Take a minute, or two, a few hours, maybe even a few days to ponder your identity? How do you define yourself? This may take some uncomfortable introspection, I know it was cringe worthy for me! Be honest and take a deep dive into the good, the bad and the ugly! Most often we define ourselves by what we have, professional success, and even how we stack up to others. We all wear multiple hats in this thing we call life and all the hats combined create the totality of who we are as individuals. The identity we present to the world can be a reflection of who we truly are or a complete misrepresentation depending on the factors that led us to developing the identities we hold. Oftentimes our opinions of ourselves are shaped by those around us, by the lies we tell ourselves, and/or by life’s tragedies and successes. We let all of these factors shape our identity and it can be uplifting or quite damning.
We are complex individuals. I am a mother, I am a professional, I am a fitness fanatic, I am a homeowner, I am a wife, I am a crafter, I am a motivator, I am a sister, and I am a friend. If you dig deep you might find that one holds residence over all the others. You may be surprised which component of your whole self steps forward.
What emerges from the darkness for me is my health and body identity: I AM AN EATING DISORDERED PERSON. Above all other components of my whole self, this is the identity that clouds the rest. Now, for those that know me from fitness classes, personal training sessions, facebook motivational posts etc., that may surprise you. It is easy for me to compartmentalize my feelings regarding my own body and health in favor of motivating and pushing all of you to reach your goals, work hard and stay dedicated. For most of my life I have defined myself by my eating disorder, almost wore it like a badge of honor. It is my achilles heel, but it has also shaped my mental toughness, strength and foundation of all that I do. While I still struggle with my relationship with food, I have found a much healthier place mentally and emotionally. I have filled my tool box with the things I need to reject this identity. Yet it lingers….
I read something quite poignant the other day “Your definition of yourself is limited by what you are willing to accept.” I don’t know who said it, but it certainly left its mark. For whatever reason I have been unwilling to accept that I may struggle with an eating disorder, I may at times feel negativity towards myself, I might have a bad day here and there, but the resounding fact is that is not the totality of who I am. I have refused to accept the positive attributes I possess because it is easier to remain the same. In doing so I discredit ALL the HARD WORK I have done to be a HEALTHY PERSON. Wowza, that only took 42 years to figure out!
I know what you are thinking? Kate, what does this mean for me? It means, YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE HOW YOU DEFINE YOURSELF! You are in control of your emotions and your identity. When you define yourself by all the things you are NOT, you are diminishing all that you actually ARE! When you tell yourself you are “not” something, you create that identity and project that image to the world. For example, I am not a yogi. I say this all the time because I am not flexible and practicing yoga challenges my physical limitations. I have created that identity to avoid participating in and improving my yoga practice. Does my inflexibility mean I cannot practice yoga? No. Does it mean I am not good at yoga? No. If I reshape my identifying statement shifting towards a more positive outlook, I can create a new identity. I am growing in my yoga practice.
You hear this ALL the time in reference to running. I AM NOT A RUNNER! I have a friend who runs quite regularly. She has the notion in her head that in order to “qualify” as an actual runner she must run a mile at a certain pace. This woman runs daily, yet identifies as a non-runner? What? Does this make sense? I wonder who planted that seed? Success is not measured in numbers, or paces, or even award ribbons. Success is waking up, lacing up and showing up. If you do those things then you are in fact A RUNNER! By diminishing your actual ability and effort to show up each day, you limit your window for growth. In fact, you take something you might love and shadow it with negativity. Every time you put on your running shoes, go for a run and don’t meet that pace expectation you fail. Who wants to feel like a failure? Isn’t it far more powerful and motivating to say I AM A RUNNER DAMNIT!?!?
My father was an excellent coach. Man, was he tough on his players. Tight ship, tight team. That is how he rolled. During practice, running drills he wouldn’t hit the grounder or fly ball until the player yelled “ I WANT THE BALL!”. If the player didn’t yell it loud enough, he would cup his ear and lean in, encouraging the player to say it again. He would do this until he felt the player was ready to take the hit. The point being, if you don’t actually want the ball, you might not make the play. What was he doing here? Building confidence, preparedness, and concentration. We can take this concept and apply it to how we create and live our healthy identity. You have to believe the statement before you can execute the principle. The more you tell yourself you are something, the more you will become it. Instead of proclaiming I AM WEAK, tell yourself I AM STRONG. Before you say I AM A BAD EATER, say I AM HEALTHY. The more you say it, the more you live it. Don’t get stuck in negative loops, create a positive one.
Be kind to yourself. Turn your can’ts into cans. Take ownership of your healthy identity, be it, live it! You might even become something you never thought you could! I know I did!
