't registering on the sensors, probably hiding in the hallway rather than their rooms or the testing facility, the only place without any monitors yet. Log a of n was expecting something to happen. 

And then the room filled with fog, mist from a dry ice machine. The robot turned Its core towards the entrance expecting some kind of spectacle. And then the opening notes of "the Final Countdown" blared through the room. 

The logical assumption would be that this was the work of at least one of the twins. Janus, while one for dramatics, was also more inclined to make a stealthy entrance. Virgil would simply appear and attack without promoting if he were to show. 

Thwack

A slimy tongue snapped through the air and completely covered the glowing optical sensor. 

"Don' thuck with mah fwiends!" Patton shouted in the entryway. He pulled his tongue back, cracking the glass on the sensor and rendering it useless. 

"Emergency Protocol Activated" Log a of n droned and unleashed dozens of clawed robotic tentacles.

They shot toward Patton, claws open and sharp. 

"Bring it on—" 

"—Arnold Schwarzen-faker!" 

Remus and Roman charged past Patton with their swords drawn. Roman deflected  the tentacles with grace and fury. Remus repeatedly sliced through them, electrocuting himself over and over, laughing like a maniac until his cutlass snapped.

Patton ran to a different part of the room, away from the brothers. 

"Hey jerkface!" he shouted, "suck my dick!" The robot swiveled so the damaged core faced in his general direction. A pair of arms shot toward him. 

Patton was one jump ahead, literally. The claws slammed into the tile and crumbled it. 

Remus beamed. Frog boy could dodge, which meant the real fun could start. He glanced at Roman, who was eyeing him with mischief on his mind. 

"Hicka Bicka Boo?" Roman asked and sheathed his weapon.

"Hoosha!" Remus giggled and high-fived him. 

At least a dozen arms flew at them. 

They dove in opposite directions and rolled to their feet. 

"Dragon witch!" Roman shouted to him and veered to the left to dodge as an arm tried to grab him. 

"Hit me!" Remus laughed, constantly ducking and weaving as multiple claws reached for him. 

Roman couldn't hold still, but he could conjure a ball of fire. He could still throw it where Remus was headed.

Remus belched, releasing a burst of methane gas that ignited on contract. There were many benefits to being a marine biologist's fantasy! 

Patton jolted back, still evading capture. He was amazed at how the limbs closest to Remus shorted and went limp. 

"That's a spicy meatball!" Remus jeered and front flipped over a tentacle that tried to grab his shins. 

"Aren't you supposed to be more creative than that?!" Roman huffed and batted away a robotic arm. 

"You try thinking and dodging, Phoenix King of Getting his Butt Whooped!" Remus huffed as he leapt over a pair of arms and grabbed hold of one that was attacking from above. 

He swung on it happily letting it try to shake him off. It flailed violently, swinging around the room and bucking to dislodge him. That just gave Remus the chance to kick at the other tentacles, distracting them momentarily, if not breaking them. 

"Your attempts to render my hardware obsolete are futile—I am currently regenerati—" Log a of n droned but dropped into TV static. 

"They're doing it!" Patton cheered and bounced in place, aware of the claws coming at him head on. He jumped over them, unaware of the open claw coming for his back. 

"Cheap shot!" Remus screech and kicked the arm as he swung in Patton's direction. Patton looked back and scowled, but not at Remus. 

More tentacles erupted from the ceiling and attacked with twice the fury.

"Cease—zz—Desi—" 

"You fucking asshole!" Patton snapped and planted his feet. Roman glanced over at him as he kept deflecting every attack. The emo dad's neck was puffing up and tinted green. Remus got one look at him as he swung around and grinned. 

"Turn into the Hulk!" he cheered and tumbled to the floor. 

Patton grew until his head touched the ceiling. His skin turned green and smooth and his clothes tore. He let out a croak that shook the room. 

"Some—" Roman began, with the intent to say "Someone's pissed now!" 

"—Body once told me!" Remus cut him off, "A frog would defeat Logey!" 

"Or an A.I. that came out of his head!" Roman shot back, mildly annoyed. He realized too late that it fit Remus' lyrical pattern.

"When he locked up all his friends, didn't calculate all ends!" Remus cackled as Patton tore the limbs from the ceiling in a rage. Roman was pleased with this turn of events, and sheathed his sword. He should have expected that Patton's amphibian rage would come in handy. And Remus knew it.

"Like us breaking the Aperture testbed!" Remus continued singing gleefully as Patton tore the robotic arms apart, sending sparks flying from the broken wires. 

Roman glanced at the core as the main machine twitched and jolted, the program failing to maintain control. The ocular light flickered through the cracked lens. And then it went out. 

The arms went limp and ceased their attack. Patton took a moment to realize that. Instead of stopping, he went for the base in the center of the ceiling and tore it down. 

"Step on me Daddy!" Remus shouted and pretended to swoon. Roman glared at him, and Patton froze and shrank back to his normal size, losing his emerald hue. 

"They did it," he noted rather than acknowledge Remus. 

"We did it," Roman corrected him, "Now to make sure our darling and Virgil are unscathed." 

"And then we can celebrate! I'll catch up with you guys, I want to check something out," Remus beamed. Roman and Patton could tell that something was wrong but didn't question it.

---

---

Virgil was getting really tired of the separation schtick. He walked into a room with only Patton. He was not happy about it. Neither was Patton. 

"We should find the puzzle and get this over with," Virgil sighed and scanned the room. There were eight sticks on the ground, four were equal length and four were half the size. There was a grid on the door divided into nine squares with a note attached to the wall next to it. 

"I guess, but I wanted to ask you something first, without the others around," Patton shrugged. 

"You realize that would normally make me anxious that it's something bad. But I know it is so go ahead," Virgil droned, feeling drained and numb again.

"Why are you being so mean to me? I don't get it—I'm trying to be a good friend and make sure you're comfortable but I can't seem to do anything right!" Patton said, his frustration more evident with each word. Virgil wilted and sighed. 

"Because I trusted you and you abused it." 

"How?!" 

"You manipulated me, all the kind words and friendliness were just to get me on your side, to be your hitman. You don't see me as I am and you want to mold me into becoming just like you—I've dealt with Janus enough to know the signs. I just hoped you would be different," Virgil explained without any real emotion. 

"Manipulated you?!" Patton snapped, "I didn't do that! I didn't bat my eyes or beg or play off your feelings to get my way! You chose to believe in me even though I wasn't sure about what I was doing! You knew I wasn't sure!" 

"Then why the hell do I feel manipulated?" Virgil questioned flatly.

"Because you don't trust me! No one does anymore! I made mistakes and I was flying by the seat of my pants! You didn't say anything to stop me from pushing for the wedding or that what I was doing was hurting you when you were against it! You don't trust me enough to say something isn't right! You don't trust me to genuinely like you and support you!" 

"Why should I? You just want me to be another you. And you don't listen to me," Virgil responded with as much feeling as a handless sock puppet 

"I want you to be you and okay! Sorry for not switching on a dime with the nicknames and praise just like anyone can do! Sorry if I see myself in you so much it's like you're my son! Anything else you want me to be sorry for?!" Patton growled, wishing Virgil would get angry or something—the apathy was maddening!

"I'm not your son. I don't see you as my dad. We are. the same. age." 

"Being a father figure makes me happy! I'm a puffball with a lot of feelings! And right now I feel like shit because I messed up big time and no one is giving me a chance to make up for it except Janus!"  Patton shouted and stamped his foot, 

"No one wants to give me a chance except Janus! All there is, is tension and jabs. I have so much to work on and I don't know where to start with anyone but Thomas," Patton sobbed and fell to his knees, "I can't make anything right without a chance and some clue!" 

"Patton—" 

"Just yell at me! Tell me what I did wrong and hate me like you mean it! I hate that I had to give Thomas fucking permission to have intrusive thoughts! I'm not his dad, he doesn't need my permission for shit but he wanted it and now I look like a total douchebag! I hate that no one else seems to know how to tell me that I'm going too far without treating me like an idiot or a kid! I hate how it seems like all my mistakes are so much worse than everyone else's and I can't do enough to do better! I hate that I don't know if I'm doing better or making things worse! And I hate how it might be better for me to never leave my room again!" 

Virgil dropped down and pulled Patton into a hug, resting Patton's head on his shoulder. 

"Pat, you're still my friend, even if I'm mad at you. And I can't help what I'm feeling, or lack thereof," Virgil said and held him tighter, "I lash out when I'm hurt. I know it's stupid and it's so that the other person knows I'm hurt and gets a taste of the pain." 

"Virgil—"  Patton whimpered and hugged him back, gripping his hoodie for comfort.

"I take things too far. I need someone to tell me when I'm going too far before I'm too far gone. We both have that problem, were emotions," Virgil said softly, "And I sabotage myself by hiding away until it's really bad. It makes me want to disappear. It’s hard to keep from thinking that everyone would be better off without me, it never ends.” 

“It never ends,” Patton agreed and wiped at his eyes, smudging his eyeliner, “How do you deal with it?” 

“Think about the consequences. Remus would be less chaotic but always there to make a mess, Princey wouldn’t have a Disney buddy who points out plot flaws as fast as him, Janus would have a lot more say than he already does, and you would have two more overwhelming emotions to deal with constantly, emotions that directly affect Remus. The guilt hits first. Then spite." 

“Emotions are bullshit,” Patton huffed, “I would be dropping them on you if I ducked out, huh? Janus would have to handle being the moral compass, Roman wouldn’t have a cheerleader that he kinda likes, or one he used to like, I don't know what his deal is. Remus would be happy.” 

“No, without you he doesn’t have his hard limits, thinking and enacting are different than actually doing. He stops at mentally enacting because he knows actually throwing Joan in a barrel of live scorpions and wet cement is bad and going too far, imagining it isn't nearly as bad. His morals are looser than yours but they still exist. And with the snake as morality, his limits would change real fast." 

"I guess I owe it to Thomas to leave my room, even if everyone hates me. And I don't blame them or you, I hate me the most. People can hate their friends. I try not to but it can happen," Patton said and dried his eyes, "And I know I might be projecting here, but it just feels like that." 

"You really want to do better?" Virgil questioned and eyed the puzzle. He remembered Janus showing him the answer to something like this. He put the pieces together to make three squares and was mildly surprised when the squares filled in with some kind of holographic, light blocking filter. He was not about to question how it happened, it was too much effort he didn’t have the energy for.

Patton eyed him curiously and waited for him to continue. 

"Keep the praise and hype to a minimum," Virgil said and inspected the note by the door. He didn't have to bother with the sticks. 

"'Cardinal clock' oh man he really thinks we're that stupid," Virgil pouted. 

"What do you mean?" Patton asked and got up. He wasn't connecting the dots.

"The squares. We have to hold it up to the grid to know what buttons not to press. And his clue is basically, ‘think of a compass and go clockwise.’ So like on a phone keypad it’s 2-6-8-4." 

“I wouldn’t have thought of that!” Patton gasped, and immediately dialed back before praising him, “That was really smart Virgil.” He tried to keep calm, and it seemed to work. Virgil averted his gaze sheepishly but he wasn’t uncomfortable. 

"Thanks Pat, and thanks for being lowkey," he grumbled and punched in the numbers. The door slid open and Patton sighed out of relief. 

"Let's find the others and set things right." 

"Can we rest? I'm too tired," Virgil said and slid down the wall to sit on the floor. 

"Yeah," Patton said and sat next to him, "I could use a nap too." Virgil immediately leaned against him and rested his head on Patton's shoulder. Patton leaned his head back and smiled softly, drifting off with a little less weight on his shoulders.

----

----

It was strange passing through the door, like he was pulled on a different path from the others, like splitting apart from his brother all those years ago. Roman couldn't be sure why he felt that tug in his navel but he knew it meant trouble.

"What the hell is this?" Patton questioned as the two of them entered the room. It was odd. The ceiling was higher than expected, about twenty feet up, and the left wall was a giant mirror. There were six outcoves on the back wall, close to the tile ceiling, all blocked by glass.

"It's a puzzle, Padre, obviously," Roman scoffed and scanned the ground, "Why don't you pretend to have the answers while I figure this out."

"What?" Patton questioned in disbelief. Roman shrugged and carefully paced along the tiles, searching for switches and traps.

"I'm not blind to your tactics," Roman shrugged, "and you played me for a fool for long enough, I ought to know by now." Patton's jaw dropped, too flabbergasted to even squeak indignantly. He glared at the king, fighting back the bile of harsh words brewing in the back of his throat. Roman paid him no mind, more focused on the floor. There were two tiles that were sightly raised and off-color.

“My tactics,” Patton hissed after a beat of silence, “were never meant to influence you that much. I was confused and trapped in a corner. Wasn’t it obvious I was pushing and pushing for my own sake?”

“If it were obvious, then mark me as oblivious,” Roman quipped and stood on one of the raised tiles. It sank under his weight and merged with the rest of the floor.

“If you’re so unsure about what you should be doing, make yourself useful and come here and stand on this switch,” Roman commanded with a regal air that made Patton see red.

“How about you ask nicely instead, since I’m a person, not a dog,” the emo huffed and crossed his arms. Roman stared at him tiredly and rolled his eyes. He was going to be trapped here with Patton for a very long time.

“Would you please make yourself useful and stand on this switch?” he asked as if the words burned his mouth, caramelizing the sickeningly sweet tone he opted for. Patton huffed and marched over to him, gracelessly shoving him aside and standing where he was told. Roman stuck his nose in the air and marched two feet to the other switch.

A satisfying click sounded when Roman's weight caused the switch to slide in place. Then a loud noise overhead caught both of their attention. The glass blocking the outcoves lowered, exposing the candles to the air.

"We need to light them. I could throw you, and that fiery temper of yours would do the trick," Roman mused.

"You're the one who was literally on fire, I should be throwing you!" Patton argued and crossed his arms, "But we shouldn't have to throw anyone."

"Is this another one of your moral lectures?"

"No! Think about it! It's a puzzle! Would Logarithms really want to make any of us use brute force to get back to the main mindscape?!" Patton fumed. There had to be a trick to it all. He couldn't jump high enough to light those tiny candles, and he couldn't throw Roman. Besides, the wind would blow out any matches.

"I suppose you have a point," Roman sighed dramatically and flicked his wrist, conjuring a ball of fire, "It's too far to aim a blast of fire, even if you had the strength to throw me." He lazily bounced the ball on the ground and caught it, using the motions to help him think.

Patton would have corrected him, he was strong enough, but his attention was on the fireball. He couldn't look away from the swirl of flames moving up and down.

"I suppose we'll be here for a while," Roman mused, "you could use it to apologize to me."

"It wouldn't matter, I can only apologize so many times, you don't want to forgive me. I don't want to forgive me, but I know demanding another apology won't change my mind," Patton said and slumped his shoulders, still hypnotized by the fire.

"Patton I trusted you, I believed that you could never steer me wrong. I loved you and you turned my world upside down. Now I have to depend on my own judgement, and I don't know how I can forgive you without becoming dependent on you."

"Then don't. But stop asking me to apologize if you don't want to accept it. I can tear myself apart fine on my own. I hurt everyone and now the only one who actually wants to talk to me is Janus."

"Say one foul word about him and I'll—"

"I hurt him as bad as I hurt you, but he's still willing to hear me out and help me do better," Patton cut him off, blushing brightly, "He really cares deep down and he gives me the honey glows something fierce."

"You dare try to steal my queen?!"

"He's not your property, and last time I checked you decided you hate him and you insulted him repeatedly," Patton snarled and glared at him, "Or is that just how you show people that you love them?" Roman paused and stared at him, never halting with his toy. Patton sniffed and shook his head.

"No, that would mean you love me and I can't handle that kind of revelation," he sighed and blinked back tears. Roman was silent, studying him. The only sound was the impact of the fireball on the floor, echoing in the empty room.

That crackling and echoing bouncing was maddening, like the silence was deafening. Patton's eye twitched as the slow rhythm got louder and louder. He wanted to hear Roman denounce his claims, that he didn't love him. He would have been okay with him changing the subject, or even confirming his statement—anything but the looming doubt and wordless passage of time.

"Roman, stop bouncing the ball," Patton demanded as he shoved his hands in his pockets, clenching his fists to quell the rage bubbling up from his core.

"I need it to think. You don't want to be trapped here forever," Roman answered stiffly, not stopping, "Unless you have an idea, stand down."

Patton snarled and reached into his inventory. He had just the thing to break up that rhythm.

"By Zeus!" Roman yelped as Patton slapped his ball from under his hand, narrowly missing the royal fingers with the rim of a tennis racket.

The fireball hit the wall and hurdled back toward Patton. With a growl, he smacked it away, sending it upward toward the candles.

Roman's jaw dropped as his creation uncurled and vanished, lighting one of the candles. A grin spread across his face as he conjured another.

"How's your aim?" the king asked almost smugly, "You might have found our escape, Sunny Dad Real Estate."

"Better than yours," Patton jeered, already feeling the rush of adrenaline and endorphins filling him. Roman scoffed and tossed the fireball at him. He spiked it up and got another candle.

Roman kept throwing more balls, amused by the change in Patton's expression with each one. His bright smile was returning as well as his bubbliness. Roman's heart swelled when a giggle escaped Patton's lips as the final candle was lit.

"Perhaps you are right," Roman said finally, "Maybe I shower my beloved with ire and ill-tempered words. Perhaps it's my turn to—to apologize to you, Patton." The fire behind his eyes was reduced to embers, and Patton swore he saw the prince in that gaze.

"I'm—I'm sorry for treating you so poorly and demanding so much emotional labor. I would have followed you to the ends of the earth without question, you were my hero. Now I can see that I don't want a hero. I want a partner, perhaps not in a romantic sense, but a companion to support and be supported by."

Patton's jaw dropped at the same time as a door opened on the back wall. Without thinking he tackled Roman into a hug, far too elated to care about the exit appearing.

On the other side of the mirror, Remus watched the pair and groaned. He would need them to get to the next room, his current room, to keep going.

----

-----

Janus reluctantly lounged on his bed, staring at the suit jacket on the end. He wanted to go back in the bath but he wasn’t in the right state of mind to refill the tub. He knew that he had responsibilities to Thomas that he had to fulfill, but he couldn't bring himself to actually get up and do that. His job was to preserve the self and yet all he could bring himself to do was relax and pamper himself, as if Thomas were solely focused on work. 

"Janicus!" Remus' voice rang out through the door, making the snake sigh. So the duke finally decided to indulge him? Excellent. 

"Do come in, I'm decent!" For now. Janus hummed and adjusted the sleeves on his silk shirt. The door swung open, bathing him in light, blocked by one figure. 

"If you were decent you would be getting up and coming with us!" Patton growled, "Thomas needs his self-preservation!" 

"You escaped," he mused and looked over the new emo. There was a certain charm to the forcefulness coming from Patton's stance, "And you would rather spend time fighting back than spending time with me in my den of luxury?" 

"Duh! Listen to yourself you lazy lion! You're denying Thomas!" 

"Lion?" Janus purred and rolled on his side seductively, "I am the king of this jungle, and I am in dire need of a fiery queen." He threw in a wink that had Patton blushing and fuming. He was so close to lashing out and dragging that pretty little serpent out of the room. But he got pushed aside. 

"A queen who has the nerve to berate you?" Roman said as he strode into the room to the bed, pushing Patton back into the hallway, "Why ever would an ethereal being such as yourself stoop below your standard?" 

"And you know of someone more suitable, Roman?" Janus teased and brought his hand to his chin coyly. Roman grinned wolfishly and bowed, taking that hand and bringing it to his lips. 

"I, my sumptuous serpent, am far more worthy of your affections. Who else would treat you like the sublime being you are? Who else could worship the gem that is you with as much passion, glorify your splendor from your frame to your very breathing?" 

"And would you carry me off into the sunset, to worship and treasure me like I deserve?" 

"If you wish it, your feet would never have to touch the ground again. I would carry you forever, to the ends of the earth and back, showing off the treasure that found his way into my arms," Roman murmured and kissed his knuckles again. 

"Such a charming king," Janus purred and grabbed his jacket. He pulled it on and wrapped his arms around Roman's neck. 

"Take me with you, and then take me, my king." 

Roman beamed and scooped him up, cradling him like the most precious artifact. He casually strode to the exit, smugly aware that no one else could get Janus to willingly leave. 

They emerged in the hallway to find Remus carrying Virgil on his back and Patton bitterly muttering to the limp emo. Remus caught sight of them and smirked. 

"Still Prince Charming, I see!" he jeered. Roman scoffed and stuck his nose in the air. 

"That's 'King Charming' to you!" 

"Just like Shrek," Virgil mumbled into Remus' shoulder, getting Patton and Remus to snicker. Roman fumed and went red. 

"I will have you know, I am far more capable than that animated amateur!" he snapped, "And I know how to treat the things and people with value." 

"Let the sad boy make the jokes, Ro," Remus said, "He needs the good laughs right now. With the shit he's dealing with, I'm surprised he said it and not Papa Roach!" Patton smiled softly at the nickname and the praise. It was a good joke, so yes, it was praise. 

"Leave my knight in platinum armor be," Janus cut in, "he's mine to torment." Roman glanced down at him and half-smiled.

"My dearest treasure, only when I am without your radiance am I tormented!" Roman gasped. Virgil and Remus made retching sounds at the display. 

"At least Roman doesn't deny himself of getting what he wants," Janus retorted, "someone of his high stature has no need to hide behind fear of rejection. I know I wouldn't reject such a man." 

"Are you done yet? It's too cute and we need to get a move on!" Patton whined with watery eyes, "You might be happy but the rest of us aren't." Virgil reached out and patted his head gently. Patton was a touch-oriented guy but as a teenager he was hesitant and just as moody. 

"Ro, you have to avenge your honor. You can't rescue the damsel without beating the baddie!" Remus said with a lilt in his voice. 

"Fine," Janus droned, "I'll hold back on giving my hero his due reward. As long as it keeps Patton from crying—it's such a damper on my tranquility!" 

"I don't bend to the whims of a crybaby—" 

"Hey!" Patton cut Roman off.

"—however, my vengeance is far too important to ignore," the king sighed and walked away with his damsel. Patton fumed while Remus and Virgil wilted. 

"I'll show you a crybaby you pompous jerk!" Patton huffed and followed them. 

"You hanging in there, Scare Bear?" Remus asked Virgil when the others were too far away to hear him. 

Strangle him! Watch the life drain from his body and then use his corpse as a—

"Barely. Thoughts bad." 

"Yeah, they can be brutal, but you're still holding on and you can tell me what crosses your mind if you want. It might help rather than bottling it." 

"Thanks. Not now. We gotta get back." 

"Alrighty, just let me know if you get any necrophiliac kinds of thoughts! That's how I figured out my crush!" 

"You have a crush?" 

"I'll tell you all about it when we get back!" Remus giggled, "For now, let's catch up with the diva, the douche, and the dork!" Virgil nuzzled into his shoulder and nodded. Remus grinned and set off.

-------