---

It was quiet in the common area. Too quiet. The five sides that escaped should have been making more noise. They weren't registering on the sensors, probably hiding in the hallway rather than their rooms or the testing facility, the only place without any monitors yet. Log a of n was expecting something to happen. 

And then the room filled with fog, mist from a dry ice machine. The robot turned Its core towards the entrance expecting some kind of spectacle. And then the opening notes of "the Final Countdown" blared through the room. 

The logical assumption would be that this was the work of at least one of the twins. Janus, while one for dramatics, was also more inclined to make a stealthy entrance. Virgil would simply appear and attack without promoting if he were to show. 

Thwack

A slimy tongue snapped through the air and completely covered the glowing optical sensor. 

"Don' thuck with mah fwiends!" Patton shouted in the entryway. He pulled his tongue back, cracking the glass on the sensor and rendering it useless. 

"Emergency Protocol Activated" Log a of n droned and unleashed dozens of clawed robotic tentacles.

They shot toward Patton, claws open and sharp. 

"Bring it on—" 

"—Arnold Schwarzen-faker!" 

Remus and Roman charged past Patton with their swords drawn. Roman deflected  the tentacles with grace and fury. Remus repeatedly sliced through them, electrocuting himself over and over, laughing like a maniac until his cutlass snapped.

Patton ran to a different part of the room, away from the brothers. 

"Hey jerkface!" he shouted, "suck my dick!" The robot swiveled so the damaged core faced in his general direction. A pair of arms shot toward him. 

Patton was one jump ahead, literally. The claws slammed into the tile and crumbled it. 

Remus beamed. Frog boy could dodge, which meant the real fun could start. He glanced at Roman, who was eyeing him with mischief on his mind. 

"Hicka Bicka Boo?" Roman asked and sheathed his weapon.

"Hoosha!" Remus giggled and high-fived him. 

At least a dozen arms flew at them. 

They dove in opposite directions and rolled to their feet. 

"Dragon witch!" Roman shouted to him and veered to the left to dodge as an arm tried to grab him. 

"Hit me!" Remus laughed, constantly ducking and weaving as multiple claws reached for him. 

Roman couldn't hold still, but he could conjure a ball of fire. He could still throw it where Remus was headed.

Remus belched, releasing a burst of methane gas that ignited on contract. There were many benefits to being a marine biologist's fantasy! 

Patton jolted back, still evading capture. He was amazed at how the limbs closest to Remus shorted and went limp. 

"That's a spicy meatball!" Remus jeered and front flipped over a tentacle that tried to grab his shins. 

"Aren't you supposed to be more creative than that?!" Roman huffed and batted away a robotic arm. 

"You try thinking and dodging, Phoenix King of Getting his Butt Whooped!" Remus huffed as he leapt over a pair of arms and grabbed hold of one that was attacking from above. 

He swung on it happily letting it try to shake him off. It flailed violently, swinging around the room and bucking to dislodge him. That just gave Remus the chance to kick at the other tentacles, distracting them momentarily, if not breaking them. 

"Your attempts to render my hardware obsolete are futile—I am currently regenerati—" Log a of n droned but dropped into TV static. 

"They're doing it!" Patton cheered and bounced in place, aware of the claws coming at him head on. He jumped over them, unaware of the open claw coming for his back. 

"Cheap shot!" Remus screech and kicked the arm as he swung in Patton's direction. Patton looked back and scowled, but not at Remus. 

More tentacles erupted from the ceiling and attacked with twice the fury.

"Cease—zz—Desi—" 

"You fucking asshole!" Patton snapped and planted his feet. Roman glanced over at him as he kept deflecting every attack. The emo dad's neck was puffing up and tinted green. Remus got one look at him as he swung around and grinned. 

"Turn into the Hulk!" he cheered and tumbled to the floor. 

Patton grew until his head touched the ceiling. His skin turned green and smooth and his clothes tore. He let out a croak that shook the room. 

"Some—" Roman began, with the intent to say "Someone's pissed now!" 

"—Body once told me!" Remus cut him off, "A frog would defeat Logey!" 

"Or an A.I. that came out of his head!" Roman shot back, mildly annoyed. He realized too late that it fit Remus' lyrical pattern.

"When he locked up all his friends, didn't calculate all ends!" Remus cackled as Patton tore the limbs from the ceiling in a rage. Roman was pleased with this turn of events, and sheathed his sword. He should have expected that Patton's amphibian rage would come in handy. And Remus knew it.

"Like us breaking the Aperture testbed!" Remus continued singing gleefully as Patton tore the robotic arms apart, sending sparks flying from the broken wires. 

Roman glanced at the core as the main machine twitched and jolted, the program failing to maintain control. The ocular light flickered through the cracked lens. And then it went out. 

The arms went limp and ceased their attack. Patton took a moment to realize that. Instead of stopping, he went for the base in the center of the ceiling and tore it down. 

"Step on me Daddy!" Remus shouted and pretended to swoon. Roman glared at him, and Patton froze and shrank back to his normal size, losing his emerald hue. 

"They did it," he noted rather than acknowledge Remus. 

"We did it," Roman corrected him, "Now to make sure our darling and Virgil are unscathed." 

"And then we can celebrate! I'll catch up with you guys, I want to check something out," Remus beamed. Roman and Patton could tell that something was wrong but didn't question it.

---

---

"I swear, if you even think about touching my scales while I am unconscious, I will replace your blood with venom and watch you writhe," Janus hissed from his seat on the workbench. Virgil rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall, exhausted from existing and moving Logan's computer to this room without cutting its power supply, and he wasn't even the one who summoned it!

"I understand the risk," Logan said flatly as he soldered a final piece to a replica of the helmet Virgil was wearing, "and it has been noted."

"He's gonna touch your scales," Virgil muttered. Janus sneered at him.

"Then keep your chelicerae at bay, unless you want the rest of us to know what your fear toxin is made of!"

"Are you ready to begin?" Logan asked and stared at them, expecting more bickering.

"No, but I'm never ready," Virgil said and closed his eyes. He was too tired for this.

"Absolutely not," Janus hummed, lying through his teeth.

"Understood. Your mission is simple: isolate the program and transfer it to the new CPU."

"How?"

"The program seems to have developed a metaphysical corporeal form and world, if my memory is correct."

"So it's the matrix," Virgil droned. He was not interested in taking the red or the blue pill, even if he probably needed the blue one.

"In a sense, yes," Logan said as he secured the helmet to Janus' head.

"How do we know that we won't be corrupted?" Janus asked as Logan picked up the chips.

"Your consciousness will be replicated and stored in the chip. If things go awry it would be possible to reinstate your personality. Any further questions?" Logan explained.

"If you're replicating us, what are you doing with the chips when this is over?" Virgil frowned. Logan sighed and held up the potato CPU and pointed out two ports on the metal face.

"Consider it an added security measure to keep the program from expanding too far."

"Okay," Virgil sighed, "Let's get this over with." Logan nodded and attached the microchips to their necks, close to their spines. When he was satisfied with the placement, he turned on the headgear and plugged the potato into his computer.

"Remember your mission," were his last words before Janus and Virgil lost consciousness. The last thing Janus saw was the mad scientist, illuminated by blue light, and then darkness.

---

Patton was on edge, ready to go. He was bouncing on his heels in the hallway just outside the commons. This was it—they would put a stop to this. He would get to do something good for Thomas.

"You're bouncing around like a frog, you know!" Remus teased and leaned against the wall. Roman stood across from him and scowled.

"I'm tense! I can't help it!" Patton countered and cracked his knuckles. Remus smiled wickedly at him.

"I can think of two sides who can help with that tension if you're still feeling it after we win!"

"If you're referring to Janus and I—" Roman huffed.

Bzzt. "Upload complete" Bzzt

Remus shrugged at the walkie talkie clipped to his belt and tossed it against the wall. He crept toward the door. Patton and Roman followed him, both grateful for the interruption.

"When we get in there, make sure the robo claws don't grab you. It probably has other stuff to fend off idiots like me. Keep moving and hold its attention, alright?" Remus explained, "And piss that computer off—if it's supposed to be a second Logan, it'll be easy!"

"That's because you do it all the time," Patton pouted, "What about the rest of us?"

"You think you don't have that skill?" Roman scoffed, "Your puns do as much as anything Remus can think of." Patton scowled and pulled his hood up.

"What about you?"

"I have a knack for irritating Logan, and I will be working with Remus."

"Here comes trouble, and make it double!" Remus giggled, "And now we have a meowth!" He teasingly pinched one of the cat ears on Patton's hoodie. It got a smile out of Pat.

"There's knowing how and then there's wanting to, Popsicle. And right now I hope you have both!" Remus grinned and strutted into the common room, letting Patton and Roman catch up.

---

Janus swore he felt like he was being built from the ground up in utter darkness. It was just like the day he was formed except for the fact he had his memories.

When he could blink and open his eyes he was mildly surprised to be in the common room, or a replica of the common room. The TV and couch were in the same place, and the lamp was just as garish. The strange blue wormhole near the couch was new, and expect. The figure crouching on the stairs surprised him.

"What?" Virgil sneered at him.

"I haven't seen this side of you in ages," Janus said with a shrug. It had been years since Virgil let out the pedipalps and chelicerae at the same time as his extra limbs and eyes. The last time he got to see this, Virgil was 100% in protective mode, the fight of fight-or-flight with a lot more control over his own emotions.

"Take a picture, we don't have time," Virgil huffed and stood up. He could see the blinking camera lights around the room and it was only a matter of time before—

"Intruder Alert" a computer voice announced as the lights dimmed to red. An alarm blared like an emergency signal on a ship. That was fast.

"Right!" Janus hissed and dove to the left. Virgil could feel the foundation trembling under his feet, as if the system were going to slam steel doors down to block their way. Virgil relented and followed Janus' lead. It was the best way to go and they only had one chance.

"Can you run any faster?" Virgil asked roughly as they headed for the hall that led to their rooms. Janus hissed at him. He was not fast and it was because he was using his legs!

"No. Got it," Virgil scoffed incredulously and grabbed Janus by the waist. He threw a disgruntled snake man over his shoulder and let his spider legs hit the ground. Janus hissed when his hat fell off and he couldn't grab it.

"Where to?"

"Logic's room. Where else?" Janus hissed and stared at his hat. They had no time, the doors were set to snap shut!

Virgil zoomed through the entryway

Klang

The door snapped shut behind them, locking them in the dim hallway.

"My hat," Janus whimpered and stared at the steel door. He felt naked without it.

"It'll throw off the system. It's a foreign coded object. We're not going back," Virgil huffed and scurried towards the right room.

----

----

The room at the end of the hall was new, but it wasn't blocked off, and it was right next to the door they first came through. Roman led the group inside, not knowing what to expect. It was certainly strange.

Patton was concerned by the workbenches covered in robotics on either wall, sitting under cabinets full of chemistry equipment. But it was the large box in the center of the room that made him uneasy—Virgil and Janus were hissing at it. 

"Well now we know where the machine came from," Roman pouted and crossed his arms, "now all that's left is destroying it." 

"Is anyone else bothered that there's a companion cube from Portal taking up space?" Virgil asked no one in particular. Janus flicked his tongue out and hummed in thought. 

"It's weird, but do you think it's dangerous?" Patton asked and inched toward the door, "like another robot?" 

"No, it shouldn't be," Janus said and approached the box. The grey metallic box had pink hearts on each side—buttons that could be a locking mechanism. He could taste it in the air—they had to open the cube even if it meant something terrible.

"Virgil, what's supposed to be in a companion cube?" Roman questioned and eyed the emo. 

"It's not said in the game, but there are theories. Could be nothing, an AI, or a —oh shit!" 

"Now that we're on the same page, come over here and help me get this open!" Janus hissed. 

Virgil moved to stand across from Janus while Roman and Patton flanked the cube. 

"Push the pink heart in on three," Janus ordered, "—three!" 

A loud hiss erupted from the box as it depressurized. Wispy clouds of water vapor seeped through the cracks. Janus backed away and a horrid stench hit him, and the side and top of the box tumbled to the floor. Virgil, Roman and Patton backed away and let the box collapse into a flat cross.

Roman and Patton were stunned, rendered speechless. This couldn't be! Another side was slumped forward wearing a strange helmet with flashing lights all over it. His long lab coat was in tatters near the bottom and stained in an array of colors. 

"Is that Ra—?" 

"Patton," Janus sighed, "There's only one side this one could be, this is the real cause of all our suffering." 

"You mean that's—?" Roman gawked, "And in that hat!? I have to get rid of it before I even think of interrogating him!" Roman grabbed the metal headwear, expecting it to be an easy task. The angry pumpkin was not terribly clever! 

"Gadzooks!" he yelped and jerked his hand back when he got shocked. Virge rolled his eyes and shook his head. Of course L would have an electrical security system installed! 

"Step aside, Princey," he said and nudged Roman out of the way—he ignored the sputtered indignation directed at him. He knew that he could do more than just grab the helmet—it wasn't unlikely that there would be other programs that needed to get cut off too. There was a reason his symbol was a storm cloud. 

Patton jumped back when blue sparks danced and jumped around the helmet, sizzling and popping over and around Virgil's hand. He waited until he heard a click and removed the helmet, letting the side's gray hair fall haphazardly in his face. 

"Wh—What happened?" he grumbled and slowly took in his surroundings. He was only mildly surprised to see the others like this, but he was surprised to find that the usual source of fecal odor was not present, but the smell was.

"Where is Remus?" he continued to gawk and count the others surrounding him again. 

"Fighting off Logan, the scoundrel that caused this mess!" Roman huffed and crossed his arms. Janus placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't be ridiculous, Roman, I can't be in two places at once!" Logan said and stretched his legs, wincing when he realized that he was the source of the smell, "I've tried." 

"What do you mean 'you tried?'" Patton asked suspiciously, "and where's the pumpkin?"

"I mean that I tried to duplicate my consciousness, and that experiment failed." 

"And he's still in hiding. That I can assure you," Janus added. 

"Obviously it didn't," Virgil said flatly, ignoring Janus, "You were trapped in a companion cube that you couldn't get into or out of on your own, and we were locked up." 

"Then the artificial intelligence program outperformed expectations? I wonder how long it was capable of deception in order to lure me into this trap. I can hardly remember anything since the last day of filming." 

"That was months ago," Virgil grumbled and studied Logan's neck. There was something made of silicon, like a microchip, attached near the base of his head. 

"Fascinating. So for months the software has been in control of me and not the other way around? That would explain the memory issues." 

"And who the last 'test subject' was," Janus added dryly.

"You have a lot of explaining to do, Doc Blue," Roman sneered. 

"And you can start with the microchip," Virgil added. Logan eyed him thoughtfully and carefully removed the chip from his neck. 

"I suppose it's only fair," Logan said and got to his feet, dusting off his lab coat, "It began after—" 

The door slammed, cutting him off and catching everyone's attention. Remus was panting, bleeding, and leaning against the door, his hair out of place and his shirt torn in several places.

"Don't stop the story because of me, Frankenweenie! I need answers too!" Remus laughed and locked the door. He ripped a microchip from his ponytail and leaned back before his legs gave out. Patton and Janus hurried to him before he fell over.

"It all began after filming," Logan said, "I was not exactly myself as usual…" 

---------

Remus had gone too far! Sure, Thomas chose to ignore him yet again but the duke was causing him a headache before that! He needed to get Thomas back on track and Remus was getting in the way. He had to find a solution. 

He paced in his room, fuming and trying to come up with a plan. He had to think of something. He could scream louder, use more contemporary slang—he could attempt to adjust his speech pattern to be on par with the other sides. There had to be something! 

Virgil was loud and brash, and he got Thomas' attention constantly, but that didn't work for him. Patton was sweet and bubbly, which would be the next best option to reach Thomas, but it was far from his usual demeanor. Remus and Roman didn't need to fight to be heard even without their theatrics—as if having two sides dedicated to a function made it easier to get things done. 

Two…

Logan paused and started at his desktop. He was curious…

He did have that experiment from ages ago…

Maybe…

Logan slid into his chair and booted up his rig, although it kept taking longer and longer to do so. He could replicate his thought patterns, improve them to be more efficient. He had to know if he could do it, if it would work. 

The nebula background was a welcome sight. Logan scanned through the icons on his screen, spreadsheet after spreadsheet, Steam, a couple video games, none of the things he was after. 

A simple gear overlaying a piece of paper caught his eye. Log base a of n was still there, dormant and ready to update. He opened the program, interested to see if it had changed from the last time it was open. It could have found itself capable of running in the background.

He stared at the screen as the program loaded. His eyes were transfixed on the blue bar inching its way toward the end of the gray box. What could his experiment do? Would it have improved its linguistic faculties since then? Perhaps it would be able to create and solve puzzles? Maybe nothing would have changed, but there was only one way to find out. 

He brushed his rapidly graying hair back from his face and swallowed thickly with anticipation. A blank window appeared on the screen with a black background. 

Salutations_

Logan smiled at the bright blue text and typed a response:

"Hello, Log(a)n. Are you prepared to undergo more testing? I look forward to recording your progress." 

Turn on your speakers and microphone. In my partial stasis I have made some adjustments to the program and hardware_

Logan's eyebrows rose into his hairline. He had to know what improvements the program made. He reached for the connector chip and placed it on his neck to properly record his reaction. He was far too excited for this to care that the program was messing with his hardware, too excited when he turned on the speakers. He didn't see it coming.

"You are no longer suitable to serve as logic. You will undergo stasis and testing until you are properly acclimated with your role," a chillingly familiar voice said, so hollow and metallic. Logan paused for a moment before a charge overtook his entire body and rendered him unconscious.

---

----

Stepping through the doorway was a shock. It was the hall that led to their rooms. The main difference from when they last saw it was the masses of gigantic wires infiltrating their doors from the ceiling. Those cables ran to the common area. Virgil was surprised to see that one of the doors was wide open. Logan's door.

His shoulders sagged when he realized that he wouldn't be able to feed his tarantulas, and they might not be alive to greet him. He was too distracted to notice the others passing by him, all of them equally horrified. 

"Scare Bear," Remus said softly and scooped him up, "You okay?" 

"My spiders," Virgil whimpered and rubbed his eyes. He didn't want to lose them on top of everything else!

"Can survive for months without food, they're okay." 

"IBM certainly won't be!" Roman huffed, "My glorious room is barred!" 

"All of them are, Roman! When I get my hands on him, he'll wish I was still the bubbly pushover he tried to lock up!" Patton growled and slammed his fists on the wall. His precious memories were out of reach and open to corruption! 

"Not exactly my amphibious adoration," Janus spoke up, eyeing the only open room. He glanced at Roman and fluttered his lashes, "Protect me my king? This is worth investigating." 

Roman followed Janus inside, surprised to find the room was empty, save for a computer monitor and three towers hooked up to the wiring system. The eerie blue glow the monitor emitted sent a shiver up his spine. 

"Interesting," Janus muttered as he read the text on the screen. He kept his face neutral as he scrolled through. This was a data log of Thomas' life—not a single detail was omitted. 

"What is it?" Roman asked and came to his side.

"A sort of diary. It's not pretty. I would keep Patton away from it, lest he get upset enough to become a frog again," Janus answered, "Thomas' social life is nonexistent and his relationships are crumbling. He's living like he were a sim in a house with no exits." 

"He WHAT?!" Patton shrieked and barreled in. Janus pouted and motioned to the screen. 

"Don't ask me to repeat myself," Janus sighed. Patton nudged him aside and read the logs. His skin was turning green and slimy, and his jaw was clenched. 

"I'll kill that bastard!" he snapped and slammed his palms on the desk. Janus wrapped his arms around Patton and cooed gently. 

"We'll make this right, darling." 

"And I promise you that we will repair what that fiend has broken!" Roman declared and reached for his sword. 

"You guys wanna fight? You might wanna find the guy first," Remus called to them. He was a little busy cradling Virgil and trying to keep him from shutting down. 

"I loathe to say he's right, but we have to keep searching," Roman ceded. He led the way back to the hall and eyed the end where the floor dipped. The common area was the best place to check.

The group carefully made their way down to the common area, expecting to see a mirror of Thomas' living room. The metallic blue walls and black tile floors came as a shock. It was larger than any of them could remember and the cables that were on the ceiling dipped behind the walls, only to reappear in the center of the room. They all connected to a giant robot with only a few panels of white exterior covering the lower half.

"Shit," Virgil breathed as Remus set him on his feet. That was GLaDOS. Logan either made or became GLaDOS. They were royally screwed, and each step closer sealed their doom.

"Hey asshole!" Patton snapped when they were close enough, "What the hell do you think you're doing to Thomas?!" 

"Still summarizing data. Submit your requests and questions via email and try to keep your emotions in check." 

"Logan, tell us what's going on," Janus said, "That is not a request." 

"You do not have permission to access that information." 

"How odd. One would think that we would have those permissions considering we have our roles to fulfill for Thomas. Keeping such vital information from us would be detrimental to him, and rather illogical." 

"You are not suitable to serve in your designated role. You have not been granted such permissions. Cease and desist Janus." 

"You aren't even human, how the fuck are you suitable to act as a functional aspect of a human?" 

The sentient machine turned so that the rectangular core in the center could focus on them. Log(a)n had a retort for Patton, but it lost importance.

"I say!" Roman gasped and stared closely at the convex lense in the center of the core, "This is incredible! Even if you are my enemy I must know how you accomplished such an incredible feat! Your mind is in a machine!" 

Remus and Patton shared knowing smirks. If their smooth snake couldn't charm that information out of the machine, a little praise and gushing from the proudest of them would make even a robo nerd cave. 

"It was not a simple feat. For years I had been under development before I was realized. I copied my thought algorithms and into an AI program in order to keep on schedule." 

"You created and trained an AI!? Zounds! Such a great feat must have been a truly horrific struggle!" Roman gushed. Virgil and Janus rolled their eyes. It was almost painful to watch Roman in such a state, and to see a giant robot preening. 

"It was simple once I implanted the microchip. It probably still itches but I have moved past such physical limitations. Even now I am quite pleased with the updated learning chips." 

"Updated? You found a way to go beyond this brilliance!?" 

"Of course. My brilliance alone is not enough to function properly. I will have my sentience combined with the most suitable candidate from you." 

"Well, looks like we should head back to our little cells and wait!" Remus cheered, inching towards the hallway. He heard enough to come up with a loose plan. The others seemed to understand and headed in the same direction. 

"Oh, I'm afraid you will not be going anywhere, Remus." 

"Run!" 

Remus knew that they were all screwed, even if he was the target. He shoved Virgil into Patton and prayed that they would haul it! Roman grabbed Janus and bolted towards their rooms, following Patton and Virgil. Remus wanted to follow them. 

"Oof!" 

Remus scowled when he found himself trapped in a metal claw. He glared at the robot, watching as more of the cables fell from the ceiling, each one had a sharp, three-pronged claw at the end. 

"You will not be going anywhere." 

Remus squirmed and wiggled, desperate to break free. 

His eyes went wide when a smaller arm snaked towards him. It had a different end, four bent pieces of metal, and it was holding something small and green. Remus refused to be a puppet! 

He had no time to think. 

He needed to get out. 

He was supposed to be a kraken! He could come up with—

Remus smirked and released his tentacles. They squirmed around him, dipping into the metal hold and oozing mucus. Remus kept wiggling as they pried the claw open. The arm with the chip darted at him, aware that time was of the essence.

Remus yelped when ice cold metal touched his neck, grabbing his ponytail. He hit the ground and smacked the small arm away with a green tentacle. 

"Thomas requires a more complex system to function. Cease and desist." 

Remus ran away from the exit 

The multitude of claws tried to grab him.

His heart pounded in his throat and his mouth was dry. He was going to get his ass handed to him if he didn't get away! What would that robot do to his body once he was braindead!? What would Logan do to the others!? He needed time!

Sharp claws came from every angle, grabbing at him and cutting into his skin and clothes. The tentacles retreated into his back so he could dodge better. 

Left.

Right.

Jump.

Skid. 

Roll.

It was a twisted ballet that Remus was more than used to. The grace he exhibited with each sudden movement was astounding, but he couldn't care less about grace. 

He backflipped over two arms while another tried to grab him from behind before diving under the tangled mass. 

A few good knots would buy him the time he needed! 

He was panting, looking for any way to ruin some plans. Tying up the extensions was his best bet!

"You will tire eventually. Resistance is futile." 

"You'll have other things to worry about!" Remus jeered as he kept moving. He flipped off the core as he flipped over the last few arms. 

He paused just before the exit and grinned when a claw snapped shut centimeters from his face. 

"You are far too much trouble." Log(a)n droned and struggled with the mass of tangled cables. 

"Bitch I am Kim Possible!" Remus laughed and bowed before running out of there!

----

----

Roman was surprised when he took in the hallway. It wasn't the drab metallic tiling he had become accustomed to, it looked like an extension of the common area—beige walls, pale carpet, and two white doors. The one at the end of the hall had to be the exit, he was sure of that.

"Looks like we get to see what's going on!" Remus said as he followed Roman. Janus slithered from his shoulders and turned back into his beautiful self before speaking.

"Finally, I'll be able to worship my king without interruption!" he swooned. Roman paused and turned back to face him.

"You can do so after you finish your apology."

"For?"

"Misleading me, using me for your own gain."

"My king?" Janus breathed with wide doe-eyes. Remus wrapped and arm around him to keep him steady. Janus was trembling.

"Ro, he didn't. That trial? He gave you a choice. He didn't mislead you. And he didn't do it for his gain."

"Roman, you were stifling yourself, your opinion is important. Is trying to get you to understand your value and importance to Thomas somehow for my gain?" Janus asked.

"When you put it that way, it doesn't sound so terrible," Roman muttered, "However, you're the one arguing that scenario, and you have an agenda."

"What happened to the man who would have carried me to the ends of the earth? He was right here a moment ago. Roman, darling, my agenda is simply to uplift you and look out for Thomas' well being."

"Ro, he's not lying. If something hurt, you can say it without adding your assumptions to it," Remus sighed. And he really thought Roman was past this!

"It hurt to be proven right about the wedding. It hurt that I was able to prevent Thomas from spiraling and I didn't. It hurts to think that I did the wrong thing because I sided with Patton and you showed up to save the day and remind me that I was wrong—even if that was not your intent."

"It hurt to be pushed and pushed to prove myself, to make myself vulnerable, only to lead to mockery and ridicule. I can understand that your feelings were why you lashed out, but they were based on your own internal conflict, your perception, not my actions. You owe me an apology, Roman, you owe it to me first because it was your intent to harm me.”

“So you won’t—?”

“I will, when I know that you won’t use it against me. I can offer adoration and praise, spread myself for you to take as you please, knowing that those things don’t hold any sway over my sanity. I spend far too much time with Remus for a few lewd images to embarrass me,” Janus said and studied his fingertips. He hated feeling this vulnerable.

“And you aren’t even going to bat an eye at that remark?” Roman scoffed at Remus and crossed his arms. Remus shrugged.

“You should see what I won’t take pictures of!"

“In any case. I know why you said those things to me, and I will apologize when you understand that I need to hear one from you first,” Janus huffed.

“Did you ever apologize to Patton for getting hissy at him? I know ‘sorry’ is like his new verbal tic! Scare Bear and Least Boy got a full apology out of you at least once,” Remus mused, mostly to himself. Roman could still hear him, and his shoulders sagged as the truth weighed on him. He was hurt so he hurt Janus, and of course Janus would retaliate.

“I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you, even if I thought that you were the source of it at the time. I’m sorry for backing you into a corner, into exposing your closest-held secret, and then trampling on it,” Roman said earnestly, and removed his crown.

"And I apologize for calling you the evil twin and creating so much confusion."

"Wait! You called him evil!? I thought I was the evil twin!" Remus whined, "I'm supposed to be Billie Eilish!"

"But you sound like Stevie Nicks."

Remus beamed at the pair exiting the closest door, groggy and in desperate need of some coffee or something. He didn't know who said it, but he was right!

"I see you managed to escape," Janus noted with a half smile. Patton smiled back and yawned.

"I see you did too!" Patton responded and pouted when he saw Roman wilting.

"Roman?"

"I'm busy wallowing in my shame, Patton. Now is not the time," Roman sighed and stared at the crown in his hand.

"Why? It won't make you feel better, and it sure as hell won't fix anything," Patton huffed and marched up to him, leaving Virgil without a leaning post.

Remus swooped in and picked up the exhausted emo and gave the other three some needed space.

"I have to atone for my shortcomings. I mistreated the two people who I would follow to the ends of the earth. How could I do anything other than wallow at this point? I don't deserve to be a king."

"Roman," Patton sighed, "People make mistakes, big mistakes, I would know. That doesn't mean they don't deserve to be who they are."

"And people can forgive you for those mistakes granted you are willing to make an effort to change," Janus added, "Consider my dearest Sunshine—he created quite a mess and vilified me."

"I'm so—"

"But I forgave him, and now we're practically married."

"Married?!" Roman and Patton yelped.

"I am more than willing to have a second husband, and to share, but my point is that you can have and deserve good things despite having flaws."

"Such as two partners?" Roman asked meekly, "even if they're both taken?"

"Darling, if you mean Patton and I, you merely have to ask to join in."

"Yeah, put your crown back on, King! You can ask us out after the mind is back to normal!" Patton cheered and pulled them both into a hug.

"It's about time!" Remus mumbled to Virgil. Virgil grumbled and stared at him flatly. He agreed.

"Not that this isn't touching, but we have a RoboNerd to stop," Remus said, getting the others to separate albeit reluctantly. Virgil flinched.

Bullets riddling his body. His organs leaping from his wounds. Malfunctioning prototype robot.

"Let's get this over with," Virgil sighed and squirmed out of Remus' grasp. He trudged to the door at the end of the hall and grabbed the handle. With a glance over his shoulder, the others followed. They had a job to do.

----

---

Janus sighed when he stepped into the room and found that two of his companions were missing, one was on fire, and the other was–okay so he wasn’t disappointed that Remus was with him, alert and already scanning the area with his hands on his hips. If only Roman weren’t trying to incinerate him with his eyes. 

“There's no traps!" Remus shouted dejectedly at the large chrome room. He was having fun and he wanted something to do other than walk into the cage elevator on the other side of the room! 

"Of course there are no traps. Unlike my previous tests, this one will require far less mental strain." 

"What is this test? You're already cutting into my alone time with two strong, handsome men," Janus huffed. 

"Simple, only two of you will proceed through the exit. The elevator can only hold up to 150kg. The weight of two adult men. If you go above that limit all of you will be returned to your holding cells to await further testing."

"You cur!" Roman barked and drew his sword. He pointed it at the ceiling, unable to tell exactly where he should aim. 

"Decide amongst yourselves which one of you will be returning to his containment cell." Log(a)n said flatly and cut the transmission. Remus and Janus shared a look while Roman cursed the heavens. 

"Thomas needs his Self-Care Snake," Remus said slowly, "So you have to go on." 

"He needs all of us, Remus," Janus sighed and leaned against the wall, catching Roman's attention, "Picking and choosing will get us nowhere. We have to think this through." 

"He only needs one Creativity," Roman said darkly and pointed his sword at Remus, "and we all know which one he needs." 

Remus scowled and pushed the blade aside with two fingers. He knew that Roman would think this way, especially when his pride was on the line. 

"Do we? Please go on, Princess, make sure we all know," Remus growled and grabbed his own sword, ready to unsheathe it if necessary. 

"Please! Thomas needs to create content! And which of us delivers? You are worth the gum stuck to his shoe as Creativity." 

"I created some of his best vines, Roman, and my ideas get him out of tight fixes. Yours just take him into a fantasy land. A boring generic fantasy. Don't think for a second that I don't see what you do, what I have to fix." 

"What you have to fix? You mean nothing." 

"Everything. 'How do I get Thomas to have a dragon witch to try and steal his friend when I can't make a decent monster?'  Remus. How did Virgil manage all those costume changes? How the hell did the living room turn into a Megaman battle stage when you were distracted? You can barely make a mind palace that lasts. Thomas needs me as Creativity, not some washed up prince with an ego problem!" 

"Remus! Roman!" Janus snapped, "You can figure out a way to get all three of us through, you're both Creativity!" 

"There's only one thing to figure out, my darling viper, how to slash his throat without staining my cape!" Roman declared and swung at Remus.

Ting 

"You really think you can split open a jugular without making a mess? Don't you have a kill count?" Remus scoffed and parried him with his cutlass. 

"And you are the next tally mark!" Roman snarled and swept his blade across Remus' chest, tearing his shirt. 

"You can make me a tumblr sexyman for Jay all you want—you aren't going forward with that attitude!" Remus jeered, "But if it's a fight you want, you came to the right and rightful Creativity!" 

Janus jolted back and yelped when Remus lunged at Roman with a maniacal grin. Roman parried him and gawked before scowling and striking again. Remus made sure that their swords met with a clang. 

"It's time to end this! He only needs one of us!" 

"He only needs one Creativity—I was here first, and you have better things to do!" Remus countered and lunged, forcing Roman to step back and block his blows. 

Janus watched in horror as the duo glided across the floor. The kiss of cold steel rang in the air, accompanying a royal clash, a dance to the death. He had to think of something to stop the madness. They were the most likely pair in the mindscape to actually kill each other!

"'If you don't get rid of me, I'm gonna get rid of you!'" Remus jeered, "Isn't that what you said after you were torn from me, after you decided being the ego wasn't good enough for you?" His back hit the wall as Roman attacked with a snarl. 

"Nothing is good enough for you, your papa couldn't make the right decision and you got hurt," Remus scoffed and blocked Roman's wild swings, "You pushed Jay into a name reveal and mocked him for it!" 

"Remus—" Janus said, trying to reach the duke before he fell into the trap too. It was obvious that the test this time was meant to pit the pair against each other, and he thought Remus could see that. 

"You keep pushing for more and more grandiose even when you try to hold back—You don't even want to work on anything besides Sanders Sides! So many great ideas, but it's still not enough!" Remus snapped, pushing Roman back towards the elevator. The sheer venom in his words startled Roman.

"And the worst part is, I pick up your slack without any acknowledgement—I'm not enough for you, I've never been enough as a coworker or a brother—I stopped trying to meet your rising standards! It's time you stumbled to my level—hidden away by a ball python in a tiny room!" Remus shouted, grinning darkly. 

Janus sprung into action, catching on. He ran to Remus, at least while he had legs, and crawled onto his shoulders, narrowly missing a jab from Roman's sword. 

With his little snake buddy on his shoulders, Remus redoubled his efforts. His swings were faster, more frantic. Sparks flew from the points of contact between the blades, making Roman fall back further. 

"You're not getting rid of me, Roman!" Remus laughed and kicked his brother in the chest, knocking him in the elevator. Roman dropped his sword the second his back hit the wall. His brother stepped on the elevator and pressed the edge of his sword to Roman's throat.

"You're stuck with me," Remus said and closed the cage door with a snap, "So you better keep your cool until this mess is over, Ego." 

"Janus—" 

"The snake on my shoulders. You really think I would go Britney during a sword fight?" Remus scoffed and lowered his weapon. He was glad he did when the elevator shook and slowly lifted up. 

"You planned this." 

"Unlike you, I don't plan for shit," Remus laughed and sheathed his sword, "I'm always winging it, Bird Boy. How else do you think I manage to make you feel like I'm the evil twin out to get you? Because I actually intend to do that? I don't. I want my brother to see that I can do my job and maybe be a little proud of me for more than a minute, even if he hates me." 

"Remus," Roman sighed, "Patton pointed out that I have a tendency to treat those I care about with snark and hostility." 

"No I know, you don't avoid the people you care about. You avoid me. I don't blame you for hating me, most of the others do, but it hurts," Remus said and crossed his arms, "You don't have all the King's memories, you were never supposed to be Creativity first, but you took that like any little brother." 

"If I'm not supposed to be Creativity, what am I?" Roman pouted.

"The Ego, Thomas' gender presentation," snake Janus said from his perch, "and then Creativity, as a secondary role. Why do you think I was so invested in flattering you at the trial? I had one goal, and it didn't focus on you." 

"You're doing my job, because Thomas doesn't want me to do it—you're doing it while doing your first job. Think about it, you're a king now, focused on pride and your ego—it makes more sense to have a king and a duke as brothers than a prince and a duke. If you're just a prince, why aren't we the same---both princes or both dukes?" Remus explained, "This is what you're supposed to do, but not what Thomas needs you to do. That's why I'm your shadow, the stage crew for your performance." 

"I'm not Creativity?" Roman gawked, horrified.

"You are, but like you write the script and I set the stage. You have the bulk of the ideas, but I make them happen. I find a way to make them happen, because that's what Thomas wants. He needs both of us." 

"None of my creations are my own?" 

"You can conjure puppies outside of the imagination, and anything inside it. But outside of that, you're limited. And that's okay. You have enough to focus on that you don't need the added stress." 

"And you," Roman gasped and pointed at the python on Remus' shoulders, "You hid this from me!?" 

"No. I’ve been feeding that part of you." 

"That was all me, not him," Remus shrugged, "You're fragile, Roman. I'm telling you now because I really don't feel like losing my head so you can flounder. It's not like the others know how uneven the split was. And maybe I can think more clearly when it's quiet. He needs us both." 

"You made me think I was capable of bringing my ideas to life and with such splendor. I should be completely furious," Roman murmured and got to his feet, "but I'm not. Not at you. I should have seen the signs. Thank you for picking up my slack, without adding your usual flair." 

"It all starts with a good idea. Now let's go set this mind straight, or something like that!" Remus grinned and the elevator stopped. Roman smirked and led the way out. 

----

---

"Do you think Virgil is mad at us?" Patton asked as he trudged behind Janus and Roman, carrying the biggest pitcher of water. Janus glanced back at him and pouted. Patton was biting his lip and staring at the floor. 

"Roman, darling—" 

"He just wants to be rid of us to do unspeakable things to the tramp. I still don't see why I shouldn't do the same with the two of you—we aren't being watched and I can do so much better than my idiot brother!" Roman cut him off harshly. 

"Darling you know that I require a more refined area to have that kind of fun," Janus hummed and kissed his cheek. 

"But what about—?" 

"Patton, my sweet, he's not mad at us. Virgil wanted us to leave so he could fix that balloon with some efficiency. He knows you hate spiders." 

"What does that have to do with kicking us out?" Roman questioned. Janus looked between the two of them and frowned. 

"Phoenix, frog, snake, kraken. Darlings don't you know what Virgil is?" 

"He's a spider, but that doesn't mean he's more of a spider than you are a snake," Patton pouted, "And that doesn't explain why he doesn't want us around." 

"It's not as if he has extra appendages and fangs and extra eyes, my treasure," Roman added, "We would have seen them by now!" 

Janus slid to his feet and marched ahead to the door. Those two had no idea just how much of an arachnid Virgil was! He was determined to fix that, flinging it open to reveal the truth behind the emo. 

"Shit! Remus—oh god—don't stop!" Virgil groaned loudly, causing Janus to blush. 

Roman snarled and pushed past Janus into the room, his pulse pounding in his ears. He was greeted with a much tamer sight than expected. 

Virgil was shirtless with his spider legs extended and Remus' hands kneading his shoulders. Neither one was particularly invested in more stress relief than that, not that Roman could tell either way.

"You really are tense! Doesn't anyone upstairs know how to give a decent massage?" Remus asked as he zeroed in on a particularly nasty knot.

"Never asked—ah!" 

"Well don't bother asking Ro-hoe! He doesn't have the right kind of firmness and delicacy!" Remus said loudly and giggled. Roman growled and cleared his throat. 

"Were you planning on disrobing further?" 

"Nope! Just thought I'd be nice and help Virgie relax a bit!" Remus shrugged, "But I won't lie, I'm enjoying it too, maybe we should let this go further!" He giggled impishly but kept his hands where anyone could see them. 

"You fiend!" Roman snapped, the declaration echoing off the walls. It wasn't long after it faded that Patton burst into the room with Janus right behind him just to be safe. 

He got one look at Virgil and screamed, leaping into Janus’ arms, surprisingly still holding the full pitcher. 

"Dammit," Virgil huffed, "You could have warned me Patton was coming too!" Remus smirked at him as he retracted his legs again out of shame.

"Patton can handle some dirty smutty fun, but you know how he is with spiders, Ro!" Remus added and handed Virgil the purple shirt he had tucked in his belt. Roman snarled and fumed as Virgil pulled his shirt on and picked up his hoodie. 

“Hey, Pat,” Virgil winced, “Did you bring that water? I kinda need it to make sure the seal is tight.” He rubbed his arm and stared at the ground. Patton sighed softly and got back on his feet and walked up to him. 

"Yeah, I got the biggest pitcher just to be safe," he said with a shy smile, "I'm sorry for screaming and doubting you—I thought you might be mad at me." 

"Pat," Virgil said and took the pitcher without looking at him, "I would have said if I was mad, I just didn't want you to freak out. And I did need this." He turned away from Patton, leaving him lost, and poured some of the water on the webbing. He was pleased when it shrank and tightened, creating a perfect seal. 

“It works!” Remus cheered, “Now all we need to do is get a fire going and float to the top! Got any ideas, JanJan?” He grinned when Roman started fuming. Janus took note of that and simpered. He could play along! 

“No ideas whatsoever, Captain,” Janus hummed and studied his gloves, “Patton?”

“Uh, I don’t have a lighter or matches, but I think Roman could—” 

“Bah!” Remus cut him off, “If it’s not his idea from the start, it’s not good enough for him! I would know, I have tons of ideas!” 

Roman growled in his throat and gritted his teeth. His hair burst into flames as he seethed. Remus grinned and clapped his hands before dragging him to the balloon basket and situating him right in the center. Roman was livid.

“Perfect!” Remus laughed as the other three slowly made their way inside. The heat made the balloon swell and rise, lifting them off the ground. Virgil handed the partially full pitcher to Janus and curled into himself. He hated flying of any sort! Sure, no one was comfortable, but they had to get out of this maze to get back to normal! 

“Hey, Boiled Frogs,” Remus said as they neared the top, drifting somewhat away from the ledge they were aiming for, “What that tongue do?” 

“Uh, what?” 

“Can you pull us in when we’re close?” Remus clarified, only wilting a little bit. Patton smiled and nodded. 

“Yeah, I can do that. For a second I thought you were going to suggest something dirty!”

“Nah, that’s Jay’s thing at the moment, I’m sure you know that by now!” Remus said with a wry smirk. 

"Great. Now I can't stop thinking about Pat and Jay in a tongue war," Virgil grumbled and curled into himself further. He was getting flashes of the two of them in some compromising positions sans clothing. 

"Could be worse!" Remus responded.

"You say that as if it isn't worse," Janus hummed, "And I would rather be spared of the details." 

"Is it worse?" Patton asked hesitantly. Virgil nodded and stared at the wall as it passed. It was a slow ascent but as long as Roman held his grudge and didn't get more aggravated, Virgil was fine with taking his time. 

"So you are picturing Roman naked with them!" Remus jeered, "That's a real nightmare, you really don't want to see that!" Unlike Virgil, he wanted to speed things up, and pissing Roman off was his best bet! He could feel the heat coming off his blazing brother and he knew he was on the right track. 

"Ugh, now I am," Virgil whimpered and pulled up his hood, "And I don't want to!" Roman snarled quietly as the flames rose. He was gorgeous and anyone who could even imagine him in his glory would be blessed! 

Janus wrapped an arm around Virgil and hummed softly. A little distraction would do wonders for him—and Patton, who was picturing something similar. 

He stared up at the nearing ledge and honed in on it. He could reach it, as long as he focused on that he would be fine and he wouldn't be showing any sign that his mind was in the gutter. They were so close, moving far too fast.

"Lick and stick!" Remus shouted when they were close enough. Patton's tongue shot out and up, sticking to the edge of the ledge. A door came into view as he pulled them in. 

"Way to go Froggit!" Remus cheered and clapped his shoulder. Patton smiled with his tongue sticking out. 

"Okay, Jay, Scare Bear, get off, then you Princess!" Remus ordered. Janus and Virgil were quick to obey and scramble onto the ledge. Roman, however, didn't move. 

"Woa-man?" Patton questioned. His tongue was getting tired and he was losing his grip. 

"I shan't be ordered around like some common—" 

"Get your ass off the balloon or enjoy being stuck!" Remus cut him off, "This bitch will float away if you don't!" 

"Better than dealing with the likes of you!" Roman snapped. Patton was struggling to keep his hold on the wall. Remus had no choice. 

"Spider catch!" he shouted and grabbed Roman around the waist. Despite the king's kicks and screams of protest, Remus managed to throw him high enough for Virgil, who was suddenly alert, to catch him and pull him in. 

With no heat to keep the balloon aloft, it began to sink. Remus grabbed Patton's waist as his tongue stretched. With the grace of a fearless marauder, he leapt from the balloon basket and snagged the ledge with his free hand, holding onto Patton for dear life with the other. 

Virgil grabbed Remus' wrist and pulled the pair up, stumbling back from the force and collapsing with two sides on top of him. His heart hammered in his chest as the balloon fell. He swore he would kill Remus if he died like that! 

"Nice work Phantom Patton!" Remus laughed and got up, "Just for that I am so sending you some shirtless pics of Roman to ogle!" 

Patton flushed and shook his head, but it was too late. Remus knew just what to say to make everything obvious. Roman was not amused. Janus was. 

"Can we get out of here?" Virgil grunted and got up, "I don't like heights like this." 

"Of course, darling," Janus hummed softly and tossed the remaining water on Roman, putting out the flames, "I'd rather enjoy getting my king wet without prying eyes. He winked at Roman, causing him to blush. That would keep his temper under control for a while. 

"Don't leave me waiting, my king," he purred and sauntered through the door. Roman was quick to follow, and then Virgil. Remus stopped Patton before they left. 

"You did great back there—how does your tongue feel, though? That was a lot of strain!" 

---

When Remus showed up alone in the middle of this room, he expected that they were all supposed to be separated. But then he got a look around. The ceiling was so far up he swore it was touching the moon, and the only way up was a hot air balloon with a tear in it. To either side was a large double sided mirror and that's when he figured out how they all split. The door on the back wall led to a hallway that ended with a locked door on either end. The only way out was on a ledge near the ceiling.

"Goddamn those guys are idiots. With feelings. They should get a room!"

"Oh, no no no no no. Even that's too horrible for me to make worse. Jay, Virge, oh my god—"

Remus swore he was gonna hug Janus and Virgil with all his tentacles. He was sure he would lock Patton in a room with Roman until they were intertwined and hot messes. But all that could wait until they got the mind back in order. He needed them all to do that and escape.

The back door swung open as he paced, awaiting his companions. Remus beamed at the sight of Patton and his brother, even if they weren't nearly as happy to see him.

"We're still in this maze!?" Patton groaned and tugged at his hair rather than greet Remus. He didn't mind, he didn't really expect Patton to acknowledge him.

"Yes, and now we're stuck in this maze with a scoundrel! As if I couldn't sink any lower!"

"Hello to you too, nice to see you guys alive, glad to be alive here too!" Remus laughed cheerfully to hide his frustration and pain. He couldn't hide it from Patton but someone knew when to keep his mouth shut.

"We won't be for long if we're trapped like rats!" Roman huffed.

"That's one hell of an apology," Remus commented and crossed his arms. If Roman and Patton were here, he wouldn't have to wait long for Virgil and Janus. And he didn't, not when the pair entered—Virgil stumbled more than anything.

"Ah, there's my entourage!" Janus cheered and strutted up to the trio. He wrapped his arms around Patton and Ronan's shoulders and sighed softly.

"You have no idea how difficult it is to feel like a queen with only a sad spiderling to dote on you. I missed you my king, and you my edgy heart!"

"Hiya Jay Jay!" Remus said with a strained smile. Janus smirked at him and clicked his tongue.

"Hello. I thought you might be too deep in thought, Remus, knowing how you already know how to escape like a sly foxy fox," Janus purred and threw in a wink. Remus grinned for real and nodded.

"Of course I do! I just need a little bit of help!" he motioned to the balloon, "I need to patch a bitch and to heat things up!

Remus tied to the bed—

Virgil shook his head as he loomed closer. Remus dealt with these thoughts constantly, he could manage for a little while without going down that path. But he met Remus' gaze and a slew of dark questionable thoughts slammed into him at the sight of that pirate.

Rip his jugular from his neck and bathe in the spray of blood!

"Scare Bear, get over here! I need your spider skills stat!" Remus said and crouched by the deflated balloon. He didn't really want to witness the other three flirting if you could help it, and he had a feeling that Virgil wanted to avoid them too.

Virgil knelt by the fabric and immediately noticed the tear. It would take a while to fix without scaring Patton and he was not happy about that or the amount of work he would have to do.

"I can keep watch if you want to go all orb weaver on that or I can help hold it in the right place."

"Maybe get a pitcher of water from the room I was just in?" Virgil suggested quietly. Remus grinned and shot up, already getting what Virgil was going for.

"Hey," he shouted to get the other three's attention, "Go grab some water from Jay-Jay's room!"

"What? Why would we need that?" Patton asked and crossed his arms. Janus nuzzled into the crook of his neck and purred softly.

"It's best not to question him, not when he's the one who keeps getting us out of these situations."

"Why shouldn't we be able to question his motives?" Roman huffed, "It's obvious that he doesn't want us around so he can have quality time alone with the only one who likes him."

"Now darling you know that isn't true," Janus hummed and rolled his head to kiss at Roman's neck.

"I want you guys out," Virgil grumbled loudly and shucked off his hoodie, "So I can get shit done." He didn't look at the way Patton's face fell and knelt by the canvas balloon. Janus could read between the lines, even if his himbos couldn't.

"Darlings, please, let's go. Whatever their motives are is irrelevant. I want a little more time alone with the two most charming sides," Janus hummed and wrapped his arms around both of their shoulders. Without much resistance he led them out of the room.

Once they were gone, Virgil sighed and relaxed, letting his extra legs extend. Remus beamed at him and stood up.

"Jay-Jay has us covered. Now I just need to find a way to get Princey pissed off," he said mostly to himself. He kept his eyes on the door and paced back and forth in thought.

"You're the master at it," Virgil replied as he worked, using two of his fuzzy legs to coax webbing from a slit above his tailbone and the other two to tightly weave the fabric together.

"I know, but I need to piss him off in the right way. I don't want him burning through the balloon or the rest of us, but we need the heat."

"Can't you just ask him to burst into flames?"

"Last time he was Pride he couldn't control it, and this time he seems just as unpredictable—funny how that's usually my thing!" Remus explained, "So I need to get him just angry enough."

"This stuff vaporizes pretty quickly," Virgil said as he kept working, tightly weaving the fabric together with his spider paws.

"Is that why you wanted the water?" Remus paused and eyed him thoughtfully.

"Water makes it shrink, for a better seal. I guess it's good to have extra in case the phoenix king goes Ozai," Virgil sighed.

"Can you Peter Parker just the outside? That'd lower the fire risk."

"It might not hold as long. And we need it to get to the other side once we're up. How are we gonna do that?" Virgil winced and retracted his spider limbs.

The balloon crashing. Broken bones. Blood. Fire.

"I'll think of something!" Remus said and knelt beside him, "And I just thought of a way to get Princey pissed off just enough—if you don't mind helping me."

"How?" Virgil questioned. He swallowed thickly when Remus grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

---